By James - 16/4/2020 08:00

Anxious

Today, I began worrying I have social anxiety, all because while getting dressed I convinced myself that everyone would talk about me behind my back if I wore a striped shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1217

You deserved it

306

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You can't win sometimes

Everyone's an expert

British Broadcasting Corporation

By Anonymous - 8/7/2012 21:03 - United States - Marinette

Today, my mom and I somehow got into a serious argument over the ethics of capturing and training Pokémon. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23496

You deserved it

7486

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By Anonymous - 30/5/2012 22:35 - Italy - Milan

Today, I finally summed up the courage to break up with my abusively controlling girlfriend. I don't know what I was thinking, but instead of leaving as a free man, I left as an engaged one. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20599

You deserved it

47833

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By Anonymous - 16/4/2015 02:41 - Australia

Today, I got up feeling refreshed and positive for the first time in ages, so I happily threw my window open to greet the beautiful morning. A bee flew into my eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32664

You deserved it

3111

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By Anonymous - 24/10/2009 00:40 - United States

Today, I was working a haunted house. I have a really good spot where I hide and scare people. This really hot guy was walking up, and I jumped out and screamed. He punched me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36385

You deserved it

7340

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By Apparently not a writer - 20/2/2013 16:36 - United States - Hockessin

Today, I uploaded the first chapter of my best writing yet to a popular writing website. After ten minutes, I was thrilled to already see one review and five comments. Each comment was telling me to immediately delete the story because of how horrible it was. The rating was half a star. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30036

You deserved it

8370

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By Anonymous - 21/11/2011 16:23 - United States

Today, while watching a man in front of me on the bus remove his cap to scratch his noggin, I noticed the swarm of dandruff that was about to nail me in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28338

You deserved it

2498

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By diablo - 23/5/2018 19:00

Today, I assisted my first customer at my first job as a Target cashier. When I rang up this lady's items and gave her the total, not only did she hiss at me and spit in my face, but she also dragged my manager over and demanded that he fire me. He did. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4284

You deserved it

287

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By Tomtom - 17/11/2008 05:04 - France

Today, I put on the same jeans that I had left in a bundle in my bedroom the day before. A few hours later, my boxer shorts decided to make their spectacular reappearance trick at the bottom of my leg in the middle of one of my meetings. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24003

You deserved it

11518

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By Therunawaymoh - 11/10/2018 12:00

Today, my maid of honor and best friend of 10 years won't answer my texts and blocked me on social media. This is because last night she and my fiancé got into a huge drunken fight about who loved me more and she stormed off. I get married in 5 hours and I have no idea where she is. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3410

You deserved it

252

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By Anonymous - 4/1/2016 15:14 - United States - Dalton

Today, this beautiful girl that I've known for a long time told me that she just can't date me anymore because I remind her too much of her cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22289

You deserved it

1882

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By Anonymous - 24/10/2010 07:31 - United States

Today, I found dried cum in my hair - after being at work for two hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16174

You deserved it

48026

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By Wtf - 17/5/2017 22:00

Today, my estranged, psycho ex called me ten times and left belligerent messages because I didn't send him anything for his birthday yesterday like I used to. This is the same man who never gave me a birthday gift, text, or even a Happy Birthday wish during our 7 years together. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4565

You deserved it

393

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By BikerBuddy - 14/5/2010 01:11 - France

Today, I saw a blond-haired guy crouched by my bike fiddling with something as I came back from the shop. Thinking he was a thief, I slammed him across the head with my helmet, knocked him over - then I realised not only was he a kid barely in his teens, he was tying his shoes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8757

You deserved it

46080

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By Anonymous - 30/10/2009 16:23 - United States

Today, I went to a social event with a very attractive male co-worker. Things were going awesome, we were flirting and really hitting it off. Then his 'wife' called. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30418

You deserved it

7139

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By Flighted - 22/9/2012 04:54 - Canada - Georgetown

Today, I had to suffer through a four hour flight beside my ex. Yesterday, I proposed, on the last day of our vacation. She said no. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36480

You deserved it

3005

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By Diana - 5/7/2018 01:30

Today, I gave birth to my first son. He was 11 pounds and the labour lasted 22 hours. My husband was absent for 8 of those hours because he slipped when my water broke, cracked his head, and ended up in the ER next door. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4716

