Nearly FMLs

By amateurlocksmith - 20/01/2016 07:25 - Canada - Toronto

Today, at work I was asked to break into a residents mailbox because they lost the key. After which they turned around saying they never authorized that they threatened to press charges and accused me of stealing their mail. Fml

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By dpowen - 20/01/2016 07:12 - Canada

Today, after my older brother got his own place, my mom posted on Facebook about how sad it is to finally have one of her kids move out. I moved out a year ago.

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By evanmurphy - 20/01/2016 07:04 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, I went to the Emergency Room with a sore arm. After having it seen and being told it was just a light sprain, I tripped on the way to the car and broke it in two places. FML.

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By same2 - 20/01/2016 06:59 - United States - Palo Alto

Today, my ex became my gynecologist. FML

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By My roommate sucks - 20/01/2016 06:32 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my roommate decided to lock me out of our house leaving me in the cold without a jackets for hours. Why? He thought that I ate his leftovers. FML.

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By danm_1 - 20/01/2016 06:23

Today, I helped the neighbour, who lives in the apartment above me, get back into his flat after he locked himself out. I risked my life to climb from my balcony to his, only for him to lock my door on his way out. I was then, locked out of my apartment and he wasn't answering the door...fml...

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By becomingacatlady - 20/01/2016 05:47 - United States - South Lyon

Today, I found out the guy I've liked for a while use to be an opera singer, and can fluently speak German and French. I also found out he's engaged. FML

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By chem beats pop culture - 20/01/2016 05:41 - United States - King George

Today, a girl asked me what the fifth element was. I responded "Boron". She gave me a strange look, then clarified that this was something she saw at Hot Topic, not the periodic table. FML

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By dreams001 - 20/01/2016 05:28 - United States - Mt Meadows Area

Today, I met my girlfriends hateful cat. I started petting it. An hour had passes and I thought he was really starting to warm up to me...... Until he got up and clawed my crotch. FML

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By one_girl_one_song - 20/01/2016 05:16 - Australia - Richmond

Today, I walked in on my seven year old sister watching two girls one cup while laughing hysterically. Don't worry, she was only watching it for the "pretty song". FML

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By AnonModel - 20/01/2016 05:16 - United States

Today, I was on a plane from NY to London for work. The 55 year old guy sitting next to me would not stop hitting on me even after I told him I was only 17 and also had a boyfriend. I then tried to fake sleep hoping he would stop talking but apparently that's just an invitation to grope my leg. FML

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By Gingerbread19 - 20/01/2016 05:15 - United States - Angola

Today, I still haven't gotten back a pair of my panties my boyfriends perverted neighbor stole. The guy had stolen my clothes from the dryer on the floor my boyfriend lives on. How do I know? My boyfriend saw him returning one of my bras to the laundry room in his boxers for me to find. Fml

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By sleepallday - 20/01/2016 05:05 - Australia

Today, I found out mg best friend was pregnant. This would be good news if we weren't 15 and if the father wasn't my ex boyfriend who she's been dating for only 3 weeks, FML.

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By ohgoodlordjen - 20/01/2016 04:53 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my sister mooned me not realizing the rest of our family who were with me could see her. I began laughing and went to hide my face on the table, but instead hit a soda can. I had to get four stitches that make me look like I have a little Hitler mustache all because of my sisters ass. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 3

By Looking for new employment - 20/01/2016 04:40 - United States - Baton Rouge

Today, my boss hired out my job from underneath me, despite assuring the position until the fall, and thought I'd appreciate the $4/hr pay cut with a week off the schedule spontaneously right before my bills were due instead of telling me the truth two months ago. Thanks, Jack-wad. FML.

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By olivier23 - 20/01/2016 04:35

Today, after not seeing my best friend since my birthday party (10 months ago), i learned that he and my sister had an affair and he was hiding from me because he was ashamed. FML.

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By ForCryingOutLoud - 20/01/2016 04:05 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I came home from camp to find my room trashed due to the puppy somehow getting in and destroying everything. This included leaving chewed up pieces of used pads everywhere in my room and even after cleaning and vacuuming, it still smells like period in my room. FML.

