The Top

The most agreed on FMLs The most commented on FMLs The most favorited

The top of the day The top of the week The top of the month

The top of the year

Fore!

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was skating with my friends when I decided to go to the gas station to get a pack of cigs. The last thing I remember hearing was, "Look out!" I now have twenty stitches because some idiot bet he could throw a brick farther than another guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 464

You deserved it 8 947

Resting bitch face

By Emily - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I had to explain to this really intimidating girl that I wasn't giving her a dirty look, and that it was just my face at rest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 657

You deserved it 3 065

My gift is my song and this one's for you

By sadsongstress - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Belgium

Today, my ex got dumped by his girlfriend. Seeing my opportunity, I sent him a song I'd written for him, about how much I still love him. He sent it on to the girl who had just dumped him, claiming he had written it. They're now back together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 583

You deserved it 23 109

Mug

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Vietnam - Ho Chi Minh City

Today, I found out my ex-boyfriend of a month has a new girlfriend. That girl is my cousin, the same one who's been listening to my tears fall as I've confided my feelings to her for the past few weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 042

You deserved it 2 711

Demon child

By thatoneguy - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, a five year-old that I am babysitting picked up a knife and said he would chop my nuts off if I didn't give him his ice cream before dinner. Only 5 more hours to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 789

You deserved it 3 531

Nice try, loverboy

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I had a really cute waitress at lunch. I decided to leave my number and a $50 bill for a $15 check. When I left the restaurant I realized I still had the $50 but a $1 bill was missing from my wallet. I've been getting threatening text messages all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 710

You deserved it 64 643

Shotgun wedding

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Grand Rapids

Today, my father shot my fiancé. He's fine, but the wedding is off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 124

You deserved it 4 758

Dress code

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Cincinnati

Today, at work, my boss asked me why I wasn't adhering to proper dress code. I pointed out that skinny jeans are in the dress code, to which he replied, "Only if you're skinny." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 656

You deserved it 13 529

Strung out

By bdjsbskl - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, I was at work as a cashier. An old lady unbagged everything I had, and angrily "taught" me how to bag. She put potatoes on her eggs and broke them. She then screamed that I was useless and retarded in front of all my other customers and manager. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 137

You deserved it 2 415

Not in the mood

By prettybich - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I'm severely hungover. Upon returning home, I came to find that both of the elevators were out of order. I live on the 12th floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 416

You deserved it 36 723

Can't be late!

By courtneynaked - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United Arab Emirates

Today, my jeans got caught in the airport escalators. Seeing as how we couldn't get them unstuck, my mother made me take them off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 639

You deserved it 3 349

How appropriate

By ohgod - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I found out my husband had bought my one year-old daughter a shirt that says "Birth Control Fail" in pink glittery letters. He even took her out in it while I was at work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 949

You deserved it 8 059

Public freakout

By kingpin9219 - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, I broke up with my girlfriend in a crowded mall. I thought this was a good idea, until she went ballistic, began screaming and crying, and then stabbed me in the stomach with a ballpoint pen. I got banned from the mall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 272

You deserved it 52 832

Long day

By Heww - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, after working an 11 hour shift, I decided to treat myself to a delicious Krispy Kreme doughnut. When I got home, I sat down, put my feet up, poured myself a cold glass of milk. My dog jumped on my lap and vomited all over my doughnuts, stared at me, then bit the doughnut out of my hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 775

You deserved it 5 468

Paranoid

By Jealousbitch - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Mulberry

Today, I had to admit that my jealousy issues were becoming a problem when I almost told my boyfriend not to apply at the local McDonald's, because of the high school girls that would see him there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 806

You deserved it 34 277

Quite the effort

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, someone peed in my physical education locker. The only way someone could've done it is with a ladder. I'm so popular it hurts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 901

You deserved it 5 371

Hey you

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, I was waiting at the bus stop and noticed a girl that I played netball with. I ran across the road to meet her and she ran across the car park to meet me. We hugged and looked at each other slowly backing away as we both realised that we didn't know each other. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 024

You deserved it 7 557

Great start

By whytoday - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, on the first day of my nanny job, I wanted to impress my employers with how trustworthy and responsible I am. During the sixty seconds that I went to pee, the two-year-old found a black Sharpie and scribbled all over the wall. Nail polish remover made it ten times worse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 769

You deserved it 8 462

Assholes

By NoRespect - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I spent an hour setting up a delicate display stand at work. Not five minutes later, a woman barged in with her little kid, who immediately went up to the display and tipped the whole thing over. When I called attention to the mother, she just scoffed, "Isn't this your job?" and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 105

You deserved it 3 331

Good night!

