Nearly FMLs

By ugh - 21/01/2016 03:30 - United States - Redwood City

Today, my friend informed me that, when I moved to sit somewhere else after getting out at the spelling bee, everyone was watching me and wondering what I was doing. I was trying to be less conspicuous by scooting around on my knees. FML

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By sammysoomba - 21/01/2016 03:25 - United States - Old Saybrook

Today, I realized that it's not a good idea to leave a glass of milk in front of your set alarm clock. All the towels are in the laundry too. FML

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By cmacdaddy - 21/01/2016 03:25 - United States - Muncie

Today, I got home late and my husband was already asleep. So I crawled in bed woke him up and we started having sex. Fell asleep, and when we woke up, I look over and my father is asleep next to me... It was then that I remembered my husband was out of town. FML

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By Liv3366 - 21/01/2016 03:17 - United States - Mary Esther

Today, I nearly petted the not so domesticated black bear cub that lives in my neighbourhood with its mama; while walking to the bus stop. It was dark as hell and I thought it was a dog that someone had left out overnight. It wasn't. FML.

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By Anonymous - 21/01/2016 03:15 - Canada - Ancaster

Today, at church, my 15 year old son decided he was an athiest. Apparently the rest of the church did not like his decision and pelted our family with all they could throw. Too bad it was a knife. FML

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By GamerAM - 21/01/2016 03:15 - United States - Chicago

Today, I am all ready to move into my dorm for my first experience away from home. I then realized I'd have to leave my cat and never see her when I wished on a whim again and broke down sobbing. Maybe I'm not so ready. FML

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By lexred - 21/01/2016 03:07 - India - Kolkata

Today, at the bathroom in the mall, a man with a glass of coffee in one hand and a bag in another, went to my adjacent urinal and asked me if I could help him by taking his "thing" out.

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By Anonymous - 21/01/2016 03:06 - United States - Mclean

Today, I spent an hour convicing my husband that, no, pissing in the sink while simultaneously washing your hands is not a "practical way to save time and water." FML

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By salita;( - 21/01/2016 03:04 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was clipping my toenails while watching my favorite show, should have paid more attention because now im in extreme pain and missing a toenail. FML.

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By Rybyn - 21/01/2016 02:55 - United States - Ponca City

FML, My girlfriend of a year and a half left me because I had forgotten to message back. I explained to her the reason was my Last biological grandfather passed away, she told me I was making excuses, she broke it off. My best friend said he'd talk to her and as of a few hours, they are dating. FML

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By FlyingCoconuts - 21/01/2016 02:48 - United States - Freeport

Today, I walked around school with bird shit in my hair and I didn't even notice it, FML

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By canthelpbutlaugh - 21/01/2016 02:46 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I found out that I had actually won a raffle for an expensive pair of bluetooth headphones at an event I attended last night. But since I left that event early for dinner they gave it to someone else. FML.

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By Anonymous - 21/01/2016 02:44 - United States - Stillwater

So today I went out and bought a Valentine's Day chocolate assortment for myself because why the fuck not those things are delicious. I made the mistake of letting my family see it. Now they are hounding me for information about my girlfriend FML

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By me - 21/01/2016 02:39 - United States - Woodstock

Today, my girlfriend keeps reading my texts but won't respond. This has been going on for over 24 hours now. I have no idea whats going on and she won't tell me. FML.

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By kittykat1501 - 21/01/2016 02:38 - United States

Today, I've been so depressed lately that I cried when my mom told me to do my homework. It was copying from a book. FML

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By illadvised - 21/01/2016 02:36 - United States - Clarksville

I am suffering with a terrible UTI and unable to have sex until it clears up. My boyfriend decided that the best way to nurse me back to health is to let me give him unlimited blow jobs because I "need to get plenty of fluids."

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By foampositedaddy - 21/01/2016 02:24 - United States

Today, the pizza my school was serving proved to be expired by the expiration date on the wrapping. When I took it to the principal, I received a detention for "attempting to publicly shame the school". FML

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By Anonymous - 21/01/2016 02:18 - United States

Today, after a couple suicide attemptsnmuch counseling and anti-depression meds, I've learned that I've been battling severe depression since my early teens. I am now 32. Reason it went undiagnosed so long? I was adamantly taught "men don't have feelings" by my adoptive drag father. FML

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By anon - 21/01/2016 02:12 - United States - Brook Park

Today, I was going to tell my friend that my little brother was diagnosed with autism. Right before I told him, he says "If I had a kid with special needs I'd give him a juice box filled with bleach." FML.

