MissKaye · This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff ·Hendersonville, United States

Probably for the best

Today, I just found out that my sister will be bringing her boyfriend along to spend Christmas with my family. The two of them, along with my brother and his wife, make me the only single one in the family this year. Looks like I'll be spending Christmas Day with the dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 230 You deserved it 1 094

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Anonymous · 12 December 2024, 22:00 ·Toledo, United States

Family outing

Today, our daughter brought home a stray dog without permission. When my husband came home we took it to a shelter, who sent us to another shelter half an hour out of our way. Then their ADHD asses both wanted coffee at 6pm. By the time we got home, my dinner, and only my dinner, was ruined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 306 You deserved it 239

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Haze · This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff ·Wellington, New Zealand

I want a dog

Today, my parents finally fulfilled my childhood dream and got a puppy, after years of me nagging at them. The only downside is that I no longer live at home and he's not mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 833 You deserved it 2 326

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Anonymous · 9 December 2024, 00:00 ·Australia

Cute couple

Today, myself and my pug entered a novelty dog competition at the local fair. We won first prize in the lookalike contest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 348 You deserved it 279

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Anonymous · 7 December 2024, 12:00 ·Australia

Teamwork

Today, I spent ages cleaning my house, only for my toddler to spill a box of cereal right when I'd finished. As I cleaned up the mess, the dog dragged the cereal into almost every room. All the floors now have what I can only describe as "surprise crunch zones." FML

I agree, your life sucks 453 You deserved it 127

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jlujan00 · This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff ·Albuquerque, United States

Or he's a drug mule?

Today, I cleaned up the dog poop from around the back yard. This is how I discovered that my dog's favorite snack appears to be used condoms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 523 You deserved it 3 070

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Chyna · 4 December 2024, 15:00 ·Manchester, United Kingdom

Good boy

Today, I got locked out of my car while the engine was idling. The "good news"? My dog inside the car thought this was the funniest thing ever and barked happily every time I tried to open it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 328 You deserved it 259

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Anonymous · 30 November 2024, 16:00 ·Allentown, United States

No turkey for you

Today, I was on my way to a Thanksgiving dinner, with my dog in her seat in the front of my car. On the entrance ramp to the highway, my rear wheels spun to the left, and then my car spun completely around and hit the guardrail. My car is totaled. I'm broke, but at least my dog wasn't hurt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 407 You deserved it 149

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Anonymous · 30 November 2024, 00:00 ·United States

Thanks you for your service

Today, I’ve been threatened with a lawsuit for refusing to treat a patient. I had to refuse her because she brought a huge hairy dog with her that she falsely claimed was her service animal. Not only am I deathly allergic to dogs, the damn thing shat in my waiting room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 558 You deserved it 100

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K.A. · 29 November 2024, 09:00 ·United States

Pet alert

Today, my Thanksgiving sucks, pretty much bummed because someone dognapped my Shiba Inu as I went inside a store. I'm trying not to stress, even though all I can think of is, "Is he OK? Has he eaten?" Fuck, I miss my darn dog. The audacity of this person. Literally disheartening. Hopefully he returns to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 600 You deserved it 168

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Anonymous · 28 November 2024, 12:00 ·Perth, Australia

He's still a very good boy

Today, my dog barked at his own reflection in the mirror for five full minutes. When I tried to calm him down, he started barking at me like I was in on the conspiracy that seemed to be going on in his head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 356 You deserved it 115

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Anonymous · 22 November 2024, 03:00 ·United Kingdom

Home renovation

Today, I was cleaning my lazy son’s bedroom when I knocked a full cup out the window, complete with a layer of mould. It landed on the dog, covering him in mouldy, milky coffee. He ran inside, shook it off everywhere, then rolled around to really make sure it was smushed deep into the carpet fibres. FML

I agree, your life sucks 411 You deserved it 309

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Jerry01 · 19 November 2024, 03:00 ·Cardiff, United Kingdom

Doggos 4 Life

Today, in the middle of what I thought was an empty park, I told my dog he’s the “goodest, bestest boy” while out on a walk. A stranger appeared out of nowhere, gave me a thumbs-up, and said, “You too, champ.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 344 You deserved it 172

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Tim · 17 November 2024, 12:00 ·Bakersfield, United States

K9 Unit

Today, some of my buddies were playing truth or dare. As I got to the group, one guy was dared to ding dong ditch. He did so, and the owner of the house let his big ol' dog out to chase us. It only ran after me the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 120 You deserved it 579

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Anonymous · 16 November 2024, 00:00 ·Ireland

Early warning

Today, my dog started barking at literally nothing in the middle of the night. I spent 15 minutes convinced there was a ghost or something in my house, only to realize she was barking at her own shadow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 320 You deserved it 135

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ChrisP · 4 November 2024, 20:00 ·Portland, United States

Thanks buddy

Today, my hammerhead of a dog decided to "help" me clean by grabbing the vacuum cord and dragging it across the house, knocking over everything in its path. The house is somehow messier than before I started. FML

I agree, your life sucks 335 You deserved it 104

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VtecKickIn · This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff ·United States

Bad boy

Today, I was driving home with my girlfriend. As we turned onto our block, she shrieked that our dog was running down the street and into traffic. I jumped out of the moving car and chased him for about a mile, only to give up, go home, and find out it wasn't our dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 251 You deserved it 5 813

118 comments Share

Anonymous · 3 November 2024, 00:00 ·United States

Release the selfie!

