The Top

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Reported

By Anonymous - 06/02/2024 00:00 - United Kingdom

Today, police questioned me on behalf of my doctor, who couldn’t believe one person could use so much insulin, so he thinks I’m selling it to bodybuilders. I really do use it all myself, I use about 6 times as much as my sister who is also diabetic, and my diet is normal. I only weigh 10.5 stone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 527

You deserved it 128

Sounds fun

By Anonymous - 06/10/2022 01:00 - United States - Chester

Today, I discovered what it feels like to be extremely constipated while having a vomit-inducing migraine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 090

You deserved it 105

Change of plans

By Somebody fucking kill me! - 12/08/2025 12:00 - Mexico

Today, as I was going to hook up with a sex friend, I discovered that my pack of condoms was missing. Then I saw my sister chewing out her two 10-year-old twins, who'd found them in my drawer. This how my family, who had visited me for family dinner, found out about my sexual life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 289

You deserved it 127

Not now, dude!

By sammy - 26/03/2020 04:59 - Australia

Today, I was working at the checkout. Trying to be hygienic, I suppressed a sneeze. I continued to serve the next person. As I was giving her her change, she looked at me with a horrified expression. I looked down and my shirt was covered in a trail of snot all the way to my belt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 648

You deserved it 549

No kinkshaming, but…

By "Armpit Licker" is the name of my band - 15/08/2025 22:00 - Netherlands

Today, I was going to hook up with a new girl. She told me not to shower or wear deodorant when I came over, which I thought was a little odd but went along with. As we were getting warmed up, she started licking my sweaty armpit and moaning loudly. This is probably too weird to tolerate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 439

You deserved it 112

First time?

By Anonymous - 22/02/2024 20:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I was mortified when I went to the doctor for what I thought was an allergic reaction rash and turned out to just be a bad carpet burn from rough sex, on my back and my ass cheeks. The doctor was visibly trying not to laugh. FML

I agree, your life sucks 183

You deserved it 504

Perfectionist

By Anonymous - 23/02/2024 22:00 - United Kingdom

Today, we finished redecorating my kitchen. My dad has been his usual OCD self about getting it perfect, so when he noticed a shelf was just barely not level, he decided to adjust the screws. It fell off and damaged my floor, so he threw the screwdriver and cracked a wall tile. Thanks dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 525

You deserved it 102

Chance encounter

By Never chosen - 27/08/2025 09:00 - United States

Today, I ran into a guy I knew from 3 years ago. He just moved here from out of state and is planning to stay forever. This is the same guy who dated me long distance and dumped me after a while because he “couldn’t handle long distance.” He just got engaged to a girl who lives here. FML

I agree, your life sucks 361

You deserved it 112

Get out of jail free card

By Anonymous - 30/08/2025 00:00 - United States

Today, my mom was diagnosed autistic, therefore thinks we aren’t allowed to be mad at her for anything she does from here on out or things she did before. Odd, I didn’t know that beating, neglecting and humiliating your children on a near daily basis was an autistic trait. FML

I agree, your life sucks 528

You deserved it 84

Wiped out

By myassisburnins - 31/08/2025 15:00 - India - Indore

Today, for the first time in ages, I had to go twice. At noon, after finishing my shit I reached for the jet spray, only to find out that the water was out until morning due to motor maintenance. I ended up using a newspaper. Only review: you guys in America & Europe really have it hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 138

You deserved it 286

Nope, not looking that up

By Anonymous - 03/09/2025 09:00 - United Kingdom - Castleford

Today, my brother let his kids watch anime without even looking at what they chose. He assumed it was OK because it’s just foreign cartoons. He is now blaming me for his kids' trauma, because I wasn’t there to warn him that "The Promised Neverland" isn’t just a Peter Pan rip off. IF YOU KNOW, YOU KNOW. FML

I agree, your life sucks 386

You deserved it 88

So, do they?

By Bad speech - 09/09/2025 15:00 - United States - New York

Today, I gave a presentation at work using my laptop. When I plugged it into the projector, the last thing I had Googled popped up on the big screen: “Do hamsters get depressed if you ignore them?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 189

You deserved it 325

Kids say the darndest things

By Chrissy - 14/09/2025 15:00 - Canada

Today, I was babysitting my niece. While we were at the grocery store, she pointed at me and loudly announced, “She says she’s on a diet, but she eats cookies in bed!” She wasn’t wrong. The cashier raised an eyebrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 268

You deserved it 174

It's all too much

By dreams2383 - 11/11/2022 18:00 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, at 4:30 a.m., I hit a deer on the freeway on my way to work. I've only had this car for 6 months and it's totaled. I had to wait hours for a tow. On his way to pick me up, my husband's radiator blew and his serpentine belt shredded. I also missed a day of work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 097

You deserved it 107

Not FDA approved

By Anonymous - 19/03/2024 20:00 - United States

Today, I have to fill in a (now former) co-worker's shifts for the next few weeks. She took two of those shady energy pills and downed them with root beer during her shift, causing her to pass out, and landing her in the hospital. Why do we sell these things, and why haven't they been outlawed? FML

I agree, your life sucks 442

You deserved it 104

Considering something?

