Cats, Your everyday life stories

David 3 July 2022, 02:00 Jonesboro, United States

It's not what you think

Today, I had the front door open, and my cat Watson, who I often call Little Boy, was sitting in front of the screen door. I wanted to close the door so, speaking to my cat, I said, "Come here, Little Boy," at which point a young child came running up to my door. His dad yelled, "Get back here!" FML

3 comments

Cat Fight 2 July 2022, 22:00 United States

Happy Caturday

Today, my cats started fighting again. Normally, I let them, because it's the only exercise they get. But this time one of my cats sliced the other's nose, and he responded by pinning her and nearly choking her to death. When I ran in to stop them, they teamed up against me. Ah, somethin' don't feel too good… FML

6 comments

Anonymous 30 June 2022, 02:00

Harness or buggy?

Today, I realized that I’m one of those freaks: I took my cat on a walk. FML

9 comments

Anonymous 27 June 2022, 14:00 Steele, United States

It's an emergency!

Today, my "friend" almost killed both of my cats by feeding them chocolate donuts, even after I slapped one out of his hand and spelled out to him exactly why chocolate is bad for cats. Just to rub more salt into the wound, I got pulled over for speeding while I was driving like mad to get to the vet. FML

3 comments

Never ever again 23 June 2022, 10:00 Toronto, Canada

The power of the cardboard box

Today, I’m kicking myself for buying and setting up an elaborate cat tree I thought my cats would love. The second I was done, they walked over to it, sniffed around, and went to sleep in the box it came in instead, and won’t go near the darn thing. It might as well be a $200 cardboard box. FML

10 comments

Anonymous This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff Fairview, United States

Caturday surprise

Today, my kitten made it snow inside my house using a 12-pack of toilet paper. FML

95 comments

Anonymous 14 June 2022, 12:00 United States

'Cause you had a bad day, you're taking one down…

Today, I tripped on my coffee table and fell face first into my cat's litter box. To make it even worse, my cat was in there doing his business and, pun not intended, I scared the shit out of him. He ran away terrified, then I tripped over HIM while I was going to take a shower. Today is not my day. FML

3 comments

Reb 10 June 2022, 10:00

Home entertainment

Today, my cat got out. I was chasing him in the field behind my backyard, barefoot while wearing PJs, yelling my head off like a raving lunatic. The field soil was sludge, and my feet sunk right in with every step. After I got him, I heard a snap of a soda can. My neighbours were there the whole time, watching. FML

3 comments

Anonymous 1 June 2022, 10:00 United States

Noise annoys

Today, I had to watch my grandparents' dogs. Unfortunately, my grandparents forgot to tell me that their new dogs bark non-stop whenever anyone else is in the house, which inspires the older dogs to do the same thing. The result: Five dogs barking incessantly, for hours on end. This is exactly why I'm a cat person. FML

6 comments

Crazy Cat Guy This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff Fremont, United States

Happy Caturday

Today, I was sitting at my computer, petting one of my cats, who was sitting on my lap. My other cat got jealous and tried to climb onto my lap as well. They ended up fighting. I was wearing shorts. FML

47 comments

Anonymous 21 May 2022, 10:00 Toronto, Canada

Happy Caturday

Today, my cat got sprayed by a skunk for the fifth time in two years. He still loves to chase skunks, and gets sprayed every time he does. The putrid scent doesn’t seem to bother him at all, either. Every night, he normally pushes himself up against my face and nose. It’s gonna be a long, restless smelly few days. FML

7 comments

Bad Dad This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff Colorado Springs, United States

Higher than the sun

Today, I caught my 15-year-old son trying to roll catnip into a joint and smoke it. FML

99 comments

unimpressed bride This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff Traverse City, United States

Cool your jets

Today, it's been two weeks since I got married. It's also two weeks since my husband got cold feet about moving in together, because he thinks the sudden change would be too emotionally distressing for his cat. FML

71 comments

AnonCat This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff Vegreville, Canada

George the Cat

Today, my kitten tried jumping into a hot oven, a dryer, a dishwasher, a toilet, and a fish-tank. Curiosity is going to kill my cat. FML

