Anonymous · 5 May 2024, 12:00 ·Seattle, United States

Foot in mouth syndrome

Today, I had an interview for a pretty interesting job. Everything was going smoothly until I referred to their company by the wrong name, not once, but three times. They politely corrected me each time, but I could see the resentment in their eyes, especially because it was the name of their main competitor. I probably won't be getting the job, huh? FML

I agree, your life sucks 98 You deserved it 820

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Anonymous · 5 May 2024, 09:00 ·White Plains, United States

Over the rainbow bridge

Today, I walked outside and found our kitten, my kids' favorite pet, convulsing and choking on the carport. Nothing we did helped and she died in my arms five minutes later. We've buried her, and I'm dreading going home and telling my boys that she's passed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 513 You deserved it 124

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Anonymous · 5 May 2024, 06:00

So romantic…

Today, my proposal was slightly ruined when the ring I got her, which I could have sworn was the same size as other rings she owns, was a whole 3 sizes too big. She agreed to marry me but is now sulking because she thinks I think she’s fat and needs a big ring for her fat fingers. Give me a break. FML

I agree, your life sucks 520 You deserved it 185

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aunty_social · This FML is from back in 2018 but it's good stuff

Close quarters

Today, I took my 5-year-old nephew camping. I was about to take him to the outhouse for a bathroom break when he flung the door of the camper open and shouted at the top of his lungs to the entire campground, "We are going to poop now!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 653 You deserved it 471

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Anonymous · 5 May 2024, 00:00 ·Australia

Say it, don't spray it

Today, I was giving a presentation in front of my class. Mid-speech, I felt a sudden urge to sneeze and tried to hold it in. Instead, I let out the most obnoxious, window-rattling sneeze imaginable, complete with a spray of snot, which landed on my notes. I think I traumatized my classmates for life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 424 You deserved it 123

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Anonymous · 4 May 2024, 22:00 ·United States

Incomplete freedom

Today, my dad drunkenly ranted about how I should volunteer for the military because of the crisis in the Middle East. I refused; I'm in college on two scholarships and have listened to stories of why his service still gives him nightmares. I had to hide all the phones to keep him from calling the recruiters. FML

I agree, your life sucks 561 You deserved it 123

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Anonymous · 4 May 2024, 20:00 ·Birmingham, United States

Caught redhanded

Today, I fucked up by clicking on my ex's new partner's stories while deep-diving into their Instagram. Now they know I'm still lurking in the shadows of their social media because they can see who viewed their stories, and I can feel the judgment radiating through the screen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 103 You deserved it 861

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Mothering · This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff ·Australia

Not the sharpest tool

Today, I took my 16 year-old daughter to get a bank account, taking her birth certificate with us as requested. When the teller wrote her name down on a piece of paper, my daughter said, "How do you know my name?" The teller just looked at her and held up her birth certificate. I raised a nitwit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 584 You deserved it 12 769

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Anonymous · 4 May 2024, 16:00 ·Leeds, United Kingdom

Flailing

Today, I tried to be eco-friendly and ride my bike to work for the first time. I made it approximately three minutes before getting my shoelace caught in the gears, sending me crashing to the ground in a spectacular display of uncoordination. Now I have a sprained ankle and a newfound appreciation for cars. FML

I agree, your life sucks 353 You deserved it 337

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Anonymous · 4 May 2024, 14:00 ·United States

Take a break

Today, I really had to take a shit. My coworker had gone on lunch break and I was alone in the shop. There were no customers, so to the can I went. Cue a long series of loud wet farts and splashes, followed by the flush. I emerged to see the horrified face of some old lady and her grandson who'd heard everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 493 You deserved it 130

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Anonymous · 4 May 2024, 12:00 ·Oxford, United States

Out of the blue

Today, on my last day of vacation with my family, and after moving my kid back home after their college graduation, I received a text message from my supervisor that said, “Hello, your services are no longer needed" and that they would pack up my desk and mail it to me. I can’t get anyone to explain why or even answer me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 579 You deserved it 99

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No comment (pun not intended) · 4 May 2024, 09:00 ·United States

Frustrating

Today, Facebook severely restricted my account, all because I edited a comment too many times. Apparently, all of the vile shit I see on that website every day is perfectly okay, but editing a comment is not. Some mental gymnastics right here. First world problem, I know, but very frustrating nonetheless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 391 You deserved it 171

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Anonymous · 4 May 2024, 06:00 ·Canada

My finest hour

Today, I finally conquered my fear of spiders by catching one in a cup and releasing it outside. Feeling proud of my bravery, I proudly showed my accomplishment to my roommate, only to realize it wasn't a spider but a piece of lint. I screamed louder than I would have for a spider. FML

I agree, your life sucks 322 You deserved it 214

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ohgosh1428 · This FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff ·Las Vegas, United States

Pull yourself together

Today, in Las Vegas, after taking my drunk dad and his drunk friend to their respective hotel rooms, I realised that I, despite being 16 years-old, am the responsible one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 274 You deserved it 255

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Anonymous · 4 May 2024, 00:00 ·United States

Love is hell

Today, as I recently starting having a huge crush on this one guy, my friend told me she told him about the crush, and that he reacted positively. I made a move, only to find out he has a partner. I've tried distancing myself to get over him but he befriended all my friends and is now in our group chat, and the crush has only intensified. FML

