Today, after months of working on our relationship, my ex asked to borrow my car. After many hours and phone calls to see where he was, he still wasn't back. I decided to check my car's GPS and found him at my friend's house. He tried to deny that it was her house, when I've been there multiple times. FML
Today, after I made a connection with someone I used to know from school, I came to find out the whole time we were “solely seeing” each other, he was banging the bartender, and some fellow bar patrons at the same time as the bartender. FML
Today, after my husband read about mental load and about what he could do to help with mine, I came home to a clean house, the chores done, and dinner on the stove. I was more anxious and stressed than ever, thinking, "What did he fuck up that I'm gonna find and have to fix at the worst possible time?" FML
Today, my girlfriend yelled at me for changing my phone's password, like I thought she would try to access my phone without telling me. When I pointed out she could only know I changed it by trying to unlock it behind my back, she took the sandwich I'd just made and fed it to the dog. FML
Today, by far the most accessible way to make ANY romantic connections outside of a bar is to evaluate 400 complete strangers based on their personal resumes, then schedule to meet them under romantic expectations, AKA a dating app. FML
Today, I decided to try the Facebook dating profile. I met up with a guy, we had a great vibe and we were talking when I started rubbing his feet. He left and a bit later he texted me, telling me he had a great time, but to "never touch his fucking feet again" and blocked me. FML
Today, I learned three things. 1.) My boyfriend has a side chick. 2.) He's leaving me for her because she's pregnant. 3.) They're moving into the apartment building across from mine, and my bedroom window faces theirs. FML
Today, my husband filed for divorce because he discovered that we're actually fourth cousins. I tried to insist that means absolutely nothing, but he won't listen. FML
Today, it's been a day since I've went on a date with a girl I liked. She didn't contact me back, so I presumed that she wasn't interested. I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket, and felt very excited. It was a McDonald's app notification. FML
Today, I accidentally sent an email of love confession to my best friend, just to find out she calls all of her friends "My love" and my dumbass thought it was a special word she used only for me, and was convinced we were gay for each other. FML
Today, I think the universe is playing some cruel prank on me. Over the last few months I’ve had multiple exes reach out for various reasons. I’m talking exes from 20+ years ago to a guy I only got coffee with twice. Messages ranged from, “Hey how ya been?” to “I’ll still love or hate you.” FML
Today, my girlfriend gave me her ex-boyfriend's hoodie as a gift. FML
Today, my ex found out that I didn't cheat on her and apologized. I forgave her but now she wants me to leave my fiancee and get back together with her. She won't take no for an answer. FML
Today, I learned that my girlfriend of 5 months blocked me and said I was stalking her, and that I was weird. She also let her friends make jokes about my hair, even after all the gifts. I was planning on asking her to homecoming, but now she’s letting some other guy ask her and won’t even tell me who it is. FML
Today, a guy I liked is moving away. He gave me a flower, saying it was a farewell gift even though he's moving to my hometown where I'm also returning to. I was confused because while it wasn't a rose, this isn't common where we're from. He then told me he's been in love with our friend since their first conversation. FML
Today, after recently discovering that I need a bone marrow transplant, my girlfriend got tested to see if she could be a donor. When the results came back with a negative match, she blurted out, "Oh thank god." FML
Today, my date asked how many kids and baby daddies I had. When I responded neither because I'm not like that, he didn't believe me and left. FML
Today, I'm casually dating on the apps. Took home yesterday's date and believed she was casual too. In the morning she tells me she wants to be exclusive and has her future planned out with me. This is the fifth time in a row this has happened. Guess I shouldn't take anyone home unless I'm ready to be her life partner. FML
Today, my girlfriend asked me what I think counts as cheating. We got into a fight about it, and she eventually broke up with me. Turns out, even by my own standards, I've cheated on her multiple times throughout our relationship. FML
Today, I was at my cousin's wedding. In the toasts they talked about how my parents became their second parents and my sister became their new sister, while they've never been a real family to me. I felt like that's my fault, then I felt self-centered thinking about that while others celebrated and confessed their love. FML
Today, my awful future daughter-in-law went off on me and said that I'm just jealous that she's marrying my son and I'm not. Furious, I told my husband, expecting him to side with me, but all he said was, "Well… are you?" FML
Today, while on a first date with a charming guy, I excused myself to the bathroom. I tried to bring my purse along, since my pads were in there, and mother nature was calling. He vehemently insisted that I leave my purse, in case I was planning on stiffing him on the bill. FML
Today, I was on good terms with my ex, and I thought we were going to get back together. I let him use my car to go back to his place after being at mine. I checked the GPS log and saw a familiar address. I then found out he was using my car for booty calls with someone I considered a friend. FML
Today, I found out my girlfriend only became my girlfriend because she was bored of having Tinder sex with dozens of guys and decided having a boyfriend she could cheat on with dozens of guys from Tinder would make the sex hotter and kinkier, like a dirty shameful secret to turn her on more. FML
Today, I mustered up the courage to tell my son that I would not be attending his sixth wedding. He responded by cutting access to my grandson. FML
Today, the 'one who got away' came back into my life. A day after both of us expressing our love for each other, she blocked me in every way for no reason. I really have no idea what I did. I want to say I’m done with her completely but I know I’m just lying to myself. Man this sucks either way. FML
Today, an aunt asked me why I'm single. I laughed and said, "I know my value, and I have high standards. Men can't handle that." My cousin burst into laughter and said, "What value? You're 36 and 300 pounds. Your value is zero!" I cried. FML
Today, I'm 29 years-old, yet my dad still thinks he can be the stereotypical overprotective dad of a teenage daughter who tries to scare off her boyfriends. If it wasn't for my mom who defends me, I would go no contact with him. FML
Today, a guy asked for my number. He used the rather annoying, "You know, this iPhone has everything... but you know the only thing that's missing is your number." I might have given it to him, if he did have the iPhone, not the makeshift box of Mini Wheat Thins he had in his hand. FML
Today, while away at college, I had a flirty relationship with a girl living on the floor below me. It turned physical. Heavy petting, making out, lots of over the clothes stuff. Home on break and visiting my girlfriend at work, there she is, working with her, standing side by side as I walked up! What?! FML
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