Nearly FMLs

By StankyWanky - 19/02/2016 12:18 - United States - Berlin

Today, My little brother poured fruit punch in my fish bowl, bye bye fish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 19/02/2016 12:05 - China - Shanghai

Today, my mother told me that she would kill me if God asked her to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 19/02/2016 12:04 - Australia - Golden Grove

Today, I was sitting on the couch watching tv, while my mother was in another room watching tv. Over 2 tv's, through 2 shut doors, numerous walls and over the top of snoring dogs, I heard her do a huge fart, and then chuckle to herself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By rohaaan - 19/02/2016 11:58 - Australia - Brighton

Today, I was told off by a customer for not knowing the price of every single item in store...a store which sells over 10,000 products. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By ERG_1024 - 19/02/2016 11:56 - United States - Springfield

Today, my husband decided that the walking dead was more important than finishing having sex with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By father of 12 - 19/02/2016 11:32 - United States - Newport News

Today, I overheard my daughter asking my son when he first had sex. Being only 13 he said "Never." She then pumped her fist in the air and shouted "I win!" My daughter is 11 years old. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 19/02/2016 11:11 - United States - Fayetteville

Today, I walked in on my girlfriend using her dildo I asked her who's penis she was thinking. Her response "Your brother.". FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By prendy112 - 19/02/2016 11:01 - United Kingdom - Newbury

Today, my sister told me that she's actually had a boyfriend for 3 years but never told me because of how i'd react, she thinks that because i'm 20 and never had a boyfriend, i'll be bitter and jealous of her. She's 15. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By lee31elle - 19/02/2016 10:48 - Israel - Tel Aviv

Today, while wearing a dress I thought to be slimming, I was asked by a 3-year-old girl; "Why is your stomach so big?" FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By autumnbanshee - 19/02/2016 10:20 - United States - Sherwood

Today, after an electroconvulsive therapy session meant to help me control my flashbacks from PTSD, I woke up from the ketamine-indused sleep crying and screaming. The ketamine gave me a horrible dream, which I now have flashbacks of. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By the one you nerver knew - 19/02/2016 10:15 - Sweden - T?by

Today, I finally got the courage to ask my crush out. It turns out he's gay and he's into my brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By chappy2000 - 19/02/2016 09:15 - United States - West Lafayette

Today, my mom gave me $50, and before I could spend it she took it back and said "should've used it before I changed my mind", FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By tedebare - 19/02/2016 09:07 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, on my nightly bike ride i was stopped abruptly by an old guy warning me that there was a "creepy old chinese man following me closely behind in a blue pickup van". That "creepy old chinese man" was my father, making sure i was getting my exercise safely!

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Shhxoxo - 19/02/2016 08:58 - United States - Tempe

Today, while going down on my girlfriend she asked me to lick her asshole. so i did. I came back up with a ,large piece of brown toilet paper on my tongue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 19/02/2016 08:16

Today, someone puked on the dance floor at my job at a bar. As I was bent down cleaning it, a girl kicked me into the vomit. When I yelled at her, her boyfriend kicked me in the jaw while I was on the floor. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By anotherschmuck - 19/02/2016 07:59 - United States - Lawrenceburg

Today, at work everyone found out I was born and raised in Colorado. Everyone now assumes I am a weed expert. I moved away 8 years ago and don't use the stuff. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By twitch1301 - 19/02/2016 07:34 - United States - Deland

Today, my girlfriend finally confessed that the reason she won't send me nudes anymore because she's afraid someone will steal them from iCloud neither of us have an iPhone....FML

I agree, your life sucks 29

You deserved it 6

By Anonymous - 19/02/2016 07:04 - Canada - Vancouver

Today as we made out, my girlfriend suddenly sat up, doubled up, and began grunting horribly. This went on for five minutes until she sat up and yelled "Finally! Poohage!" She then told me "Sorry. I'm constipated and that's my first shit all week." Worst part-she didn't even run to the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Now I have to wash everything - 19/02/2016 06:54 - Australia - Hove

Today, I was sitting on the couch with one of my dogs under a blanket when my other dog came and jumped onto the armrest of the couch, causing my dog to jump. As he climbed over me, I felt something wet and then saw a puddle on the couch and realised, my dog pissed himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 19/02/2016 06:46 - United States - La Verne

Today, my best friend misconstrued my confession of attraction as a proposal to become friends with benefits. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By badwordchoice - 19/02/2016 06:18 - United States - Boca Raton

Today, my boyfriend told me he was going to his friends funeral tomorrow, and asked if I wanted to go because he was going. I replied saying "no thank you, have fun though!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By pseudonymous - 19/02/2016 06:18 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, my kid thought it would be funny to poop in my coffee while I was taking a shower. I didn't take a sip of it until I got to work and when I did, I threw up all over my desk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By slidingglassdoor - 19/02/2016 06:06 - United States - Denver

Today, after spending 200 dollars of my own money on a computer my sister pitches a fit to my mom about wanting a new computer so my mom goes out and buys her the same one in a different color. Me-16 sister-13.FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 19/02/2016 06:04 - Canada - Sturgeon Falls

Today I'm just about to go to sleep when my sister's cat runs into my room, and while looking right at me, pees on my floor, and then meows at me and runs away. I'm glad he seems to think that it's okay because he came back 30 seconds later and wanted me to pet him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 19/02/2016 05:42 - United States - Gainesville

Today, I had a job interview for a legal position with Homeland Security. When they asked me what my least favorite class was, without thinking I said "criminal law." FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By whyme - 19/02/2016 04:54 - United States - Saint Albans

Today, I learned that a headache caused by a brain aneurysm on the verge of rupturing, feels a lot like a migraine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 19/02/2016 04:50 - United States - Beaverton

Today, I got home to see TeamViewer running on my computer, my passwords all visible, and several thousand dollars taken out of my PayPal account. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By probablygonnafail - 19/02/2016 04:45 - United States - Wilmington

Today, my Professor took points off of my second research paper for "being too opinionated". Last mon she took points off my first research paper for "not giving my opinion on the matter". What does she want from me? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By AnthonyC123 - 19/02/2016 04:35 - United States - Canonsburg

Today, I heard my cousin masturbating while watching family guy on his phone. I share a room with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By coffeecupghost - 19/02/2016 04:24 - United States - Amarillo

Today, my dogs have taken to pissing on my clean laundry so I left to get the tools to fix my door hinges. When I came back, I locked eyes with my dog as he let out a thirty-second stream onto my fresh load of clothing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

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The Top

Today, I announced my third pregnancy to my parents, thinking they’d be excited. Instead, they gave me 30 days to find a new place, saying they refuse to raise “any more of your children.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 121

You deserved it 2 799

Today, I was sitting in a theater waiting for the movie to start when a hot guy sat next to me. Trying to impress him, I made seemingly witty comments to my friend throughout the movie. When it ended, he loudly complained to his friends about the 'annoying girl' sitting next to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 771

You deserved it 105 135

Today, my mother screamed at me for the millionth time for “giving her a dirty look” as if I could see my own face. I’m just tired. I just wish people would pay attention to my words and not my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 864

You deserved it 129

Today, it's been two years since I won a romantic dinner for two from a work raffle. It's been two years and I still haven't found anyone to go with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 863

You deserved it 133

Today, my father-in-law confessed during dinner that he watched me and my wife have sex that morning through the window. He even more awkwardly brought it back up later that evening to say I seemed very good at it, and tried asking for details about me and my wife’s sex life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 556

You deserved it 81

Today, I bought my boyfriend two concert tickets for his birthday to see our favorite band, and he told me he doesn't feel he loves me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 981

You deserved it 105