ALL FML

Outrage monger

By Anonymous - 22/08/2023 20:00

Today, my sister blamed me for everything again. We're twins and have the same friends, but they all like her better because she's an extrovert and I'm an introvert, and I'm sick of her getting mad at me, copying me, blaming me and making my life miserable for no reason. Why does everyone think I'm so pathetic? FML

agreeclassic 718

vote type 1 180

Spotted

By chichi - this FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I went to Subway to grab some lunch. As I was paying, the cashier gave me a tip. He told me about a great acne medication that would do wonders. Thanks. FML

agreeclassic 30 530

vote type 1 3 594

Media frenzy

By Homeless - 22/08/2023 16:00

Today, our roof collapsed due to water damage. I had saved the money to get the roof fixed months ago, but my wife saw a scare story about gas stoves and demanded we spend the money getting every gas-powered appliance ripped out and replaced. That new HVAC system will work great in a condemned house. FML

agreeclassic 712

vote type 1 199

Skincare routine

By Anonymous - 22/08/2023 14:00 - United States - Cordova

Today, I found a DIY beauty hack online, so as I had nothing better to do and my skin is a mess, I gave it a try. I mixed lemon juice with sugar to exfoliate my face. Little did I know, I had a tiny cut on my cheek. The lemon juice made it feel like my face was on fire. FML

agreeclassic 466

vote type 1 374

No means no

By Anonymous - 22/08/2023 10:00

Today, it seems my mom didn’t believe me when I told her multiple times I was not going to my nasty bitch sister's wedding. Then she acted surprised and outraged when, shocker, I didn’t go, and has been leaving me texts and voicemails for over an hour. FML

agreeclassic 778

vote type 1 110

Time to leave

By Anonymous - 22/08/2023 08:00

Today, my ex called me, apologetic about her mistakes, and saying she realised she wants to be with me. I eventually agreed to coffee, just to see if the old spark was still there. I ended up leaving after 0.0000005 seconds. She was 6 months pregnant with some other dude's baby. I wasted my afternoon for this shit. FML

agreeclassic 978

vote type 1 175

Hogwatch

By QAnon ruined my mom - 22/08/2023 06:00

Today, and over the past few weeks, my mom has cried, ranted, and posted unhinged TikToks, more than when my sister was almost killed in the meadow behind our house by a drunken hunter, all this because her favorite 'politician' has "unfairly" been indicted several times. FML

agreeclassic 880

vote type 1 191

Definitely didn't miss that one

By BirdWatching - this FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - London

Today, after moving to the big city, and missing the natural world from my tiny, 10th floor apartment, I bought a window bird feeder. Within half an hour, it had fallen off, landed on, and killed a pigeon. FML

agreeclassic 5 393

vote type 1 827

Almost there

By ForcedPedestrian - 21/08/2023 14:00 - United States - Staten Island

Today, my car broke down because it couldn't wait two more days for an oil change. Now it might be FUBAR. FML

agreeclassic 245

vote type 1 801

Technically

By nice one - this FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff

Today, I finally confronted my boyfriend and asked him if he was cheating on me. He got flustered and said, "Technically, I'm cheating with you, not on you." FML

agreeclassic 37 902

vote type 1 3 138

Shame about the view

By Anonymous - 21/08/2023 09:00 - United States

Today, I was admiring my nice clean windows. Our window cleaners have to abseil down my apartment building to get it done, so they don't come often, as it's a big job. I was enjoying the sparkling view, until a seagull shat right across my window. Guess I'm looking at that for months now. FML

agreeclassic 660

vote type 1 109

Doghouse

By Krissi - 21/08/2023 14:00 - United States

Today, I was late for a video conference with my boss. As I frantically tried to fix my messy hair, my dog thought it was the perfect time to play fetch. I ended up joining the meeting with a squeaky toy in hand and an appearance that would make a scarecrow look put together. My boss found it hilarious, but I'm pretty sure my career aspirations are now in the doghouse. FML

