The Top

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Territorial

By GoddamnCat - 13/07/2023 10:00 - United States - Carson City

Today, I'm very tired because last night my cat decided to announce to the world that another cat had wandered into the backyard at the top of his lungs. At 2 AM. FML

I agree, your life sucks 567

You deserved it 187

The line must go up

By Anonymous - 13/12/2024 12:00

Today, my boss sacked me because I only sold 3 cars last month. He made no allowance for the fact we’re in such a rural location we only had 3 customers actually walk in the door, and I sold a car to all 3 of them. That’s a 100% success rate. What else could I do, drag customers in? FML

I agree, your life sucks 728

You deserved it 82

Unloveable

By keerah - 20/12/2024 03:00 - United States - Sacramento

Today, I came to find out that each person I've ever dated was either set up by my dad or by my sister. I'm fuming. FML

I agree, your life sucks 434

You deserved it 139

It's a trap!

By Anonymous - 21/07/2023 12:00

Today, I agreed to go to a restaurant because I hadn’t really been listening and thought everyone was planning a coworkers night out. It wasn’t until the guy who had invited me turned up at the restaurant in a suit that I realised it wasn’t a group event, I’d accidentally agreed to a date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 210

You deserved it 1 127

Pavarotti next door

By Anonymous - 19/02/2021 00:30 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, I had to hear my neighbor whine again through the walls because he can't talk in a quiet voice. You can hear him from across the street, and that's before he gets drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 895

You deserved it 83

Odd rewarding system

By Anonymous - 03/01/2025 00:00 - Australia - Moora

Today, one of my uni professors held a contest for the first half of my first semester. 1st, 2nd, 3rd and 5th got a brand new textbook requisite to the course. Me, who came in 4th? A 2” used plastic toy owl that she pulled out of her purse. I moved 300km to attend here, attend lectures faithfully and score A+. WTH? FML

I agree, your life sucks 514

You deserved it 111

Getting dryer

By Anonymous - 11/01/2025 22:00 - United States - Ironwood

Today, I (32F) tried to break a two month dry spell with my boyfriend of five years. He pointed out a cold sore on my lip. I never got cold sores before I met him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 439

You deserved it 131

Confused

By Good to know - 16/01/2025 09:00 - United States

Today, I found out that, despite the name, it is indeed possible to get swimmer's ear without ever actually going swimming. Am I dumb, or am I right to be confused? I suppose it could be worse, but… how? FML

I agree, your life sucks 307

You deserved it 154

That's a new one!

By Anonymous - 02/03/2021 23:01

Today, I found out that the guy I was talking to for over a year, who told me he was dying from Covid, is perfectly fine and he just didn't want to talk to me anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 039

You deserved it 150

Holy cultural stereotype Batman!

By Anonymous - 17/08/2023 22:00

Today, our new neighbour three doors up just moved in, he even came round to introduce himself to everyone to assure us he means to be a good neighbour, and won’t be too noisy. Six hours later we found out he’s Scottish and likes to practise his bagpipes in the back garden. FML

I agree, your life sucks 633

You deserved it 133

Nutter on the bus

By Kevin - 18/03/2021 21:30

Today, some guy at the bus stop screamed at me because the bus was coming and I wasn’t wearing my mask. I was standing 25 feet from the stop finishing a smoke and there was no one around me. When I sat down on the bus, with my mask on, he stared me down the whole ride. FML

I agree, your life sucks 945

You deserved it 187

Lost

By Anonymous - 25/01/2025 22:00 - United States

Today, I tried to take a shortcut home. I got lost and had to ask a stranger for directions. They pointed to the street sign above me that literally had my street's name on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 119

You deserved it 473

By Anonymous - 09/07/2019 16:05 - Germany - Kerpen

Today, I wanted to top up my shower gel dispenser. After carefully squeezing the entire tube into the dispenser, I realized why it looked so white: I'd mixed the remaining shower gel with the entire tube of fancy, expensive, organic body lotion that my grandma had given me for Christmas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 720

You deserved it 1 784

Get me out of here!

By Anonymous - 31/01/2025 03:00 - Saudi Arabia - Khobar

Today, my family is very toxic and they become more toxic every day. The real FML is that I can't do anything about it or leave, so I have to wait until I have enough money to leave. So, until that faraway dream becomes true, FML

I agree, your life sucks 417

You deserved it 116

Can't handle my drinks

By Anonymous - 06/02/2025 00:00 - Philippines - San Jose del Monte

Today, I drank cocktails and shots. On the way home, I had to pee so bad that I only got to the front door and peed all over our carpet. My mom saw the whole thing and my dad saw the aftermath with the super drenched carpet and shoes. My mom had to mop the floor after I ran to the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 83

You deserved it 767

Snap!

By fax4voice3 - 29/08/2023 00:02 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I was flossing my teeth, which I do only to not get yelled at (chewed out?) by my dentist. Dentist I’ll now be seeing later today because the floss broke off a corner of one of my molars. FML

I agree, your life sucks 549

You deserved it 190

Oblivious

By Anonymous - 03/09/2023 06:00

Today, a couple convinced me I should ask out their daughter I went to school with, because it’s "obvious" we like each other. I do have a crush on her, so I decided to bravely go for it. She didn’t just say no, it was, “Ew, no, weirdo.” All her parents could say was, “Wow, we misjudged that, our bad.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 855

You deserved it 121

Likely story

By thenerd - 24/03/2021 02:00

Today, I was doing an online live exam with the camera on when the power suddenly went out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 030

You deserved it 75

Landscaping

By Anonymous - 17/02/2025 15:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my husband discovered our neighbour's fence was over our property line by 6 feet and kicked up a fuss about moving the fence. It turns out my husband can’t measure for shit. The fence is actually inside the neighbour's property, and he insisted we move it. There is now no room to park my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 256

You deserved it 461

Are they wrong?

