The Top

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The top of the year

Higher learning

By Anonymous - 06/09/2026 22:00 - United States - Charlotte

Today, I’ve returned to college in my thirties because I was finally ready to commit to a program of study. Unfortunately, I have zero organizational or time management skills at this point in my life and I can’t keep up with deadlines. I waited all this time just to crash and burn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 163

You deserved it 296

Flop era

By Anonymous - 07/11/2025 20:00

Today, I got the chance to hook up with the girl of my dreams, but I had whiskey d*ck and couldn't perform. I'm so embarrassed and now she's not messaging back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 162

You deserved it 347

The old ball and chain

By Anonymous - 23/06/2026 00:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I realised I may need to work on my marriage when I saw my husband in public, laughing and smiling with his coworkers, then when he saw me his smile disappeared and he stood up like a tired old man to come and speak to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 161

You deserved it 465

Jumping the gun

By Anonymous - 23/02/2026 03:00

Today, I canceled our wedding that was scheduled for tomorrow because my fiancee's father passed away unexpectedly this morning. She got furious when I told her, because she still wanted to go through with it, and said that her dad would have wanted us to. Now she's not speaking to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 161

You deserved it 695

Office supplies

By Nervous - 04/12/2025 03:00

Today, during a Zoom meeting, I tried to discreetly mute myself before yelling at my printer for jamming again. I wasn’t muted. My whole team listened as I threatened a piece of office equipment with violence. My boss suggested therapy for “Printer anger.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 160

You deserved it 405

Desperate times

By Melissa - 14/07/2026 22:00 - United States - San Diego

Today, I got a criminal record and a court date, all because I’m a single mom struggling to pay rent and feed my 3 kids, and I was desperate enough to trust a random man who told me to cash a fraudulent check. He dropped me off at the bank and ghosted me when I was being interrogated and booked by the cops. FML

I agree, your life sucks 160

You deserved it 589

No more phone calls for today

By Jim - 09/12/2025 22:00

Today, I blurted out “Love you, bye!” at the end of a professional phone call. There was a long pause before he replied, “Uh… thank you for your help?” My coworkers heard everything. I'm now scared of my work phone ringing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 160

You deserved it 254

Talk saucy to me

By Anonymous - 30/11/2025 20:00

Today, as my boyfriend and I were getting intimate, I asked him if he was going to fuck my brains out and make me his dumb little cock sleeve. He said, "That's kind of degrading, isn't it?" Instant mood kill. Never date a man who can't talk dirty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 159

You deserved it 390

It's not a phase, Mom

By Anonymous - 03/07/2026 12:00 - United States - Covington

Today, my mom found my sketchbook full of realistic dicks. She woke me up to show me with concern, and the page she showed as an example was specifically someone getting a handjob. For context, I draw lewd stuff for the laughs, and being an artist just makes it not work out in my favor. She now thinks I am a perv. FML

I agree, your life sucks 159

You deserved it 383

Woke of the day

By Don't like being slaughtered - 14/10/2025 15:00

Today, I finally found the courage to confront my Native American parents, who happily celebrate Thanksgiving every year, even though it's a holiday about genocide. They rolled their eyes and said, "Fine. Don't come, we don't want a killjoy like you at dinner." FML

I agree, your life sucks 158

You deserved it 837

Cat owners can relate

By Anonymous - 26/10/2025 03:00

Today, I sleepily sprang out of bed to battle a determined off-brand rattly Roomba for the right to clear up a large puddle of cat barf. Guess who won… FML

I agree, your life sucks 158

You deserved it 277

Wardrobe malfunction

By Anonymous - 02/10/2025 09:00

Today, I wore new gym leggings to spin class. Ten minutes in, the instructor gently pulled me aside to whisper, “Those leggings, they’re see-through.” I had been doing squats in front of a full-length mirror the entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 158

You deserved it 376

Thanks Dad, but…

By Sad cuck - 09/10/2025 22:00

Today, my dad called in a rage, saying he caught my "cheating whore" girlfriend at a bar on a date. I had to admit to him that she and I participate in a cuckold lifestyle. The sheer disgust and disappointment in his voice has been haunting me all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 158

You deserved it 567

It's not just men

By WTF - 05/01/2026 15:00

Today, as we were discussing our plans for 2026, I suggested we go vegan as it's healthier and better for the planet. My husband said, "Ask me to go vegan again and I'll have divorce papers for you the next day." Why? Why are men so adamantly opposed to veganism? FML

I agree, your life sucks 158

You deserved it 1 160

No fun allowed

By Elyri - 04/02/2026 22:00

Today, my husband came home and groped my ass, so I tossed cold water into his face to make him back off. He's now acting like I sprayed him with toxic acid waste now. What a baby. FML

I agree, your life sucks 158

You deserved it 926

The more you know

By My mouth tastes like blood - 14/12/2025 22:00

Today, I was able to get dental care for the first time in 4 years. I had been going through all the hygiene motions, but without professional input all that time, no one was there to warn me about the sour candies I had been eating, and how they ruined your teeth anyway. My teeth are well beyond salvageable now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 157

You deserved it 406

Attention to detail

By Anonymous - 08/09/2026 03:00 - United States

Today, I had a job interview in a hotel and arrived 20 minutes early. I sat in the lobby practicing answers while watching the elevators. Eventually, the receptionist walked over and asked if I was waiting for someone. I gave her the company name. She pointed across the street. I'd been practicing my interview in the wrong hotel. FML

I agree, your life sucks 157

You deserved it 288

Giving up

By ForeverLonely - 31/10/2025 22:00

Today, I’m getting my fallopian tubes removed because I've lost all hope of finding a man. I’m 36 and I've kissed frog after frog and no Prince Charming on the horizon. I can’t get a man to stay/commit to save my life, so I’m throwing away the dream of having a white picket fence family to be confined into celibacy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 157

