Anonymous · 6 August 2024, 00:00 ·Huxley, United States

Non-starter pack

Today, I'm in love with my best friend. We are intimate but live 24 hours away from one another. We had been discussing him moving closer to me, which was a recent turn of events and I was elated. We could finally be together… until some unexpected tragic news uncovered a kid he wasn't aware of. Now he's a single dad and staying put. FML

I agree, your life sucks 486 You deserved it 137

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Anonymous · 5 August 2024, 22:00 ·United Kingdom

Tactful

Today, at a party, my friend introduced me to her roommate by spouting the usual crap, like, “You guys just had to meet, you have so much in common.” After 20 minutes of very painful, awkward conversation, it was clear the only thing we had in common was being the only two black people in the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 590 You deserved it 113

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LillyLogan · 5 August 2024, 20:00 ·Dorchester, United States

Wow thanks, I'm cured

Today, I went to a pain specialist to get help with my chronic pain. He did not diagnose anything or discuss causes. He then said, "Good luck with that" as I left. Of course, I still got billed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 459 You deserved it 84

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disappointed · This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff

Living my best life

Today, I got to live my life's dream of going whale watching. Apparently my true life's dream was to get extremely seasick, sunburned to a crisp, and pay $60 to see only seagulls in the end. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 657 You deserved it 4 337

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Anonymous · 5 August 2024, 16:00 ·Toronto, Canada

Mind games

Today, my ex texted me being all flirty and sexual and yet was never like that when we were together. Not long later, his new girlfriend messaged me saying, "Stop messaging my man, he doesn't want you back." FML

I agree, your life sucks 441 You deserved it 95

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zana · 5 August 2024, 14:00 ·United States

Tough enough

Today, I tried to comb my hair after waking up. I not only broke the comb but also pulled a muscle in my arm. I do not go to bed with wet hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 324 You deserved it 113

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Stuck · 5 August 2024, 12:00 ·United States

It's never 100%

Today, I found out I’m gonna be a father. Apparently, my ex-girlfriend’s arm implant didn’t work this one time we had sex during our closure talk. Now I’m stuck having a baby with a girl I don’t even love anymore, and I have figure out how to explain this to my current girlfriend, who I do love. FML

I agree, your life sucks 172 You deserved it 786

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Karen · 5 August 2024, 09:00 ·Solon, United States

Scammed out

Today, after leaving one job, reducing my hours at another, completing all the onboarding requirements for a nursing home, and dealing with serious anxiety, I was told they don’t have hours available for me and don’t know when they will. I got laid off before even starting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 510 You deserved it 88

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Ritta · 5 August 2024, 06:00 ·United States

Romantic choice of movie

Today, the guy I’ve had a crush on for ever declined a date with me to see the new Deadpool & Wolverine movie because he isn’t interested in dating. I decided to go to see the movie on my own. I ran into him at the same screening I went to, all cozied up with another girl. What the hell does she have that I don’t? FML

I agree, your life sucks 294 You deserved it 562

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DaggerHole · This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff ·Australia

Itchy arse

Today, I learned the worst part about being dared to shave your ass hair: Stubble. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 366 You deserved it 16 683

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Anonymous · 5 August 2024, 00:00 ·United States

Skincare

Today, months after a severe poison ivy rash, I have learned that I now have a very intense poison ivy allergy. As in, any exposure to poison ivy at all will cause my face, hands, thighs, and groin to swell up and itch madly for up to a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 446 You deserved it 81

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Ungrateful · 4 August 2024, 22:00 ·United States

Go long

Today, my husband threw an epic tantrum because I asked him to put away the leftovers from dinner. Yeah, because I guess me going to the grocery store, then preparing and serving the food AFTER working a 10 hour day wasn’t enough. Thanks babe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 659 You deserved it 136

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SteveO))) · 4 August 2024, 20:00 ·United Kingdom

**** my shit up, please

Today, I went to a new hair salon that has just opened down my street. I asked them for a trim and a little bit of layering, just to keep things smart and professional. I walked out looking like a cross between a pineapple and a mop. Of course, as is often the case after a bad haircut, I have a job interview in two hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 414 You deserved it 260

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hatemyboss · This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff ·Alameda, United States

Mostly OK

Today, I asked my boss if I could have a bigger cubicle. I'm now working in one that is half the size of my old one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 569 You deserved it 6 957

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Luke Sparacio · 4 August 2024, 16:00 ·Cary, United States

Teeth gang rise up

Today, I just got back from school with my mouth feeling like a bomb site, and also very hungry. I just got my braces installed yesterday, and I have to wear them for 18 months. I can barely eat anything solid, which means I will be hungry more often. It's going to be an awesome 18 months trying to focus on school! FML

I agree, your life sucks 394 You deserved it 149

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Ed. · 4 August 2024, 14:00 ·Stoke Newington, United Kingdom