By Anonymous - 19/02/2025 09:00 - India - Jamshedpur

Today, I slipped fell down an entire flight of stairs in front of literally everyone, and after getting back up, I tripped down another flight. Then, instead of silently walking away, I started laughing like a maniac and now everyone probably thinks I'm dumb, clumsy, and crazy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 406

You deserved it 185

Big announcement?

By Great first impression - 07/09/2023 16:00

Today, I met my SO's best friend for the first time. He gave us both a big smile and hug, and congratulated us on the pregnancy. Except… I'm just overweight, not pregnant. The entire two hour drive to his house was spent with me trying to hold back tears, and a very awkward silence between them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 655

You deserved it 288

"Your text here"

By Rerere - 24/02/2025 03:00 - Australia

Today, I gave my friend what I thought was the perfect birthday gift, a personalized mug with her favourite quote. When she opened it, she looked confused so I explained. Then she said, "I’ve never ever said that." I realized I'd printed a quote from a completely different friend. I awkwardly told her, “Well, now you have something new to say!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 103

You deserved it 600

I need my own place

By Anonymous - 05/03/2025 20:00 - United States - Anaheim

Today, I was finally about to hook up with the girl I’ve been crushing on forever. My piss-drunk roommate burst through my door butt ass naked and yelled, “Party time, bitches!” Now she thinks I’m some perv that tried to rope her into a three-way. I tried to explain and apologize, but she's blocked me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 532

You deserved it 115

Runs in the family

By Anonymous - 12/03/2025 12:00 - United States - Anaheim

Today, my now ex sent his mommy to come get his shit outta my house after we split. I had to physically restrain myself from choking the bitch after she said it was my fault he cheated, and got someone else pregnant, because I “should’ve paid more attention to him.” Fuck her and him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 553

You deserved it 166

Read the room

By Anonymous - 04/06/2022 02:00 - United Kingdom - Sunderland

Today, I took my two kids to a restaurant with a graffiti-themed wall and took some lovely pictures that I promptly posted to family on social media. I didn't notice until a couple of hours later it said "ANAL?" in huge writing behind my dear child's head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 403

You deserved it 917

He giveth and he taketh away

By Anonymous - 23/03/2025 09:00 - United States

Today, someone at work left 10 unopened beers after hours. I’m not much of a drinker, but free is free, so I took them home during my lunch break. After work, I left my new phone on top of my car, forgot about it, drove off, and it smashed in the middle of the road. Looks like I’m drinking those beers tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75

You deserved it 561

Weird encounter

By No date for me - 29/03/2025 00:00 - United States

Today, I went on a blind date. When I arrived, the guy looked nothing like his profile picture. We started chatting, and things were going fine until he asked, “So, what do you think about my date?” I replied, “Uh, I think it’s going well!” He responded, “I was talking about the waitress. I’m married.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 374

You deserved it 131

20/20

By Anonymous - 11/10/2023 00:02 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I rushed to urgent care after suddenly developing a dark spot in the vision of one of my eyes. Long story short, I paid $110 for the doctor to remove an eyelash. FML

I agree, your life sucks 385

You deserved it 509

Deep fried eggs

By Anonymous - 09/07/2022 18:00

Today, after I broke up with my boyfriend about two weeks ago, I didn't think much of it since we haven't spoken, I went out on a date last night with an old friend, came back home and went to sleep… When I got up for work, I went out to my car to find someone had egged it. It still won't come off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 889

You deserved it 137

Magic!

By Anonymous - 14/10/2023 15:00 - Ireland

Today, we had a family gathering at my mom's house. I offered to bring dessert, and I was very proud of my homemade cheesecake. As I set it on the table, my uncle decided to do a magic trick with it and make it disappear onto the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 664

You deserved it 86

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The Top

Today, I had to explain to my Romanian colleague that, no, a cat flap is not a euphemism for a vagina. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 080

You deserved it 1 986

Today, I found out that the tinsel on my Christmas tree is worth a couple of hundred euros per strand. Well, that's how much the two that were surgically removed from my cat have cost me. At least the cat's going to be fine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 033

You deserved it 13 342

Today, it was my wedding day. I had my butt clenched during the ceremony. I was giving my husband the ring, but dropped it. When I went to retrieve it, I let a huge one rip. My husband yelled, "She likes to eat beans." FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 601

You deserved it 10 447

Today, on to the bus home from school, I sat next to a guy that I ride with every day, but don't know well. He looked at me and said, "Hey, I know this girl named Bridget who looks just like you, but a lot more pale. She's really weird." I'm Bridget. I just got a tan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 937

You deserved it 216

Today, it's my birthday and I was very happy. When the moment came to blow the candles, all of the decoration on the cake flew off. It had taken an hour to make and set them on the cake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 787

You deserved it 215

Today, I lost my dream house because my mortgage advisor, who I literally paid to take care of the complicated legal stuff, fucked up at every stage until the seller just sold it to someone else. My advisor admitted I'm his first customer, and that he didn’t think it would be this hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 250

You deserved it 161