Nearly FMLs

By hopeykins - 20/02/2016 00:22 - United States - Ashburn

Today, I still live with my in-laws and their dog. She annoyingly whines to be let out, after months of trying to teach her to bark at the door instead. She only wanted out to booty scoot over the snow to get poop off her butt. It didn't come off then, but it did later, right on my pillow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By stuckwtoxicfriend - 20/02/2016 00:19 - Canada - Chilliwack

Today I was accepted for a new apartment, one that my best friend had pushed me into applying for. When I told her the suite was for the second floor, she snarled that I should keep looking because if she lived below my son and I (she doesn't), she would "complain every day". FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By StupidEx - 20/02/2016 00:12 - Australia - Narangba

Today, i woke up, made brekky, and noticed something was missing... My tv, computer and consoles. I then found a note from my ex saying "Get your locks changed, Dick" and a picture of the spare key i gave her 2 years ago. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By team_garra - 20/02/2016 00:08 - United States - Denver

Today, I was walking in the hallway behind the girl I really like at school. There was a stop for a second, and I got the worst Charlie horse in my lower right calf. I doubled over in pain face first, right into her ass. After I hit the floor nearly crying I got the look of death from her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Chicagoillinois - 19/02/2016 23:52 - United States - West Jordan

Today, my mom took me to buy my first car, they did emissions and inspections on the little junker and surprisingly it "passed". I'm wondering how because two blocks down the road it died and will no longer start. They won't give my money back. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By anngrace2005 - 19/02/2016 23:49 - United States

Today, the brakes on my car stopped wokring so it had to be towed to a shop. My husband decided to find a rental car. He paid $123 total. After they took our money they said we were denied and it was non-refundable. We have $18 left in the bank for 2 weeks, FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By gluemonkey76 - 19/02/2016 23:48 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my crush asked if i like her. since ive answered yes before and it ended badly, i lied and said no. as i just found out, she had a huge crush on me, and my rejection sent her into tears. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By IceBerge - 19/02/2016 23:32 - United States - Federal Way

Today, while working, one of my cashiers accepted a counterfeit $100 bill. Per our counterfeit policy, I went to make a copy for our records, but the brand new printer my boss had me install yesterday thought I was committing fraud, shut down, and refuses to print the bill. Oh, the irony. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anon - 19/02/2016 23:30

Today, I got turned down for a date... with the man I've been sleeping with for over a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By marsalann20 - 19/02/2016 23:29 - Pakistan - Karachi

Today, while preparing for my exams i was naturally stressed out, my girlfriend was also keen on letting me study, little did i know that she planned a surprise visit to cheer me up a bit, guess who she walked in on masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 19/02/2016 23:28 - United States - Houston

Today, I finally wrote the letter, to get your stuff or it will be thrown out. I moved across country to be with a woman who loved me, and told me she wanted to marry me and have a family. Just after Thanksgiving, she went to a show with a friend, said I love you, kissed me, and never returned. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By WhyGravityWhy - 19/02/2016 23:26 - United States - Coeur D Alene

Today, at school i found a dollar coin. As i was leaving to go buy something at the gas station next door I was flipping the coin. I didn't catch it and it rolled into a sewer drain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By alilynn33 - 19/02/2016 23:24 - United States - Wellesley Hills

Today, since my room is being redone I don't have curtains or blinds, now this would be fine if I wasn't home from school, just out of the shower and dropping my towel for my neighbors to see everything I have.... Let's just say I won't ever look at them the same. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 19/02/2016 23:23 - United States - Fountain

Today, I got word on my MacBook charger that was stolen about a week ago for the school issued MacBooks. They are saying it is my fault for bringing it when their shitty laptops can't hold a charge. I now have to pay 84 bucks for a junk 10$ value charger that will break or else I can't graduate, FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By firetail910 - 19/02/2016 23:15 - United States - Murphy

Today, at work, a little old lady came up and started yelling about her food being burnt. We cooked two more just to make her happy and she started screaming about how we cooked it raw on purpose and then told the entire line of people coming in our food is horrible and we suck ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Camry_Girl420 - 19/02/2016 23:08 - United States

Today, My car broke down and my dogs tried to attack the AAA driver. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Savreth - 19/02/2016 22:47 - United States - Lawrenceville

Today, I let my cat sleep in my room because it's cold out. I woke up to the sound of her pissing all over my n64 games. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By anonymous - 19/02/2016 22:40 - United States - Lanett

