All the FMLs

Sneaky girl

By Anonymous - 13/05/2024 16:00 - United States - Atlanta

Today, I came home from work to pet-sit 2 dogs and 3 cats, only to find the dispenser for the cat food empty. I'd filled the dispenser yesterday and thought I'd placed it where the dogs couldn't reach it after I left for work. The Labrador could in fact reach, and a week's worth of cat food is now in her stomach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 396

You deserved it 201

Happy mother

By Anonymous - 13/05/2024 12:00 - United States - Seattle

Today, instead of getting ready for Mother’s Day weekend, I’m recovering from emergency surgery. Last year my kid gave me COVID for Mother’s Day. The year before, my whole family forgot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 529

You deserved it 125

Nope, no way

By fiat850 - 13/05/2024 09:00 - United States

Today, I agreed to go on a bike ride with my boss, even though I think he's crazy. We rode for a few miles, then he decided it was time to merge onto the freeway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 493

You deserved it 111

Chipping in

By OnTheReceivingEnd - 13/05/2024 06:00 - United States - Chicago

Today, while fighting unemployment and an visible abscess on my neck, I was cajoled into attending my Mom's birthday party. I spent the entire time at the restaurant trying to hide an oozing sore with a bandage, eating partially edible food. The cost? $40 I can't afford to spend on food not worth $5. FML

I agree, your life sucks 451

You deserved it 137

Charged

By Stickerless - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was pulled over for not having my car inspection up to date. I had my car inspected two weeks earlier. Since I'm at college my sticker was mailed to my home. My mother didn't want to pay the 42 cent postage, so now I have to pay $250 because my mother is cheap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 538

You deserved it 4 490

Insecure tradlife

By Anonymous - 13/05/2024 00:00 - United States - Anaheim

Today, my boyfriend told me that in order for me to be considered for marriage, I need to prove that I can be a subservient woman. This includes signing over the deed to my house, my car, and all my banking assets, so that he can be “the man of the house.” I make 6 figures; he rents with roommates. FML

I agree, your life sucks 991

You deserved it 198

Too little, too late

By Anonymous - 12/05/2024 22:00 - United States

Today, my wife complained about her job and brought up an idea to start our own business and move out of this small town. It was the exact same idea I got yelled at for bringing up 15+ years ago. Now my health is bad, near retirement, and can't get off insurance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 550

You deserved it 90

MILF Manor

By daughter - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Sweden - Vårgårda

Today, I found out that, for over three years, my boyfriend has solely been dating me to get closer to my mom. Apparently, "she's a total MILF." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 273

You deserved it 2 390

Inflation

By Anonymous - 12/05/2024 16:00 - United States - Seattle

Today, my need for medication that increases bruising collided with my need for major oral surgery. I look like a chipmunk who lost a fight. Just in time for Mother’s Day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 415

You deserved it 89

Meritocracy is a myth

By Anonymous - 12/05/2024 14:00 - United States

Today, as I've always done, I worked extra hard to move up but was never able to in this podunk town, because you have to be related to get anywhere. My wife loves this town and didn't believe me until she got promoted at her work and her "friends" started treating her differently. Welcome to reality. FML

I agree, your life sucks 445

You deserved it 104

Couponed off

By Uber scammed me - 12/05/2024 12:00 - Sweden - Haegersten

Today, I was going to an event with my friends and I'd told them I could pay for an Uber since I had a coupon for 70% off. It was only going to cost 5 bucks, but later I looked at my bank statement and an additional 15 bucks was taken from me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 409

You deserved it 114

Deez nuts

By Nicky - 12/05/2024 09:00 - United States

Today, I returned home after a long day, and wanted a snack of the Deluxe Mixed nuts I purchased yesterday. The only thing in the container was almonds and peanuts. My husband admitted he sorted through the nuts then closed the container up so it looked like it had never been opened. FML, and maybe my husband too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 474

You deserved it 94

The pros and cons

By Anonymous - 12/05/2024 06:00 - United States

Today, I was emailed an update on the jobs I applied for. Every single one of the positions have closed except for one that I'm having second thoughts about, because looking around Google showed them to be VERY sketchy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 399

You deserved it 75

Gotta have it

By kp. - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, I found ants all over my chocolate, but I'm so addicted that I just wiped them off and ate it anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 002

You deserved it 59 225

Awww, my feefees

By Erick - 12/05/2024 00:00 - United States

Today, I saw a beautiful girl at the bar. I attempted to be friendly and hit her up for a chat. She called me a “creep” and told me to get lost. A few moments later, another guy does the exact same thing I did and she smiled and kept flirting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 461

You deserved it 298

Discipline

By Anonymous - 11/05/2024 22:00 - United States

Today, our Scout troop was scheduled to do the Cycling Merit Badge. Midway through, it began to rain so hard that I couldn't see the road, and ended up in a ditch. Rather than make sure I was okay, as I was covered in mud and blood, my dad the Scoutmaster decided to scream at me for holding everyone else up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 495

You deserved it 107

Pervert!

By Nessa - 11/05/2024 20:00 - United States

Today, I walked in on my husband sniffing my sister’s panties from her laundry basket. He had the gall to defend himself and told me, “If you wore these sexy thongs and cheekies instead of them granny panties, I wouldn’t be doing this.” I wear “granny panties” because I recently gave birth to our daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 738

You deserved it 166

Sprinkler

By shelly - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was locked out of my house and had to pee. I waited an hour for my boyfriend to come home. When I saw him pull into the driveway, I peed myself in excitement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 989

You deserved it 7 591

Happy birthday anyway!