Today, I tried to take a cute selfie with my dog. Right as I hit the button, he sneezed on my face. Now I have an unexpected "glamour shot" that captures him mid-sneeze and me looking horrified, and I'm somehow still tempted to post it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 164 You deserved it 371

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Rayleigh · 2 November 2024, 15:00 ·United States

Tasty treat

Today, I was excited to try my new skincare mask. My dog apparently thought I had turned into some kind of monster and barked hysterically for twenty minutes before lunging at my face and licking it off. So much for self-care. FML

I agree, your life sucks 326 You deserved it 151

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Boo! · 31 October 2024, 22:00 ·Montréal, Canada

Haunted dog

Today, I dressed up as a ghost and walked down the street to meet my friends. A dog somehow got loose and decided my "flowy" costume was the perfect chew toy. I spent the evening dodging an overly enthusiastic dog and getting barked at. FML

I agree, your life sucks 398 You deserved it 105

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Fingerfqmycupcake · 30 October 2024, 14:00 ·West Chicago, United States

Sharing space

Today, I woke up feeling crabby because of lack of sleep. I noticed what woke me up, it was man's best friend. He kept moving around and wouldn't stop rotating in circles to get comfy. I told him to lay down and he looked at me, did another circle and lowered down, butthole first on my forehead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 182 You deserved it 379

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Dog lady · 27 October 2024, 18:00 ·Melbourne, Australia

Social gatherings make me nervous

Today, I went to a friend's wedding and was seated at a table with a bunch of strangers. To break the ice, I told a funny story about my dog. Turns out one of the guests is an animal behaviorist and spent the next hour explaining how I’ve been raising him all wrong. Thanks for the unsolicited advice during cocktail hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 458 You deserved it 218

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seriously · 25 October 2024, 18:00 ·San Diego, United States

The biohazard next door

Today, no matter how many times I've asked, my dumbass neighbor can't get into the habit of regularly picking up after her six dogs. Her backyard is covered in shit with probably just inches between each pile or log. This means the wind blows the smell of shit in the direction of my house. I can't open a window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 484 You deserved it 78

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miss_peppermint · This FML is from back in 2018 but it's good stuff

Is that really a silver lining?

Today, my dog of 10 years died suddenly. My husband’s response? “At least you don’t have to buy dog food anymore." FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 418 You deserved it 314

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Anonymous · 14 October 2024, 22:00 ·United States

Argument ender

Today, I was arguing with my girlfriend when my dog brought me a squeaky toy and tried shoving it into my hand so I could throw it for him. Out of habit, I grabbed it, but then it squeaked every time I tried to make a serious point. FML

I agree, your life sucks 122 You deserved it 435

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initforthewrongreasons · This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff

How's it going?

Today, I texted my exes, not because I missed them, but because I wanted to know how their pets were doing. This holds true for at least four relationships. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 843 You deserved it 1 517

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Taylor505 · 7 October 2024, 14:00 ·Ocala, United States

Love is love

Today, my dog carried on with his recent habit of trying to hump me. When I told my mom, she just joked that he's my new boyfriend. Now my whole family is just calling him my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 443 You deserved it 105

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Anonymous · 5 October 2024, 16:00 ·Myrtle Beach, United States

Good boy

Today, I bought a fancy automatic ball launcher for my dog. When I demonstrated it, my dog watched the ball fly through the air, then charged at the launcher instead, thinking it was the toy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 337 You deserved it 125

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Tom · 2 October 2024, 09:00 ·Zoetermeer, Netherlands

It's a doggy dog world

Today, it's been two years since I got a Dobermann as a gift for my husband. For two years he has cried non-stop, constantly played with his privates, reeked of dead corpse, and used shit to mark the entire yard. He cries all night long. I haven’t slept in two years. I think I have sleep deprivation. My husband says he must stay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 158 You deserved it 562

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Vicky · 22 September 2024, 14:00 ·Australia

Bad doggo!

Today, I came home to find that my dog had destroyed my couch. The worst part? He buried his plastic toy bone inside the wreckage, so he clearly thinks this is his new personal sandbox play pit spot. I'm afraid to get a new couch and put it in the same place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 343 You deserved it 152

1 comment Share