Nearly FMLs

By anon - 20/01/2016 22:13 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, I got hired at an amazing job I had been hoping to get for weeks. Upon receiving my first schedule, I realized I will now be working alongside not only my ex, but his new girlfriend as well. FML

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By theyareeverywhere - 20/01/2016 22:00 - Canada - Laval

Today, my boyfriend surprised me with a teddy bear for my birthday. I gave it a tight hug, only for us to realize around ten seconds later it was ant-infested. They got in my hair. FML

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By Not Covered - 20/01/2016 21:58 - United States - Ronkonkoma

Today, I was admitted to an eating disorders unit to help me overcome anorexia. I was admitted for 10 minutes before I was discharged due to an insurance error. I spent 5 hours on the phone with my insurance company yesterday which resulted in them telling me my treatment was completely covered. FML

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By someone - 20/01/2016 21:52 - United States - Houston

Today, I was talking to my new room mate. She was talking about her boyfriend as a cat walks by. I said "oh you have a cat". Which she replies "no....." We still can't find the cat in our apartment. Did I mention in allergic to cats? FML

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By SickChick - 20/01/2016 21:46 - United States - Matawan

Today, I woke up horrifically sick, along with my cat. As I bent down to clean up her vomit, I instantaneously sneezed, vomited, and then promptly fainted. Guess where I landed. FML

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By TheCurvyGamer - 20/01/2016 21:40 - United States - Washington

Today, my school threatened to suspend me if I wore my "hat" to school again. That "hat" is called a Kippah, and it signifies that I'm Jewish. FML

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By mel - 20/01/2016 21:35 - United States - Kansas City

Today, my coworker arrived three hours late, slept in his office for 2 hours then went home, I'd tell my boss but last time I pointed out someone else doing the same, that person was fired and I do their work as well as my own for no extra money.FML

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By AreYouBlind - 20/01/2016 21:33 - United States - Fairfax

Today, my volleyball team was playing in a tournament and was losing 3-17. My coach called substituted me in for the current setter that was doing horrible. I then did great and brought the score back up to 18-21. We eventually lost the game and the Coach said it was all my fault. My team agreed FML

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By Seriously CHILL - 20/01/2016 21:30 - United Kingdom - Swansea

Today, I found out that my eczema has gotten so bad that my face is as red as a tomato because of the scratching in my sleep, no one told me all day until I looked in the mirror. I screamed like a girl in the boys toilets..... FML

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By TheCurvyGamer - 20/01/2016 21:22 - United States - Washington

Today, it was my birthday. Today, my mom's goldfish died. Guess which one she was more concerned about. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/01/2016 21:22 - United Kingdom - Bromley

Today, I was feeling a bit down, so I decided to try smiling, because even a fake smile is supposed to boost your mood. Shame I forgot about the face mask I had on, which cracked and flicked into my eye . . . I still can't see. FML.

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By ohgoodlordjen - 20/01/2016 21:19 - United States - Bremerton

Today, I fell asleep after four days of dealing with my insomnia. I was awoken ten minutes later to the sound of my neighbors having ridiculously loud sex. Frustrated I took a blanket and went to sleep on my couch only to be awoken 20 minuets later by them blasting Outkast so loud my walls shook.FML

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By juturnaamo - 20/01/2016 21:17 - United States - Leesburg

Today, my boss who I have to live and work with for another month scolded me for not paying attention, even though I was looking at him and doing nothing else, and then for seeming disrespectful. I don't know how to defend myself against his imagination. FML.

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By WHAT - 20/01/2016 20:59 - Anonymous Proxy

Today, my wife told me that she is happy she no longer has to put in so much effort and doesn't have to try to be nice to my family and if I don't like it she'll divorce me and take everything in the settlement. We've been married less than 6 hours and haven't even left the reception yet FML

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By bandaidstations - 20/01/2016 20:54 - United States - Larimer

Today, I remembered to leave the water dripping so the pipes don't freeze at work. The water lines to the coffee pots and soda fountain weren't so lucky. No one can have coffee this morning and it's somehow my fault. FML

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By vh_musiclover - 20/01/2016 20:44 - United States

Today, one of my "friends" thought it would be hilarious to go into my phone and switch my boss and my boyfriends numbers. I think you can figure out what happened next. FML

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By Jacked - 20/01/2016 20:44 - United States - Greeley

Today, I was lonely so I started jerking it in my room. I heard something weird and turned around to find my 3-year old sister copying my motions with her stuffed cat. How she got in my room and how I didn't see her is beyond me... Can't wait for her to show my folks. FML.