You deserved it

345

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By jb123 - 29/12/2020 20:00 - United States - Rock Springs

I'm still young

Today, I was sitting in a waiting room with my two-month-old son. A sweet little old lady came up to me and said, "Maybe if you knew how to keep your legs closed, you wouldn't have a baby at 15, slut." I'm 23 and married. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2777

You deserved it

186

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By msarosi - 28/4/2013 10:28 - Canada - Port Perry

Today, I popped a pimple while stopped at a red light. When I looked over the woman in the car next to me was laughing, and had her camera phone out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44064

You deserved it

16747

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By howprofessional - 6/9/2013 21:23 - United States - Dearborn

Today, at a job interview, I was asked what I thought of twerking. It was a bizarre question, but trying to get on the interviewer's good side, I said I thought it was pretty cool. He snorted and said I'll be job-seeking for a while yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23836

You deserved it

47044

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By SickandTired - 22/3/2011 16:59 - Australia

Today, I went to work despite having a nasty cold. I didn't call up sick because last week when I called in, my boss said I was being "unprofessional and unacceptable." My boss sent me home with a written warning today, claiming that coming to work sick was "unprofessional and unacceptable." FML

I agree, your life sucks

41623

You deserved it

3746

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By Scholar - 5/9/2012 16:13 - United States

Today, for the second day in a row, I got to hear both of my roommates having sex, through two closed doors and a hallway. This is as I hit my thirtieth month of involuntary celibacy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27313

You deserved it

3873

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By fmyarse - 22/7/2012 22:45 - United Kingdom - Blairgowrie

Today, I realised a second too late why trying to hack a popcorn kernel out from between your teeth with a steak knife is really a bad idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6567

You deserved it

48665

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By Anonymous - 11/4/2020 05:00

Fixed

Today, my husband, who repairs appliances for a living, repaired our dryer. One lot of wet clothes later, it caught fire and ruined the laundry room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1547

You deserved it

103

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By xmelissadavisx - 28/11/2015 12:21

Today, the man sitting next to me on the train looked like he was about to be sick. I quickly handed him the nearest bag I could find, a bag full of my lunch for that day. Safe to say he held nothing back. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21459

You deserved it

3520

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By boobswerehere - 7/7/2016 07:15 - United States - Reno

Today, I went to visit my best friend at her house. I saw her five-year-old brother playing in the front yard, and as I walked up to the door he shouted, "Boobs are here! Boobs are here!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

12506

You deserved it

1433

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By well damn - 29/2/2016 22:17 - United States - Columbus

Today, I helped my mom put away my baby sister's clothes. She's only a week old and has around 60 outfits. I have 4. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19820

You deserved it

1813

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By Anonymous - 13/4/2016 08:25

Today, I woke up in hospital after a night of heavy drinking. My friends told me I was beat up by the doorman. After going to the club to watch the security footage, it was revealed I actually fell on my face trying to fight, and caused more damage to myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16485

You deserved it

11261

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By Donzai - 30/3/2009 22:17 - Canada

Today, I was at my bosses house for a company BBQ. Earlier I had taken muscle relaxants to calm my lower back pain. After a few drinks it was clear the alcohol and medication did not mix. I woke up few hours later to find out I had stripped naked and jumped into the 4 foot cake before passing out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32437

You deserved it

80996

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By Mal2222 - 12/2/2009 06:13 - United States

Today, at work, a man walked up the escalator with his chubby kid next to him and asked me where the shoe section was. I said, "For you or your son?" He said, "For my daughter." FML

I agree, your life sucks

15233

You deserved it

35017

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By MemoKrosav - 30/1/2016 03:54 - Mexico - Matamoros

Today, I had the most uncomfortable feeling in my socks, but I didn't care to check. It wasn't until I got home that I realized that the feeling was a small thin piece of glass that was slowly cutting away at the bottom of my foot. I still don't know how it got there. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20182

You deserved it

4504

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By Gottabekidding - 9/9/2016 00:33 - United States - Ashland

Today, my workplace instituted a policy in which employees must stop and write down what they are doing every fifteen minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14594

You deserved it

834

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By Jordid - 19/8/2010 04:12 - United States

Today, my Mom felt the need to walk around school and tell everyone to be nice to me because I just started my period. FML