60 comments

Anonymous 29 April 2022, 04:00

Signs of distress

Today, I was woken up by my cat, who normally doesn't bother me in the morning, meowing desperately and trying to get me to wake up. Fearing that something was very wrong, I jumped out of bed. He gestured for me to follow him, so I did. I followed him all the way to the kitchen, where he proceeded to puke. FML

5 comments

Where's Jerry the mouse when you want him 17 April 2022, 16:00

Cats with jobs

Today, our baby cries constantly, except for when our grumpy old feral tom cat comes over to lay beside her, lick her head and so on. This bastard cat is the most ornery sumbitch I've ever met and bites worse than a bear trap, yet he's a better dad than I am. Plus, he looks so damn smug while he's doing it. FML

4 comments

obnum This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff United States

The Katdashians

Today, I met my new girlfriend at her house for the very first time. And her 17 cats, whose names all begin with the letter "K", because they're all "kewl kats." FML

125 comments

Anonymous 12 April 2022, 18:00

Fur babies

Today, my boyfriend of 7 years told me he isn’t sure if he wants to marry me, despite us talking for years about it. He’s worried about what will happen to our cats if we were to ever get divorced. FML

6 comments

cacheson 6 April 2022, 16:00

Appetizer

Today, my cat woke me up by drooling all over my face. Whatever happened to “Cats rule, dogs drool”? FML

3 comments

Anonymous 31 March 2022, 02:00 Little Rock, United States

RIP Mr Whiskers

Today, I found my neighbors' cat that had bolted after surgery. Its surgical collar had gotten caught when jumping a fence. It's been 15 hours. I can still feel the life leave its body as I tried to save it. I still see the look on the young daughter's face as she ran out to find me holding her lifeless cat. FML

6 comments

failure This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff Seoul, Korea, Republic of

It's not what you think

Today, my boss brought her cat to work. At one point, I looked up and everyone was staring at me staring at the cat's asshole. FML

75 comments

lordoftheweird 25 March 2022, 02:00

Get ready to ruuuuumble!

Today, I walked in on my grandmother's cats fighting, and my brothers gambling on it. FML

2 comments

Anonymous This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff Des Moines, United States

The big time

Today, I found out that my parents spent all of the money in my college fund to pay for my cat to be flown to LA and audition for a movie. FML

79 comments

Anonymous 21 March 2022, 02:00

Community cat squad

Today, I found out that I have mice because my landlady got rid of the community cats that were keeping them outside, and apparently my cats aren't taking care of them. I found out when I turned on my oven and my apartment was filled with an awful smell that turned out to be burning mouse crap. FML

0 comment

mikep This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff Netherlands

Shade thrown

Today, I asked my mother if she thought my cat was getting fat. She replied, "It's not the cat you should be worried about". FML

25 comments

thanksalot This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff United States

RIP in peace

Today, I told my girlfriend that my grandma died, expecting to be comforted. She got mad at me for "stealing her thunder" because her cat died two days ago. FML

189 comments

Anonymous 4 March 2022, 22:00 🌶️ Spicy

Kittenblocked

Today, my husband has shown more love and affection to our new kitten in the last week than he has to me. That cat sits on his lap more than I do. I’m a 26 year-old woman, I have needs, dammit. The cat is literally sitting on and blocking access to what I want most on a Friday night. FML

5 comments

Anonymous 28 February 2022, 06:00

Let cats be cats

Today, I disciplined my cat for meowing too loudly in my apartment and disturbing neighbors by picking her up by the scruff. She then proceeded to scratch the ever living crap out of my hand, now it looks like Wolverine got a hold of me. FML

10 comments

Anonymous 24 February 2022, 06:00 Steele, United States

Confused kitties

Today, my 9-year-old male cat has been trying to procreate with my 4-year-old female cat. Both are neutered, but every now and then, he randomly gets on top of her from behind, and bites her neck hard while she looks visibly uncomfortable. I've never heard of cats giving each other hickeys before. This isn't the first time. FML

4 comments

Rebecca 19 February 2022, 10:00 Canada

Cats hate his mustache

Today, I was on the couch watching Dr. Phil. My cat walked in, took one look at the screen, and immediately backed up into the coffee table in front of me and sprayed with all of his might. Not only was the table hit, but so was I. I guess he’s not a huge fan of Dr. Phil. FML

6 comments