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By oops - 20/01/2016 20:32 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I woke up with a terrible stomach bug. After throwing up a few times throughout the day, I felt nauseous again so I ran to the toilet. Half way into throwing up, I realized after it was too late that that wasn't the only end that needed rid itself of nasty fluids. FML

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By FootballNeverAgain - 20/01/2016 20:24 - United States - Chula Vista

Today, while playing football with some friends, my friend hit me so hard with his shoulder in my back, that my lung was hit out of place and I'm in the hospital. He refuses to accept that he did anything, saying "it's football, you should've expected it". FML

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By Goodbye - 20/01/2016 20:20 - United States - South Amboy

Today, my girlfriend listened to Hello by Adele for the first time. Later she broke up with me to get back with her ex. FML.

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By AnonModel - 20/01/2016 20:14 - United States - Oakland

Today, at a casting I got asked if I was opposed to having sex with a client. I replied that I was very opposed to it to which I got the reply "Oh! Good, good. Me too. I just wanted to make sure we were on the same page. So where did you say you lived again?" I never mentioned where I lived. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/01/2016 20:13

Today, I've been wanting to have more sex with my husband so that we can get pregnant so I went to the doctor about my hip pain. The medication he put me on lowers fertility. FML

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By GreekGleek6 - 20/01/2016 20:08 - United States

Today, I saw something called UR3 powder on the sink in my family's bathroom. It said it would refresh any UR3 product. Think UR3 might be a shoe company I looked them up. They aren't. Turns out they are a sex toy company. FML.

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By no_pleasure - 20/01/2016 20:05 - United Kingdom - Hull

Today, while masturbating. My cat came out and attacked my fingers. Just as I was about to orgasm. FML

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By Student999 - 20/01/2016 19:52 - United States - Lombard

Today, my professor said nobody put a gun to your head and forced you to come here. True. It was a knife to my throat. No joke. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/01/2016 19:47 - Canada - Toronto

Today, after gym class at the school pool, my best friend asked whether I was circumcised. When I didn't answer he kept pestering me about it to the point that I snapped at him while taking off my trunks, without my towel. Now he knows I'm circumcised...and so do the other 30 guys in the class. FML

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By anonymous - 20/01/2016 19:30 - United States - Apopka

Today, I tried to drink a whole gallon of milk in an hour. I didn't know it was possible to sneeze and vomit at the same time. FML

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By Miss_Chevious - 20/01/2016 19:01 - Pakistan

Today, I found out what it feels like when your beautician rips out hot wax from the inside of your nostril. FML

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By WHATEVER - 20/01/2016 18:43

Today, my boyfriend of 7 years broke up with me by sending me an invitation to his wedding, with my best friend. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/01/2016 18:36 - United States - Charlotte

Today, I had a doctors appointment. The doctor asked me if I was sexually active. I started laughing and said "no I'm 9 years old". My doctor responded with "you'd be surprised" FML

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The Top

Today, I found out that I can’t get my COVID vaccine due to my chance of going into anaphylactic shock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 960

You deserved it 144

Today, I told my boyfriend that I loved him for the first time. The L-word is probably one of the only things I'm scared to say, so what did he do? He stared at me blankly before making a farting noise with his mouth and asking if he could go get Chicken Express for dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 962

You deserved it 5 213

Today, my fiancee asked me to text her a grocery list. I asked for meat, fruit, vegetables, you know, the staples. She came back with tons of sugar cereal, pop tarts, cookie dough, and other unhealthy crap. We have no other food, our monthly budget is gone, and junk food gives me horrible stomach cramps. FML

I agree, your life sucks 511

You deserved it 183

Today, my wife told me she doesn’t understand why I’m uncomfortable with her being the moderator of “Sex Talk” forum, the top pinned message board of which is “Adultery Cuckolding.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 434

You deserved it 191

Today, while walking to my car after work, I witnessed some moron who was texting while riding her bike running right into my parked car, resulting in a broken side mirror, a damaged windshield, two dents, and for her, a broken phone and nose. She's threatening to sue me for damages. FML

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Today, despite all of the pictures and proof of my fiancé, my parents still think I have an imaginary boyfriend. They met him, and were there when he proposed. They think it's all a joke. FML

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