I agree, your life sucks

62519

You deserved it

4178

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By Twiddle - 7/12/2009 07:00 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend invited me for dinner to meet his parents. Turns out his stepmother is my gynecologist. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41553

You deserved it

2893

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By Anonymous - 21/3/2014 22:35 - Australia

Today, my dad took me to a bar for my first legal drink. He quickly got "drunk" and started slurring that I was an accident, saying the only reason I'm alive is because he'd been too poor to pay for an abortion. As I started crying, he burst out laughing and said soberly, "Just kidding, son." FML

I agree, your life sucks

49728

You deserved it

6409

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By pugs - 29/1/2010 08:43 - France

Today, the girl I've been dating asked me to describe her body. I said "Thin an toned but curvy in all the right places." I then asked her the same question to which she replied, "I don't know, you know I'm always drunk when we're together." FML

I agree, your life sucks

31337

You deserved it

4593

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By alikat - 26/4/2009 15:13 - United States

Today, I found out that the noise I thought was a mouse in my room was a water bottle shaking when my refrigerator turned on. I stayed up till 4am looking for a mouse that didn't exist. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20145

You deserved it

44444

Favorite

By Igor - 19/12/2012 05:16 - United States - Lansdale

Today, I have a very uncomfortable cyst in my armpit and a sprained ankle both on my right side, resulting in me limping and keeping my arm awkwardly plastered to my side. My fiancé keeps walking like me and calling me Igor, saying "Yes, Master" whenever I ask him for something. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34195

You deserved it

4070

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By fordn4h - 13/12/2010 05:32 - United States

Today, my ex-girlfriend, who is obviously still in love with me, is best friends with my mom. Now every time I come home, she is over. She even spent 4 hours helping us decorate our Christmas tree, and now she is telling my little sister about our love life. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37371

You deserved it

5162

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By mel_bear_ - 14/3/2012 14:38 - United Kingdom

Today, it was my wedding day. Midway through the ceremony, my visibly drunk uncle stood up and denounced the minister for "preaching yer god shite where it weren't never be welcome". FML

I agree, your life sucks

25187

You deserved it

2568

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By badluckdrew - 1/5/2009 14:28 - United States

Today, my girlfriend's mother called her in the bedroom for a serious talk. I overheard them arguing and yelling at each other. It turns out her mother found a condom next to her garbage. We got caught because her cat swallowed the condom and threw it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

59400

You deserved it

20537

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Top comments

By julianamariex3 | 12

#7898129 - Thursday 16 April 2020 8:51

“The best time to wear a striped sweater is all the time.” 😊

By jbuckets_404 | 38

#7898203 - Thursday 16 April 2020 15:28

No need to worry anymore: you confirmed it.
So do what I do: DGAF (& a little whiskey doesn't hurt either. ;-)

Comments

By julianamariex3 | 12

#7898129 - Thursday 16 April 2020 8:51

“The best time to wear a striped sweater is all the time.” 😊

By RichardPencil | 28

#7898134 - Thursday 16 April 2020 9:33

They're calling you "The Referee."

I heard 'em.

By ahabsfan | 14

#7898169 - Thursday 16 April 2020 12:08

Were the stripes horizontal or vertical? It makes all the difference.

By jbuckets_404 | 38

#7898203 - Thursday 16 April 2020 15:28

No need to worry anymore: you confirmed it.
So do what I do: DGAF (& a little whiskey doesn't hurt either. ;-)

By BurnInDemonFire | 30

#7898211 - Thursday 16 April 2020 16:13

Don't worry about how you look. As long as it fits, it's good.

By ojoRojo | 13

#7898219 - Thursday 16 April 2020 16:53

We’re all quarantined, who’s even gonna see you? This would be a good time to ease into stripes lol

By TheSminty1 | 17

#7898280 - Thursday 16 April 2020 20:22

They're people, they will talk behind your back. It's a sort of a people thing

By jac_1964_au | 23

#7898381 - Friday 17 April 2020 6:58

Omg they will I hate stripes shirts

By leximichelle | 12

#7898856 - Sunday 19 April 2020 2:56

Five years from now, no one will even remember what shirt you wore, so unless it’s an event with tons of pictures being taken, there’s no need to worry.

Wear whatever suits you.