Students, Morning and Wake up: Alarmed - FML

Alarmed

By Anonymous - 22/02/2021 14:02

Today, my sister promised to wake me up at 8 for my 9:30 class. She woke me at noon, and only because I was snoring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 524

You deserved it 908

Students Morning Wake up

Vulture

Shot from both sides

Hot lava

By justine - 13/12/2009 16:53 - United States

Today, I went to see a play. I'm pregnant, so I always need to pee. At intermission, I ran to use the bathroom, but there was a really long line. I asked the woman in front of me if I could pass her. She responded, "You don't look pregnant!", and lectured me about lying while I peed my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 886

You deserved it 3 107

By figures - 16/11/2009 17:42 - United States

Today, I got a card from the jewelry store thanking me for purchasing an engagement ring a year ago and wishing me and my fiancée a long and everlasting marriage. Too bad my fiancée took off with the pizza delivery boy 6 months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 583

You deserved it 2 379

By DietWater - 07/08/2015 22:13 - United States - Beaumont

Today, I went to the park and people were crowded around some dancers. One of the dancers danced up to me, gave me a flower, and winked at me. I was very flattered, until the same dancer asked me to give the flower back after the dance so he could use it on the next show. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 396

You deserved it 2 329

Fight Yoga, try anxiety!

By thegoalie - 16/09/2019 04:00 - United Kingdom - Sheffield

Today, I overheard this girl I don't really know say that she had cramps. Trying to be helpful, I turned round and told her she should stretch out where she had them. She then asked how the fuck she was supposed to stretch her ovaries. FML

I agree, your life sucks 642

You deserved it 2 616

Bad date

By Dammit Brain - 22/10/2020 20:02 - United States - Fredericksburg

Today, I went on a lunch date with a guy I used to work with. When the conversation got dry, I asked him if he went by “Chris” or “Christopher” these days. His name is Daniel. My brain knew my mistake as I said it. Just when I thought the silence couldn’t get more awkward. FML

I agree, your life sucks 661

You deserved it 387

By Anonymous - 15/12/2013 00:48 - Canada

Today, for my 18th birthday my mum gave me a black lace thong. I'm a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 292

You deserved it 4 160

By Anonymous - 29/12/2010 10:18 - Australia

Today, I swapped a shift so I didn't have to work on new year's eve. An hour later I realized I didn't have anyone to spend it with. I swapped it back. I'll be ringing in the new year with my boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 452

You deserved it 4 408

By Anonymous - 26/07/2019 04:00

Today, I came out of my bedroom to find my mom doing yoga in my hallway. Naked. She doesn't seem to think there's any problem with this. It's my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 776

You deserved it 124

By brittbrat4 - 13/08/2011 06:51 - United States

Today, I was teasing my 12 year old little cousin about him liking my best friend. I guess it made him mad because he yelled "Breast cancer!" at the top of his lungs before power-punching my right boob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 275

You deserved it 36 557

By Jenna - 30/06/2011 00:04 - United States

Today, I was making pudding and accidentally spilt some on the floor. I had no idea until I slipped in it, throwing the bowl of pudding on my head. My mom promised to take me to the hospital as soon as she got a picture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 921

You deserved it 5 595

Family values

By Anonymous - 06/10/2019 12:00 - Croatia

Today, my 11-year-old cousin walked up to me as I was enjoying a glass of wine with friends at my mother's birthday party. Thinking she wouldn't like it anyway, I let her try. The little fucker drank the entire glass in one go, adding, "Usually, daddy gives me vodka." Good to know what my family is up to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 597

You deserved it 584

By Anonymous - 24/08/2015 04:25 - United States - San Francisco

Spicy

Today, my husband and I locked our keys in the car. Our only spare is in the drawer with all our sex toys. So we either had to get our oldest go in the drawer and get them to bring to us or walk the 12 miles home. My feet will never recover from that walk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 007

You deserved it 27 053

By gr8 - 28/09/2018 17:30

Today, because I had to leave the country without notice and didn't have reception to notify my college, I have been irreversibly dropped from all my classes without a refund and will have to reapply for January. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 415

You deserved it 513

By xmelissadavisx - 28/11/2015 12:21

Today, the man sitting next to me on the train looked like he was about to be sick. I quickly handed him the nearest bag I could find, a bag full of my lunch for that day. Safe to say he held nothing back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 505

