Scary

Freaked out

By Cliffhanger - 10/05/2023 06:00 - United States

Today, I went to an amusement park with my family and we all decided to ride the tallest rollercoaster. As soon as the ride got going, I realized I'd made a huge mistake and was too terrified to open my eyes. I spent the entire ride screaming, with my hands over my eyes, and afterwards my cousin called me a wuss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 313

You deserved it 741

Freakout

By DisgustingCreatures - 04/08/2016 18:53 - United States - Houston

Today, I was peacefully using the toilet when I heard a familiar crunching sound behind me. After shooting up and frantically looking around, I hesitantly closed the toilet lid - just in time to see a black cockroach slip into a crevice of the toilet. The thing was close enough to go up my butt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 631

You deserved it 1 179

No bother

By Geese Ahoy - 14/11/2016 17:00 - United States - Elizabeth

Today, I was reading on a park bench not far from a grassy spot and a pond. A flock of geese landed on the grassy patch and began to eat some grass. I thought that I may be bothering the geese, but decided if I left them alone, they'd leave me alone as well. I was wrong. Geese are assholes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 270

You deserved it 1 092

Time to run

By wastedtime - 13/09/2020 19:57 - United States

Today, things were going great with my girlfriend of six months. She knew I had kids and it seemed to be getting serious, so I decided to introduce her to them. After dinner, I walked her to her car and she said, "That’s real nice but what are you going to do with them once you and I have kids?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 628

You deserved it 232

Judgement Day

By Anonymous - 06/05/2025 09:00 - United States

Today, I was walking through the grocery store with my new baby daughter, when an old woman came up to me and spat, "If you whores would keep your legs together, you wouldn't be a mom at fifteen." I'm eighteen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 411

You deserved it 533

Roid rage incoming

By screwed - 22/12/2010 17:56 - Canada

Today, I accidentally walked in on my roommate while she was changing clothes. She insisted on telling her boyfriend what had happened, because, "It wouldn't feel right" if she didn't. Her boyfriend is a MMA fighter/bodybuilder and has major jealousy issues. I'm screwed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 405

You deserved it 4 295

By ldrik1 - 11/06/2014 20:36 - United States - Syracuse

Today, my psycho neighbor finished building a cannon. An honest-to-god, on-wheels, could-be-on-a-pirate-ship cannon. And now he's testing it in the forest by my house. I'm pretty scared for my life, to be honest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 244

You deserved it 4 815

Occam's razor

By Anonymous - 20/11/2013 01:09 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, my girlfriend tried explaining a duck flying into our living room and taking a shit everywhere as "paranormal activity". FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 755

You deserved it 3 773

You have been warned

By anne - 17/06/2017 22:00

Today, I happily told my husband I'm pregnant. He happily informed me that very, VERY large babies run in his family, and even though he was born 3 weeks early, he still weighed 15 lbs. The smallest baby to ever be born into his family was his great grandmother, who was 12 lbs. OH GOD, THE PAIN. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 293

You deserved it 815

Cliché for real

By fuckinghicks - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, while going on a jog through the countryside, I discovered that it is actually possible outside of crappy TV shows to have a rifle leveled at you, and to be shouted at to, "Get off my land." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 347

You deserved it 17 732

Sneaky

By pyrosythan - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, my girlfriend's dad chased me with a baseball bat because he found a pair of my boxers in her room. They were not there because I left them there, they were there because she stole them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 030

You deserved it 3 265

Spooked

By Anonymous - 15/11/2010 05:08

Today, I thought my house was being broken into in the dead of night. Frightened, I dismounted a floor lamp as a makeshift weapon and crept through the house, channelling my inner Ellen Ripley. It turned out to be the wireless printer with a paper jam. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 812

You deserved it 6 784

Jump scare

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was watching a horror movie with my girlfriend. Suddenly, the killer jumped on screen. My girlfriend screamed. I pissed myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 085

You deserved it 14 048

No one messes with Ben and/or Jerry

By Keith - 07/08/2024 22:00 - Ireland

Today, I was instructed to tell my niece a bedtime story, so I made up a story where they come down to Earth and steal all the ice cream. Suddenly, she burst into tears and ran to her mom, screaming, "The aliens are coming! Save the ice cream!" Now, I'm banned from bedtime storytelling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 369

You deserved it 239

Freakout

By Brie - 29/05/2011 18:22 - United States

Today, against my wishes, my family and I went swimming with sharks. While in the shark cage, a shark got within a few feet of us. My cowardly bowels objected and caused me to shit myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 015

You deserved it 11 779

Those things freak me out

By Gilly - 02/09/2023 08:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I was cooking dinner when I noticed a cockroach on the kitchen counter. I reflexively tried to spray it with what I had to hand, which was window cleaner, but it seems to have pissed it off and flew right at me instead. I screamed and ran out of the kitchen, leaving the roach in charge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 352

You deserved it 500

Pennywise gonna get you

By dumbo - 29/05/2009 20:14 - United States

Today, I was sitting in my basement watching IT. I heard a knocking at my door and turned the outside lights on to see a clown outside staring in at me. I freaked out and began screaming and jumping around like a Chihuahua on drugs. My friends told me it should be on YouTube within the week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 214

You deserved it 9 055

High school drama

By never again - 27/09/2023 20:00

Today, I asked a girl from class out. Not only did she say, "Ew, no way, never, creepo!", but four hours later her boyfriend, who I didn't know about, threatened me with a gun if I ever even looked at his girl again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 792

You deserved it 130

I just want to go to bed

By Jay Stevens - 22/02/2023 06:00

Today, it's 1 a.m. and once again a freaking bird has flew into my house from the attic. My cats are of course all crazy right now as it sits in my room, in a high corner beyond reach. My children are sleeping and I have no way to let it outside from where it is right now. Oh and it's freezing outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 625

You deserved it 130

Stop! Hammertime!

