By James - 16/4/2020 08:00

Anxious

Today, I began worrying I have social anxiety, all because while getting dressed I convinced myself that everyone would talk about me behind my back if I wore a striped shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1237

You deserved it

311

Favorite

Dangling modifier

Property law

My body, my choice

By Anonymous - 6/10/2013 04:44 - United States

Today, my 6-year-old daughter threw a tantrum in the middle of a store, all because I wouldn't buy her a pushup bra. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51336

You deserved it

7146

Favorite

By clo_bo - 30/8/2019 20:00

Today, I saw a message on my boyfriend's phone from one of his friends, saying I was a downgrade from his ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1678

You deserved it

176

Favorite

By ripped - 7/9/2016 14:57 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, my cat used my head as a springboard and ripped my earring out with her claw. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13726

You deserved it

1344

Favorite

By TriedToHelp - 2/6/2019 14:05

Today, I was volunteering at an Indian hospital through a Canadian volunteer agency after paying $3000. It was my first day, but I got deported for having an incorrect visa. I had a tourist visa when I was supposed to have a "miscellaneous" visa. I got deported for volunteering. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1831

You deserved it

470

Favorite

By Anonymous - 27/6/2020 23:02

Alexa, play "Noise Annoys" by Buzzcocks

Today, I found out my mother only uses two settings for volume on her laptop: maximum volume or completely quiet. She'll play it over whatever other people are doing, and then get mad when they tell her to turn it down. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1216

You deserved it

Favorite

By zAstonish - 25/9/2015 15:03 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night and felt deep breathing on my neck. I screamed, fell off the bed and busted my nose. It was just my cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22821

You deserved it

3957

Favorite

By Watchtower? More like fortress. - 19/10/2012 21:39 - Norway - Oslo

Today, my dad saw on TV that in some parts of Africa, it's not uncommon for people to attach make-shift flamethrowers to their cars to defend against carjackers. He's now lost his mind and is forcing me to help him put one together to scare off Jehovah's Witnesses. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22679

You deserved it

2469

Favorite

By bigbum - 4/11/2012 09:50 - Australia - Glenroy

Today, my boyfriend of two years proposed to me. It would have been great if he weren't drunk with a naked girl next to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32987

You deserved it

2333

Favorite

By Anonymous - 25/7/2009 05:19 - United States

Today, I was walking down the strip with a friend when we saw a homeless man with no arm. I felt bad, so I gave him some cash and I looked into his poor little eyes when he put out his arm for a hug. Without thinking, I hugged him. Right as I was thinking, "wtf am I doing," he kissed my boob. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19600

You deserved it

52938

Favorite

By whowhat - 11/7/2013 06:26 - United States

Today, I came home at 1am to find my mom sitting on my couch, ranting about how I'm not supposed to stay up this late. I'm 26 and I don't know how she got into my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks

64512

You deserved it

4015

Favorite

By Clauric - 3/5/2016 15:15

Today, I found out my 35 year-old brother got divorced 18 months ago when my now ex-sister-in-law told me via Facebook messenger, and asked me to tell my parents, as both of them were too scared to do it themselves. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12138

You deserved it

857

Favorite

By fuckinghicks - 30/12/2013 23:48 - United States

Today, while going on a jog through the countryside, I discovered that it is actually possible outside of crappy TV shows to have a rifle leveled at you, and to be shouted at to, "Get off my land." FML

I agree, your life sucks

24840

You deserved it

17389

Favorite

By AHHH_REPTAR - 23/6/2016 04:54 - United States - Spearfish

Today, while drilling holes in "No Smoking" signs for my job, I gave myself a minor cut that would appear to most as a papercut. I then had to fill out 3 double-sided pages of paperwork. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12528

You deserved it

1368

Favorite

By Anonymous - 16/6/2009 16:07 - United States

Today, it was my high school graduation. Because our school colors were red, black and white, and our principal looked somewhat like Hitler, the senior class prank was to salute him when he finished his speech. I was the only one. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51543

You deserved it

36221

Favorite

By Anonymous - 27/8/2009 23:49 - United States

Today, while driving, I realized I had left my phone on top of my car when I was getting in. Panicking, I drove back to look for it. I found it in the middle of the street, still intact. Yay! When I went back to my car, I noticed I had locked my door. And the keys were in the ignition. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18070