agreeclassic 342

vote type 1 527

Chlamydia central

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Saint Cloud

Today, I found out what it feels like to have a cotton swab shoved up my cock's piss-pipe. FML

agreeclassic 30 651

vote type 1 9 608

Mining for gold

By can’t do it - 21/08/2023 01:00 - United States

Today, I caught my fiancé picking his nose and eating it. I don’t want to break up over this but I just cannot for the life of me get that image out of my head. Every time he tries to kiss me, I visibly gag and turn my head away. He says I’m being unreasonable. FML

agreeclassic 736

vote type 1 234

Trippin' out

By Anonymous - 21/08/2023 08:00

Today, my dog ate an entire bag of my boyfriend’s shrooms. She got incredibly sick and had to be admitted to doggie hospital. My entire family was worried that we would lose her. All except my boyfriend, who was more upset that his shrooms were gone. FML

agreeclassic 702

vote type 1 330

Relax, don't do it

By Anonymous - 21/08/2023 06:00 - Canada - Windsor

Today, I was excited to finally use the expensive bath bombs I'd been saving. I filled the tub, dropped one in, and settled in for a relaxing soak. The bath bomb fizzed so much that it created a bubble mountain that spilled over, flooding my bathroom with colorful suds. My "relaxing" bath turned into a Slip 'N Slide adventure as I tried to mop up the mess in my birthday suit. FML

agreeclassic 623

vote type 1 190

Grow up, the pair of you!

By Anonymous - 21/08/2023 04:00

Today, my brother and I ruined our mother's birthday by fighting. She's 76, we're 55 and 54 and yet still unable to comport ourselves like adults. She yelled at us and then "showed me" by eating the dish he made but not mine. I reverted to teenage coping tactics, dissociating like a boss, and hiding in my room. Worst family visit ever. FML

agreeclassic 188

vote type 1 1 047

I wanna see the referee's nose hairs

By LCDhell - this FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my husband bought a new 80-inch TV. Not only can we barely afford it, but it also blocks our doorways no matter where we put it. He refuses to return it. FML

agreeclassic 32 902

vote type 1 4 138

Dirty protest

By Paul - 21/08/2023 00:02

Today, I had a job interview; unfortunately for me, I was so nervous that all of a sudden I felt the need to take a huge dump. My bowels started growling out of protest. I tried to play it off as if it was due to me being hungry, but it sounded like I had a monster trapped in my guts. The interviewer raised an eyebrow in disbelief. FML

agreeclassic 719

vote type 1 122

My type of dude

By Anonymous - 20/08/2023 22:00 - Germany

Today, I realized I have a type: a man who is highly intelligent to begin with, but then either decides to apply his IQ exclusively to theoretical thinking and not real life, or who purposely dulls his wits to the point where you can hardly even have a conversation any more. FML

agreeclassic 505

vote type 1 215

In the zone

By Anonymous - 20/08/2023 20:00

Today, my wife was painting in the garage when she unplugged a random plug to charge her stupid, smelly vape without thinking about what it was she was unplugging. It was the large chest freezer. About £500 in meat and the entire bottom tier of our wedding cake defrosted and ruined. FML

agreeclassic 907

vote type 1 157

Kenny Loggins is penning a song

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my manager came into the dog grooming salon I work at, lecturing about the importance of staying out of a dog's "bite zone". Right then, the dog I was working on bit me. FML

agreeclassic 24 978

vote type 1 4 506

Next step: Love

By Anonymous - 20/08/2023 09:00 - United States

Today, I was helping my boyfriend of 8 years set up his Google Mini after he complained a thousand times that it wasn't working. As I successfully set up, I got to the part where one can set up speed dial contacts and we looked for my contact on his phone. I saw my name was saved as 'Lust'. FML

agreeclassic 587

vote type 1 164

Treat yourself!