I agree, your life sucks 446 You deserved it 145

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Anonymous · 3 May 2024, 22:00 ·United States

Demon child

Today, my Scout troop was to work on my Eagle project. We specifically told everyone where to be and when, except one annoying kid we don't want there. His mother pawns him off on us because he's an aggressive, violent little maggot who can't be trusted with a Fisher-Price screwdriver. Guess who showed up anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 435 You deserved it 160

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Kamilah · 3 May 2024, 20:00 ·Fort Lauderdale, United States

Petty

Today, I learned that my husband “accidentally” let the dog out and allowed her to be eaten by an alligator because I got a male coworker, who is also a good friend of mine, a birthday present. We had an argument about our friendship, which apparently bothers him. I’d had that dog since I was a junior in high school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 891 You deserved it 152

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Anonymous · 3 May 2024, 16:00 ·United States

Quite the catch

Today, and for over week, one of my nostrils has been stuffed to the point I can't breathe through it. I tried nasal spray and blowing it out, but nothing worked. I wanted to go to the doctor but first, I used a flashlight and a pair of tweezers. The giant, crusted booger bullet I pulled out was as long as my palm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 451 You deserved it 122

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Perry Winkle · 3 May 2024, 14:00 ·United States

Forever alone

Today, all I wanted was to spend some time with my husband, since we're always very busy. He couldn't be bothered to put down his video game. Guess I'm forever alone, even in a relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 508 You deserved it 155

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Anonymous · 3 May 2024, 12:00 ·United Kingdom

Chilling

Today, my parents went on holiday, finally, and since I’m always freezing I took the opportunity to actually turn up the temperature on the boiler. Not 30 seconds later my dad called pissed and told me either I turn it back down or he’s coming home from Spain to kick my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 479 You deserved it 210

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Anonymous · 3 May 2024, 09:00 ·United States

Nope, just nope

Today, I met up with a guy from Bumble for a first date. An hour in, he asks me, "What's your take on body odor?" He proceeds to tell me about his intimate relationship with his body odor and how his armpits take on the scents of his lovers' lady bits. He added that the "essence" of his ex often returns. FML

I agree, your life sucks 589 You deserved it 78

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Anonymous · 3 May 2024, 06:00 ·United Kingdom

Prank wars

Today, I managed to scare my wife by walking round the corner on my way to the bathroom. Somehow this scared her so bad, she decided she’s done with my shit and wants a divorce. I just needed to pee. I never play pranks on her, so how can she tired of pranks. What did I do wrong? FML

I agree, your life sucks 621 You deserved it 114

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Pooping · This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff ·Aldergrove, Canada

C'mon man!

Today, while I was at work, a coworker began ranting about his theory that the government is going to create a disease that sterilises everyone, and use the antidote to control the population. I was just trying to take a crap in the stall next to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 296 You deserved it 2 006

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Anonymous · 3 May 2024, 00:00 ·Harrisburg, United States

Take a chance on me

Today, my family keeps pestering me about whether I've contacted my father yet. My father, the one who treated me and my family like crap throughout my upbringing and cheated on my mom a few years ago. I don't know why they think I'd ever want to see him again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 473 You deserved it 98

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Anonymous · 2 May 2024, 22:00 ·Bay Shore, United States

Framed

Today, I tried joining a Roblox game, only to discover I was banned. According to the game's creator, it was because I'd exploited on an alt. The alt was an account intentionally impersonating me in order to frame me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 432 You deserved it 121

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NotStephanie · 2 May 2024, 20:00 ·Bellefontaine, United States

Hallowed be thy name

Today, I woke up to my significant other talking in his sleep and soulfully professing his love for Stephanie. My name is not Stephanie. The only Stephanie he knows is a girl he worked at a hotel with over 10 years ago. He has done this at least twice a week since then. FML

I agree, your life sucks 500 You deserved it 125

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heyadrian · This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff ·Gardena, United States

Misconstrued

Today, I went to a family reunion. I laughed at my uncle's Sylvester Stallone impression. Turns out he had a stroke a while back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 928 You deserved it 16 781

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Anonymous · 2 May 2024, 16:00 ·United States

Entitlement

Today, despite the fact that we are well off and desperate to be parents, my sister refuses to let us adopt her unborn baby, and intends to “raise him on her own.” We earn twice what she does and have been trying to conceive or adopt for 7 years, and she doesn’t even have a husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 140 You deserved it 2 618

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No good deed... · 2 May 2024, 14:00 ·United States

Rabies ain't no joke

Today, a coyote turned up in the yard where my son and his friend were playing. It was aggressive and foaming at the mouth, so I called the boys inside, and shot it. Now my wife is scared of me and half the neighborhood wants me gone for "dangerous behavior." FML

I agree, your life sucks 706 You deserved it 152

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Anonymous · 2 May 2024, 12:00 ·Warren, United States

Fantasy shopping

Today, I logged into our family's shared Amazon account to buy some gift cards for Mother's Day. I nearly had a heart attack when I saw the cart already had 6 items in it. Turns out my forgetful stepbrother was debating on what gazebo to buy and forgot to take the items out of the cart. Why'd he put them in there though? FML

I agree, your life sucks 110 You deserved it 409

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