You deserved it 3 530

By minaaaaajftw - 13/07/2012 20:13 - Norway - Jessheim

Today, I went to the grocery store with three bags full of sausages that I'd drunkenly bought the night before. Even though the manager remembered me, he wouldn't give me a refund, and now I'll be lucky if I can pay my rent this month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 710

You deserved it 37 520

By Anonymous - 20/01/2011 19:34 - United States

Today, I was shopping at Walmart, when a large lady and her friend blocked the aisle I was trying to go down. After saying, "Excuse me," twice and being ignored, I pushed my way through. After getting past, I looked back and noticed she was glaring at me while signing to her friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 088

You deserved it 13 320

By holy - 21/10/2009 21:03 - United Kingdom

Today, I told my brother to piss off. He decided to do exactly that, from the balcony onto my lap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 035

You deserved it 33 361

By StupidSecurityConsultant - 25/07/2019 18:00

Today, I was supposed to do a month's work presentation at the company I work for. They skipped over my presentation, because they needed time for the "weight loss" competition presentation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 581

You deserved it 101

By Anonymous - 09/01/2017 23:42

Today, I was the last to go upstairs, so I had to turn off the lights. My tired brain decided to use my phone flashlight to check if all the lights were out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 039

You deserved it 1 181

By 1415926 - 22/01/2015 05:22 - United States

Today, I got a large envelope from a college I applied to earlier. My mom, expecting big news, made my family gather round as I opened it. It ended up being a letter of rejection from not just that school, but all 3 campuses of the state college. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 188

You deserved it 2 746

By Anonameow - 02/01/2016 16:57 - United States - Fairfax

Today, after driving for four hours to visit my best friend for the New Years break, she still hasn't finished up her skype conversation and left her room to greet me. She knows I'm here. I've spent the last hours watching youtube videos with her cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 155

You deserved it 1 795

By RIP_Nose - 03/04/2014 21:48 - Germany - Aidenbach

Today, I was supervising a written exam, which took place in a really warm room. Half of the two hundred participants has probably never heard of deodorants. The other half used probably the whole can this morning. I had to stay in this inferno of stench for five hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 636

You deserved it 3 866

By regiftee - 25/03/2009 05:06 - United States

Today, my watch broke so I casually mentioned to my dad that I needed a new one. A little while later he hands me this really nice watch. He says, "Here, this one's been lying around for a while". It was the watch I gave him for Father's Day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 78 926

You deserved it 4 948

By Anonymous - 20/02/2010 13:59 - United States

Today, my boyfriend proposed. Three hours later, he called me to tell me he was kidding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 174

You deserved it 2 564

Jumping the gun

By thanksalotdickhead - 14/10/2020 08:01 - United States

Today, I discovered that my boyfriend was planning on proposing to me tomorrow. I found out after receiving a couple of a dozen texts from friends and relatives bitching me out for not telling them. Apparently, my dad thought it would be appropriate to make the announcement for me on his Facebook page. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 555

You deserved it 68

By tj85 - 17/02/2010 19:49 - United States

Today, I received a letter in the mail. The letter was from a woman who explained to me every single detail of a three month affair she had with my husband. She included pictures. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 819

You deserved it 2 587

By Anonymous - 28/07/2015 00:08 - United States

Spicy

Today, during a blowjob, my girlfriend decided to try something new by squeezing my balls as hard as she could as I came, for a "more intense orgasm". All she gave me was a ruptured testicle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 037

You deserved it 2 914

Stuck

By robzzz - 16/02/2012 07:13 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I'm forced to eat half a package of saltine crackers in my room for dinner. I can't go downstairs to the kitchen because my two roommates are going at it on our kitchen table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 565

You deserved it 3 813

By crap - 07/03/2009 04:17 - United States

Today, I finally told my best friend whom I've secretly been in love with for two years that I was in love with her but at the last second chickened out and said I was joking. She replied with "Don't scare me like that. I thought I was going to have to find a new best friend for a second" FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 297

You deserved it 7 293

By why me - 22/05/2011 23:09

Today, my girlfriend made me watch six hours of "Glee" with her. I don't know what I hate the most, the fact that I actually sat there and watched it or that I'm angry at Finn for breaking up with Rachel. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 730

You deserved it 36 973

By Anonymous - 27/04/2014 17:05 - United States - Mount Laurel

Today, I went on a blind date at a restaurant. My date took one look at me and said pityingly, "Stuffed your bra, didn't ya? Seriously, why even bother?" The douche then started trying to lecture me on "false advertising". FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 817

