Nearly FMLs

By badtouch - 20/02/2016 03:41 - United States - Goleta

Today, I finally finished designing the magazine that I'll be paid $1000 for. Today, my computer, with the finished magazine, crashed completely. The data is unrecoverable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By sayroshi - 20/02/2016 03:36 - United States - Sevierville

Today, my loneliness reached a new peak when I made a joke, aloud, whilst home alone. I then proceeded to give myself a genuine pity laugh. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By StuckInHope - 20/02/2016 03:26 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, my step mom and I arrived to a huge mess made by my dog. Later my dad came home and yelled at me for a good 30 minutes because my step mom told him I was the one who pooped on the carpet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By AnimalJammer - 20/02/2016 03:22 - Australia - Palm Beach

Today, I spent 5 hours trying to win a spike collar for my goat on a game for 4 to 12 year olds. I am 18. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Nodate - 20/02/2016 03:20 - United States - San Antonio

Today, I had was very stressed out due to the day I had. All I wanted to do was go on my anniversary date with my boyfriend. After waiting at the resturant for half an hour, I went home to find him playing World of Warcraft. he apologized and said he was "on a role." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By nobody - 20/02/2016 03:20 - United States - Williamstown

Today, I got to customs at the Canadian broader going into the USA. Boarder patrol was nice enough to inform me I was driving a stolen truck. It had recently bin stolen and recovered. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Born2Pizza - 20/02/2016 03:18 - Canada - Grande Prairie

Today, I realized my mom talks to our cats more than she does to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By SadDolphin - 20/02/2016 03:14 - United States - Fairfax

Today, my parents called to yell at me for my self-esteem issues. My self-esteem issues were largely caused by being yelled at.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By ObviousNovice - 20/02/2016 03:10 - United States - Berkeley

Today, I made myself hot tea after seven hours of class. It cracked the glass jar, leaked onto six journals and an iPad, and burned my leg. While removing the iPad from its wet case, I sliced my thumb clean open. I then dropped and broke my favorite figurine while cleaning up the glass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Ellendyra - 20/02/2016 03:06 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boyfriend's mother insisted I drugged her precious baby boy. Apprently, the only reason he would be too tired to drive home is date rape. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 20/02/2016 03:05 - United States - Kansas City

Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex in the living room of our new house. My mother must have thought it would be a great time to bring her friends over to check out our place because we saw them peeking through our living room window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anon - 20/02/2016 03:00 - United States - Statesville

Today, my parents informed me that I'm an idiot and my two degrees and law school were a ridiculous waste of money. Why? I support separation of church and state and don't agree with them politically.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 20/02/2016 02:58 - United States - Raleigh

Today, I was sitting at a stop light and was spacing so hard that for a moment I panicked because I forgot how to drive my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By hummelbyhummel - 20/02/2016 02:53 - United States - Winter Haven

Today, after a long hard day at my new job, I decided to take a wank. As I was jerking off, my cat leaps out from nowhere and claws the hell out of my dick. I had to go to the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 20/02/2016 02:49 - Canada - Montr?al

Today, I was ordering some computer hardware (RAM, CPU, etc...) on my laptop at the local library. I nearly got arrested because some titbrain thought I was ordering parts for a meth lab and made a whole show about it. I'm now banned from the same library for "causing a scene". FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By MadeUpUsername - 20/02/2016 02:36 - Canada - Three Hills

Today, to my dismay, I told my turned-on husband that he had to study for his big exam tomorrow before we could have sex. So after he studied, we could. He agreed begrudgingly, turned over in bed, read for 10 minutes, then fell asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 20/02/2016 02:33 - United States - Albuquerque

Today, My friends threw me a surprise birthday party. They forgot to invite me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By anonymous - 20/02/2016 02:25 - United States

Today, I came back in contact with an old coworker I had a crush on for a long time. He has a girlfriend but tells me he is tired of the relationship and wanted to hang out to talk about it. Turns out he stood me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By texmexmom - 20/02/2016 01:53 - United States - Azle

