DanielZVans

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Danielzvans's favorite FMLs

By bittersweet - 08/02/2009 03:08 - United States

Today, I texted my boyfriend saying "Hi." His response: "I got your best friend pregnant". FML

agreeclassic 560

vote type 1 45

Bon appétit

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Appleton

Today, I told my girlfriend I've been a vegetarian for 6 years. Hearing this, my mom said, "No, you're not. I fry your mushrooms and onions in bacon grease." With this new information, I've been a vegetarian for about 76 hours. FML

agreeclassic 40 463

vote type 1 10 071

By grandson of a p.o.s. - 14/03/2013 22:04 - United States - Somers

Today, I attended the reading of my grandfather's will. I didn't expect to receive anything, since his side of the family had always ostracized me for being born out of wedlock. I did get something: $3,500, on the binding condition that I use a portion of it to get a vasectomy. FML

agreeclassic 40 173

vote type 1 2 988

No kidding

By Anonymous - 14/03/2013 18:41 - United States - Portland

Today, my pregnancy test came back positive. My boyfriend is no fan of fatherhood, so it was with some hesitation that I called him and let him know I'm pregnant. He replied, "Like hell you are!" and hung up. He now refuses to answer any of my calls. FML

agreeclassic 44 940

vote type 1 10 872

By WildaRora - 14/03/2013 07:19 - Australia

Today, I picked up my new car. The dealer offered to connect my iPhone to the Bluetooth system for me. Once connected it automatically started playing the audiobook I had been listening to over the stereo system. Right on a passage which had an extremely graphic description of anal sex. FML

agreeclassic 32 294

vote type 1 19 060

WildaRora app_comment_confession_title

WildaRora 43

Thursday 14 March 2013 14:56

Hi guys, OP here. The dealer was femalel, I doubt she was older than 25 and we managed to laugh it off. After me nearly dying from embarrassment she actually asked what the book was. And no, it wasn't 50 Shades of Grey. It was not just the description of the act that was so bad, it was the moans and groans that the narrator put along with it. It sounded like really bad **** - not that I know what that sounds like! Thing is I was shocked when it came up in the audiobook, which is why it was stopped at that part. Later on I listened to the rest of it and boy was I glad that I managed to stop it when I did. I am really thankful that I found out about this feature before I took my parents for a drive.