By bdaygirl - 11/05/2024 16:00 - United States - Grand Rapids

Today, I received a short happy birthday message from my father. He’s never been one to show affection, and I haven’t spoken to him in months since he only reaches out to ask for money. This might have given me hope that he cares or wants a relationship with me. Except… it’s not my birthday, and I don’t think he knows that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 472

You deserved it 113

Run!

By Anonymous - 11/05/2024 14:00 - Hungary - Budapest

Today, we had a family day at my new job. I used to have a very abusive boss in my previous position, who even slapped one co-worker across the face in the office, prompting me to quit. Guess who turns out to be my new manager's wife… FML

I agree, your life sucks 579

You deserved it 89

Nag nag nag

By Anonymous - 11/05/2024 12:00 - United States

Today, I came back from a week-long vacation, to find my fiance had cleaned the house top to bottom, and finished three projects he was constantly putting off. I was over the moon, until he said, "Yeah, when you're not nagging me all day, I can actually get shit done. Crazy, huh?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 205

You deserved it 857

Doormat blues

By Anonymous - 11/05/2024 09:00 - United States

Today, my mom spent an hour lecturing me on how I'm a doormat who lets people walk all over me, and that I needed to be more assertive. So I stood up and told my dad, no, I am not going on that forestry camp he wants me to go to. Mom sat silently by as he screamed and grounded me for the entire summer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 576

You deserved it 119

Curiosity killed the AC

By Cat owner - 11/05/2024 06:00 - United States

Today, my cat tried to look out my bedroom window. To do so, she tried to stand on my air conditioner. She was unsuccessful in that endeavor, almost knocking my TV over and fucking up the side panel. Now there's an opening in my window that I can't close up. Guess I'll take the AC out and shut the window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 345

You deserved it 136

New fangled technology

By notacashier - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I used the self-checkout for the first time. I didn't see a slot for bills, so I tried to put them in the coin slot for a solid three minutes. There was a huge line behind me, silently judging. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 867

You deserved it 28 838

So long…

By Anonymous - 11/05/2024 00:00 - United States

Today, I'm depressed because my long-time dentist, who I've had for nearly two decades, is retiring and I'm having my last appointment with him. It's also depressing that one of my only meaningful relationships is with my dentist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 446

You deserved it 151

Not cool, Mom

By Anonymous - 10/05/2024 22:00

Today, my mom still spends time with my ex because, as she puts it, we might be divorced now but there’s no reason they can’t still be friends. This is the woman who tricked me into raising another man’s baby for three months before I got suspicious and got a paternity test. Screw you mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 628

You deserved it 119

Fun times

By jfjfjdh - 10/05/2024 20:00 - United States

Today, my friend and I got back from a vacation, for which we both took time off work and coordinated. He didn’t want to do anything besides stay in the cabin and play video games. We went on a half-mile walk and that's about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 441

You deserved it 139

Good job parenting

By yova - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - San Francisco

Today, my mom called me a slut after she found out I sleep naked. This is how desperate she is for any excuse to yell at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 560

You deserved it 1 972

No receipts

By UnemployedPlsHelp - 10/05/2024 16:00 - United States

Today, I found out you can’t lie about having a Master’s Degree in order to get a job. I paid a friend $500 to make a very real looking Master’s diploma from an accredited school. My plan worked well, until they asked me for my official transcripts. Meaning it has to come from the institution directly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44

You deserved it 1 549

I don't want to fade out

By Anonymous - 10/05/2024 14:00

Today, my dad died recently and as I was going through photos of his bucket list trip to Paris, I realised I’m not in a single damn one of the photos. Why? Because during all the big photo moments, I was the stupid bastard taking the pictures. Now I have no photos of us together on his last trip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 565

You deserved it 137

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The Top

Today, I woke up in the hospital after my sister saved me from "hanging" myself. In reality, my sister choked me because I ate her last chicken nugget. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 680

You deserved it 1 438

Today, I was visiting my sick grandmother in the hospital when my cousin and I were playing in some empty wheelchairs. After goofing off I said, "They're fun, but I would kill myself if I was in a wheelchair." A little boy rounded the corner and said, "Tell me about it." He was in a wheelchair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 322

You deserved it 82 116

Today, I received a Snapchat of a horse-drawn carriage version of a hearse. I replied, "That's so extra!" because I thought it was finals week at her school. Turns out, she's at her uncle's funeral. He was an officer in the Air Force and there's going to be a 21-gun salute in his honor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 188

You deserved it 2 117

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting it on. At one point, he started to kiss my ear. Then, he stopped, went into the bathroom, and came out with about four Q-tips. He then said to me, "Just take care of your ears, then I'll continue." FML

I agree, your life sucks 880

You deserved it 2 131

Today, my ex-boss still owes me almost 900€. I just paid another 150€ to have a lawyer tell me that, yes, the law is clearly on my side but no, I will most likely not win in court because I don't have hard proof. I just paid money to be told I won't be getting the money I'm owed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 334

You deserved it 169

Today, I have severe endometriosis and it's severely damaged my bowels. I was on a bus, and we got stuck in a traffic jam. The bus was delayed by 40 minutes and whilst I was stuck on it, I pooped myself. An old lady gave me a shawl to hide the damage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 426

You deserved it 87