Nearly FMLs

By sassygeekette - 20/01/2016 02:25 - United States - Pompano Beach

Today, I lost the fight to avoid catching the bug that's been going around. One of my first grade students cough in my mouth. My open mouth. A half tube of emergency toothpaste and gargling of peroxide I still feel like I was in contact with the monkey from Outbreak. FML

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By mirandaaxo - 20/01/2016 02:23 - United States - Lehighton

Today, I was hired for a Home Heath Care job. Not even an hour after I left the women's office, I received an email from her claiming she could no longer offer me the position, FML.

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By warlikeeyes - 20/01/2016 02:20 - United States - Fairfield

Today, was my first day of classes. I was so prepared for class, pens, my notebook, and the required reading all neatly out on my desk. The professor walked in and immediately gave us a pop quiz on the syllabus I didnt read. Guess i wasn't as prepared as i thought. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/01/2016 02:19 - United States - Danbury

Today, I saw a manager from work walking out of a movie theater with his hand on the hip of another girl from work. I'm interviewing with said manager for a promotion to his team this week. Guess who else is interviewing for the promotion? FML

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By Bugg27 - 20/01/2016 02:18 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I won't be able to have sex for two more weeks because of a bladder infection and a yeast infection, due to the antibiotics. By the time its all cleared, I'll be on my period and it'll have been a month. FML.

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By player20270 - 20/01/2016 02:18 - Brazil - Cambori?

Today, after 3 years from my dad's passing, I found out that someone is using his ID. FML

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By BadGirlfriend - 20/01/2016 01:59

Today, my boyfriend interrupted me while I was giving him a blowjob to start a fight about how he's upset that I don't give him enough blowjobs. FLM

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By Nyloc70 - 20/01/2016 01:56 - United States - Richfield Springs

Today, in school for a writing prompt I wrote about my transition into adulthood, and how I no longer take unnecessary risks or make stupid decisions. Later today I crashed my parents' brand new car into a telephone pole while drifting in the snow. I guess the stupid decisions aren't over yet.. FML.

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By little girl - 20/01/2016 01:42 - United States

Today, I saw a little girl crying alone in a park I decided to ask her what was wrong. She said she lost her mother and I asked if she knew her mother phone number. When she was telling me her mother phone number her mother thought I was trying to abduct her and started to beat me with her purse.FML

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By feisty_backfired - 20/01/2016 01:41 - United States - Closter

Today, I've gotten so used to spending hours at the computer that I attempted to adjust the brightness. Of my fridge. FML

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By I will die alone - 20/01/2016 01:38

Today, my family and friends have been trying to get me out of the house for weeks ever since a frying pan fire gave me serious burns on my face, only as soon as I left my house this morning a kid saw me and ran to her very embarrassed father screaming that a monster was chasing her. FML

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By Miaaaaaaaa - 20/01/2016 01:35 - United States - Thornton

Today, I found out that my mom and I are both pregnant. The babies both have the same dad, my ex.She's 35 and I'm 15. FML

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By A Depressed Teacher - 20/01/2016 01:35

Today, I am teaching a computer class. I have AIDS, all of this would be fine of course, if the student that gave me AIDS wasnt in the class. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/01/2016 01:25 - United States - Lilburn

Today, in a effort to get healthy, i opted for water instead of soda. I added some lemon juice, and when I snapped the cap on the lemon juice closed, a drop flew out and landed in my eye. I spent 30 minutes getting my eye clean, is this what I get for trying to be healthy? FML

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By samuellkimchii - 20/01/2016 01:08 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, my OCD is was so bad. I refused to take a crap in the bathroom at school because none of the toilet seats were the right temperature for my ass. FML

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By ChiefKoala - 20/01/2016 01:03 - United States - Harriman

Today, I realized just how much my husky sheds when i found a dog hair that had accidentally been cooked into the stir fry. FML

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By mckenz1eq - 20/01/2016 00:56 - United States - Falls Church

Today, at my first class as a professional ballet dancer. The teacher came up close to give me a correction. As soon as she did that, I farted, really loudly. FML

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You deserved it 1

By Jif_Creamy - 20/01/2016 00:44 - United States - Middletown

Today I decided to cover up my neck with my shirt to hide a nasty bug bite, since I covered a bit of my chin, someone assumed I was hiding my chin ( which I have some pimples on). He yelled out loud "eww herpes!" now everyone won't even get near me and thinks I'm some freak. FML