You deserved it 8 040

By Kevin - 09/09/2011 12:10 - United Kingdom

Today, I wrote a fake phone number on my neck to make it look like someone had hit on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 184

You deserved it 42 825

By Lolly - 12/09/2018 23:30

Today, I have a UTI that spread to my kidneys, a yeast infection, and a herpes outbreak. Oh, and my period came this morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 207

You deserved it 802

By YankeeDoodle - 04/03/2010 05:30 - Australia

Today, I discovered my employer is advertising for a contractor position within my team performing basically the same role as myself. Except the pay is seven times more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 549

You deserved it 2 053

By Anonymous - 12/05/2009 23:08 - United States

Spicy

Today, I went to the gym for the first time in a while and realized that I can lift way more with my left hand than with my right even though I am right handed. I also realized that I jack off with my left hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 983

You deserved it 58 909

Work work work work

By ghk - 26/09/2021 20:00

Today, I had my first day off in six months. My mother immediately came down to my room and demanded that I clean the entire house. As I was cleaning, she said, "You don’t get to relax. Ever. Lazy ass." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 412

You deserved it 99

By fuckmuppeter512 - 04/01/2014 22:26 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I got a text from my girlfriend. After only having sex once, where I wore a condom and didn't even get to come, she says that she's pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 637

You deserved it 8 659

By deathstar3548 - 22/09/2014 10:58 - United States - Orlando

Today, I learned that even though a woman has a baby carriage and seems friendly, she won't be afraid to mug you in front of her kid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 745

You deserved it 3 446

Lonely, so lonely

By Gina Marie Lombardi - 31/07/2021 11:01

Today, I realized how lonely I am when someone called my number by mistake and I talked with them for 5 minutes. I don’t know who she was, but I'm so lonely I was happy to have someone engage in a conversation, even if it was about her calling the wrong number. FML

I agree, your life sucks 753

You deserved it 83

Burn out

By ShitOuttaLuck - 02/10/2021 20:00

Today, I'm dead on my feet after being awake since 1AM with the baby. I begged my wife to watch both the baby and our four year-old for an hour while I napped. She refused, and instead said she needed a rest more. Her reason? “I might need to do a shit later.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 916

You deserved it 142

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Monday 22 February 2021 14:43

I mean just set an alarm on you phone, I usually have multiple super annoying alarms to wake me up in the morning

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Monday 22 February 2021 16:50

Wake yourself up.

Comments

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Monday 22 February 2021 14:43

I mean just set an alarm on you phone, I usually have multiple super annoying alarms to wake me up in the morning

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Monday 22 February 2021 20:20

My phone has failed me so perhaps it was the same for him? Perhaps for whatever reasons he doesn't have a phone or an alarm clock? Maybe someone else is sleeping in the same room and alarm would wake that person but sister is able to wake him only? In any way if sister agreed to wake him but didn't it is not his fault.

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Monday 22 February 2021 16:17

That's wrong and petty. Smh...

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Monday 22 February 2021 16:50

Wake yourself up.

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Monday 22 February 2021 18:38

Don't tell him the one trick alarm clock companies hate!!

rainbowdonnareed 18

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Tuesday 23 February 2021 4:25

Sure you missed class but imagine if she woke you with say pots and pans banging and screaming 😱. Since you can't use an alarm.

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Tuesday 23 February 2021 7:49

I hate when people ask me to wake them. I always set alarms when I need to wake up

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Tuesday 23 February 2021 23:29

people really out here acting like it's OPs fault his sister didn't do him the favor she said she would.

Nearly

Today, a tech came to repair my cracked phone screen. He told me to remove my case and took it to his van in my driveway to fix it. Thirty minutes later, he rings my doorbell and hands me my phone back. He says he fixed the screen but tripped and dropped it walking back to my house, and completely shattered the back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46

You deserved it 3

Today, my girlfriend called off our plans to get married, all because I didn't “make enough time” while I was busy renovating the house for her parents to come over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 140

You deserved it 10

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I swear I'm off men for good after my latest dud date wanted me to pee on his chest to turn him on, and we were only 20 minutes into the first date. The entire male gender are disgusting pigs, no matter how nice they pretend to be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 334

You deserved it 404

Today, my 9 year-old son told me that sometimes he gets stiff “down there.” I assured him that it’s perfectly normal, but then he added that it only happens when he hears his stomach growling. Um, what? FML

I agree, your life sucks 470

You deserved it 61