By Anonymous Today, my religious dad caught my brother jerking off and decided to give us both a lecture about it. My brother ended up saying "If god doesn't want me to jerk off, how come he made my knob the perfect shape to fit in my hand?" I burst out laughing and now we're both grounded. FML I agree, your life sucks 26975 You deserved it 2862 67 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Teen - United States Today, I was trying on clothes in a store that had just screens set up for changing. As I took off the first pair of pants had I tried on, my foot got hooked in the cuff and I fell out in my underwear in front of the whole store. FML I agree, your life sucks 22022 You deserved it 2967 16 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By oops - United States Today, I walked past a church with a bunch of people standing outside waiting for the bride and groom to walk out. When the church doors opened, I yelled congratulations as loud as I could. It was a funeral. FML I agree, your life sucks 23022 You deserved it 80459 117 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Elgin Today, my boyfriend showed up at my grandmother's wake in torn jeans and a Family Guy t-shirt. When I took him aside asked him what the hell he was thinking, he lost his temper and stormed out. FML I agree, your life sucks 25175 You deserved it 4266 93 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By social anxiety my a** - Switzerland - Zurich Today, after three years with my boyfriend hardly ever going to any social or public event with me due to his social anxiety, I got to witness him improve his flirting skills on every girl available at his house party. FML I agree, your life sucks 37592 You deserved it 4182 55 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Watchyourstep - France Today, in front of a bunch of people on my college campus, my mom grabbed my hand and lead me across the street. I'm 20. FML I agree, your life sucks 37551 You deserved it 4750 98 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Mortified - 31/3/2020 14:00 On the can Today, I was using the bathroom at Costco when a janitor forced my door open so she could mop, then didn't bother to close it again. Apparently, the handicapped stall was too big for her to see me sitting in the corner, and I had to awkwardly squat-walk all the way to the door to close it. FML I agree, your life sucks 1662 You deserved it 164 8 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Canada Today, while taking a shower, I noticed that I had forgotten to shave my pits. I went to a party last night, and there are now several Facebook pictures of me dancing, with my arms up and my hairy pits showing for the world to see. FML I agree, your life sucks 14646 You deserved it 39206 115 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By - United Kingdom - Glasgow Today, when I went to my gp for an annual check up, I was complaining to the nurse about my chronically sore ankle. Turns out it has been fractured for 8 years. When I was 11 I was playing in my grans garden and went over on it. FML I agree, your life sucks 2568 You deserved it 276 12 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By P DarklyKira - 6/5/2020 17:00 Broken bum Today, marks the 29th day since I missed my haemorrhoid surgery. They told me to wait because it's not life threatening and so that I don't get the virus going to the hospital, which I understand. The problem is, even though I take suppositories, it hurts badly and bleed each time I have to take a shit. FML I agree, your life sucks 1654 You deserved it 108 6 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By itrustedsnapeallalong - United States Today, for the first time, I hugged the man I have been in love with for four years. It was a congratulatory hug at his wedding to my best friend. FML I agree, your life sucks 61831 You deserved it 14418 173 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Calhoun Today, while using a public toilet, a guy started pissing beside me at the urinal. The breach of bathroom etiquette then escalated to him taking a long look down at me and saying "Nice sack, dude." followed by him finishing up and leaving without even washing his hands. FML I agree, your life sucks 33412 You deserved it 2794 76 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By maybe next time? - Australia - Greystanes Today, I was participating in an activity to join a program which I really wanted to join. One of the teachers in charge seemed to notice my efforts and asked if I wanted to join the program. I said yes, thinking I had a chance. She laughed, shook her head before saying no and walking away. FML I agree, your life sucks 12438 You deserved it 885 25 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By wtfman101 - United States Today, I woke up to find the entire driver's side of my car wrecked. Front door, back door, front and rear bumper smashed to shit. A drunk driver had hit it the previous night and ran. Don't worry though, he stopped and left his insurance information. He keyed it into the undamaged side of my car. FML I agree, your life sucks 54914 You deserved it 2699 88 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By NeverDrinkingAgain - Canada Today, I learned that what happens in Vegas doesn't always stay in Vegas. This includes my one night stand who turned up outside my front door with a suitcase in her hand. FML I agree, your life sucks 20616 You deserved it 43569 163 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By phuckbukket7 - United States Today, I took my girlfriend out to a fancy restaurant for her birthday. I'd arranged beforehand for some of the staff to come out and sing happy birthday to her, but it all backfired when she started panicking and had a serious anxiety attack from all the attention. FML I agree, your life sucks 49583 You deserved it 8670 137 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By skywayavenue - Canada Today, I went to my friend's house. While she went to the kitchen, I noticed a little pink pastry on her desk. It looked really good, so I decided to take a bite before she got back. As I bit into it, a sizzling noise started, and foam overflowed in my mouth. It was a bath bomb. FML I agree, your life sucks 12175 You deserved it 99381 117 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By mrs14 - United States Today, I spent five minutes sitting in my car, panicking and tearing my purse apart because I couldn't find my keys. I then found them. They were in the ignition, and the car was running. FML I agree, your life sucks 8432 You deserved it 31110 77 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Richland Today, I finally got my hands on the new iPhone 5, after I pulled it out of a patient's rectum. FML I agree, your life sucks 38614 You deserved it 2942 419 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous Today, I got dressed, did my hair, carefully applied my makeup, sprayed myself with perfume, grabbed my bag and put on my coat. I got to the door, and then realised that I had nowhere to go, nothing to do and none of my friends were answering my calls. FML I agree, your life sucks 1391 You deserved it 482 10 