No fun

Today, I got back the results of an allergy test I decided to get because I felt generally tired after meals. Turns out that I'm allergic to, among other things, meat (yep, is a thing), nuts (of course), milk, egg, rice, carrot, apple, yeast (as in bread), and even soy. Seems I'm allergic to… food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 554 You deserved it 102

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Anonymous · 4 August 2024, 12:00 ·Canada

Don't cheat

Today, I finally met the guy I've been getting to know online in person for a date. When we saw each other, we both realized that we had heavily Facetuned our profile pictures. The awkward silence that followed was the longest five minutes of my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 You deserved it 964

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Nicky · 4 August 2024, 09:00 ·United States

It's sus to us

Today, my husband got on a business call, but he was not using his usual booming, baritone voice. Instead, he was soft and sweet and began with, "Hey, how have you been?" and quickly went into his office. Curious, I listened outside his door. It was a female co-worker. The work talk was waaaay too fun and familiar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 583 You deserved it 133

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Anonymous · 4 August 2024, 06:00 ·United States

My sweet Buddy

Today, my husband is upset that I refuse to sign off on a loan for $10k for an experimental surgery on his 11 year-old chronically ill dog. It will ultimately put more trauma on the poor creature, but he refuses to listen or let go. Not to mention the kids and mortgage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 529 You deserved it 123

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Anonymous · This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff ·United States

Not too fond of the chair

Today, my son threw the biggest fit in history about going to the dentist. He broke a whole stack of plates, overflowed the bathtub, let the dog loose, and kicked his father when he tried to calm him down. My son is 17. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 883 You deserved it 36 560

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Krule · 4 August 2024, 00:00 ·Redding, United States

Women be shopping

Today, I couldn't find my car in a mall parking lot. After 30 minutes of searching, I reported it stolen to the mall security. It turns out that I'd parked it on the opposite side of the mall. Security escorted me to my car, all while giving me pitiful looks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 109 You deserved it 544

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Anonymous · 3 August 2024, 22:00 ·Milton Keynes, United Kingdom

Alexa, play "Out of Time" by Blur

Today, my wife finally actually started trying with life again, perfectly in time for me to have already given up on us at the start of the week, having spent way too long trying to fix things. She keeps on pushing all this future planning stuff when I'm just wanting to walk at this point. FML

I agree, your life sucks 434 You deserved it 154

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Anonymous · 3 August 2024, 20:00 ·Greensboro, United States

Way too chill, dude

Today, I went to what I thought was my friend’s house for a barbecue. I walked into the backyard and started chatting with people I didn't recognize. After about 20 minutes, I realized I was at the wrong house, eating a stranger's food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 184 You deserved it 489

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sambo99 · This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff ·United Kingdom

Happy birthday!

Today, it's my birthday. So far I have received: the news that my parents are divorcing, a dead bird and a pile of shit left on my bed (courtesy of the cat), a rash all over my face, and some slippers from my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 024 You deserved it 3 381

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Anonymous · 3 August 2024, 16:00 ·Undeloh, Germany

My life story

Today, if I was watching my life as a movie, I'd be thinking: "Come on, it is SO obvious that this will be a story about some gods having a bet about how fast they can get this woman to kill herself, and whether big things like health problems work best, or rather constant small annoyances." FML

I agree, your life sucks 355 You deserved it 148

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Anonymous · 3 August 2024, 12:00 ·Anaheim, United States

Horrible

Today, I got told once again that I’m being a horrible mother by letting a man move in with me. We recently got engaged after 6 years together. Meanwhile, my ex has a new girlfriend practically every other month and forced our kids to call multiple women “Mommy.” Yeah, I’m the bad guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 576 You deserved it 150

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Anonymous · 3 August 2024, 09:00 ·United States

Hangry boi

Today, I had a massive craving for peanut butter and jelly. While making a sandwich, the jar slipped from my hands, bounced off the counter, and exploded all over my kitchen. Now I have peanut butter and jelly in places I didn't even know existed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 341 You deserved it 132

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Anonymous · 3 August 2024, 06:00 ·Toronto, Canada

Most Canadian story ever

Today, I found out I will possibly not be able to take my RCM 10 because one song doesn’t qualify. I have worked towards it for 3 years. I then got harassed on the subway. Then I fell for the taxi cab scam by a 12 year-old out of stress and had to cancel my credit card. Oh, and I have a test at 9 a.m. tomorrow morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 345 You deserved it 184

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nancypants1124 · This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff ·United States

The Curse

Today, I was joking around with my manager about faking an injury to collect Worker's Compensation. Then I actually slipped and sprained my foot, and now my manager thinks I'm lying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 995 You deserved it 12 732

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Anonymous · 3 August 2024, 00:00 ·Tuscaloosa, United States

What would you do?

Today, I found out my partner is cheating on me with several women. I broke up with him but he won’t move out without legal action (he is staying in my apartment), so I’m literally stuck being around him. He’s been very toxic and petty since I found out. I just want this to end. FML

I agree, your life sucks 664 You deserved it 149

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