You deserved it

38463

Favorite

By Anonymous - 11/11/2010 08:39 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of 4 years told me that I appear to have gained some weight. After realizing that it made me feel depressed, he tried to make me feel better by making love to me. I decided to go with it. While doing so, he paused and said "I'm sorry baby, but your weight is too much pressure for my back." FML

I agree, your life sucks

34111

You deserved it

8554

Favorite

By bobuhbeartoe - 24/8/2009 04:36 - United States

Today, while showering, I finished off the shampoo bottle. I decided to see if I could shoot it into the trash can over the shower curtain. When I heard the successful "thunk", I got so excited I slipped and cracked my head open. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33777

You deserved it

19881

Favorite

By neveragain - 12/2/2016 19:10 - United Kingdom - Byfleet

Today, I ended up in the ER because I ruptured a testicle by accidentally sitting on it. Last time I ever go commando. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20487

You deserved it

4576

Favorite

By Girlygal32 - 13/9/2020 08:02 - United States

Contagion

Today, my mother chewed me out for not wearing deodorant and smelling of B.O. I was wearing plenty of deodorant. My shirt just smelled like my boyfriend, whom I'd been cuddling with earlier. FML

I agree, your life sucks

985

You deserved it

455

Favorite

By Anonymous - 7/11/2010 22:00 - United States

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend, when I lifted myself up a little bit. What I was not prepared for was my boyfriend leaning down to kiss my neck. We collided heads, hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24828

You deserved it

6501

Favorite

By Busted - 16/3/2010 18:35 - United Kingdom

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend since I believed him to be cheating on me with another woman, something he adamantly denied. I went to his house to get all my stuff back. After I left, I discovered a silk thong that definitely did not belong to me, in amongst my clothes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33364

You deserved it

4639

Favorite

By bored2death - 23/7/2010 22:15 - United States

Today, I realized that the only one willing to hang out with me this summer is my guinea pig. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31171

You deserved it

6200

Favorite

By TheVagabond_SRG - 2/8/2016 06:46 - United States - Grand Prairie

Today, I started my first day at a job. First thing my manager does is ask me if I knew the fastest way to kill someone there, then told me with a straight face all of what would occur when dumping a person's head into the deep fryer. Then the psycho assigned me to the fry station. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14426

You deserved it

1054

Favorite

By Anonymous - 30/9/2009 21:04 - United States

Today, when I got to work, I found out that I was being laid off. Two hours later, I found out my boss had my name on the wrong list. I was elated. I went to lunch, and on the way back was rear ended in the rain. I was an hour and a half late getting back to work. I was fired upon returning. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42787

You deserved it

3159

Favorite

By JoanT - 31/8/2020 20:01 - United States - Kailua Kona

Bed of nails

Today, my boyfriend’s bed is so uncomfortable that even after six months of not seeing him, I’m sleeping on the floor so I can actually get some sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1126

You deserved it

160

Favorite

By Ouch - 17/3/2010 16:16 - United States

Today, I was walking down the hallway when someone opened a door, smashing it into me. The bump makes it look like I have a third boob. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27189

You deserved it

3923

Favorite

By leilei - 30/11/2010 00:25 - Philippines

Today, I refused to ride with a friend on a motorcycle because it is unsafe and went to take the bus. As I got off the bus, I got hit by a speeding motorcycle and ended up in hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34315

You deserved it

5725

Favorite

By Anonymous - 12/10/2012 22:38 - United States

Today, as my dad and I were leaving a store, a man asked us if we could donate to an Alzheimer's fund. My dad hates being asked for money, and so he immediately hunched over and acted like a dirty, senile old man all the way to the car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22848

You deserved it

2152

Favorite

By Absent - 12/1/2010 05:42 - France

Today, my friends let me win at strip poker so I wouldn't take off my clothes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36245

You deserved it

6491

Favorite

By CorCelesti - 2/6/2014 14:00 - United States

Today, I got married. My father saw this as a good time to give some solemn, heartfelt advice to my new husband: "That ring gets real heavy fast." I was standing right there. So was my mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46752

You deserved it

4679

Favorite

By atleasthelocalsarenice - 4/3/2017 12:00

Today, while camping alone in an isolated area, I was woken up at 3 a.m. by a fellow camper, who then offered me a crayfish and a romantic beach walk as a way of flirtation. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5299

