Jeep Fail

By FML Approved - 26/10/2017 22:00 - United States - New York

He is not one with the force.

I agree, your life sucks 234

You deserved it 396

Everybody does

Gatekeeping gamers

Entitled

By mouseart - 03/11/2016 14:51

Today, I work as an assistant to a sculptor. We finished all our projects early so his wife decided to have me clean their kitchen. I wasn't paying attention and picked up a dead mouse. I screamed and threw it away as hard as I could. It hit their five-year-old son in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 297

You deserved it 1 314

By PicklesMcRaptor - 25/03/2012 11:59 - United States - Miami

Today, as I was walking my dog, two cute girls from my school were walking towards me on the sidewalk. I thought it would be appropriate to wave and give a smile. My dog thought it would be appropriate to viciously bark at and mount one of the girls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 568

You deserved it 3 512

By a.baybay - 07/01/2010 06:03 - United States

Today, I noticed that my long distance boyfriend of almost four months only calls me to have phone sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 075

You deserved it 17 706

By SoClose - 03/02/2009 14:25 - Canada

Today, two girls invited me up to their room at 3 am. As soon as we pressed the up button on the elevator, the fire alarm went off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 695

You deserved it 5 462

By girlfriday - 11/06/2009 15:21 - United Kingdom

Today, my left-handed boss needed PC help. I said "right-click for the menu." She said nothing happened. Three times we went through this. Eventually I went over, asking her to show me what she did. She was using her right hand on the left mouse button. She earns £10,000 more than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 017

You deserved it 3 504

By konacoffee17 - 14/12/2014 05:15 - United States - Portland

Today, I was having a nice conversation with my fiancé when he said out of nowhere, "I sold some of your panties". I thought he was joking so I said I hoped they weren't any of my favorites. He wasn't joking, though, and now some stranger from Craigslist owns my panties. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 603

You deserved it 3 051

Hiding from the drama

By Tiff8any - 14/07/2021 21:59

Today, my boyfriend asked me to untag him in our vacation photos together. Last month, he hid his relationship status and hid every trace of me. He says it’s because he doesn’t want any "social media drama" and people knowing about his "personal life." We’ve been together for 3 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 407

You deserved it 204

By brownieswillneverbethesame - 04/09/2011 06:18 - United States

Today, I was eating a brownie my grandmother had made, only to discover an inch long piece of what resembled dead skin in the middle of it. This discovery was only made after taking a bite and wondering why the consistency was wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 076

You deserved it 2 464

By BiteMe14 - 07/01/2011 19:10 - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend about my foot phobia. To help me "get over it", he took his socks off, pinned me down, and rubbed his foot against my face until I started sobbing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 752

You deserved it 7 365

By Anonymous - 11/09/2011 04:19 - United States

Today, my father in law drunkenly announced at dinner that he wished my husband had married my best friend. No one stuck up for me. Not even my husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 329

You deserved it 3 365

By manksy - 01/01/2010 22:07 - United Kingdom

Today, when I was unpacking all of my stuff, my parents declared that they are going to live in Australia, and have found me a 'friend'. I am a 14 year old girl at boarding school, and my friend is my new foster mum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 915

You deserved it 2 848

Congratulations!

By Alex - 15/08/2011 04:16 - New Zealand

Today, it was my engagement party. All was going fabulously, until my fiancé's dad decided to give us a toast, and completely forgot my name in front of all my family and friends. I've been with his son for 7 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 983

You deserved it 3 113

Hiking is so much fun!

