Health

The blob

By Dodged a bullet - 25/11/2022 05:00 - United States

Today, after several days of deep-cleaning my house, I found a huge section of my room covered in black mold. I almost puked when I saw it. Not only could that have put anyone in the hospital, but it also explains why I've been getting sick all the time as of late. FML

I agree, your life sucks 901

You deserved it 230

Help!

By Anonymous - 24/11/2022 22:00

Today, I got my braces in. I also got my period a week early. Tylenol can only help so much with the pain, but if I have something warm to eat/drink the wire tightens but my cramps aren't be as bad. I would have something cold, but we only have frozen meat and chunky ice cream, which I can't have. FML

I agree, your life sucks 705

You deserved it 135

Thanksgiving at home

By JasonThorn - 24/11/2022 02:00 - United States - Mesa

Today, I woke up with a dry cough, which is a red flag for COVID. I took a home test, came up positive; went to a doctor, same result. I get home, mask up, and tell my roommates to test. I'm still in the process of telling the family I can't make it for Thanksgiving when my roomies test positive, too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 812

You deserved it 193

Love-hate sibling relationship

By Anonymous - 24/11/2022 06:00

Today, my obese sibling snored loudly during a TV show. I swear, if it's not anime or a violent film he likes, he just goes to sleep. But then he's up all night, eating and playing video games while I'm trying to sleep. I can't keep working like an exhausted zombie all the time but I get in trouble when if I say anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 799

You deserved it 180

Nature calls

By Oh, piss - 23/11/2022 19:00 - United States

Today, I had a ridiculous dream where I was taking a piss that seemed to last forever, all while my sister was listening in and making sarcastic comments about it. I then woke up and immediately did the exact same thing, except with no sister making sarcastic comments about it. Not that it made it any better. FML

I agree, your life sucks 648

You deserved it 232

Life is unfair

By Anonymous - 23/11/2022 22:00

Today, my husband asked me if it was alright if he went on a riverboat trip on the Rhine River without me. The scoliosis and osteoarthritis in my back has gotten so bad with age, I have become seriously disabled and unable to travel. I used to be that we were too poor or too busy with work, but now that we have the money and time, I'm too sick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 447

You deserved it 111

Toot toot!

By Anonymous - 23/11/2022 18:00

Today, I slipped and fell on the ice while attending a community event for work. A man came to help me up, and I farted really loudly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 899

You deserved it 139

Knackered

By mala_19 - 23/11/2022 14:00 - Sweden - Skellefte?

Today, I'm six weeks pregnant and so far I've had more naps than I've had in my entire adulthood. My last pregnancy I got put on sick leave, partly because I was so exhausted. Here we go again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 756

You deserved it 239

Wham bam thank you m'am

By ohhmydamn - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I found out if you slide down the stairs on a foam mattress topper, it just folds under instead of sliding. Then you slide the rest of the way down on your knees and break your nose at the bottom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 879

You deserved it 71 600

Leave me alone

By Antisocial, I guess - 22/11/2022 21:00 - United States

Today, I got yelled at for having a set of headphones around my neck at all times, because it "makes me seem disinterested." Two things: 1. I have established myself as a very good listener among my peers; 2. I'm autistic, so I need the headphones readily available at all times to cope with loud environments. FML

I agree, your life sucks 884

You deserved it 141

Alexa, play "Totally wired" by The Fall

By Stillfkinawake - 23/11/2022 00:00

Today, at around 9:30 PM after a gym session and coaching a wrestling practice, I made myself a shake with some protein powder that my fiancée bought for me. Around midnight, I realized that I wasn’t very tired, so I looked at the box of protein powder. It contains 220 mg of caffeine per serving. I took a serving and a half. FML

I agree, your life sucks 637

You deserved it 406

Eww! Cleanliness!

By Anonymous - 22/11/2022 03:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I got looked at weirdly for brushing my teeth in an airport bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 780

You deserved it 477

Shitty situation

By Anonymous - 21/11/2022 22:00

Today, I had explosive diarrhea. I got off the toilet to change my 3 year-old's poopy diaper. He was being stubborn, so I was going to go back to the toilet, which is when he laid down. I thought I could do it. I couldn't. He ran around diaperless as I ran back to the toilet with liquid shit running down my leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 983

You deserved it 187

Ongoing crisis

By Anonymous - 21/11/2022 06:00

Today, I found out my dad got Covid after spending the weekend at home. All my classes have me doing final projects, and my dorm's internet is a dumpster fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 820

You deserved it 138

Kevin can **** himself

By How 'bout no - 20/11/2022 17:00 - United States

Today, the almost 80 year-old man who almost became my mom's stepfather is in the hospital again. This man is not only a raging alcoholic (emphasis on "raging") who by all means should not be alive, but he's also pushed away everyone who cares about him. He still expects us to drop everything for him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 884

You deserved it 121

Dirty sex

By Anonymous - 20/11/2022 06:00 - Canada - Burlington

Today, I was in my girlfriend's room when she walked in after getting out of the shower, wearing just a towel. She removed it and I was inches away from going down on her when I noticed she hadn’t wiped properly, either before or after her shower. She'd complained about stomach problems earlier, but regardless… FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 008

You deserved it 136

CPTSD

By Unknowingly abused - 19/11/2022 21:00 - United States

Today, and almost every day, I find out that something "mean" or morally questionable my parents used to do to me when I was a kid is actually considered abusive. I've now come to the conclusion that I was a victim of pretty much every type of abuse (except for the physical kind) during my childhood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 010

You deserved it 187

Welcome back!

