Today, I got dumped by my girlfriend at her mom's birthday party, in front of her whole family. They even got it on video. FML
Today I'm second-guessing getting married because my husband was wonderful to my family, but horribly disrespectful and rude to his own family the whole day. FML
Today, after good sex, we were lying in bed, just hugging and stroking each other, when the moment was ruined by a mosquito biting my nipple. I swatted it and we tried to get back to feeling good when another mosquito bit my husband right on the tip of his penis. Moment well and truly over. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I exchanged promise rings. I promised that I would stay committed to him and that he was the only one for me. He promised that he would stop seeing other woman behind my back. He wasn't kidding. FML
Today, my not-yet-even girlfriend dumped me in front of her family, as they all mocked and laughed at me because of my pointless and ridiculous "quirks". I'd told them that I shower and change into fresh clothes every day. I'd also said do not wipe after I poop, but I wash, soap, rinse, and dry. FML
Today, my husband has been drunk and miserable for days. Not due to a death in the family, or losing a job, or anything normal, no. He has been diagnosed with Alpha-Gal allergies and can no longer eat red meat. He's crying because he "will never taste steak again." FML
Today, I have my bedroom window covered in tinfoil, since there is an insanely bright streetlight right outside my window and nothing else works to block it so when I brought a girl back to my place and she opened the blinds, she saw the tinfoil and stared in horror. I tried to explain but she just stared and stared. FML
Today, I finally got the guts to text this cute girl at school. I started sending flirtatious texts, only to find out the hard way that she'd given me her boyfriend's number. FML
Today, after waiting for two weeks for the right moment to meet my boyfriend's mom, she walked in as I was straddling him, trying to prove that I'd win in a wrestling match. I guess we met, then. FML
Today, I told my girlfriend about a huge fight I had with my female best friend. This friend no longer wants anything to do with me, and I was obviously upset about it. Instead of being supportive, all my girlfriend said was, "Well maybe now you'll shut the fuck up about her for once." FML
Today, I’ve been divorced for six years. Dating is in the toilet, and so far my options are short, emotionally unavailable, or married. At this point, I’d like a refund. FML
Today, I was fired from my job. The reason? My boss didn't feel comfortable paying his son's girlfriend. FML
Today, it's been 3 weeks since my girlfriend of 5 years stopped answering any calls or texts. I sent her a long email for closure (for me) only to get a response that she's on vacation. I had no idea she was going away and I don't know what I did. Time to get another dog and be done with "love" for good. FML
Today, my husband claimed that his brother is a changed man and that I'm the bitch for not forgetting. Said brother tortured me mentally and forced me into depression to the point of suicide multiple times. It took me four years to breathe normally after he moved out. Why am I married still? AITA? FML
Today, I went on a date with a cute Scottish guy from Tinder, who kept on referring to himself as "FROM THE NORTH" like he thought he was in Game of Thrones or something. I like the show too, but I sure didn’t appreciate being called a "SOFT SOUTHERNER" when I talked about being born in Plymouth. FML
Today, a mutual friend of mine told me that I could do much better than my girlfriend. I ended up asking her who would want to date me. The next thing I know, she was all over me. Needless to say it didn’t take much for her to tempt me and we ended up screwing like rabbits. FML
Today, I have a major crush on my coworker and I hate it because he's s gay and happily married to another man. FML
Today, it’s like we’re living the dumbest most petty version of Romeo and Juliet ever. My daughter’s boyfriend’s father forced his son to break up with her because the dad and I dated for a year way back in high school. I left him for another guy and apparently he never got over it. FML
Today, I realized I've fallen for my best friend. Private conversations suggest she feels the same, but around others she dismisses love as "stupid". I don't want things to become awkward, but I feel like I should walk away instead of burying my feelings to maintain the friendship. FML
Today, I found my ex on Bumble for the second time. She lives with her husband, whom she married a decade ago. FML
Today, and for the last two weeks, I have been preparing my girlfriend for a break up with nasty remarks. She has been finding me exceptionally funny. FML
Today, I used a men's hair removal cream to be smooth for my partner, as a surprise. It turns out that doing that made her think I was cheating on her. FML
Today, my husband told me that he could not love me without sex. My love for him is utterly unconditional. My heart is just broken now. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me that he had once been possessed by demons, and that he now sleeps with a knife under his pillow for protection from, "The dark spirits that are feasting upon his soul." I'm not sure that I'll be sleeping over anytime soon. FML
Today, I was upset after my boyfriend and I broke up. My best friend heard and told me she would be right over. Three hours of waiting later, she stumbles in wasted. She had been at the bar, with my ex, making sure he was okay. For me, I just got a list of all the drinks she had that night. FML
Today, an ex professed her love for me. Over the last couple of months I've been talking to another ex, who I'd give damn near anything to be with again. Both cheated on me, and, thinking about it now, my only thought is, "WTF is wrong with me?!" FML
Today, I work at a private pool where I can get up to six people in for free. Naturally, I invited my crush. She brought her boyfriend. FML
Today, I realized that, after waiting until I was 29 to be in a serious relationship, I got with a guy that turned out to be exactly like my abusive piece of shit father. Why? Why God? FML
Today, my wife was all on board with having kids… until she started obsessively following the Lindsay Clancy case. I just got divorce papers, and when I demanded answers, she said the case made her not want to be a mom and wife anymore. Fuck you, Lindsay Clancy. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend that I loved him. Being dumped wasn't the reaction I was expecting. FML
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