The Top

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Prank gone wrong

By Anonymous - 12/02/2026 22:00

Today, my dad thought it would be funny to make me hold an unlit cigarette before FaceTiming my mom so he could prank her by saying, "He's got a new habit." My mom did not find it funny, especially when I mentioned to her that I did not willingly participate. Now I'm stuck in this car, listening to them argue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 387

You deserved it 79

Words is hard

By Anonymous - 06/03/2023 00:00

Today, when I got to a family reunion, I realized I've been on the internet for so long that I've forgotten how to have an actual conversation with real people. Now I'm the "Weird Uncle." FML

I agree, your life sucks 324

You deserved it 815

Give my regards to Broad Street

By LieutenantDimwit - 15/02/2026 12:00

Today, I was about to cross the fabled Abbey Road street crossing for a photo. Like an idiot, I didn’t pay attention to the road. As I began crossing, a lady on her e-bike frantically swerved out of the way and ate the pavement. In front of 30 people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54

You deserved it 605

By lonely - 01/01/2011 17:11 - United States

Today, I posted on my Facebook wall that I'd gotten into a huge bar fight and had the shit kicked out of me, all to avoid having to tell the truth, namely that I'd stayed home all night because nobody invited me out to party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 053

You deserved it 34 561

Make up for it

By Emily - 17/02/2026 15:00

Today, after I used the try-on foundation feature online and it matched, I'd bought it but it was way too light. I then found out that it wasn’t the right foundation and because I had used it, I couldn’t get a refund. I went back to buy the right foundation but my shade was out of stock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 265

You deserved it 164

By ashleyyyy - 28/10/2011 15:59 - United States

Today, I was pulled over for going the wrong way on a closed highway. The construction signs pointed me in that direction, and the cop agreed that they should be fixed. Did it stop him from giving me a ticket anyway? Nope. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 836

You deserved it 2 806

Paranoia

By Anonymous - 29/09/2020 11:01 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I asked a girl to move from Tinder to WhatsApp, after 3 weeks of nice chat. She said no way, and that I just wanted nudes and then unmatched. The only intention I had was getting to know her and asking her on a date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 114

You deserved it 198

Turned off

By Anonymous - 23/02/2026 20:00

Today, I recently got a boyfriend, a real nice guy, but unfortunately it means I discovered for the first time that during the ovulation phase of my cycle when I’m super horny I actually can’t stand him. I'm stood there craving sex, and the guy I could be having sex with turns my stomach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 148

You deserved it 304

By nerdsgetmehot - 29/12/2010 18:32 - United States

Today, six months have passed since my parents announced that they're getting a divorce. We're all still awkwardly living together because we haven't been able to sell our house yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 004

You deserved it 2 528

Cut your losses

By Anonymous - 02/08/2024 09:00 - United States - Tuscaloosa

Today, I found out my partner was cheating on me. We’ve been together for over 5 years. I tried to break it off with him but he won’t let me. I feel stuck and numb. I went to bed early, only to be woken up by him (on purpose) a couple of hours later and now can’t sleep because of a headache. FML

I agree, your life sucks 541

You deserved it 186

No way she'll be a Karen

By Anonymous - 24/02/2026 00:00

Today, while picking names for our unborn daughter, my mom decided to help by providing a list of names she absolutely won’t accept because they’re all women she hates for insane reasons. It has over 300 common names on it. Every time we pick another name, boom, there it is on her damn list. FML

I agree, your life sucks 414

You deserved it 123

My little boy is all grown up

By Jax - 26/02/2026 22:00

Today, my mom shrieked in horror and burst into hysterical tears when I casually mentioned I was having sex. I've been married for three years. My wife and I have sex. Deal with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 385

You deserved it 60

Non-starter pack

By Anonymous - 06/08/2024 00:00 - United States - Huxley

Today, I'm in love with my best friend. We are intimate but live 24 hours away from one another. We had been discussing him moving closer to me, which was a recent turn of events and I was elated. We could finally be together… until some unexpected tragic news uncovered a kid he wasn't aware of. Now he's a single dad and staying put. FML

I agree, your life sucks 485

You deserved it 137

Romance is dead

By Sad - 01/03/2026 09:00

Today, I sent the kids to my parents' house, tidied the house, and made reservations for a fancy restaurant, hoping to surprise my wife. When she got home and I handed her flowers, she sighed and said, "Can you stop with the stupid romance shit? It's embarrassing. We're six years married, not two moonstruck kids." FML

I agree, your life sucks 740

You deserved it 67

ALIENS!

By Anonymous - 08/08/2024 09:00 - Australia

Today, I had to give a presentation on ancient civilizations. As a joke, my friend dared me to do the whole thing using puppets, which I thought it would be hilarious. Halfway through, I noticed the look on my professor's face and my classmates giggling. My professor has a phobia of puppets and I was the only one unaware of this fact. FML

I agree, your life sucks 450

You deserved it 173

Easy peasy

By KATY - 10/08/2024 03:00 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, after watching a few YouTube tutorials and thinking it looked easy, I decided to cut my own bangs. Halfway through, my scissors broke. Now I have uneven bangs and no way to fix them until I get to a salon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 138

You deserved it 456

Starfish

By Spice it up - 06/03/2026 03:00

Today, my girlfriend complained that I don't initiate sex much anymore. The only way she will have sex is at night, lights out, covers on, TV turned up, and no foreplay or anything. It's so fucking boring, I'd rather just watch TV. FML

