Scary

Scary times

By PickedOnByDamien - 02/10/2013 08:12 - United States - Holyoke

Today, my bully made me cry once again. It's been going on for weeks. I don't know who to turn to; I can't say anything because I'd get into even more trouble. He even stole my Nintendo 3DS and won't give it back. My bully is my girlfriend's son. He's 10. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 472

You deserved it 54 953

Who are you?

By WTF - 12/07/2023 05:00 - United States

Today, I know there's something wrong with my cat when his meowing starts to sound really weird. But just now, his meow has gotten so unusual that he actually scared the shit out of me. I thought it was an entirely different cat that got into my house before I looked back. Yeah, he's going to the vet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 599

You deserved it 179

Top o' the mornin' to ya

By Anonymous - 29/07/2022 16:00 - United States - Littleton

Today, I woke up bright and early… because a spider crawled into my ear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 828

You deserved it 81

Sounds like a keeper

By Anonymous - 26/09/2023 15:00 - United States - Conway

Today, my mom broke it off with her online boyfriend. That wouldn't be so bad if it weren't for the fact he's in the military, knows our address, and apparently is threatening to kill himself if she doesn't take him back. She tells me not to worry cause we have guns in the house, but I still don't feel safe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 710

You deserved it 155

Freakout

By ParanoidFreak - 31/12/2009 09:31 - United States

Today, after I got in my car in the Walmart parking lot, a creepy man knocked on my window. Since I'm incredibly paranoid and scare easily, I put my car in gear and tore out of there, accidentally hitting another car. Apparently he was returning my phone that I dropped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 946

You deserved it 40 277

Benny Hill theme music starts

By Anonymous - 26/08/2023 14:00 - United States

Today, I tried to take a cute selfie with a majestic swan by a lake. Just as I was about to take the pic, the swan suddenly got visibly bored of my shit and chased me into the water. I emerged from the lake looking like a soggy, defeated swamp beast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 153

You deserved it 984

So similar

By StillLoveMyDogs - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - San Francisco

Today, I went to reach for a long piece of lint next to my dryer. It was a snake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 336

You deserved it 2 401

Hazmat suit time

By Anonymous - 03/05/2023 13:00 - Kenya - Nairobi

Today, I went to the doctor because I felt sick. He told me to describe the symptoms I had. With every new symptom I described, he took a step back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 856

You deserved it 137

Just a prank, bro

By unlucky dudebag - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my brother and father thought it would be a good idea to wake me up by turning on a chainsaw while wearing hockey masks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 333

You deserved it 4 752

By Anonymous - 20/11/2014 15:23 - United States - Tracy

Today, it took a whole half hour of scratching my head before I realized with horror that the weird tickling sensation I'd been feeling was actually a spider crawling around in my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 030

You deserved it 3 221

Affectionate, huh?

By littlemiss - 10/02/2013 16:17 - Canada - Whitby

Today, my little sister chased me around the house with a mallet, giggling like a maniac. I ended up having to pin her to the ground, rip the mallet out of her hand and lock her in the bathroom. This isn't the first time. My mom still insists it's perfectly normal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 691

You deserved it 3 056

Stealth mode

By Slipperywhenwet - 28/02/2009 13:08 - United States

Today, I was stepping out of the shower while home alone. I heard voices coming from the living room. I grabbed a bat to defend myself and ran into the living room. I slipped on my tile floor and smashed my TV with the bat. No one was in my house, but I'd left the radio on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 637

You deserved it 48 181

New roommate?

By Anonymous - 23/09/2024 06:00 - United States - New York

Today, I walked into my kitchen to find a pigeon sitting on my stovetop. I live in a completely sealed apartment on the 12th floor of a NYC apartment building. FML

I agree, your life sucks 432

You deserved it 80

The fear

By Anonymous - 20/08/2024 16:00 - United States - Warren

Today, I was going through my Facebook feed when I saw a post of a man being wheeled to the emergency room with a spider stuck in their ear. The post has me scared enough to want to sleep with earplugs. I'm a 37 year-old man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 306

You deserved it 146

Brain fart

By jonjon - 13/06/2010 13:16 - United States

Today, after spending the evening with friends, I went home and realized that the living room light was on. Thinking someone was robbing me, I hid behind a bush. I got impatient and crept up to the door. Then I remembered that I'd left the light on before I left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 966

You deserved it 47 343

Beware!

By Anonymous - 24/11/2011 17:07 - United States

Today, my son told me he was afraid of monsters under his bed. When I poked my head under to show him nothing was there, the family cat sprang out and clawed me in the face. Now I have a gash on my chin, and my son refuses to go anywhere near his bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 133

You deserved it 3 836

Halloween tomorrow, kids!

