Jay · 2 August 2024, 20:00 ·Strykersville, United States

Some things last a long time

Today, my mom decided to clean out my freezer. She freaked out over a box of unbelievably expensive King crab legs that expired over five years ago. My PTSD kicked in and I explained that I got them for a special occasion three days before my girlfriend was diagnosed with lung cancer. I never got that special occasion. I hate me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 514 You deserved it 144

1 comment Share

Anonymous · This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff ·Australia

Stuck

Today, I was on train when an attractive girl got on. There were no free seats and seeing as how my stop was next, I gave her mine. As soon as I did, the train came to an immediate halt, due to "brake problems". I spent the next 40 minutes standing up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 204 You deserved it 13 128

67 comments Share

Anonymous · 2 August 2024, 16:00 ·Kowloon, Hong Kong

Feeling a light 4 on this one

Today, I started recording my piano exam pieces to submit, and I was proud at my interpretation that I spent time trying to make it sound good. That was until my tutor walked in and said I had "shit rhythm and ass intonation." My mom was there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 388 You deserved it 116

1 comment Share

Anonymous · 2 August 2024, 14:00 ·Anaheim, United States

Rumor mill

Today, my brother-in-law was nice enough to bring me lunch at work. The people I work with are so catty and immature that the rumors started flying almost immediately. Grow up already. FML

I agree, your life sucks 425 You deserved it 95

1 comment Share

Heather · 2 August 2024, 12:00 ·United States

The grind never ends

Today, my "self-schedule" job changed my schedule so I work every Wednesday. My boyfriend lives 3 hours away and this is the only day he has off from his jobs. Also, my previously approved PTO for his birthday, which I spent $1k non-refundable on, was cancelled. So now I'm out the money because I have to work or be fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 491 You deserved it 105

3 comments Share

Anonymous · 2 August 2024, 09:00 ·Tuscaloosa, United States

Cut your losses

Today, I found out my partner was cheating on me. We’ve been together for over 5 years. I tried to break it off with him but he won’t let me. I feel stuck and numb. I went to bed early, only to be woken up by him (on purpose) a couple of hours later and now can’t sleep because of a headache. FML

I agree, your life sucks 544 You deserved it 187

6 comments Share

Anna · 2 August 2024, 06:00 ·Melbourne, Australia

A mother's love

Today, I was stranded on the couch with a sleeping baby. I had my phone, but everything I wanted to do needed both hands, or sound. I was toying with my phone on my lips when someone texted me, causing the phone to vibrate my teeth, which hurt, and to avoid my baby falling, I crunched my shoulder and pulled a muscle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 139 You deserved it 489

0 comment Share

elizabeth · This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff ·Las Vegas, United States

Call the fuzz

Today, I came home to my mother-in-law wearing the gold chain which I usually keep in a hidden drawer. I searched my drawer only to find out my chain was missing. I asked my mother-in-law if she took it and she keeps denying the fact that she stole it from me. My husband is on her side. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 180 You deserved it 1 941

57 comments Share

Anonymous · 2 August 2024, 00:00 ·Vancouver, Canada

Here's how I feel…

Today, I love my parents, but I'm culturally obliged to support them. However, I always feel sad because I can't purchase and pursue what I want, because my finances will suffer. I feel like I cannot enjoy my life to the fullest. They think I have money all the time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 463 You deserved it 127

3 comments Share

oof ok · 1 August 2024, 22:00 ·Bakersfield, United States

Badum tish!

Today, I told my friend that my new neighbor's name is Sandra and "that's pretty much all I know." She responded with, "You're right, Sandra is a pretty name." FML

I agree, your life sucks 262 You deserved it 151

2 comments Share

Anon · This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff ·Modesto, United States

It wasn't me

Today, I got detention at school because a girl told the principal I was stalking her on campus. I wasn't stalking her, we just have very similar schedules. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 542 You deserved it 1 779

55 comments Share

Anonymous · 1 August 2024, 16:00 ·Ulan Bator, Mongolia

Friend in need

Today, I'm literally obsessed with one boy. I've been crushing on him for more than a year now and yet he still decided to reject me. I have been rejected like four times by now, so I don't think this is love anymore, it's definitely more like a obsession or something. I've lost so many people just because of him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 87 You deserved it 998

6 comments Share

Anonymous · 1 August 2024, 14:00 ·Sydney, Australia

Skittish

Today, I was halfway through a pair of pants I'd started making when my PTSD kicked in and I had a panic attack, and thought someone was yelling at me, so my response was to throw a pair of sewing scissors at the non-existent person. They hit the wall and now I have to get the wall patched up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 345 You deserved it 250

1 comment Share

John D · 1 August 2024, 09:00 ·United States

Skin deep

Today, I saw a friend’s Instagram post. She's lost so much weight since the last time I saw her, so I slid in her DMs hoping to score a date. It was going quite well until I asked her out and she responded, “You’re only asking me out because I’m skinny now, right? You’re barking up the wrong tree” and she blocked me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 82 You deserved it 1 406

3 comments Share

Anonymous · 1 August 2024, 06:00 ·United States

Traditions, eh?

