Nearly FMLs

By KreAtor_O - 18/02/2016 18:42 - United States - Ogden

Today, I'm so used to taking people's orders through the drive thru of Taco Bell, that when I drove up to the speaker to order food, I said, "Hi, how are you, good, what can I get for you." FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Wyomingwannabe - 18/02/2016 18:37 - United States - Haverhill

Today, while reviewing a job with a client I noted shoddy work that was done by a contractor hired prior to my engagement. Work that damaged their property. Client's reply: "You should have installed it properly. We're deducting the cost of damages from your invoice". Good-bye client. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By ohgodwhy - 18/02/2016 18:18 - United States - Bayonne

Today, I had a yearly checkup at the doctors,today was also the day where my mom decided to stay in the room, today was also the day my doctor had to check my testicles.FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 18/02/2016 18:15 - Singapore

Today, after months I finally got my cast off my shattered ankle and started my first physio session, only to hear a crack sound ... And be put back into a cast. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 18/02/2016 18:05 - United Kingdom - Horsham

During a driving lesson the driving instructor held up his hand and I immediately high-fived him, he gave me the weirdest look and I then realised he was thanking the oncoming driver... We never mentioned it and the rest of the lesson was super awkward, fml

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By Zebediabolical - 18/02/2016 18:01 - Canada - Torbay

Today I discovered the existence of a travel document that I as a long-term landed immigrant am required to have to reenter Canada. I can't apply for it until I'm outside Canada, and there's no guarantee that my application will be processed in the 15 days I am gone. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By hunterchik - 18/02/2016 17:51 - Canada - High River

Today, A customer in drive-thru at work decided to yell at me after the car behind her bumped into the back of her car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By AssPain - 18/02/2016 17:48 - United Kingdom - Hamilton

Today I spent 25 minutes taking what felt like the mother of all shits while suffering with an anal tear. The end result looked like rabbit droppings. This is my life every day. My idiot doctor refuses to examine me and insists I have piles that will "go away on their own". FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By darkangel1122 - 18/02/2016 17:37 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my 5 year old nephew showed me green martians he's made with his new Play Doh set. i smiled and said, "Wow! Now, how about some blue martians!" he looked at me and replied, "How about some blue shut the fuck up?!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By DailyWTF - 18/02/2016 17:21 - United States - Columbus

Today, I was planning to meet up with my friends that I haven't seen for 7 years. Once I arrived at our meeting place, it turns out that half of them are now goth and the other half are addicted to mlp. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By nothappy - 18/02/2016 17:12

Today, the girl I have a crush on gave me her favourite scarf as a gift. Later, on looking at her facebook profile, she was "in a relationship". Not with me. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By DailyWTF - 18/02/2016 17:10 - United States - Westerville

Today I came home and let my dog out as I usually do. He then started to bark the loudest I have ever heard. I went outside only to see a my dog whining and stinking of skunk. It's been two days and you can still smell it no matter how much I clean him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By anonymous - 18/02/2016 17:09 - United States - Powder Springs

Today, I was hitting golf balls with my friend in his backyard. His autistic little brother, walked behind me. I didn't know he was there, so I swung my club back as fast and hard as I could. Hitting him in the head. He now is in the ER, and I have to pay for the bill. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Twigman8 - 18/02/2016 17:01 - United States - Wilmington

Today, while sitting in a full classroom at my college, a student sat down next to me who smells strongly of cigarette smoke. I have asthma and there are no other open seats in the class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By anon - 18/02/2016 16:59 - United States - Stamford

Today, my clinically depressed mother threatened to leave us again. We haven't had a real conversation in years but I'm still terrified of losing her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 18/02/2016 16:42 - United Kingdom - Haywards Heath

Today, I had a wet dream. My girlfriend tried to wake me up by sucking my dick, which would've been nice if I didn't accidently kick her in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By WittyMoron - 18/02/2016 16:35

Today, I realised that my relationship with my wife is more like living with a hooker, as every time we have finished having sex, she asks for twenty quid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By cantalwayshaveityourway - 18/02/2016 16:28 - United States - Charlotte

Today, I was finally able to work the drive through at my fast food job, McDonald's. I was so nervous to mess up and be put back on fry duty that when the first customer pulled up I blurted, "Welcome to Burger King how can I help you?" My boss was not impressed. Fry grease here I come. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By scumby - 18/02/2016 16:24 - United States - Burlington