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By vampyrate3562 - 20/01/2016 00:29 - United Kingdom - Dagenham

Today, after 6 years, my dad decides to send a birthday card to me. Thinking, it'll contain an apology for his absence, it said happy 21st, I'm 24. Happy birthday. FML

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By anon - 20/01/2016 00:24 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, while in the local drugstore, my daughter decided to pull down my pants in front of an entire crowd of shoppers. My boss was among them. FML

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By no body - 20/01/2016 00:12 - United States - Houston

Today, my girlfriend told me that her parents were proud of her for going out with a man with Down syndrome, I guess I'm just ugly, Fml

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By SsssssJJJJJJjjjjjj - 20/01/2016 00:10 - Australia - Darra

Today, I told my bestfriend I am not coming back to my old school, she replied saying she's not going to talk to any more so she gets used to it for class. It's been two weeks and I still havent got a response. FML.

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By thawny - 20/01/2016 00:05 - Australia

Today, I realised that my anxiety is so bad that I can have a panic attack while asleep. FML

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By anonymous - 20/01/2016 00:03 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, my fiancé dumped me right before meeting with his family. I had to sit through the dinner for 2 hours holding back tears. Turns out his mom hated me because I'm too pretty and she wanted him to date her friend who is 20 years older than him. FML

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By Unwantedmessage - 19/01/2016 23:50 - Norway - T?nsberg

Today, I was excited to see that I had received a new message on instagram. Turns out it was a message from a 50 year old man describing how he wanted to have sex with me. I'm 18 years old and a boy. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/01/2016 23:39 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I woke up with dried chunks of poorly applied blue dye in my hair. I'm guessing my mom didn't want me to do well in my interview this afternoon. FML.

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By Bay00 - 19/01/2016 23:33 - United States - Clinton

Today, the doctor told me I could tell him anything and he wouldn't say a word. When he asked if I was sexually active I said yes. He told my dad and now I doubt I'll ever see my boyfriend again, the worst part is...my mom told me she told him two months ago. FML.

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By Anonymous - 19/01/2016 23:28 - United States - Northvale

Today, I stopped at the grocery store after taking my dogs to the vet. In the 10 minutes I was in the store, a "good Samaritan"smashed my car window to"save" my dogs from dying in a hot car. It's 20 degrees outside, and I had the heat running.I still can't find my dogs.Fml

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By LeaveMeAlone! - 19/01/2016 23:04 - United States - Weston

Today, my crazy ex-friend who I'm trying to get away from sat next to my friend and I on the bus ride home from school. After 15 minutes of trying to pry into our conversation with irrelevant or rude statements; she finally freaked and yelled at us incoherently for a good five minutes straight. FML.

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By HJM - 19/01/2016 22:54 - United Kingdom - Slough

Today, I started a new diet after months of complaining to my closest friends that I'm not happy with my body. Their response? At lunch they sat in a circle around me eating pizza and cookies. FML

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FML on Facebook

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The Top

Today, after I've spent years cultivating my reputation at work as a hardass who's good to his team, as long as they're competent and own up to mistakes, my mother came as a customer and suddenly I'm a kid all over again. She even tried to pat my head and ask if I'm eating enough. Now my team all keep smirking at me. FML

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You deserved it 306

Today, I have such severe ADD that I can't focus without my medication. When I take the medication, I can only focus on one thing, but not necessarily the thing I need to be focusing on. I have a chem test soon, and I've been vacuuming my room for the past 4 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 768

You deserved it 4 989

Today, I had to pry my sister's used tampon out from between my dog's jaws. FML

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You deserved it 2 220

Today, the modeling program I'm required to use for school started inexplicably crashing. Reinstalling doesn't even fix it. The company that owns the software doesn't provide students with tech support, and my teacher just told me I won't pass if I can't fix it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 128

You deserved it 155

Today, I was so distraught during my mother’s funeral that I hadn’t been paying attention to anything around me. At some point, my kids changed my ringtone to “Ding dong the witch is dead” and turned my phone to full volume. They called while I was doing her eulogy. FML

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You deserved it 114

Today, I was in a rush to get my lunch for work. I quickly opened my fridge to grab it, and accidentally knocked over a beer, spilling a little on my pants. I told myself I'd spray them in the car. I forgot, and when I got into work, someone sat down and commented that they smelled beer. The person was a student. FML

I agree, your life sucks 302

You deserved it 247