Health, Sex, Relatable and Awkward: Last Week Tonight - FML

Last Week Tonight

By Anonymous - 13/07/2022 02:00

Spicy

Today, I realised I had a bad month. Last week, I threw out my back; the week before, my girlfriend got a cold sore; this week, I got chickenpox at the ripe age of 31 years. When I went to bed last night, I found my girlfriend sound asleep with her vibrator in one hand. We haven't had sex for so long, I can't even blame her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 041

You deserved it 249

Health Sex Relatable Awkward

Previous FML Next FML

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

tiptoppc 18

Wednesday 13 July 2022 21:44

Seconded. It’s really dangerous as an adult. Surprised you didn’t get a vaccine. I was born before chickenpox vaccinations, so had it as a child but my brother got shingles at 39 years of age. See a doctor. It can kill you!

SirEnigM0nk 22

Wednesday 13 July 2022 18:40

Chickenpox as an adult can be quite serious. I would urge you to see a doctor ASAP.

Comments

RichardPencil 30

Wednesday 13 July 2022 3:50

Cold sore? Chickenpox? C'mon! We all know it's herpes and monkeypox. You two are sketchy enough for each other.

SirEnigM0nk 22

Wednesday 13 July 2022 18:40

Chickenpox as an adult can be quite serious. I would urge you to see a doctor ASAP.

tiptoppc 18

Wednesday 13 July 2022 21:44

Seconded. It’s really dangerous as an adult. Surprised you didn’t get a vaccine. I was born before chickenpox vaccinations, so had it as a child but my brother got shingles at 39 years of age. See a doctor. It can kill you!

Keywords

Love Allergies Sex Housework Relatable Weird Flowers Work Cheating Awkward Parents Kids Exhausted Sleep Break-ups Death Clothes Bodyshaming Customers AITA Money Health Doctor Education Vegan Annoying Intimacy ACAB Cops Divorce

The Top

Aujourd'hui, j'ai laissé mon iPhone tout neuf sur mon balcon. Aujourd'hui, mon chat a voulu faire le malin sur mon balcon. Résultat : un des deux est mort accidentellement et l'autre, je ne vais sûrement pas tarder à le tuer. VDM

I agree, your life sucks 93 971

You deserved it 45 639

Aujourd'hui, ça fait quelques semaines que je suis amie avec un gars. On se voit souvent, on rigole, on se confie… bref, une super amitié. Le sentant assez distant avec moi ces derniers temps; je lui demande pourquoi. Il m'avoue que depuis qu'il a compris qu'il ne réussirait pas à coucher avec moi, ça l'intéressait moins de traîner avec moi. VDM

I agree, your life sucks 2 959

You deserved it 864

The Top

Today, my little sister came to me crying about how everyone calls her a bad driver. I gave her a pep talk, an encouraging hug, and told her not to listen to negativity. Five minutes later she wrecked my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 468

You deserved it 8 222

Today, I went on a blind date. The girl seemed perfect for me, until I found out she says "lol" and "rofl" out loud whenever she laughs. She also believes sex screws with people's "spiritual energy", and that's why she'll never have it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 348

You deserved it 5 035

Today, my wife, who has a drinking problem, looked me straight in the eye as she poured herself a "water" bottle to enjoy while at work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 833

You deserved it 112

Today, I took home my grandpa's ashes. I then went out with my grandma, leaving my 5-year-old at home with my 12-year-old. When I got home, my beaming 5-year-old opened the door, covered in white powder. My grandmother asked where all the powder had come from. She pointed to the empty ashbox. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 273

You deserved it 18 048

Today, I desperately needed to pee, but my mom was in the bathroom taking a shower, so I waited patiently until she finished. Just as I was about to go in, my half-naked dad rushed ahead, said "Going somewhere, son?" and shut the door on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 684

You deserved it 2 749

Today, while my mom was out, my family agreed upon the assumption that she has a "shopping problem." I argued against it for quite a while, until she pulled up minutes later with a what seemed like a life-time supply of canned condensed milk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 559

You deserved it 4 925