By Anonymous - 17/07/2022 00:00

Today, my husband picked up and threw a hammer which smashed a hole in the plastic side of the conservatory, that daylight and rain can now get through, all because he “thought” he saw a mouse, which turned out to be one of my fluffy slippers half hidden under a chair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 882

You deserved it 155

Catch

By NaniNarcotic - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, I thought it'd be funny to knee my sister's ass as she was bending over. What I didn't realise was that she was trying to pick up a spider. In shock, she threw it in the air and it landed on my chest. I ran into a wall trying to get it off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 971

You deserved it 74 311

Night terrors

By Si123 - 15/08/2020 08:01

Today, after a long day at work, I was ready to wind down for the night. I sat on my bed and turned towards a fluttering on my left. I saw the biggest daddy-longlegs inches from my face, jumped in the other direction, forgetting there was a wall, and hit my head on it. I'm now officially wide awake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 270

You deserved it 257

Bear with me

By bear food - 08/01/2014 04:37 - United States - Anaheim

Today, my friends and I went camping in the woods. I fell asleep first. Waking up hours later to them bunched up together in the middle of the tent and me half-way outside, I confronted them about it. They admitted, "We heard a bear so we needed a sacrifice." FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 761

You deserved it 5 553

Never going outside again

By Anonymous - 30/08/2024 06:00 - United States

Today, not only is my son a bully, but he's dumb enough to bully a kid whose parents both do martial arts. His mom is a cage fighter and his step-dad is a kickboxer. They're both huge, terrifying, and pissed off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 161

You deserved it 617

By olive_costume - 05/12/2009 01:16 - Australia

Today, I went into my room and found a plastic snake on the floor. I yelled out to my sister, "Good one, Ellen!" I picked up the snake to take it to show her. The snake started moving in my hands and bit me. I had to go to the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 735

You deserved it 8 072

Top o' the mornin' to ya

By Anonymous - 30/07/2022 00:00 - United States - Littleton

Today, I woke up bright and early… because a spider crawled into my ear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 832

You deserved it 82

By Chris - 03/04/2011 17:41 - United States

Today, I was awoken by my dad yelling into my ear. In shock, I jumped up off the couch, and came smashing down into the coffee table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 684

You deserved it 4 135

The creepy guy next door

By Anonymous - 05/06/2013 22:09 - United Kingdom - Worcester Park

Today, the crazy son of a bitch who lives next door to me once again got into a loud, rather one-sided argument with his cat. Twenty minutes later, he knocked on my door, asking if he could stay at my place for a couple of days. The look he gave me when I said no has me fearing for my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 143

You deserved it 4 488

Chilling

By BondingTime - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Saint Paul

Today, I was babysitting my nephew and we decided to color together. He drew a picture of someone who looked dead, almost zombie-like, while everyone else looked pretty normal. When I asked who it was, he said in a serious, scary voice, "It's you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 385

You deserved it 4 211

Big baby

By pansypup - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Rio Rancho

Today, I discovered that my 100-pound Rottweiler is absolutely terrified of (drumroll please) orange peels. Yup. A byproduct of my lunch will turn this hulking monolith with teeth into a whimpering puddle of pee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 087

You deserved it 2 341

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The Top

Today, I agreed to buy my girlfriend a piggle for Christmas. The pig is miniature. The noise it makes is not. Oh, and I just found out it's not living with her, but with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 533

You deserved it 29 630

Today, I overheard my parents arguing over who had to tell me that I'm adopted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 436

You deserved it 345

Today, I got yelled at for calling out for mandated overtime at work. They told me if I don't switch to another day I will get suspended. FML

I agree, your life sucks 803

You deserved it 179

Today, I've been seeing a therapist after more than 20 years of struggles. I think I saw him cry during our sessions a few times. I guess that my inability to live my life at the fullest was hard earned. FML

I agree, your life sucks 615

You deserved it 159

Today, I saw that my boyfriend of 3 years had posted pictures with the girl he says he “sees as a best friend” wearing matching pajamas. He’d told me he wasn’t into the pajamas thing when I wanted to do it. He doesn’t get why I’m upset and told me I’m overreacting about some silly post between “two best friends.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 715

You deserved it 150

Today, my neighbor knocked on my door and politely asked if I could keep my “crying baby” quiet at night. I live alone. I don’t even have a baby. I have a cat. A very dramatic, needy, attention-hungry cat who yelps when I close any door or leave her eyesight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 341

You deserved it 141