By Alice - 16/08/2021 18:01

Today, as a single and ready to mingle mother, I was glad to be on a second date. All was going well, we started making out when he pulled away and said, "It's crazy that Casey Anthony got away with what she did." FML

I agree, your life sucks 866

You deserved it 122

Keep it to yourself

By Anonymous - 30/09/2025 20:00

Today, I had to have the awkward conversation with my adult daughter that the reason I’m divorcing her mom is because she’s not my daughter, she’s actually the daughter of her mom's secret boyfriend, who she’s been screwing behind my back for almost 30 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 553

You deserved it 67

Dreams never end

By Anonymous - 26/03/2024 14:00 - United States - Chicago

Today, my wife had a dream in which I died while she was pregnant. This is troubling, especially since I had the exact same dream the day before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 607

You deserved it 97

You must obey

By Anonymous - 16/11/2022 14:00

Today, my company decided to give me a second role, since I’m "the best performing candidate.” When I turned it down, they asked me to work half-time instead. I quit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 922

You deserved it 140

Private equity firms are evil

By Anonymous - 30/03/2024 22:00 - United States - Cincinnati

Today, I received yet another increase in my rent. When I moved into my crappy one bedroom apartment in Ohio on Feb 1st 2020 my rent was $525 a month. Now 4 years later its $1050. A 100% increase in 4 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 587

You deserved it 133

ISP woes

By Fuck my internet company - 07/10/2025 12:00

Today, after two weeks with no internet, we had a technician repair our service at our apartment. An hour later, one of my neighbors at the same complex yelled at us because the same technician disconnected her service by mistake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 363

You deserved it 72

My kid, the playa

By baldiesmom - 29/08/2021 08:01

Today, I learned that my 18-year-old son has had more sexual partners together at one time than I've had separately in total in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 221

You deserved it 236

Get out

By Anonymous - 24/05/2020 05:00

Today, while I was working in a department store, two 15-year-old kids started having sex in a changing room. When I found them, the boy pulled out and said, "You want in, bitch?" I then had to prevent his jealous, half-naked girlfriend from murdering me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 406

You deserved it 207

Fresh-faced

By jakob - 09/04/2024 09:00 - United States

Today, I pulled up to a party with my friends. I never partied in high school and college due to being bullied, so I was excited for my first party. It turned out to be a college house party, I'm a little older by 3 years but it’s no big deal. They mistook me for a freshman and I was bullied. FML

I agree, your life sucks 477

You deserved it 160

Chancer

By Anonymous - 18/10/2025 22:00

Today, on day one of opening my first restaurant, a customer complained his chicken fried steak contained only steak and no chicken. I thought he was taking the piss but no, he was just that dumb, and he refused to leave until he got a refund despite having eaten it all. I had to call the police. FML

I agree, your life sucks 420

You deserved it 72

Spatial awareness

By Anonymous - 21/10/2025 20:00

Today, I walked up to what appeared to be an automatic door. I stood for a second, waved my arms, but nothing happened. Then a guy came from behind me, pushed a clearly visible button under a clearly visible sign that read "Push to open." He said, “It’s OK, happens to everyone.” It doesn’t feel like it does. FML

I agree, your life sucks 164

You deserved it 312

Does not spark joy

By Anonymous - 01/12/2022 04:00 - Germany

Today, my neighbor respects that I keep a clean house, with no street shoes allowed inside. I bet that’s why he came in wearing felt slippers. Unfortunately, they were same ones he'd walked across the wet, dirty yard in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 821

You deserved it 127

Bad intentions

By jenna - 15/04/2024 09:00 - United States

Today, I walked by the boys' locker room to surprise my best friend when he came out for his soccer game. I heard a voice shout from inside, “If I score today, I'll get to score with Jenna!” followed by a bunch of men’s hoots. I’ve known him since we were freshmen and I see this guy as a brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 529

You deserved it 193

Drunken antics

By Anonymous - 21/04/2024 20:00 - United States - Alvarado

Today, I've been on a dating site for a while and I'd been doing great. Then I got really fucking drunk and sent messages like I wanted to eat their shit while it was coming out. One of them reported me and I got booted. I have decided to drink less. FML

I agree, your life sucks 90

You deserved it 1 152

Shat myself

By Giselle - 02/11/2025 09:00

Today, my coworkers threw me a surprise birthday party. When I walked in and they yelled “SURPRISE!”, I screamed, dropped my coffee, and reflexively shouted, “Who are you people?!” before realizing it was for me. They’re still laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 188

You deserved it 284

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The Top

Today, my professor called me out for drinking whiskey in class. I was actually drinking iced tea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 332

You deserved it 947

Today, I found out that my daughter's "pen pal" is really a 58-year-old man in prison. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 263

You deserved it 3 188

Today, leaving the restaurant I work in, the car next to mine was very crookedly parked. I had a hard time backing out. It turned out the whole restaurant was watching me, and they all started to clap as I drove away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 073

You deserved it 5 836

Today, my boyfriend ditched me, saying he had some important things to do. When I checked on him a while later, I found out what was so "important". A game called Robot Unicorn Attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 851

You deserved it 9 476

Today, there was a girl in heels running in front of me at school, and she slipped on ice. Trying to be a hero, I dropped my backpack and ran up to help her, but ended up slipping and landing on her leg. As I walked back to my backpack, I found out I'd dropped my laptop and broken it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 256

You deserved it 15 025

Today, during my company's liquidation sale, I had not one, but three customers tell me to go back to Auschwitz. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 936

You deserved it 415