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By KayPlay - 20/01/2016 03:55 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I walked in on a guy getting a blowjob in the school's bathroom. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/01/2016 03:46 - Canada - Saint-laurent

Today, I got fired by my boss because I didn't have any sort of social media account, which according to him means I deleted them so he wouldn't have to keep tabs on me. Apparently that's "racism" and it means I'm hiding something. The fuck? FML

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By Sanosukeskitten - 20/01/2016 03:34 - United States - Corinna

Today, I was doing laundry in a public laundry mat. I had sat out in the truck to stay warm and ended up falling asleep. Somehow, within 30 minutes, someone managed to piss in one of the dryers. The one that had my clothing in it. FML

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By MallowMistress - 20/01/2016 03:24 - United States - Columbus

Today, after weeks of fighting a small cold, I thought it was over. Then I got the flu and a stomach virus. I can't breathe, sleep, eat or drink without something going wrong in my body. FML.

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By Anon - 20/01/2016 03:23 - United States

Today, My girlfriend broke up with me because she told me that I was holding her back from a skiing career. I taught her how to ski, and we go skiing every available weekend. FML.

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By anonymouslyyy - 20/01/2016 03:21 - United States - Dearborn

Today, In the middle of sex with my husband he told me he was sleeping with my own mother... FML

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By kuraifenshi - 20/01/2016 03:18 - United States - Mamaroneck

Today, I started making arrangements for my birthday. I've asked twelve people so far. Only one said yes, ten are apparently going to the doctor's that day, and one lives in Wisconsin. FML

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By I am so bored - 20/01/2016 03:12 - Australia - Hove

Today, I was so bored that I counted the number of times my dog licked his leg: 96. He then went and got a drink, licking his water up 23 times, then came back to the couch and licked his paw 89 times. He then started to lick the blanket. FML

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By notarodent - 20/01/2016 02:58 - Canada - Medicine Hat

Today, I discovered that for the past four years my classmates have been calling me Beaver behind my back because I was born with a cleft lip. I learned this after seeing it printed in the high school yearbook. FML

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By oceaneyes213 - 20/01/2016 02:50 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boss has it out for me. I was told we were behind and to come in early this morning. As soon as I got there I was questioned for being at work so early and then given a lecture on how I can't go over so many hours or the company will have to let me go. FML

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By natalie_sarantos - 20/01/2016 02:43 - United States - Rockland

Today, my boyfriend and I went out to a restaurant for dinner. While eating, just as I was about to tell him that I wanted to take a break from our relationship, he proposed to me. FML

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By DJ120211 - 20/01/2016 02:40 - United States - Buffalo

Today, while at work, I had to clean the bathrooms. When I went into the men's room I opened up the stall door and there was a pile of human shit next to the toilet. Apparently they thought if they covered it in the shitty toilet paper they wiped with nobody would notice. Yes, I had to clean it. FML

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By icanstillsmellit - 20/01/2016 02:25 - United States - San Francisco

Today, Today, I dried my face with a towel and noticed it smelled at little funny, My dad then informed me that the cat peed on said towel and he hung it back up because it wasn't "dirty enough". FML

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Keywords

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Today, while very sick, throwing up in a bucket beside my bed, my dad came in pushed my face into the bucket. For a laugh, apparently. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 878

You deserved it 2 817

Today, I took a test as part of a job requirement. I took a sip from a bottle of juice, and the lady leading the test gave me a warning. I tried to explain that if I didn't, I would faint. She took the bottle and hid it. 15 minutes later I collapsed. She thought I was faking. I'm hypoglycemic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 88 281

You deserved it 4 217

Today, it was raining heavily so I wore my black poncho as I walked to work. On the way there I noticed an old and seemingly homeless man following me. I turned around to confront him. He picked up a stick and screamed "Expecto Patronum!" Apparently I look like a dementor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 188

You deserved it 6 593

Today, a woman strapped her 8-year-old son into the seat next to me on a transatlantic flight. Thinking they'd been unable to book seats together, I offered to swap seats with her. She said she'd booked it this way intentionally, because he's a "fucking brat" on flights. She was right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 936

You deserved it 2 635

Today, I asked my boyfriend of 3 years what he thought about marriage in the future. "Who knows? We might meet other people soon." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 243

You deserved it 2 454

Today, I had lunch with an attractive foreign exchange student from Dresden. After bombarding her with questions about Russia, she smiled and kindly told me that Dresden is in Germany. Everyone laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 238

You deserved it 49 505