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, Target asked me if I would do the closing announcement. I've only been working there a little while, so excited I agreed. I told people, "The store is now closing, thank you for shopping at Walmart." FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 947

You deserved it 34 555

Scarred for life

By Gabby125 - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I got back from a three week trip in the Alaska back-country. I survived climbing fatally steep mountains, white water rafting in a freezing glacier river, and a near bear attack. Despite all that, a badly thrown frisbee managed to split my eyebrow in half. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 985

You deserved it 4 404

Panic!

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Marsing

Today, I told my boyfriend that I've missed my period, and that I think I might be pregnant. He started panicking and ended up puking in the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 806

You deserved it 12 448

Harsh but fair

By Shianna - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Holden

Today, my son was fired from his new job, which was going to support us since I recently lost mine. His excuse was, "Conflict of interest." He was a mascot for a fast-food restaurant and refused to dance around. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 183

You deserved it 13 741

Inspirational

By justlittleoldme - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, I woke up crying in the middle of a nightmare in which my boyfriend of 8 months shot me through the heart whilst laughing as I screamed, "I love you." After I told him about this, he took me into his arms as I cried, stroked my back, and said, "What kind of gun was it?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 158

You deserved it 7 393

Jump in

By sisi9999 - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I learned that I'm allergic to hornets. I also learned that when your mom sprays a hornets' nest, and they come after you, that jumping in the pool doesn't help. They hover and wait for you to surface. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 369

You deserved it 3 649

It wasn't me

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was walking through the park eating fries. There was an old woman feeding a few pigeons. They didn't seem too interested, so I threw some fries down as I walked by to try and help her out. About two minutes later, I heard screaming. A huge group of pigeons were attacking the old woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 794

You deserved it 20 109

Daddy

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - Netherlands

Today, my little girl spoke her first word. It was ''Daddy." Daddy left before she was born and she has never met him before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 438

You deserved it 5 073

It's just windy

By m…… - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - South Whitley

Today, my mom's intense fear of tornadoes caused her to break into the bathroom, drag me off the toilet while I was changing my tampon, and drag me to the basement with my pants around my ankles to join my father, brother, and my brother's best friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 700

You deserved it 2 081

One big happy family

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Singapore

Today, my grandfather was counting all the grandchildren he had and saying how fortunate he was to have all of us. When I pointed out that he'd forgotten to count me, he turned and said, "You're adopted, you don't count as a real grandchild." FML

I agree, your life sucks 93 784

You deserved it 4 581

Halloween red flag

By Teaching - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was reading my students' Halloween stories I made them write for my creative writing class in high school. One of my students wrote about attacking me. She got my street address perfect and everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 406

You deserved it 4 602

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Health Relatable Anger Annoying Hospital Marriage Family Love Awkward NSFW Parenting Sex Intimacy Miscellaneous Stalker ACAB Cops Mysterious Transportation Airport Cars Poopoo peepee My ex Parents Religion Mother in law School Kids Clothes Animals

The Top

Today, after a solid month of hard work, I finally finished modeling and animating a 3D insect character for a scene. After presenting it to the rest of my team, one of my teammates pointed out that it looks exactly like a flying penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 944

You deserved it 6 092

Today, I suggestively asked my boyfriend to take a shower with me. He got in, washed himself, and got out, ignoring me the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 328

You deserved it 8 113

Today, I saved a woman from drowning at a pool where I lifeguard, but when I got her out of the water she started screaming about sexual assault. Apparently I accidentally brushed her breasts when pulling her up and out of the water. She wants to sue me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 933

You deserved it 272

Today, I was put in charge of painting a storage shed. The company owner ordered me to paint it a shade of blue. The site manager order me to paint it red. My boss ordered green paint. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 066

You deserved it 75

Today, I tried a new workout routine at the gym. I was feeling great until I dropped a big-ass weight on my foot and had to go to the hospital. After hours of waiting, the doctor told me that I had a broken toe and would need to wear a cast for six weeks. The worst part? I have a job interview next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 630

You deserved it 176

Today, I found a recipe online that looked delicious and not too complicated. Halfway through cooking, I realized I was reading the instructions for two different recipes and had combined them into one horrific dish. The resulting meal tasted like burnt cardboard mixed with regret. My girlfriend ended up ordering takeout. FML

I agree, your life sucks 146

You deserved it 505