By Sacho - 24/10/2019 20:00

Today, 4 miles into a mountain hike with my crush, I suddenly felt a stomach pain, followed by the urge for explosive diarrhea. I had to stand still with my butt clenched to prevent shitting myself. There were no nearby bathrooms, and I didn't have any toilet paper. It was messy. She'll never see me the same. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 721

You deserved it 149

By Anonymous - 18/07/2019 02:00

Today, my son walked in on me masturbating. Now, whenever I don't do whatever he wants, he blackmails me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 213

You deserved it 1 984

By anonymous - 15/06/2019 02:25

Today, while I was walking along the sidewalk, someone passed by and said, "Tuck that nose in." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 676

You deserved it 143

By Clueless - 14/05/2011 23:35 - United States

Today, I went to my phone company and had my text history pulled. Why? Because a few days ago my 4 year old daughter told me that, "Daddy has a wife and a girlfriend." Turns out she was right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 718

You deserved it 4 382

By lyssamarie316 - 01/10/2011 00:23 - United States

Today, I went to an interview for a job at a company I've applied for numerous times this year. When I showed up at the interview room, I found it was a vacant office. I called and confirmed the address. I guess this was my hint to stop applying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 643

You deserved it 4 723

By SupportPage - 31/03/2015 13:41 - United States - Torrance

Today, I found out there's a support page on Facebook for people who have been "hurt" by me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 175

You deserved it 34 491

By Its My BDay I Can Cry If I Want To - 10/08/2016 16:51 - United States - Ephrata

Today, all of my friends bailed from the birthday party I was throwing myself. This was also after they had encouraged me for months to have one, knowing I'd never had my birthday celebrated before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 430

You deserved it 844

By misspriss - 17/02/2010 01:30 - United States

Today, I was in the theatre watching a movie. I leaned my head back to relax. Suddenly, I hear this sneeze behind me and then I feel "rain" pouring down on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 890

You deserved it 2 812

By Sam - 09/01/2018 19:00

Today, I had debilitating stomach cramps and told my mom, but she said she was too tired to take me to the ER. I had appendicitis. Thanks Mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 723

You deserved it 230

By chachi - 28/09/2009 18:25 - United States

Today, I awoke in bed with my boyfriend and his dog. After some pushing and prodding, I thought my boyfriend was trying to move the dog out of the way to cuddle with me. It turns out, he was moving the dog closer to him. My boyfriend would rather spoon with his dog than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 931

You deserved it 6 662

By Anonymous - 23/07/2014 16:01 - United States - Glen Allen

Today, my little sister was being picked on by some kids. After seeing one push her, I went over to talk to them about how bullying isn't cool and how they need to play nice. They beat me up. I'm 22 years old and got beat up by a group of 10 year olds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 704

You deserved it 15 533

Shot

By Anonymous - 20/11/2015 20:13 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, while driving home, I saw a cop with a speed gun "hidden" by the side of the road. I went to slow down so the fuck-knob wouldn't be able to ticket me. I then had a brain-fart and floored the gas instead of hitting the brakes. Hello speeding ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 013

You deserved it 29 538

Sprinkler system

By missed - 25/06/2021 14:01 - United States

Today, I was using a mall bathroom. Thinking the toilet seat had to be unsanitary, I decided to squat. I was a little farther out than I thought, and ended up peeing all over the bathroom floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 229

You deserved it 1 258

The death of romance

By Anonymous - 30/10/2020 09:57 - Argentina - Burzaco

Today, I was swiping on Tinder when the app told me there was one else left to meet. I haven't had any matches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 911

You deserved it 177

By Anonymous - 23/10/2010 09:07 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend said he wants a Hello Kitty wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 676

You deserved it 9 288

By Angela17 - 24/10/2018 05:00

Today, it's 3:42am and my son is crying because I won't let him play with his dirty diaper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 890

You deserved it 305

By UTRejected - 21/11/2014 13:51 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I was selling winter-themed cookies at my university. I cheerfully asked a girl if she would like to buy cookies to support peer tutoring. Her response? "I don't eat food." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 599

You deserved it 3 835

By THANKS4theINFO - 23/05/2010 23:15 - United States

Today, I was watching a movie at my girlfriend's house with her and her parents. There was a part where a brother and sister kissed, so I said "where'd they come from, Alabama?" Today is also the day I found out my girlfriend's parents are from Alabama. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 917

