for fucks sake gramps · This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff ·Mililani, United States

Checked out

Today, I was at the store with my grandpa. When we were rung up, he started to pay for our myriad groceries in coins, and the guy behind us groaned. My grandpa said, "Shut your mouth," and started ranting about how stupid people are to leave paper trails for "government spooks." FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 780 You deserved it 2 309

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Anonymous · 22 June 2024, 16:00 ·United Kingdom

The importance of insurance

Today, I have a £350,000 mortgage on a new build house that has developed a leak. One roof survey later, it’s because all the wooden joists have massive splits in them where the screws went in. There’s nothing holding my roof together except gravity and prayer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 524 You deserved it 106

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Anonymous · 22 June 2024, 14:00 ·Russia

Supportive

Today, I'm terminally ill, in a foreign country for treatment, and I was feeling hurt and sad inside, so I rang my parents to just talk, to feel warm and protected. My father told me on the phone with an indifferent tone, "Son, we're out for some shopping and getting groceries, Mom will call you back." They never did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 599 You deserved it 94

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Anonymous · 22 June 2024, 12:00 ·United States

Amen

Today, apparently my bathroom breaks have perfect comedic timing. My very religious parents were praying in the living room. I quietly snuck into the bathroom that's less than ten yards from where they're at. Right as they finished praying and saying "Amen" I let off a massive fart, and my dad burst out laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 430 You deserved it 120

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Unpronounceable · 22 June 2024, 09:00 ·United States

My name is…

Today, I've gotten so used to people mispronouncing my last name, even after I correct them a gazillion times, I've lost the motivation to correct anyone on it anymore. At this point I'd probably faint from shock if someone who isn't related to me successfully pronounced it correctly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 380 You deserved it 114

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Anonymous · 22 June 2024, 06:00 ·Toronto, Canada

Brave boy

Today, my boyfriend of 8 years broke up with me on my 30th birthday, through text message. FML

I agree, your life sucks 561 You deserved it 118

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Anonymous · This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff ·United States

Joe Smooth move

Today, I was in school when I spotted my girlfriend in the hallway. I wanted to be all romantic and grab her like guys do in movies. I grabbed her wrist forcefully and pulled her out of the crowd. As I quickly leaned in to kiss her, I broke her nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 527 You deserved it 38 496

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NeedJob pleaseeeee · 22 June 2024, 00:00 ·United States

Many such cases

Today, I was sharing my screen on a company Zoom call. I inadvertently Teams messaged my colleague saying that the lady who was speaking on this video sounded annoying. Unbeknownst to me, the lady was one of the participants in the call. I forgot I was sharing my screen. They saw the conversation. I was fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 96 You deserved it 1 164

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Branden10 · 21 June 2024, 22:00 ·United States

Let down

Today, I decided to tell this girl I like how I feel. I surprised her with roses and chocolates for her birthday and poured my heart out to her, promising to treat her like a queen. She snorted and told me that eventually I’ll “leave her” like all the others, and to “tell that cockamamie bullshit to someone else.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 473 You deserved it 196

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Anonymous · 21 June 2024, 20:00 ·Maryland Heights, United States

Priorities

Today, despite being an incredible single mother to my only child, and loving him more than anyone else could, my son still completely ignored me and my attempts to hug him at his gender reveal party with his wife. Apparently she deserved a hug more than I do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 133 You deserved it 2 182

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militarywife2b · This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff ·France

Stay classy

Today, at work, I watched a man throw up in his hands, dump the contents on his plate, then eat the things it "didn't touch." I had to wash his plate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 181 You deserved it 2 239

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Anonymous · 21 June 2024, 16:00

Waiting list blues

Today, after two years of fighting, I finally got an appointment for my son to see an autism specialist. The appointment is in December 2026. He’ll be 11 and in high school by then. FML

I agree, your life sucks 460 You deserved it 106

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Anonymous · 21 June 2024, 14:00 ·Tulsa, United States

Flustered

Today, I went grocery shopping with my toddler. At the checkout, I realized that I forgot my wallet at home. As I frantically searched my purse, my toddler shouted, "Mommy, do we need this?" and held up a box of condoms she'd grabbed from a nearby shelf. Everyone stared. FML

I agree, your life sucks 400 You deserved it 129

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AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA · 21 June 2024, 12:00 ·United States

Suit yourself

Today, my coworker, who constantly no-shows, ranted to me about his work hours being reduced. He somehow doesn't realize that he's the problem. We're understaffed as of now, so they can't fire him, and I have to be there constantly to make up for him being a lazy ass. My days off have been few and far between. FML

I agree, your life sucks 469 You deserved it 109

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Anonymous · 21 June 2024, 09:00 ·Midland, United States

SK8 OR DIE

Today, I was feeling motivated enough to try longboarding again after a long stint of being a couch potato. Not even 10 minutes into cruising down the road, my board catches on a rock. Now I've got a sprained wrist and two inches of road rash on my right arm. So much for getting a little exercise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 360 You deserved it 189