Today, I was out on the field playing soccer with my team. We started holding ourselves in squat position. Half way through the squat my water broke and I wasn't wearing a maxi-pad. It just went everywhere. All down my legs and on the field. I'm also the only girl on my team. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By hotfarts - 19/02/2016 22:39 - United States - Port Richey

Today, my one night stand decided to fart in the oven and cook it and leave. I can't get it out of my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By KayleeFrye - 19/02/2016 22:37 - United States - Waterbury

Today, I had an 19 year old student swear at me and threaten to beat me to a pulp. Why? Because I was disrespecting her by asking her to put her phone away and to stop yelling over me. For the seventh time. The principal walked by and heard the threat. He shook his head and kept walking. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By red_owl - 19/02/2016 22:34 - United States - Macomb

Today, after cutting the grass I went to get some lemonade I had seen in the fridge earlier. It wasn't lemonade, it was clam broth. I spit it all over the kitchen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By ain't no senator's son - 19/02/2016 22:32 - United States - New Providence

Today, I had to spend the better part of half an hour explaining to my grandmother how there hasn't been a draft since World War Two and how I'm not legally obligated to sign up for the military. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By GodDamnitWindows - 19/02/2016 22:28 - United States - Naperville

Today, I got a notification (from Windows, mind you) asking if I wanted a free upgrade to Windows 10. I was running Windows 7, so I accepted. I left it downloading overnight. I have a huge presentation due tomorrow and I need to finish some slides. My computer won't turn on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By ardea_alba - 19/02/2016 22:22 - Russian Federation - Yekaterinburg

Today, my husband spent an inordinate amount of time explaining to me in morbid detail why exactly having sex with other women has nothing to do with me and should not be considered cheating. Oh, and just a day before I'm due to give birth to our first child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By unapologetic - 19/02/2016 22:17 - United States - New Britain

Today, an "abusive relationship warning signs" picture showed up in my facebook newsfeed. My relationship is great, but I glanced down it anyway just to stay informed. As I read through it I suddenly realized that all 5 of the points describe my parents' marriage perfectly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By TheCerealKiller - 19/02/2016 21:55 - United States - Aptos

Today, I was watching my five year old brother. He was sitting on the couch laying under a blanket and had his hand under the blanket and kept fidgeting, so I asked him what he was doing. His response? "Touching my penis." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By ftmproblems - 19/02/2016 21:50 - United States - Hope Mills

Today, after a long while of anxiety & hatred, I finally came out to my dad about being transgender. Now all of a sudden he keeps calling me "dahling" and talking about what a beautiful woman I am. Yea, I get it dad. Thanks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 19/02/2016 21:49 - United States - Atlanta

Today, my best friend and my entire family told me they couldn't make it to my senior art show. It's my last art show before I move for college (GA to IL) and I got a letter saying I have to be there because I won 1st in multiple catagories. Too bad no one will be there.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By kazzers - 19/02/2016 21:46 - United States - San Francisco

Today, like usual, I work at a self-service dog wash. A lady came in to wash her dog. It died of natural causes while still in the tub. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Ellen - 19/02/2016 21:31 - Anonymous Proxy

Today, my boyfriend, who is from Yorkshire. told me he loves Yorkshire so much he got a tattoo to show his pride. I thought it would be a nice white rose or something. Nope, it was a Yorkshire pudding with gravy tattooed right on his chest. Now I have to see that every time we have sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, as I was cleaning up after my two year-old, I found a pair of lacy underwear in his toy box. Not only are they not mine, but now I have to ask my husband if he's cheating on me. Or ask my babysitter if she's being having fun, instead of actually babysitting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 643

You deserved it 1 736

Today, my younger brother complained yet again of soreness in his wrist. Frustrated with his constant whining, my mother turned to him and snapped, 'Well, what have you been using it for all this time then!?' The awkward silence of realisation for them both won't go away anytime soon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 581

You deserved it 1 292

Today, at my house party, I caught my boyfriend having sex with my best friend. His excuse? He wanted to be better in bed for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 400

You deserved it 3 520

Today, when sleeping next to my girlfriend, I had a nightmare that she was yelling incessantly at me, making my "dream self" more and more upset. Just as my dream-frustration peaked and I began waking up from the nightmare, I accidentally hit her in the arm and face. Now she won't talk to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 881

You deserved it 435

Today, I found out that my employers hired me under the assumption that I was gay. Apparently, they are attempting to be perceived as more open-minded. I'm not gay, but I'm afraid being straight could cost me my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 666

You deserved it 3 573

Today, my mother found condoms in my room. She asked why and I said, "Just in case." She started laughing hysterically. FML

I agree, your life sucks 82 668

You deserved it 9 951