By Athsmatic and Angry - 29/11/2020 22:30 - Canada - Saskatoon

Read the room, lady

Today, I got bitched at by an old lady in Walmart for not wearing a mask. I had lowered my mask to use my inhaler, because I was having an asthma attack. FML

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981

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Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

And today, on Dr Phil…

Oh, hai!

By nico - United States

Today, I broke my collarbone in a rugby tournament. I was forced to sit through five more hours of games because the coach wouldn't take me to the hospital until the tournament was over. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36742

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3606

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By Jennifer - Canada - Lethbridge

Today, I was at school deleting documents I no longer needed on my school account. After clicking empty trash can, I saw a final paper on political science deleted. I'm not in political science, and I wasn't deleting files on my account. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19105

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By signinept - United States

Today, I got really annoyed waiting for a bus that was supposed to come every 10 minutes. After a few minutes of waiting, I realized the "bus stop" was really a no parking sign. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8283

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By magicman - United States

Today, while riding my bike on the sidewalk, I came across a ladder. To avoid bad luck, I swerved around it into the street. I got hit by a car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14121

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By gassy - United States

Today, I had my new boyfriend come over. Within five minutes of him arriving, I accidentally let one rip. Shocked, I quickly tried to explain it away with, "That was my shoe." I was barefoot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15122

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By angryinlaws - Canada - Toronto

Today, after almost 2 days, I finally fell asleep, during my husband's vows, on our wedding day, in front of 250 guests. FML

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51116

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12040

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By LoveMyNewBro

Today, my dad told me he had been seeing someone for a while and has decided to marry her. When I met her, her son looked familiar. I lost my virginity to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49954

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5887

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By LifeInShambles

Today, I decided to turn my life around by finding a job, going to a gym, and getting counselling. Counselling is £145 a month. A gym would be £50 a month minimum, and there's an 8-year gap in my resumé, and everyone says no one will hire me because of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1672

You deserved it

514

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By :$ - Canada - Niagara Falls

Today, I had to scream for my dad to come help me, after I got my hair caught in a fan while trying to make the Darth Vader voice. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9960

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35016

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By thatsjustgreat - United States

Today, I was trying to be-friend a boy who was sitting alone. He had his gameboy nearly plastered to his eyes. I, cleverly, say to him, "Geeze don't put that thing so close, your eyes will fall out!" He took off his sunglasses, eyes going crooked, and said, "I'm legally blind." Insert foot here. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28782

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By ananomus - United States

Today, my boyfriend started to kiss my boobs. I am pregnant and started my lactation period. Now every time he looks at me he calls me milky way. FML

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35062

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By Brittanyy_leigh - Australia

Today, my boyfriend and I went to the beach. I though he was being really sweet by putting sunscreen on my back as I layed on my stomach. I got home later, and felt that my back was sore. Then I saw the giant penis on my back that been burnt in. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38786

You deserved it

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By ApparentWeirdo

Today, my boyfriend called me weird because I keep gloves in the glove box in my car. He's never seen that before. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1827

You deserved it

318

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By eggs - Canada

Today, while at work at my grocery store I sold a TON of eggs to a bunch of kids. We joked around that they were "going to bake a giant cake." When I got home I found out someone had egged my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53250

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Edinburgh

Today, I was at the beach with my parents, and I went for a swim in the sea. I got out and my parents started laughing their asses off. It wasn't until my dad pulled a condom out of my hair that I realized what they were laughing at. My dad even took a picture. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29309

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2279

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my car got keyed because I was parked in a handicapped parking spot. I'm handicapped. FML

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35191

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I took my iPod to Walmart to replace the battery. They tell me to call Apple. I go home again and call Apple. They tell me to call Walmart. I call Walmart. They tell me to bring it in. FML

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35703

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By Anonymous - 11/7/2020 20:01

Twinned

Today, I realized my boyfriend is a little too much like my ex, who passed away 6 years ago. Some days, it's as if I'm dating his personality doppleganger. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1208

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273

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By Tommy - United States

Today, I approached the girl I like, hoping to ask her out. Just as I strode up to her, she excused herself as quickly as she could. I then realized I'd forgotten to zip up my pants after going to the bathroom minutes before. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14740

You deserved it

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By scared - Canada

Today, my elderly mother explained that, "I don't need my glasses to drive, I just need them to see." FML

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40006

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By Redfaced - United Kingdom - Walsall

Today, I was sitting next to an attractive man. Much to my surprise, he started stroking his foot against mine. I was happy at the flirting because I've been attracted to him forever, so I played along. That's when he stood up and explained he was trying to stretch out a cramp. FML

I agree, your life sucks

58632

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I had to call poison control because my idiot son swallowed a bunch of baking soda to "make a volcano in his tummy." FML

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54270

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By Anonymous Cunt - Netherlands - Blaricum

