The Top

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Nag nag nag

By Anonymous - 11/05/2024 12:00 - United States

Today, I came back from a week-long vacation, to find my fiance had cleaned the house top to bottom, and finished three projects he was constantly putting off. I was over the moon, until he said, "Yeah, when you're not nagging me all day, I can actually get shit done. Crazy, huh?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 204

You deserved it 856

By anonymous - 17/12/2011 02:06 - United States

Today, I went to the movies with my friends. All throughout, some guy kept making weird sounds and breathing deeply. Midway through the movie, he got even louder. Just as I was about to snap, chunks of vomit sprayed over my chair and shoulders. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 065

You deserved it 2 536

By blinded - 11/02/2011 16:14 - United States

Today, I went to get a facial. I forgot my contact case so I put them into paper cup. My beautician thought it was leftover water from someone else, and threw my only pair of vision aid away. I scuttled home half blind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 194

You deserved it 26 839

Gamergate

By Anonymous - 05/07/2020 08:01

Today, after I bought a gaming system two days ago, for too much money, to distract myself from all the horrible things going on in my life and the world, it broke. So now I’m trying to distract myself from the thing I bought to distract myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 183

You deserved it 270

Leech

By Anonymous - 10/01/2023 12:00 - United States

Today, I realized my habit of asking people for money came to an all time high when I asked a girl to Cash App me $5 through Instagram. She literally sent me A PENNY, said, “Quit fucking asking me for money fam” and then blocked me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 102

You deserved it 2 063

Chipping in

By OnTheReceivingEnd - 13/05/2024 06:00 - United States - Chicago

Today, while fighting unemployment and an visible abscess on my neck, I was cajoled into attending my Mom's birthday party. I spent the entire time at the restaurant trying to hide an oozing sore with a bandage, eating partially edible food. The cost? $40 I can't afford to spend on food not worth $5. FML

I agree, your life sucks 451

You deserved it 137

Smash the patriarchy

By Anonymous - 25/11/2025 03:00

Today, I explained to my teenage daughter that enough was enough and she needed to start shaving her armpits again, stating it was unladylike and unsanitary. Her only response was, "If it's so unsanitary, why don't you make my brother do it?" I give up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 98

You deserved it 1 248

By s13495 - 24/10/2013 15:52 - United Kingdom - Hull

Today, I had my first interview in over a year. I panicked and passed out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 090

You deserved it 6 381

Jealous much?

By Anonymous - 09/02/2010 06:12 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told my hamster he loved her. Repeatedly. In 'cute' baby voices. He has yet to say it to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 392

You deserved it 5 798

Time to run

By Anonymous - 09/10/2021 23:01 - Australia - Vermont

Today, while out shopping, my fiancé started talking to a cashier in a flirty manner as if I wasn't there, and casually referred to me as his housemate. I felt my heart break, but I'm too weak to bring it up with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 086

You deserved it 684

Like a true Marxist

By Anonymous - 29/12/2022 12:00 - Germany

Today, I’ve been feeling like I got something stuck in my eye for hours. Nope, just one of those tiny blood vessels swollen up to the point it chafes on my eyelid. The only way I’m not in pain is by looking exclusively toward the extreme left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 940

You deserved it 95

Phones are bad for you

By Katie - 14/05/2024 20:00 - United States - Basehor

Today, I was laying in bed, scrolling through my phone, when my cat swatted my phone out of my hand. It hit me in the face and popped a pimple, which is now bleeding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 339

You deserved it 181

Brainrot

By sharon - 14/12/2011 21:21 - United States

Today, I was giving a presentation at work, when I said, "But we could care less about that." My boss asked if I meant, "Couldn't care less." Wanting to avoid embarrassment, I tried to think up an excuse, only to end up blurting that it was my phone's auto-correct. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 589

You deserved it 35 297

Sleeping together is exhausting

By Anonymous - 08/10/2021 20:00 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend and I realized how hard it is to get a good night's sleep next to each other when we both fell asleep watching John Wick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 697

You deserved it 219

Reported

By Anonymous - 07/01/2023 09:00

Today, I got basically raided by Child Welfare on very true reports I left a 4 month-old boy home alone with just water. The boy in question is my dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 212

You deserved it 780

By single - 20/10/2013 23:21 - United States

Today, I met up on a blind date. He took a phone call one drink in and said he had to leave because he didn't know it was his buddy's birthday, and they were having a party without him. I offered to split the bill and put out a $20. He got up, unlocked the bicycle behind us and rode off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 103

You deserved it 3 708

Creamed

By Anonymous - 15/10/2021 02:00

Today, I had a heat rash on my crotch. I asked my mom for cortisone cream. While I was putting it on, it suddenly started burning. It turns out she gave me arthritis cream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 039