I agree, your life sucks 390

You deserved it 106

No cruise for you

By Anonymous - 10/03/2026 12:00

Today, my brother and sister-in-law uninvited my family from their Disney Cruise because I told them that my daughter is not going to babysit their kids. I don't know how to tell my kids that we're no longer going. They're going to be so devastated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 531

You deserved it 109

By Anonymous - 13/09/2012 20:37 - United Kingdom - Harlow

Today, my car alarm went off during a funeral. Three times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 817

You deserved it 3 764

Not woke

By Anonymous - 15/08/2024 22:00 - United States

Today, I was woken up by my phone alarm blaring at full volume. I grabbed it to hit snooze, but in my half-asleep state, I accidentally threw it across the room. It hit the wall, bounced off, and landed in my fish tank. My fish is fine. My phone is not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 113

You deserved it 579

Dope

By Anonymous - 14/03/2026 03:00

Today, someone told me to be the adult in my kid's unexplained shunning of me. She’s 30. I just spent 3k on a graduation party. No thanks from her. Yes, I’m a dope. FML

I agree, your life sucks 311

You deserved it 161

Occam's razor

By Lolololo - 18/08/2024 09:00 - Canada

Today, I called tech support because my new computer wasn’t turning on. After a long while on the phone, they finally asked if it was plugged in. It wasn’t. I spent way too long troubleshooting with a dead device because I never plugged it into the outlet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 82

You deserved it 702

Sorry about your dick, bro

By footinmouth - 14/03/2026 22:00

Today, my wife and I were with friends when she said that men who like guns all have tiny penises. "Seriously, even smaller than me!" I added, and only realized what I'd said when the laughter started. FML

I agree, your life sucks 107

You deserved it 484

I hate surprises

By Anonymous - 16/03/2026 20:00

Today, my family and friends threw a surprise birthday party for me, after I'd said multiple times that I didn't want one. I turned and left and now everybody is angry at me and calling me ungrateful and spoiled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 435

You deserved it 233

Growing old is a shipwreck

By Sad Son - 23/08/2024 00:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I visited my Mum. She has invited me to visit her before, but kept cancelling whenever I tried to arrange an actual visit. I finally went over anyway, only to find her in a soiled nappy, room in ruins, with kidney failure-induced dementia. Sometimes they hide it well over the phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 601

You deserved it 119

Charming

By Bros before hos, every time - 19/03/2026 09:00

Today, I was chilling at home when my roomie cruised in with a baddie on his arm. She turned out to be a total ho and started trying to get in my pants while he was sitting RIGHT THERE. I did everything I could to shake her off and in the end I just asked her to leave. Fuck, I feel bad for him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 365

You deserved it 78

Get it out!

By Anonymous - 21/10/2020 08:01 - Israel - Tel Aviv

Today, I paid movers $125 to move a couch into my house that's much too large for the space. FML

I agree, your life sucks 424

You deserved it 1 068

My body, my choice

By Anonymous - 24/08/2024 09:00 - United States

Today, when I left for work, my girlfriend had gorgeous, very long (down to her hips), dark red hair. When I came home from work, her head was shaved. I asked her why she did it, and all she said was, "I just got tired of taking care of it". FML

I agree, your life sucks 421

You deserved it 391

Craving taste

By Anonymous - 23/03/2026 15:00

Today, my husband caught me sneaking out of his parents' house to get food. I love my in-laws, they’re the type of people others dream of having, but the food is so horrible. I don’t understand how in such a large family of amazing people not one of them has figured out how to make a decent meal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 416

You deserved it 97

Drive

By fmbadluck - 29/10/2020 17:01 - Dominican Republic - Santo Domingo

Today, I set a new record: two fender benders in less than 10 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 756

You deserved it 447

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The Top

Today, I missed my bus by a minute. I called up my step-dad asking him if he could drive me because I had a test first period. After about calling him twenty times, and him not picking up, I saw him drive by the bus stop, pointing at me and laughing hysterically. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 431

You deserved it 4 441

Today, while discussing kids, my fiancé told me he has a kid already with his previous fiancé, but he hates kids so much, he left and moved to this country before it was born. He doesn’t even know if it’s a boy or girl, because he simply doesn’t give a toss. Yes, I’m pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 537

You deserved it 777

Today, my wife tried to join me in the shower to be sexy, only I was shampooing so when I turned round and felt someone in the shower with me, I panicked and we both fell and got stuck in the bottom of the bath. Our kids had to come and help, because my wife had a broken arm and we couldn’t move. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 100

You deserved it 206

Today, as I was driving home after work, it was already dark. Some person in all black clothing came out of nowhere and jumped on my hood. It was the crazy ex I’ve been avoiding for 3 years. Of course, he said I hit him on purpose for revenge. Funny seeing how I moved towns over to get away from him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 814

You deserved it 128

Today, my dad came home roughly 3 hours early. He came back because he was laid off from his job, because there was no work for him on his current shift and they haven't found a replacement shift for him at the job he's currently at. Shouldn't they have figured that out in advance? FML

I agree, your life sucks 477

You deserved it 97

Today, my phone rang during a meeting. I quickly silenced it, and put it in my pocket. A few minutes later, my boss’s phone rang. It was me, butt-dialing him while we were sitting in the same room. He answered and asked if I had something urgent to discuss. I did not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 183

You deserved it 419