Today, my mom had a tantrum and screamed at me over my use of bronzer. She called me a selfish bitch and claimed that I'm somehow slowly giving myself skin cancer. FML

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15937

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By Pedro the Basuraman

Heist

Today, after 27 years of dedicated and loyal service, it finally happened, I was robbed at gunpoint at work. The whole heist only took about 30 seconds and the perpetrator took off without taking anything from me. I still don't get it. What kind of screwball would hijack a garbage truck? FML

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4170

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By itssomething - Netherlands - Utrecht

Today, my closest encounter to having sex in the last four months was getting chlamydia from Russell Brand. In a dream. FML

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20489

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By David - United States

Today, I decided to ride my rusty old bike to work, since it will help the environment. I was standing up and had a tight grip on the handle bars. The handle bars came off and I fell down on the cross bar, busting my nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43296

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was sitting in my cubicle at work, nursing a hangover, and thinking how stupid I was for getting so shit-faced last night. I then realized that I was voicing my thoughts out loud, and the whole office had gone quiet, listening to me castigate myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12020

You deserved it

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By fuck off you fucking shitburglar - United Kingdom - London

Today, a tailgating idiot rear-ended me at a red light, then had the balls to say it was my fault for "driving too close" to his car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24704

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - Malawi

Today, I went to a coworker's wedding. Instead of getting to celebrate their marriage, we spent most of the service being lectured by the priest on how women are a freak by-product of "God's masterpiece design" and are the cause of all the world's problems. FML

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40927

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out my best friend was having a birthday party and I wasn't invited, so I asked her why. She replied, "what birthday party?" It was a surprise birthday party. FML

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18322

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By Hello - United States

Today, I received the only love letter I've ever gotten. Too bad it's from the guy who's been stalking me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31370

You deserved it

3960

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By beccav23 - United States

He's got the moves

Today, my boyfriend thought it would be a good idea to viciously rip off my thong. My ass crack is numb. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36237

You deserved it

7455

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, at work, I was walking to the back office, and I didn't know my manager was following me. After I walked through the door, without looking, I reached behind me to close it. Instead of grabbing the door handle, I got a handful of his crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32925

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - Canada - Cambridge

Today, I was at the gym. I'm 360 lbs and have finally decided it's time to change that. Some girl and her two bitch friends thought it'd be fun to follow me and belittle me at everything I did. When I mentioned it to the staff, they said that they were just "encouraging" me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34022

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2254

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By panicked headaches - United States - East Lansing

Today, I started taking my anxiety meds. Without them I can't function because I'm constantly fighting off panic attacks, but with them I can't function because I get crippling headaches and heartburn and feel tired all the time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23320

You deserved it

2063

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By Anonymous

Today, I found a necklace that my parents had made for me. While looking at it, I realized my parents had spelled my name wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1753

You deserved it

132

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - London

It wasn't me

Today, I was in the shower, oblivious to the outside world, when four police officers who had apparently been banging at my door, entered by force. They were doing a bust on a weed farm and got the wrong house. FML

I agree, your life sucks

58520

You deserved it

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By Anonymous

Today, my boyfriend and I were in bed making out. He then tried to unhook my bra. After a full minute of trying unsuccessfully, he shouted "Fuck you, bra!" before hiding his face in the pillows. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39013

You deserved it

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By unproud - United Kingdom - Luton

Today, while my hometown mayor becomes a world-famous crackhead and douche-bag, here in the UK it has come to this: when people hear my accent and ask me if I'm American, it's less embarrassing just to say, "Yeah", rather than admit I'm Canadian. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42035

You deserved it

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By grotesque sexy - 5/10/2020 02:02 - United States - Portland

Body shaming ain't cool

Today, my boyfriend refused to have sex with me because I have ass acne. The reason I have ass acne is from working out to lose weight. I was trying to lose weight because he wouldn't have sex with me because I was too fat. I can't win. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1753

You deserved it

476

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Top comments

By RichardPencil | 30

#7955182 - Monday 30 November 2020 8:17

Tell her you were just inhaling the first vaccine which you are getting and she isn't.

By xxlk4xx | 5

#7955312 - Monday 30 November 2020 22:22

don't even pay any attention to her! if you need to stop your attack then just do it then get your mask back up as soon as you are able to!

COMMENTS

By RichardPencil | 30

#7955182 - Monday 30 November 2020 8:17

Tell her you were just inhaling the first vaccine which you are getting and she isn't.

By sarahcroy20 | 12

#7955248 - Monday 30 November 2020 14:47

wow

By xxlk4xx | 5

#7955312 - Monday 30 November 2020 22:22

don't even pay any attention to her! if you need to stop your attack then just do it then get your mask back up as soon as you are able to!

By kfchicken_fml | 31

#7955390 - Tuesday 1 December 2020 9:12

did you try explaining the situation to her and walking away? you seem pretty angry considering all you'd have to do is show her what's in your hand and say "I'm taking medication"