You deserved it 562

Dangling

By Anonymous - 27/08/2026 00:00 - United Kingdom

Today, while making out, my clean-shaven husband pulled away because he could feel my lip hairs tickling him. I thought he was making a joke so I called him a tosser and walked away. Later I checked in the mirror and there they were, two black hairs swinging in the breeze right under my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 157

You deserved it 287

Wakey wakey

By Anonymous - 19/12/2025 12:00

Today, I went to bed early, feeling responsible. At 2 a.m., I woke up in a panic because I forgot to set my alarm. While fixing it, I actually turned it off completely. I overslept, missed work, and proved once again that I should never trust myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 157

You deserved it 308

Tight fit

By Paul - 21/12/2025 03:00

Today, I'm having a difficult time in the bedroom. I'm 59 and the 40 year-old hot blonde I'm seeing is so tight, she squeezes me out almost every time she "gets hers." It sucks having to practically start over countless times before I can finish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 157

You deserved it 309

Keep it

By I tried - 30/10/2025 22:00

Today, I texted my friend’s mom, asking if she could send over my hoodie that I left at their house. Except I didn’t text her, I texted my ex’s mom, who said, “You should probably stop texting me. She’s engaged now.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 157

You deserved it 349

What gauge strings are you using??

By Anonymous - 07/01/2026 00:00

Today, I forgot to tune my guitar pre-performance. Surprising, because it was in tune when I frantically did it by ear backstage. Too bad two of the six strings snapped, smacking the drummer in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 156

You deserved it 264

Steamy pile of mess

By Anonymous - 14/01/2026 09:00

Today, I put leftovers in the microwave and pressed what I thought was “1:00.” It was actually “10:00.” I got distracted, then realized at minute eight when the smell changed from “warm food” to “bad science experiment.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 156

You deserved it 347

Sexy talk

By Anonymous - 29/12/2025 20:00

Today, after my cute girlfriend got out of the shower and was walking over to our bed. I asked, "Now that you're all clean, want to sit on my face?" To which she replied, "Ya sure, I've not gone poop yet." FML

I agree, your life sucks 156

You deserved it 305

Thrown for a loop

By Anonymous - 22/05/2026 09:00 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, a cashier at a store was so gorgeous that when she asked if I needed a bag, I grabbed everything and simply said, "Thanks, you too." I dropped something on the way out of the store and I haven't gone back. I've seen her a few times around town and she giggles at me when I pass by. I hate my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 155

You deserved it 328

Long time coming, probably

By Anonymous - 13/11/2025 03:00

Today, to punish my wife for disrespecting me in front of my friends, I told her I wasn't going to help with the baby tonight. When I woke up, she and my baby were gone with nothing more than a text saying she was speaking to a divorce lawyer. Over one night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 155

You deserved it 1 636

Bad seed

By Middle Age Divorced Dad - 27/07/2026 09:00 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my youngest daughter failed kindergarten. After 3 years of petit section, junior and senior kindergarten, she still doesn't recognize the teacher's authority. For example, when the teachers are trying to line the children up to come in after recess, she's pulling the kids out of the line and yelling, "Run away!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 155

You deserved it 400

Connection is all around me…

By Anonymous - 21/09/2026 09:00 - United States - Two Rivers

Today, after I made a connection with someone I used to know from school, I came to find out the whole time we were “solely seeing” each other, he was banging the bartender, and some fellow bar patrons at the same time as the bartender. FML

I agree, your life sucks 155

You deserved it 78

Turned off

By Anonymous - 23/02/2026 20:00

Today, I recently got a boyfriend, a real nice guy, but unfortunately it means I discovered for the first time that during the ovulation phase of my cycle when I’m super horny I actually can’t stand him. I'm stood there craving sex, and the guy I could be having sex with turns my stomach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 154

You deserved it 321

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The Top

Today, my girlfriend and I had the day off so we agreed fun by having the "afternoon in". In bed, that is. We got in bed, clothes off, and started to touch each other when she held her gut and yelled, "Oh shit! Oh shit! I have to shit!" She did a poop that came out like a waterfall. Diarrhea ended our fun. FML

I agree, your life sucks 435

You deserved it 71

Today, I was taking a nap. Apparently, my two year old daughter decided to crawl on top of the covers on my bed because she was scared since there was a thunderstorm. I thought she was one of our cats so I kicked her off. She hit the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 97 009

You deserved it 252 162

Random

Today, I decided to conquer my fear of blades, and tried shaving my legs with a razor. I sat on the side of my bathtub and wet my legs, but some of the water splashed. I slipped on it and fell back, hitting my head on the tile wall and slicing my leg open at the same time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 181

You deserved it 5 999

Today, I visited my grandparents at their farm. When I went to pee in the outhouse, I noticed a round thing in the middle of the hole, so I peed on it. It was a beehive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 572

You deserved it 23 229

Today, I bought a new computer. I gave my old one to my mother. After handing it over and going home, I realised I forgot to change the background picture, a naked photo of my girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 088

You deserved it 68 473

Today, I went shopping with my sister’s husband to help him choose a birthday gift for her. My sister’s insane friend saw us, followed us, and caused a huge screaming scene in the middle of the mall accusing us of having an affair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 077

You deserved it 305

Today, on our twelfth wedding anniversary, my wife fell asleep at a fine dining restaurant table within seconds of asking me about my exciting job interview. FML

I agree, your life sucks 425

You deserved it 103

Today, I got a haircut at a fancy salon and made small talk with the stylist. While she washed my hair, I said, “Wow, this is better than my girlfriend does it.” She replied, “That’s because I’m a professional. Also, I’m your girlfriend’s cousin.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 114

You deserved it 467