By Jenniwithani - 20/08/2023 14:00 - United States

Today, I'd planned a DIY 'treat yourself' spa day at home. I put on a face mask and settled to relax in a bubble bath. Just as I was getting out of the tub, I slipped on the wet floor and crashed into the wall, leaving a perfect imprint of the face mask on the tiles. FML

agreeclassic 581

vote type 1 137

Well done!

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Newark

Today, after dieting, rigorous exercising, and a major lifestyle change, I have finally reached my fitness goal. My parents were more excited about my 17-year-old brother getting to third base with his girlfriend. FML

agreeclassic 28 748

vote type 1 3 233

A step too far

By Anonymous - 20/08/2023 10:00

Today, my mother keeps nagging me to find a wife, settle down, and have kids, even though I have zero interest in any of those things. She refuses to understand that I’m perfectly content being completely on my own. She even signed me up to Tinder without my knowledge. FML

agreeclassic 766

vote type 1 107

The neighbor from hell

By Anonymous - 20/08/2023 08:00 - United States

Today, armed with enthusiasm and a trowel, I ventured into my yard to plant some flowers. Not even five minutes later, I managed to dig up the cable line, cutting off not only my TV but the entire building's internet. The only thing that's blooming now is my reputation as the least popular neighbor. FML

agreeclassic 306

vote type 1 657

Living his best life

By Anonymous - 20/08/2023 06:00

Today, my husband, who I love more than anything, announced that he was gay, couldn't live a lie anymore, and moved out of the house. I'm utterly devastated, and when I tried to cry to my friends, they said I should celebrate his courage and stop being selfish, then ran off to party with him. FML

agreeclassic 1 210

vote type 1 121

Out of shape

By Anonymous - 20/08/2023 12:00 - Australia

Today, I was feeling really good about going to the gym for the first time. That was until I got so worn out from my “warm up” on the treadmill that I had to go home and spew. FML

agreeclassic 593

vote type 1 164

Family, family, family…

By mylifesucks - this FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - France

Today, I had to drive all the way across town to clean my grandfather's toilet for him. FML

agreeclassic 33 393

vote type 1 5 378

VDM sur Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Top

Today, I got home from a long, stressful day at class to hear my grandma screaming from inside the barn. I quickly dropped all my things and ran in to see what was going on. Did something fall on her? Was there an animal attacking the horses? No. A pigeon had gotten into the barn. I had to chase it out. FML

agreeclassic 3 237

vote type 1 310

Today, in a big meeting, my secretary calls me saying that I have an important call waiting. I put the call through. It was my beautician, confirming my appointment to get rid of an ingrown hair. I hurriedly confirm and hang up to see everyone in the room giggling. The speaker phone was on. FML

agreeclassic 26 792

vote type 1 7 345

Today, I was swimming with my friends at the local pool. My friend pushed me under, and as I came up for air, my hand stroked a hairy leg. It turns out I had caressed the leg of an old man who had been swimming laps. He spent the next half hour creepily smiling at me. FML

agreeclassic 25 651

vote type 1 2 252

Today, I started my job as an assistant to a beekeeper. I forgot to put gloves on, and got stung like crazy. My hands swelled up to the size of baseball gloves. Turns out, I'm allergic to bees. FML

agreeclassic 16 693

vote type 1 37 801

Today, I heard my dad screaming in the hallway. Thinking he was having a heart attack I ran to the hall without looking where I was going. I slipped and slid towards my dad in what turned out to be a mass quantity of diarrhea from one of my two dogs. He was screaming because he stepped in it. FML

agreeclassic 40 976

vote type 1 4 346

Today, my fiancé said he’s now having second thoughts about us getting married, all because my ex contacted him and told him that our relationship had ended because I'd cheated on him. I was literally 15 years-old and I didn’t even have sex, I just made out with another boy. FML

agreeclassic 1 060

vote type 1 394