You deserved it 196

The staircase

By Anonymous - 19/05/2024 12:00 - Germany - Eichstaett

Today, I broke my arm because my fucking ass friend pushed me off the stairs, and while I was in pain and was screaming, no one helped me. The worst part is that it happened at school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 595

You deserved it 82

By LimpMcgee - 07/02/2011 02:36 - United States

Today, I went to go use an automatic cart in Walmart because I broke my hip in January. They were all being used by morbidly obese people throughout the store. I asked a manager if she could get me one, but apparently their weight issues are more impeding than my broken hip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 187

You deserved it 3 664

By uncleaning - 22/07/2009 23:03 - United States

Today, after I cleaned out the fridge of things that expired months ago, my roommate got angry and insisted upon pulling all the moldy dairy products out of the garbage and putting them back because "they weren't mine and I shouldn't throw out other people's food." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 626

You deserved it 4 611

By Anonymous - 01/01/2009 15:38 - France

Today, I'm a recovering alcoholic and drug addict. On new years, my mom called and asked what kind of champagne I want. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 359

You deserved it 3 758

My one true friend

By When all else fails, talk to the kitty - 21/05/2024 22:00 - United States

Today, I realized my cat responds to and interacts with me when I talk to her more than my own parents do when I talk to them. Actually, that statement applies to pretty much everyone I know. FML

I agree, your life sucks 399

You deserved it 106

Oh great…

By stressedandcrowded - 05/02/2011 16:33 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out that my sister is going to spend the last two months of her pregnancy in my house to be with my mother. She's bringing her three wild children with her. The visit also happens to coincide with my end of year examinations in May and June. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 102

You deserved it 3 366

Ally

By Anonyme - This FML is from back in 2008 but it's good stuff - France

Today, I'm still in love with my ex-boyfriend, who is going out with someone else now. At least I now know that he's gay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 976

You deserved it 4 454

By Vince - 09/12/2011 19:38 - Canada

Today, I was cuddling up on the couch with my girlfriend, when my drunken mother walked in the room, slurred out, "Room for one more?" and leaped on top of us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 087

You deserved it 3 245

Time

By Ka… - 25/05/2024 16:00 - United States - Glide

Today, after spending two days spiraling out of control with my thoughts and online searches over my husband not being attracted to me, and our marriage being over, I realized it was just the week before my period insanity. I get to know I'm gonna bleed when the intrusive thoughts start to win. Being a woman is so fun. FML

I agree, your life sucks 491

You deserved it 203

Rebel

By God help me - 08/12/2025 12:00

Today, my 15 year-old daughter decided that the best way to indulge her rebellious impulses was to sleep with the 30-something convict down the street, get pregnant, and try to convince him to let her move in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 504

You deserved it 122

By BrokeandDesperate - 06/12/2011 07:03 - United States

Today, a 65 year old toothless gas station attendant asked me out on a date in exchange for free gas, and I said yes. This is what my unemployment has come to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 515

You deserved it 8 298

By Stormbringer - 01/02/2011 06:37

Today, I realized that someone spray painted a giant black cock on the front of my house while I was asleep. I also just recently painted my entire house yellow. Yellow doesn't cover up black penis very well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 471

You deserved it 4 122

Proof of love

By oh. - 15/12/2019 14:00 - United States

Today, I flew cross-country to see my girlfriend of three years. Once I got there, she broke up with me. I was supposed to be staying for a month and now I have nowhere to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 535

You deserved it 192

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The Top

Today, I was at church singing and my solo came up. As I walked through the crowd, this big woman caught the holy spirit and slapped the crap out of me. It was so hard, my fake tooth came out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 312

You deserved it 1 470

Today, I ran out of cash. The nearest ATM to my house is over a half hour away by foot. After walking all the way there under the blistering heat of the sun, I realized I'd left my card back at home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 646

You deserved it 23 845

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I canceled my Gamefly account. Seems that was the only thing keeping us together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 093

You deserved it 4 405

Today, after having my bath, I realised that I've gotten so fat that I have to lift up my butt cheeks in order to dry underneath them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 163

You deserved it 42 352

Today, my new girlfriend told me I don't snore when I sleep. Which is funny, since during the last year of my marriage, my ex-wife would make me sleep on the couch because my loud snoring kept her up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 541

You deserved it 2 982

Today, our Scout troop was scheduled to do the Cycling Merit Badge. Midway through, it began to rain so hard that I couldn't see the road, and ended up in a ditch. Rather than make sure I was okay, as I was covered in mud and blood, my dad the Scoutmaster decided to scream at me for holding everyone else up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 495

You deserved it 107