You deserved it 38 638

By thecasbah - 06/10/2010 13:58 - Norway

Today, I quit my job as a barista for one of our competitors with a couple of bucks more an hour. Two hours after I'd handed in my resignation, my boss approached me just to let me know that if I hadn't resigned, I would've been offered my own café. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 723

You deserved it 33 672

By Anonymous - 10/03/2012 02:05 - United States

Today, my husband sat me down on the couch so he could share some "awesome" news with me. He excitedly declared that he and his idiot drinking buddies are planning on running a real-life Fight Club out of our basement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 832

You deserved it 3 230

Disappearing act

By BrokeAfnow - 02/05/2021 02:01

Today, it was my son’s birthday. I took him out to a eat and wanted to surprise him with a new iPhone. I handed the waitress the iPhone and asked her to bring it out with the cake I brought. The cake comes out, without the iPhone. The waitress said she doesn’t know what I’m talking about. FML

I agree, your life sucks 689

You deserved it 1 155

By hgirl - 28/01/2009 21:58 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me he watched True Life I'm Pregnant. Now I know why we haven't been having sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 411

You deserved it 3 299

By someone72 - 22/03/2010 23:20 - United States

Today, I got excited when my phone vibrated cause I thought someone actually wanted to talk to me. When I grabbed my phone I realized my mind played a trick on me and I only thought it vibrated. I'm so lonely I subconsciously trick myself into thinking I have friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 830

You deserved it 7 568

By foolmetwice - 16/05/2011 14:28

Today, I spilt a very hot cup of tea all over a burn I got yesterday from spilling a very hot cup of tea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 043

You deserved it 40 037

By Anonymous - 26/03/2009 12:15 - United States

Today, I found out that driving five miles an hour under the posted speed limit is "suspicious" and cause for a field sobriety test, breathalyzer, having your car searched and being handcuffed on the side of the road. FML

I agree, your life sucks 80 966

You deserved it 12 575

By cookie_lover_xx - 15/10/2015 06:24 - United States - Chandler

Today, my mom ended up having a midlife crisis. She decided it was finally time to get those tight leather pants that she has always wanted, and is now planning on putting a stripper pole in her room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 491

You deserved it 2 027

By Burning Love - 15/03/2014 07:35 - United States - Phoenix

Today, I went on a date. As I hugged him, I felt tingles. As a big believer in clichés, I thought it was the tingles of falling in love. Turns out, it was my allergic reaction to his cologne. I now look like I burned my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 042

You deserved it 5 335

By pinkrazrgirl247 - 03/07/2009 06:29 - United States

Today, I was walking down the street, when a man behind me tapped me on the shoulder. He gave a $5 bill and said that he thought I had dropped it. Not having the integrity to turn him down, I took it. I spent the next 20 minutes being chased by a crazy hobo who claimed that it was his. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 408

You deserved it 52 116

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

solversilversilver 3

Send a private message

Monday 26 March 2018 12:37

lol PRESS THE GAS

Traci M 5

Send a private message

Monday 23 April 2018 2:22

omg lmfao

Comments

solversilversilver 3

Send a private message

Monday 26 March 2018 12:37

lol PRESS THE GAS

Traci M 5

Send a private message

Monday 23 April 2018 2:22

omg lmfao

Nearly

Today, I live in Turkey and the dollar has risen to 13 lira. Just turks understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15

You deserved it 4

Today, I realized the cute girl with a nice ass, long hair and a great personality I've been talking to is actually a very gay dude. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17

You deserved it 36

Spicy

Today, I had a horrible date with this guy I’ve been seeing. He wanted me to give it up, but I wasn’t ready, so he dumped me on the spot. I went home crying to my mother and her response was, “Stop being such a prude! What are you? Ten? Grow the fuck up!” Thanks mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 477

You deserved it 91

Today, my wife and I had arranged a threesome with a guy, but I was late home so they “had the threesome without me.” It’s not cheating, because I obviously knew she was going to have sex with him during the threesome, but me not being there makes me mad and I can’t coherently explain why. FML

I agree, your life sucks 664

You deserved it 763