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By ohsnapword - 21/01/2016 02:07 - United States - Stony Brook

Today, with a snowstorm looming, my dad refuses to get a new snowblower to replace the broken one. Looks like I'm going my 300 foot driveway by hand. FML

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By anonymous - 21/01/2016 02:00 - Anonymous Proxy

Today, was shaving my legs and decided to shave everything. In the process, I found the missing stud that used to hold my clit piercing in place tangled in my pubes. No word of a lie that stud has been missing since October and has somehow stayed tangled through baths, showers and sex. Ew. FML

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You deserved it 0

By cornboy - 21/01/2016 01:53 - United States - Ledgewood

Today, I went to visit an old friend who lives in a dangerous neighborhood. Within minutes of getting off the bus, I was mugged and stabbed. Where was I stabbed? The fucking asshole. That's right, three inches of stainless steel was forced straight up my rectum. FML.

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By Bashful... - 21/01/2016 01:46 - United States - Pompano Beach

Today, a guy messaged me saying he would like to get to know me better. I felt bad, but I very nicely explained to him that I'm very busy and suffer from social anxiety so I didn't foresee anything happening. He then proceeded to tell me to "grow up and stop acting like a baby." FML

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By Anonymous - 21/01/2016 01:15 - United States - Houston

Today, I was walking to meet my date at a restaurant when a car rolled by. A kid leaned bout and vomited.l, splashing all over me. I was wearing $300 cocktail dress. FML

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You deserved it 2

By HeatherCorinne - 21/01/2016 01:10 - United States - Miami

Today, the mother who abused me, neglected me and then put me in foster care when I was 8 because she didn't want me anymore, hunted me down as an adult. She demands that I give her a home, money, food and bail her boyfriend out of jail because I owe her that much. FML

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By stressed - 21/01/2016 01:01 - Canada - Orleans

Today, after enduring weeks of my bosses constant erratic changing of my shifts and calling me in furious rages, I am officially too paranoid to enjoy my day off. FML

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By blazingshot147 - 21/01/2016 00:54 - United States - Boise

Today, my glasses got knocked off of my face after someone accidently bumped them. I then went to pick them up only to get bumped down the stairs and now my glasses are not the only thing that are scratched to hell. FML

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You deserved it 0

By negativenancy - 21/01/2016 00:00 - United States - Humble

Today, I took time off work because my grandpa died unexpectedly. My parents took my car keys away because I took time off work. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/01/2016 23:48 - United States - Saint Louis

Today, I spent over three hours arguing with my four-year-old cousin over whether or not I'm secretly Batman. I'm 20, and he won the argument with insanely precise logic. FML

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By Anon - 20/01/2016 22:14 - United States - Elburn

Today, I was so lonely that I laid on my arm long enough for it to fall asleep, then I had a nice wank so it would feel like someone else was doing it. FML

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The Top

Today, I ate lunch alone. None of my colleagues saved me a seat. One of those colleagues was my husband. He didn't even have the decency to move so that I wouldn't have to eat alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 990

You deserved it 4 614

Today, I finally told my boyfriend that I’ve been dealing with depression, and apologized for my bad moods. I wrote him three kinda long-story-short messages telling him why. His response? “It’s alright” and continued playing Raft. I expected something more… empathic? Am I selfish? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 100

You deserved it 395

Today, I was walking around my new school trying to figure out where to go. Then I realized I was talking to myself. Out loud. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 568

You deserved it 10 757

Today, I learned that there is a limit to being thrifty. For example buying a pan from the dollar store is most likely going to cost a lot more than a few dollars. Especially when it melts all over your stove which you now have to replace. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 134

You deserved it 31 954

Today, I've finally accepted that my parents do not love me. They constantly do things that I hate, then casually remark to other people, "I think he's mad at me now." They also know my hearing is insanely hypersensitive, yet they're still obnoxiously loud for no apparent reason all the time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 772

You deserved it 237

Today, I found out I was qualified to go to a magnet school. My mom threw the papers away, claiming she thinks I shouldn't be with "rich and snobby" people. She grew up as a rich snob and has a fortune waiting for her when her parents die, and she brags about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 724

You deserved it 106