By Nickeleye - 30/10/2022 15:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I had lunch with my ex. A lady sat down behind her facing me. No eyeballs, no eyelids, just deep flesh tunnels into her head. I was traumatised and stopped eating and talking. I couldn’t say anything, as I imagined no eyes means better hearing. My ex said I was being rude and hasn’t talked to me since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 753

You deserved it 454

You ain't from around here, are you?

By Sylv - 15/03/2023 02:00

Today, I was running late for a job interview so I took what I thought was a shortcut through an dank alleyway. I ended up getting chased by a pack of stray cats and arrived at the interview covered in scratches and cat hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 752

You deserved it 264

Good morning

By erlad678 - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff

Today, I was woken up by the sound of part of my kitchen ceiling hitting the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 280

You deserved it 2 543

Ready to rumble

By Anonymous - 12/03/2010 02:04 - United States

Today, I thought a pipe was going to burst in my shower because it was making such a loud rumbling so I called my boyfriend freaking out telling him I didnt know what to do. After taking a second to look a little harder, I realized it was my vibrating razor against the shower wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 593

You deserved it 27 823

Spooked

By Anonymous - 15/11/2010 05:08

Today, I thought my house was being broken into in the dead of night. Frightened, I dismounted a floor lamp as a makeshift weapon and crept through the house, channelling my inner Ellen Ripley. It turned out to be the wireless printer with a paper jam. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 809

You deserved it 6 783

Snek

By snakeboy - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, for the first time in about 3 years, I decided to clean my car. It was going really well until I looked down at what I was about to pick up. On the back seat floor lay a dead snake, which at one point, for God knows how long, was living in my car while I unknowingly drove it around. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 658

You deserved it 48 231

Panic mode: activated

By Anonymous - 10/03/2020 18:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I got out of bed and saw muddy footprints next to it. They were at least three sizes bigger than mine. I live alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 318

You deserved it 111

Uh oh

By uh-oh - 25/03/2012 05:49 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I kicked my dog's toy snake out of my way. Then I realised my dog doesn't have a toy snake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 628

You deserved it 3 737

Freaked out

By Cliffhanger - 10/05/2023 06:00 - United States

Today, I went to an amusement park with my family and we all decided to ride the tallest rollercoaster. As soon as the ride got going, I realized I'd made a huge mistake and was too terrified to open my eyes. I spent the entire ride screaming, with my hands over my eyes, and afterwards my cousin called me a wuss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 311

You deserved it 739

Exterminators are expensive

By vinyl_mermaid - 02/03/2017 14:00

Today, in an effort to rearrange my bedroom, I planned to reroute my internet cables under my house. Then I found out about the black widow infestation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 631

You deserved it 490

Spooked

By Anonymous - 10/03/2024 21:00 - United Kingdom

Today, because my husband wasn’t paying attention, he gave our 6 year-old his Netflix instead of the kid safe settings, so she watched a very gory horror film that has given her nightmares, so I now haven’t slept in 5 nights because of it. My husband face sleeps soundly through her screaming. FML

I agree, your life sucks 542

You deserved it 161

Release the bees!

By Anonymous - 01/10/2023 10:00 - Germany

Today, as I was sitting on my terrace, I was wearing neither bright colors, nor any perfume, yet two bees seemed convinced that I must've been some type of flower and persistently tried to figure out where I was hiding my nectar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 584

You deserved it 117

Wouldn't hurt a…

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my boyfriend got scared of a fly, freaked out, and accidentally punched me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 862

You deserved it 4 245

Night terror

By Freaked OUT - 06/09/2025 03:00 - Canada - Windsor

Today, I woke up to my roommate screaming. Turns out, I had sleepwalked into her bed during the night. I don’t remember anything, but apparently I told her, “Shhh, don’t mention the ducks” before laying down next to her and fell asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 415

You deserved it 107

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, I found a thong at my boyfriend's house. When I confronted him about it, he panicked and claimed it was his mom's. Right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 561

You deserved it 1 377

Today, I was visiting my grandmother's house. She keeps the thermostat on 85 and after about 30 minutes I explained to her that, "I'm going to have to leave, it's just too hot in here." She replied, "You think it's hot in here, wait until you get to hell." I laughed. She didn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 593

You deserved it 6 349

Today, I discovered the importance of having sex before marriage. We found out that my husband is gay on our wedding night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 969

You deserved it 1 671

Today, I bought some new LED underglow lights for underneath my car. I was putting them on when my dad came out, insisted on taking over, and then proceeded to break them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 178

You deserved it 695

Today, in a train, I did the old "I've got your nose" trick for a kid. He got off at the next stop, then waved something at me from the platform, then yelled, "I've got your keys!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 512

You deserved it 7 038

Today, my husband and I went for our 20 week scan and found out we're having a girl. The first thing he said to me was, "The next one better be a boy or I'm leaving you". FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 600

You deserved it 4 921