All the FMLs

**** those dudes

By who tf asked you! - 15/09/2023 10:00

Today, already stressed from my classes, I decided to scarf down a huge burrito while on break at school. Some Andrew Taint wannabe decided to come over to my area and tell me how unattractive I was for eating so much. Fuck you, dude! FML

I agree, your life sucks 821

You deserved it 159

Anyone could've waltzed in

By DTMM - 15/09/2023 08:00

Today, I was looking for my condo keys, thinking I had left them in my mailbox on the first floor the night before. Leaving to check, I realized I'd forgot to take them out of my door when I had come in, leaving them in the keyhole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 234

You deserved it 548

I'm too old for this shit

By HateCelebz - 15/09/2023 06:00

Today, I went out for drinks with two 18 year-old girls and a 30 year-old woman. I'm 53, and wanted to hook up with the 30 year-old. She got drunk after an hour and went home in a taxi, meanwhile the two 18 year-olds drank me under the table. I'm sat with them trying to sober up so I can walk home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 150

You deserved it 1 028

How did you screw up so bad?

By Anonymous - 15/09/2023 04:00

Today, after I made a new Google/YouTube account a couple of weeks ago, I failed to realize that the name I made on YouTube also relates back to my Gmail. I've been sending professional, work-related emails under the name of "Poop McNugget." FML

I agree, your life sucks 157

You deserved it 980

Panic on the streets of Hanford

By greeneyedpothead - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Hanford

Today, I got my foot stuck in the car seat belt. I kept pulling to loosen it up but it just kept getting tighter till my foot was in the air, so I started panicking and eventually started crying. My boyfriend had to pull over and save me from a seat belt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 627

You deserved it 28 164

ESP like… telepathic?

By Anonymous - 14/09/2023 17:02 - United States - Chicago

Today, I'm tired, on Benadryl, temporarily moved into my mom’s house because my roommate chose to get an ESP dog who sheds, even though I told them I'm anaphylactic crazy allergic. They won’t get rid of the dog and I can’t afford to break the lease. I'm also flunking all my classes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 659

You deserved it 158

It's toasted

By Carolyn - 14/09/2023 22:00

Today, I opened the preheated oven to discover the chicken casserole I made last week is now sludge. The freshly toasted maggots are scattered all over the oven. I took the casserole out, but didn't have my glasses on to see the maggots before placing the pan of biscuits inside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 150

You deserved it 1 048

My life blows

By Sua - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - Canada - Calgary

Today, my English teacher handed back my creative story assignment with a 74% on it. Apparently, she docked 10% because I had an unrealistic, overly dramatic plot line. That plot line was based on my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 933

You deserved it 4 397

Stinky

By mechgineer - 14/09/2023 12:00 - United States - Watertown

Today, my wife is 20 weeks pregnant and today is the first day that my natural, clean scent makes her nauseous. We don’t have somewhere else I can sleep and we both work from home. Twenty more weeks to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 645

You deserved it 144

They're out to get me

By Anonymous - 14/09/2023 16:00

Today, the last 8 spiders found in the house have all been in my bedroom. Not the kitchen, or my sister's room, or our parents' room, or front room, laundry, or garage. Always in my room. I’m the only one in the house scared of spiders. The bastards are haunting me, trying to scare me to death. FML

I agree, your life sucks 588

You deserved it 148

Nice try

By Anonymous - 14/09/2023 14:00

Today, I fed my husband a vegan beef burger so I could show him that it tastes exactly the same when he didn’t notice. He noticed on the first bite and spat it across the kitchen because he thought the meat had expired before I cooked it, and tasted disgusting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 108

You deserved it 1 866

Who am I?

By BadFather - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, I discovered my wife and I have referred to our two-year-old as 'Cutie' or 'Beautiful' so many times she won't respond to her own name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 884

You deserved it 43 583

Stable

By Anonymous - 14/09/2023 04:00 - United States - Asheboro

Today, after I bought a bedframe a few days ago that was up for sale with a sign next to it that said "The best you can ever find! Very supportive and stable!" guess what happened? It shattered into small splinters. I’m literally underweight, too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 600

You deserved it 141

High expectations

By Anonymous - 14/09/2023 08:00

Today, I was arguing with my husband how he has never told our son that he’s proud of him. Without missing a beat, he told me that when our son gets around to doing something he can be proud of, then he’ll tell him he’s proud of him. Our son is a university graduate and trainee doctor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 886

You deserved it 99

Get a load of this

By Zoro - 13/09/2023 21:00 - Canada - Burnaby

Today, I had a wet fart with liquid in my underwear that I could smell. I let the one guy in front of me take the elevator so he wouldn't smell me. When the next empty elevator showed up, seven people started lining up behind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 625

You deserved it 198

Nervous wreck

By jumpy - 14/09/2023 04:00

Today, I was literally startled by my own shadow. I hate having anxiety. FML

I agree, your life sucks 541

You deserved it 163

Lawyer up

By human torch - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my physics teacher accidentally lit me on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 029

You deserved it 6 405

Next time, wait a couple of years

By Anonymous - 14/09/2023 00:02

Today, my boyfriend met my parents, siblings, and some other family members. Thirty minutes later, he broke up with me and stormed out, yelling no way was he staying with me because they’re all fucking psychotic. He's my second boyfriend driven away by my family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 864

You deserved it 207

Not under my watch!