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Benn · 21 June 2024, 06:00 ·Montréal, Canada

Crumbling

Today, I ran into my ex at the supermarket. Trying to seem nonchalant, I attempted to make small talk while pushing my cart. I didn't notice that I was steering straight into a tower of canned goods until it was too late. FML

I agree, your life sucks 139 You deserved it 495

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jend · This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff ·United States

New life

Today, I went into work happy about my supervising promotion. When I arrived at work, I realized that only one person had decided to come into work today, which meant I had to clean 15 rooms, and supervise myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 866 You deserved it 3 865

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Anonymous · 21 June 2024, 00:00 ·Macon, United States

Profile pictures

Today, I went on an online date. I'd spent a while getting ready and making sure I looked good. When I arrived at the café, I saw my date and approached with a smile. He stood up, looked me over, and said, "Oh, I thought you were your profile picture’s friend." Then left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 538 You deserved it 272

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Department of Redundancy Department · 20 June 2024, 22:00 ·United States

The tautology police

Today, as part of my becoming an adult, my dad taught me how to use an ATM. The irrational anger I suddenly felt when he told me to "Enter your PIN number into the ATM machine" is too much to be described here. FML

I agree, your life sucks 155 You deserved it 671

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Anonymous · 20 June 2024, 20:00 ·Wakefield, United Kingdom

No excuse

Today, I posted a selfie on Instagram showing off my new haircut. However, I hadn't noticed that I'd forgot to switch back from my company's official Instagram account to my private account. The caption? "Feeling cute, might delete later." It stayed up for over an hour, and my future as a social media manager is up for debate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 99 You deserved it 739

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MouseChaser · This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff ·United States

Catch!

Today, I learned that as adorable as it might be to watch your cat follow your cursor around the screen, the humor ends when she dives into and breaks the monitor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 089 You deserved it 28 753

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Anonymous · 20 June 2024, 16:00 ·Australia

The hair of the dog

Today, my friends threw me a surprise birthday party. I was genuinely surprised—and also genuinely hungover from celebrating my birthday alone the night before because they'd all told me they were busy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 531 You deserved it 133

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Julia86 · 20 June 2024, 14:00 ·United States

Wrong place, wrong time

Today, I got to work early to set up a prank for my coworker Cathy. I wrapped everything on her desk in aluminum foil, including individual paperclips. As I finished, my boss walked in, pointed at the desk, and said, "Great work, but that's John’s desk. He’s out sick today." FML

I agree, your life sucks 83 You deserved it 720

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gill · 20 June 2024, 12:00 ·San Diego, United States

Class war

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. Recently, her mother married a rich guy and they moved in together. Her stepfather pays for everything and she can now go to bars every weekend or travel. Now that she’s “had a taste of the good life” she thinks she can meet someone better. I’m working class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 657 You deserved it 108

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Anonymous · 20 June 2024, 09:00 ·United Kingdom

Carpe diem, yeah?

Today, I was chatting to a girl in the chemist's and was about to ask her to go for coffee when the chemist came out of the back room and asked me loudly if the rash was only on my genitals or if it had spread further. FYI the chemist is my uncle and he was joking. I didn’t end up asking her out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 604 You deserved it 113

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Tea'd off · 20 June 2024, 06:00 ·United States

Dramatic

Today, I found out that I can no longer have tea, which I have been drinking for as long as I remember, because caffeine now gives me severe hyperthyroidism attacks. I don't know what it's like to watch your best friend die after having known each other for several decades, but I imagine this is a good analogy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 328 You deserved it 199

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Lauren · This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff ·Australia

Infuriating

Today, my husband declined a $100k/year job due to him thinking that a full-time job at one work place would be too "depressing." I'm a nurse and have to wipe other people's arses for a living, then come home to this lazy dick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 143 You deserved it 8 841

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F*ckinghot · 20 June 2024, 00:00 ·United States

Southern states be like

Today, as I have my entire life, I live in the south. However, our AC decided to break and now it's 91 degrees inside the house, even with fans on and the windows open. FML

I agree, your life sucks 425 You deserved it 123

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Anonymous · 19 June 2024, 22:00

Bad parenting

Today, we got back from our second honeymoon and went to pick the kids up from my mom's. Surprisingly, they were both sat quietly watching TV. Half jokingly, I asked my mom what her secret was. Without even a guilty pause she told me, "Benadryl for chesty coughs in their juice. You're welcome." FML

I agree, your life sucks 508 You deserved it 115

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Anonymous · 19 June 2024, 20:00 ·United States

Think this through

Today, my parents were surprised when I told them that changing the internet and cable service would also cut themselves off from the internet service's email. Which they have everything connected too. I thought about this when they told me they were saving $200 on switching. They apparently did not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 391 You deserved it 75

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