Today, i was diagnosed with bronchitis & flu. To top it off i have a 2 week missed period but have to wear a pad because every time i cough i pee a little. I had tubal ligation done so being pregnant is scary. Oh i also have 3 kids with strep throat (7,5,3) . Fml

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By dentist? - 20/02/2016 01:48 - United States - Torrance

Today, my wife was giving me head. Half way through I felt a pinch and heard something fall onto the floor. My wife gasped and covered her mouth in horror. Her front tooth fell out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By eczemaallover - 20/02/2016 01:47 - United Kingdom - Newport

Today, I was shaving my legs when half-way through I realized I hadn't used my shaving cream. Now I have one, beautiful, silky-smooth leg and one leg that looks like the Alps. No beach for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By MissMortified - 20/02/2016 01:43 - Canada - Hamilton

Today, someone farted really loudly and unexpectedly in class during a test. It was me, I'm the teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By smh - 20/02/2016 01:42 - Canada - Sherwood Park

Today, at school I accidentally made a girl cry. Why did she cry? Because when she showed me a picture of a dog and asked if it was cute I said kinda. It wasn't even her dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 2

By sheisserious - 20/02/2016 01:19 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I walked in on my 21 year old daughter teaching our dog the alphabet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Konnichiwashingston - 20/02/2016 01:17 - United States - Mclean

Today, I sent my dog outside as punishment for standing on the dining room table. His response was to stand on the porch table instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By roseanne89 - 20/02/2016 01:06 - United States - Louisville

Today, I was at the gym, and someone with a yoga ball decided to kick it at the wall. Next thing I know, I see the ball coming at me, and it ends up knocking my glasses off of my face, then I accidentally step on them. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By megs925 - 20/02/2016 00:50 - United States - Summerville

Today, I went to a bridal shop to get fitted. After measuring me, I was told not to "get discouraged if I needed about 3 sizes up" even though I'm a size 2. The 2 fit perfect but the saleswoman insisted I get a 4 because the 2 was "stretched from constant wear". FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By chris028272571 - 20/02/2016 00:49 - United States - Aptos

Today, my crush left me a voicemail of her confessing her love for me. The next day I asked her about it, it was a prank. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Of all the useless . . . - 20/02/2016 00:36 - Anonymous Proxy

Today, I eat healthy, exercise, don't smoke or drink and yet I weigh 19 stone and I've just been diagnosed with diabetes. Yet my father who is 74 is lazy, lives on takeaways, drinks like a fish and smokes like a train. He is 12 stone with no health issues. He doesn't even need glasses to drive FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Not a sit com - 20/02/2016 00:33 - United States - Columbus

Today, I played the beloved, comedic role of that one awkward person who holds a baby arm's length away while the entire family asks uncomfortable questions about future plans for children. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

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Keywords

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The Top

Today, I got home and noticed people were looking at my next-door neighbor's house that's for rent. Peering closer, I realized my ex-boyfriend and the girl he cheated on me with a few months ago were inside. After they left, the "For Rent" sign came down. I've got new neighbors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 185

You deserved it 3 270

Today, I woke up with my period. At least I'm getting into the Christmas spirit with red and green shorts, right? FML

I agree, your life sucks 775

You deserved it 142

Today, I was playing around with my sister's kitten. As a joke, I put him underneath the sheets and farted. He attacked my nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 995

You deserved it 417 047

Today, I was walking with my girlfriend when a little guy walked up and flirted with her. I'm a pretty weak guy and he looked weaker, so I gave him a little push and said "Back off". He's actually not weak at all. I've got a black eye and a girlfriend who won't stop laughing to prove it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 429

You deserved it 42 857

Today, I was in the middle of walking home when I saw an old woman trying to get away from what looked like a mugger. I go over and try to help her out and get the man off of her, which was successful. Turns out she was having a heart attack and the man was a doctor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 437

You deserved it 17 854

Today, as if having an old man shit on the floor of the busy restaurant I work at wasn't bad enough, my manager made a video commentating over the camera footage of me discovering said giant pile of shit, and shared it with the entire staff. This is going to haunt me forever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 306

You deserved it 1 915