By Anonymous - 13/09/2023 22:00

Today, I told my dad I want to enlist in the army and he tried to lock me in my room. He did almost the same thing when I told him I wanted to do certain college courses to make it easier to become a police officer, only there was a lot more swearing and throwing of objects. FML

I agree, your life sucks 643

You deserved it 215

Wow, thanks, I'm unfatted

By Shellie - 13/09/2023 20:00

Today, after trying to report my coworkers for bullying me for being fat, HR seriously had the gall to say to not let it get to me and if I’m so bothered by it, then I should do something about it and improve my lifestyle. Apparently, “You can’t control people, but you can control your circumstances.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 748

You deserved it 488

Backfired

By Telemistake - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, a telemarketer called for my dad. Jokingly, I said, "I haven't seen him for like five days… I'm starting to get worried," in my best child-like voice. Apparently the telemarketer called Child Protective Services. I'm 20. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 451

You deserved it 70 225

The enforcer

By Anonymous - 13/09/2023 16:00

Today my auntie who helps run a HOA sent me out on a quick errand to deliver some fines. Now I know why she didn’t want to go herself. Several fines were for one guy, one very large angry guy, who let his dog trap me in the garden while he yelled at me for 5 whole minutes until I cried. FML

I agree, your life sucks 736

You deserved it 217

I'm tired

By DramaticSigh - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, at work, a customer came in. Since I was behind the counter, I asked if she needed help with anything. I've worked there for five years, and I didn't recognize my own boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 837

You deserved it 36 238

I'm fragile, OK?

By Anonymous - 13/09/2023 10:00

Today, I lost a tooth and got my jaw wired shut after my toddler managed to break my jaw by whacking me with a plastic toy. Hello at least 8 weeks of being unable to talk while only eating meals that have been thoroughly blitzed into a liquid form first. FML

I agree, your life sucks 729

You deserved it 135

The Last Stylebender

By Gerard - 13/09/2023 08:00

Today, I found out my roommate gambled his portion of the rent money on Israel Adesanya. FML

I agree, your life sucks 602

You deserved it 91

Mission impossible

By Anonymous - 13/09/2023 12:00 - Philippines - Makati City

Today, my manager forced me to call the guy she fired a few weeks ago, and grovel shamelessly to him to come back to work, and that I'd better convince him to return, or else. The problem is, not only does he hate my manager's guts, he's now working a godsend job in Japan, which pays 4 times as much, and gave him a car and a house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 778

You deserved it 89

Parasite

By Anonymous - 13/09/2023 04:00

Today, and since we've had our baby, my mother-in-law started coming round more often, then bringing her stuff to stay overnight, then started claiming she lived here, and got hysterical when we told her she doesn’t. I had to pick her up and place her outside while she punched me in the head repeatedly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 008

You deserved it 108

Major headache

By Emily 1992 - This FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff - United States - Klamath Falls

Today, and for the past 3 days, I've had a massive migraine. It finally went away while I was at work, thanks to my nose bleeding all over the place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 300

You deserved it 188

Classic nice guy rhetoric

By Anonymous - 13/09/2023 00:02

Today, the girl I like would rather meet potential partners online, some in different states, and wonders why nothing works out. Apparently the guy who took her on dates, AKA me, is just friend material. FML

I agree, your life sucks 366

You deserved it 828

Living beyond your means

By Anonymous - 12/09/2023 21:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I realised that despite having a full-time job I must really be failing at this adulting business, because I called my dad and the first words out of his mouth were, "I’m not sending you any more money." I do borrow money a lot, and yes I was about to ask for more. What the hell is wrong with me? FML

I agree, your life sucks 205

You deserved it 1 064

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I was icing an injured foot with a frozen water bottle as the doctor directed me. When I was done, I picked the bottle up and immediately dropped it on the same injured foot, which is now swollen and bruised. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 795

You deserved it 4 764

Today, I was at my friend's house for the first time in months. I saw her new Chihuahua, Mickey, and he was excited that new people were over. I picked him up and slightly bounced him in the air. Because of the bounce and his excitement, he peed a little bit… straight into my eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 213

You deserved it 34 146

Today, after days of my wife nagging me, I started working on the flat pack furniture she ordered. Every twenty minutes, she interrupted me to demand I stop and help her with something trivial and irrelevant. Now I remember why I postpone projects as long as possible. FML

I agree, your life sucks 401

You deserved it 118

Today, I learned I'm not allergic to gluten. My mom has kept me on a gluten-free diet since I was 5. She was convinced I was allergic to it. I'm 25 and I am writing this over my first slice of pizza in 20 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 785

You deserved it 2 247

Today, I got written up at work for clocking back in from lunch early. Yesterday I got a verbal warning for coming back late. I'm scared to go to lunch at all now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 915

You deserved it 4 698

Today, I learned that when microwaveable pizzas say, "Caution, hot after cooking" what they really mean is that you should be prepared for the cardboard tray to fall apart when you try to pick it up and that boiling hot cheese is going to run down your arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 642

You deserved it 8 564