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By kewtness_17 - United States Today, I got mad at my 4 year old son for cussing me out. Afterwards, I went upstairs to get ready for the day. When I came back downstairs I found him pooping on my brand new leather couch. FML I agree, your life sucks 32445 You deserved it 12121 169 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By twilight zone - 9/9/2020 17:02 - United States Backwards Today, I was actually criticized for giving my kids scientific answers to their questions, instead of dumb downed fairytales. Gotta love the public school system, right? FML I agree, your life sucks 1373 You deserved it 115 5 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Djcc - United States Today, while my boyfriend and I were watching TV, I asked him if he loved me. He turned up the volume. FML I agree, your life sucks 31876 You deserved it 7073 139 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By soontobedumped - United States Today, I introduced my boyfriend of two weeks to my parents. My dad asked me to leave the room so they could have some "guy talk". I eavesdropped, only to hear the words "sex-crazed fuck" and a threat to stick bamboo shoots under my boyfriend's fingernails if he ever hurt me. FML I agree, your life sucks 31717 You deserved it 4833 173 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Noname - United States Today, I got a text message. My phone was sitting on the edge of the bed and set on vibrate, so it fell off. I reached down to grab my phone and fell off the bed. My macbook landed on top of me. I fractured my arm and broke my laptop to read a text from facebook. FML I agree, your life sucks 60177 You deserved it 21143 87 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous Today, I text messaged my mom from Afghanistan to let her know everything was okay. She responded, telling me not to message her so much because "the price of text messages really adds up." FML I agree, your life sucks 41462 You deserved it 3615 22 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Sparks - United States Today, after a few beers, I was exiting the bathroom of a loud house party when the door jammed. I had to climb out through the shower window. It was fool proof until my foot got stuck. I hung outside the house upside down in the dark yelling for an hour before someone figured out where I was. FML I agree, your life sucks 28651 You deserved it 14929 58 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Gaffney Today, my brother got the same cologne as the guy I've been seeing for a while. Every time I'm with my brother I think about him, and every time I'm with him I think about my brother. FML I agree, your life sucks 43712 You deserved it 4484 63 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Poopie - Canada Today, after suffering from constipation for three days, I finally took a dump. Just as things reached the point of no return, my land line and doorbell all rang. FML I agree, your life sucks 28125 You deserved it 3183 78 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Bristol Today, I was ringing an elderly gentleman up at work. As I went to package up the buns he ordered, he held up a hand and told me to wait. He then looked me in the eyes, started squeezing them, then winked and told me to go ahead. I've never felt so violated. FML I agree, your life sucks 44224 You deserved it 4455 74 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By akosirm - Philippines Today, I was going to a big concert at my university. I paid around a hundred twenty bucks for my ticket. Outside the venue, people were handing out the tickets. For free. FML I agree, your life sucks 34233 You deserved it 13413 63 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By SoDead - 5/12/2020 04:01 - United States - Center Point Overbearing parents are the worst Today, my mother, who thinks I'm a virgin, called me while I was having sex with my boyfriend. I have to answer every time she calls or she freaks out. I ended the conversation quickly and hung up. Or so I thought. She listened in to the rest of our 20-minute lovemaking session, and I have some explaining to do. FML I agree, your life sucks 554 You deserved it 1190 11 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By divorcee - Canada - Saint Albert Today, I got back to work. Last week, my divorce was finalized and my last name is, once again, my maiden name. Since I'm a teacher, all my students will remember me by my ex-husband's last name. I get to be reminded every day that my marriage failed until everyone memorizes my maiden name. FML I agree, your life sucks 27987 You deserved it 4057 109 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I kissed my husband and said "I love you." Thats when our 5 year old son said to my husband "How can you love her so much if she's so ugly?" FML I agree, your life sucks 64546 You deserved it 4161 146 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous Today, my hate for my mother-in-law now outweighs my love for my husband. FML I agree, your life sucks 3634 You deserved it 349 17 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Egypt - Cairo Today, I woke up to a flooded basement. That basement is my bedroom, so I'm completely surrounded by water. All I need is a tiger and this would be like The Life of Pi. FML I agree, your life sucks 50579 You deserved it 3859 72 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By deadfish - United States Today, my 9 year old little sister is coming back in town with the rest of my family. She specifically asked me to feed her fish. I totally forgot until she called me 10 minutes ago to tell me she was on her way home and couldn't wait to see her fishie. He's dead. FML I agree, your life sucks 8323 You deserved it 61471 108 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By ohgodwhy - United States Today, my boyfriend came over to cheer me up after I'd had a sleepless night. He thought it would be a good time to propose. Unfortunately, it coincided with me yawning. FML I agree, your life sucks 28924 You deserved it 5107 92 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Granny - United Kingdom Today, I was having a nice moment with my granddaughter as she was being affectionate by stroking my face. We were both quite content, until she said, "Aw, Grandma, your skin feels just like a crocodile." FML I agree, your life sucks 34871 You deserved it 3445 103 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By tarynfaye - United States Today, my boyfriend and I gave each other early Christmas gifts. I gave him a basketball signed by his favorite player, which took me forever to find. He got me diet pills. FML I agree, your life sucks 42900 You deserved it 4830 155 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
Today, I drunkenly hooked up with a meth dealer I just met online. Of course this occurred at his place, since he's on home detention for drug trafficking... I agree, your life sucks 23 You deserved it 168 4 Comments
Today, I tried pouring water on myself like in Coyote Ugly to the song "Pour Some Sugar On Me." I ended up waterboarding myself and I didn’t stop until... I agree, your life sucks 70 You deserved it 362 6 Comments