You deserved it

571

Favorite

By Anonymous - 14/4/2012 16:24 - United States - San Juan Capistrano

Today, I went to a blood drive. The nurse taking my blood mentioned that she'd been called in on her day off, and she swore she wasn't drunk. I didn't know what to do, so I just smiled and blinked back tears as she savaged the vein in my arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26708

You deserved it

3244

Favorite

By Cowan - 6/8/2009 12:27 - Belgium

Today, I had to come back home early from my holidays. Why? I had asked my grandmother to water my plants, some of which are illegal. Instead of doing it herself, she asked her neighbor... who is a cop. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23794

You deserved it

125049

Favorite

By -_- - 18/2/2012 00:13 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to an extended family reunion. I started chatting to my great grandpa, and he asked me what I do for a living. Before I could tell him I breed animals, my visibly drunk dad interrupted and slurred, "Oh, she jacks things off. Horses, pigs, just about anything, really." FML

I agree, your life sucks

31776

You deserved it

4045

Favorite

By bluep313 - 18/9/2015 17:03 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I found out the real cause of what I assumed was a healthy increase in my teenage daughter's appetite lately. Some fine young gentlemen with a fat fetish convinced her start gaining weight so they could jack off to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27823

You deserved it

2008

Favorite

By Anonymous - 4/10/2012 00:45 - United States - Eugene

Today, I was slapped by a fourteen-year-old girl because I was apparently "stealing her boyfriend." I'm twenty-five, and her boyfriend is my nephew. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34131

You deserved it

2066

Favorite

By a.baybay - 7/1/2010 06:03 - United States

Today, I noticed that my long distance boyfriend of almost four months only calls me to have phone sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12050

You deserved it

17675

Favorite

By Andrew - 28/8/2011 22:37 - Ireland

Today, I started my shift as a cop, patrolling the streets on a bicycle. Everywhere I went, gangs of youths yelled stuff out at me, like "Bike twat", "Pig on wheels", "That's a girl's bike you muppet" and "Go on wanker, do a wheelie." FML

I agree, your life sucks

33235

You deserved it

8564

Favorite

By Sean - 14/8/2016 04:00 - Canada - Toronto

Today, as I was crossing a street, a car hit me and broke two of my ribs. The driver was too busy paying attention to his girlfriend who was giving him a blowjob from the passenger seat. I could see the look of ecstasy on his face as he rammed into me and drove off without noticing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17975

You deserved it

988

Favorite

By Anonymous - 26/5/2020 17:00

Mind control

Today, after my fiancee gave me $100 to spend at the garden center as my Mother's Day gift, when I was on my way home from the center, he called and yelled at me because I didn't get what he wanted me to get. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1425

You deserved it

120

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By julianamariex3 | 12

#7898129 - Thursday 16 April 2020 8:51

“The best time to wear a striped sweater is all the time.” 😊

By jbuckets_404 | 38

#7898203 - Thursday 16 April 2020 15:28

No need to worry anymore: you confirmed it.
So do what I do: DGAF (& a little whiskey doesn't hurt either. ;-)

COMMENTS

By julianamariex3 | 12

#7898129 - Thursday 16 April 2020 8:51

“The best time to wear a striped sweater is all the time.” 😊

By RichardPencil | 28

#7898134 - Thursday 16 April 2020 9:33

They're calling you "The Referee."

I heard 'em.

By ahabsfan | 14

#7898169 - Thursday 16 April 2020 12:08

Were the stripes horizontal or vertical? It makes all the difference.

By jbuckets_404 | 38

#7898203 - Thursday 16 April 2020 15:28

No need to worry anymore: you confirmed it.
So do what I do: DGAF (& a little whiskey doesn't hurt either. ;-)

By BurnInDemonFire | 30

#7898211 - Thursday 16 April 2020 16:13

Don't worry about how you look. As long as it fits, it's good.

By ojoRojo | 23

#7898219 - Thursday 16 April 2020 16:53

We’re all quarantined, who’s even gonna see you? This would be a good time to ease into stripes lol

By TheSminty1 | 17

#7898280 - Thursday 16 April 2020 20:22

They're people, they will talk behind your back. It's a sort of a people thing

By leximichelle | 13

#7898856 - Sunday 19 April 2020 2:56

Five years from now, no one will even remember what shirt you wore, so unless it’s an event with tons of pictures being taken, there’s no need to worry.

Wear whatever suits you.