Today, I pretended to find a thong in my boyfriend's gym bag, as a joke. I bought a new thong for the prank, so he wouldn't recognize it as mine. I confronted him with the thong, yelling and screaming. To my surprise, I'd forgotten to take the tags off the thong. I'm now single. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 2

By jueyu - 18/02/2016 16:19 - United States - Burlington

Today, I took a selfie. When I looked at it, I saw a figure in the background. Both of my roommates were at work. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By WhyMe - 18/02/2016 15:44 - United States - Mastic

Today, my friend admitted to cutting. When I suggested that he gets help from a professional, he became defensive and started to yelled at me that he wasn't crazy. That's what I get for trying to be a good friend and now he hates me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By WhosGoingToCleanThisUp - 18/02/2016 15:40 - United Kingdom - Carlisle

Today, my two year old daughter taught me the true meaning of "When the shit hits the fan." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By hummelbyhummel - 18/02/2016 15:34 - United States - Hialeah

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend of 5 years. Before she could say anything, my twin brother stormed in, yanked the ring out of my hand and proposed. She said yes. Then, they told me that she was pregnant with his baby. I never even had sex with her, due to her "chastity vow." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By 4000morgan - 18/02/2016 15:14 - United States - Gibson

Today, I gave a 5 minute speech while wearing a brand new shirt I bought and I thought I did well and kept everyones attention until I got home and noticed than my shirt was completely see through now I know why they kept their eye on me... I wasn't wearing a bra FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 2

By gamermonster - 18/02/2016 15:13 - Netherlands - Heesch

Today, I learned what it feels like to sneeze so hard that it causes a lung to collapse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By FalloutScrolls - 18/02/2016 15:08 - United States - West Bend

Today, I spent more than $170 at the grocery store. Whenever I spend that much, I always worry that I've forgotten something. Well, I did, and didn't realize what I had forgotten until after I sat down on the toilet to take a dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 18/02/2016 15:04 - United States

Today, I spent about an hour trying to open a glue bottle at my job. A 7 year old girl asked to do it and opened it in 2 seconds without any effort. I'm a 20 year old male who's not strong enough to open a glue bottle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By ButtBuster - 18/02/2016 14:58 - United States

Today, I took a shower after dance rehearsal for a musical I'm in. I had taken a step onto a mat to get my towel and it slipped out from under me. I landed, hard, on my buttocks and my hand. It's been almost 8 hours and I still can't sit on hard chairs due to my cheeks being bruised in the fall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By ladycube - 18/02/2016 14:55 - Sweden - Stockholm

Today, in attempt to be sexy, my boyfriend spanked me. Not only did he miss, he ended up punching me in the thigh. It hurts to walk and I'm pretty sure he left a bruise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7

You deserved it 0

By tee - 18/02/2016 14:26 - United States - Smithville

Today, my friend tried to convince me how it was okay for her to lie to me and next time I caught her in a lie I should not say anything because it made her feel guilty.FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

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The Top

Today, while covering lunch for the self-checkout host, I noticed a customer walking away. I smiled and said, "Have a nice night!" A few minutes later, I saw that she'd left without paying on her machine. I'd smiled and waved at a lady as she stole from me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 839

You deserved it 828

Today, my grandpa passed away. The only emotion my dad showed was anger, because my grandpa owed my dad money. Now he wants to take it from my grandma, like he's some sort of mobster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 433

You deserved it 1 549

Today, while in the middle of giving my husband a blow job, I looked up to see him staring into space and vigorously picking his nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 684

You deserved it 6 207

Today, I was worried about my brother because he said that his new medication was making him hallucinate. I told him he should see a doctor right away. He said it was fine and that he had already seen a doctor. I later found out the doctor he was talking about was a hallucination. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 157

You deserved it 2 623

Today, I left on my honeymoon with my wife who is terrified of flying. The pilot announced incoming storms in the flight path, and the man next to me starts saying it's "probably fate" and "we all have to go sometime." My wife went into a full panic attack. We hadn't even left the ground yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 910

You deserved it 3 171

Today, I was the best man at my longtime friend’s wedding. I got so into talking about our shared memories over the years that I accidentally called his bride by his ex-girlfriend’s name at the end of my toast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 104

You deserved it 574