Today, my in-laws came to visit from their home country. They were shocked and appalled when they saw the kids helping out around the house. They then asked earnestly why I make my sons clean up instead of making my daughter do it so she can “train” to be a good wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 658 You deserved it 121

5 comments Share

Anonymous · This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff ·Nuneaton, United Kingdom

Copycat

Today, I found out that my fiancé's sister, who only got engaged a couple of months ago, is getting married before us. I wouldn't have a problem with this if she wasn't planning her wedding to be exactly like ours will be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 112 You deserved it 2 009

54 comments Share

Anonymous · 1 August 2024, 00:00 ·Kirkcaldy, United Kingdom

Thanks, Walt

Today, it turned out that letting my daughter watch '101 Dalmatians' backfired; our dog gave birth to two gorgeous pups but she can't stop crying and asking where 'the rest of them' went. Apparently she's been telling her friends all week that she'd soon have 15 puppies to play with, and now will never be happy again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 437 You deserved it 153

1 comment Share

Anonymous · 31 July 2024, 22:00 ·Chicago, United States

Don't do this

Today, I was at the gym trying to work up the courage to ask a girl out. She was on the treadmill, and I thought it would be cute to wave hello. Instead, she looked horrified and sped up, then slipped and fell off the treadmill. She thought I was mocking her, and now everyone at the gym hates me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 232 You deserved it 447

3 comments Share

Anonymous · 31 July 2024, 20:00

It wasn't me

Today, my brother asked his wife for a divorce, but she got so mad at him that he backtracked and told her it was a prank I'd put him up to. She’s still mad as hell at him, but thanks to his lie my name is now mud in our entire family. I was at work all day, and I did nothing wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 672 You deserved it 109

1 comment Share

Anonymous · This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff ·United States

You hypocrite

Today, my mother lectured me about going to the bar too often. She did this while rolling a joint. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 094 You deserved it 6 570

68 comments Share

Alex · 31 July 2024, 16:00 ·Vancouver, Canada

Looking good

Today, I was expecting a package from Amazon, so when the doorbell rang I rushed out in my pajamas. It wasn't the delivery guy. It was my ex and her new boyfriend, here to drop off some of my old stuff. I'd answered the door wearing an anime onesie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 212 You deserved it 552

3 comments Share

Anonymous · 31 July 2024, 14:00

Sick of it

Today, my entire workforce downed tools today until I fire our new Human Resources rep, who in only a few weeks has made the workplace miserable and frustrating, and has increased sick leave by 48% due to the 'Can’t Deal With Her Bullshit' Virus. I can’t fire her; she’s the owner's mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 566 You deserved it 127

3 comments Share

JJ84 · 31 July 2024, 12:00 ·Dublin, Ireland

Dinner time

Today, I was having a romantic dinner at home with my girlfriend. Everything was perfect—candles, wine, the whole shebang. As we sat down, I felt something moving under the table. I thought it was her playing footsie. Nope, it was our cat with a very live, very tetchy mouse he'd just caught. Cue the screaming and wine spilling everywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 428 You deserved it 112

1 comment Share

Anonymous · 31 July 2024, 09:00 ·United Kingdom

I can't believe it's not better

Today, to save money, my wife decided, among other things, to make her own butter. It required cream bought fresh from a nearby farm and a lot of hand churning. I worked it out: by the time all the cream became butter, it was 4 times more expensive than Asda butter, expires faster, and tastes worse FML

I agree, your life sucks 478 You deserved it 111

1 comment Share

Anonymous · 31 July 2024, 06:00 ·Milwaukee, United States

On the down low

Today, during a long flight, I tried to discreetly pass gas. Instead, I misjudged the pressure and ended up making a loud noise that everyone around me seemingly heard. To make matters worse, the flight attendant asked if everything was OK. Now I’m probably remembered as "Farts on a plane." FML

I agree, your life sucks 182 You deserved it 500

5 comments Share

JoblessandStupid · This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff ·Stockbridge, United States

Make a scene

Today, I got pissed and tried to storm out of work, only to get outside and realize I couldn't because I'd let my coworker borrow my car for lunch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 793 You deserved it 2 691

14 comments Share

Ana · 31 July 2024, 00:00 ·United States

Golden child

Today, my mom proved to me that there was favoritism between me and my siblings. My mom made me use my money to buy everyone dinner, but when my brother wanted to buy himself food, my mom asked him if he was gonna buy me and our sister some too, he said, "No, I don’t want to" and she said, "That’s fine." FML

I agree, your life sucks 514 You deserved it 111

3 comments Share

Anonymous · 30 July 2024, 22:00 ·United Kingdom

I'm not getting paid enough for this

Today, I was promoted to Executive Assistant of our new managing director. Alas, no one told me that, alongside her occasional periods of managerial brilliance, she has severe ADHD and dyslexia, so as well as an assistant I’m also her babysitter, interpreter, maid, nurse, tutor, etc. FML

I agree, your life sucks 473 You deserved it 128

0 comment Share

hahahah111 · This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff ·United States

Leave me out of this

Today, my mom was driving me somewhere. As we were driving, she got mad at a motorcycle driver telling to "get the fuck off the road." In response, the driver spat into my open window. His spit landed on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 232 You deserved it 4 390

91 comments Share

Anonymous · 30 July 2024, 16:00 ·Ernakulam, India

Damaged ego

Today, I was selected for a big quiz and was teamed with a girl who I have a huge crush on. When we reached the venue, I tried to hop onto the stairs and I faceplanted onto the stairs and nearby event organisers had to come pick me up. After that, I couldn't look her in the eye, nor answer the quiz questions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 168 You deserved it 509

3 comments Share