By Anonymous - 19/11/2022 15:00 - South Africa - Cape Town

Today, I came back home from a 3-month trip to see my boyfriend and his family. Leaving them was obviously very emotional, and to top it off as soon as I got home, I realized I'd left my antidepressants behind, and I now have the flu as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 806

You deserved it 152

Fragile

By Hlaalette - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - Belgium

Today, I managed to throw my back out by blowing my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 704

You deserved it 3 161

Soaking

By Dumbass - 19/11/2022 06:00

Today, I went to change my socks after I stepped in a puddle of water. As I walked out of my bedroom with a fresh pair of socks, I stepped in the puddle again. Three times. That's four pairs of socks ruined. God, I'm such a dumbass sometimes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 202

You deserved it 1 159

Turn off your mind, relax, and float downstream

By Anonymous - 18/11/2022 22:00

Today, I have so much daily anxiety and functional depression that it takes a lot to want to do anything. Thank goodness it’s Friday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 741

You deserved it 199

TFIF, eh?

By Anonymous - 18/11/2022 18:00

Today, I was going to spend my weekend celebrating my first time not being sick since Labor Day. I woke up with a sinus infection instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 773

You deserved it 131

Blacked out

By Darkness, Darkness - 18/11/2022 03:00 - United States

Today, I was awoken at the ungodly hour of 1 a.m. to find that everything was very dark and quiet. It took me way more time than I'd like to admit to figure out that there was a blackout. As I tried to doze off again, I was jump-scared by the sound of everything coming on again. This happened twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 732

You deserved it 161

Steady as she goes

By Slippin' - 17/11/2022 17:00 - United States - Steele

Today, I tried to walk on the sidewalk. Actually, it was so slippery that I had to shimmy across it. Then I shimmied too quickly and fell down. Now everything hurts. Maybe next time I should bring a sled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 641

You deserved it 145

My ears! My ears!

By Anonymous - 17/11/2022 22:00

Today, I heard my son losing his virginity. It was hard not to, I’m disabled and need his assistance to get out of bed, so when I woke up I could hear them in the next room. He sounded like a dying cat, plus he cried afterwards, and she had to comfort him. God I wish I was deaf as well as disabled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 512

You deserved it 291

Bad hair day

By jzappe - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I learned that it takes about half an hour to get melted cheese out of your hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 360

You deserved it 6 129

Overdoing it

By Zill - 17/11/2022 10:00

Today, my girlfriend has become such a workaholic that I found her sitting in her office, soaked in piss. When I called her out, she said she didn't want to take bathroom breaks anymore, and asked me to buy diapers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 308

You deserved it 136

Thanks, I guess?

By hungry? - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Talbott

Today, some friends told me that my natural body odor smells like cooked beef and roasted onions. I'm disgustingly delicious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 146

You deserved it 4 583

Cats rule the world

By Food Dispenser - 17/11/2022 06:00

Today, for some reason, I suddenly started having convulsions all over my body. It lasted until my cat showed up and purred his heart out on my chest until it stopped. He then immediately demanded that I feed him. Apparently, according to my cat, my only reason for existing is to feed him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 884

You deserved it 272

21st Century Schizoid Man

By Anonymous - 17/11/2022 04:00

Today, my brother is refusing a life-saving blood transfusion, just in case the blood happens to be deliberately contaminated with a disease by the government to kill him, for knowing aliens secretly made Rishi Sunak Prime Minister. Yes, he’s off his meds again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 166

You deserved it 154

FML on Facebook

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The Top

Today, I don't know, I guess I'm just tired. Like everything I have done has been for nothing. Yet I can't seem to quit, it's like this is what I was meant for, to just suffer, I had absolutely nothing to do on a Thursday, All I do is go to the gym and come home, and just watch the paint dry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 265

You deserved it 257

Today, I frantically told my parents that my bank account had no money. Turns out, they took the $1,600 I had saved up from a summer job and invested it in penny-stocks. I was grounded because they were "doing it for the family," and I'm being selfish. They also had lost it all in a matter of days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 796

You deserved it 3 001

Today, I had the most uncomfortable feeling in my socks, but I didn't care to check. It wasn't until I got home that I realized that the feeling was a small thin piece of glass that was slowly cutting away at the bottom of my foot. I still don't know how it got there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 311

You deserved it 4 560

Today, a colleague texted me to say that I needed a haircut. Today was also the first day I attempted to ‘do’ my hair in about 5 years. Clearly, I shouldn’t have bothered. FML

I agree, your life sucks 554

You deserved it 170

Today, I parked in front of a grocery store and took the portable GPS system off the mount on the dashboard and put it in my pocket so no one would break into my car and steal it. When I got back, the window was smashed and someone had stolen the plastic mount. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 607

You deserved it 3 536

Today, I realized why I had more than a little obsession with a show, in particularly one character, when I was transferring files to my new phone and saw a drawing my ex had sent me. She went missing, with zero leads, over 18 months ago and I can't stop clinging to either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 910

You deserved it 120