Animals: Today, as I was on the couch taking a nap, it started violently...

By murrrrf - 21/07/2014 05:30 - United States - Saint Louis

Today, as I was on the couch taking a nap, it started violently shaking. I panicked and chased my family outside, convinced it was an earthquake. It was just the cat trapped inside the couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 067

You deserved it 7 846

murrrrf tells us more.

murrrrf 12

Send a private message

Monday 21 July 2014 17:59

OP Captain is pushing 25 lbs. he's a big cat. And is very violent when he's scared. Also he likes to hide in odd places. So the recling couch is his favorite fort. The rest of you, I'm Not explaining shit. I

Animals

Weird reason to leave, but OK

Commando

Old lady hotline

By lrn2spel, teach - 12/12/2013 18:00 - United States - Mogadore

Today, I got back the essay I wrote about how my country's education system is fucked. At one point, I made a spelling mistake. My teacher wrote a note about it, basically calling me illiterate and telling me to pay attention in school instead of whining about it. She misspelled "school". FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 571

You deserved it 4 510

By Anonymous - 18/08/2019 16:00 - United Kingdom - Thornbury

Today, the only "Happy birthday!" I got was from the cake I bought for myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 725

You deserved it 137

By Nutty - 21/07/2019 00:04

Today, my girlfriend refused to have sex with me, because my underwear are Fruit of the Loom instead of Hanes. According to her, since all real men wear Hanes, I'm unfit to have sex with her because I wear Fruit of the Loom and am therefore not a man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 585

You deserved it 400

Workaholic

By Anonymous - 30/07/2020 17:01

Today, after finally finding the one after so many heartbreaks, he’s leaving me because things are actually too good. He says having me around distracts him too much from work, and spends too much time with me instead of working weekends on top of working all week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 919

You deserved it 129

By Anonymous - 08/05/2012 02:52 - United States

Today, I got a parking ticket while I was in the car. I didn't even notice it happen. Ninja cops do exist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 635

You deserved it 6 864

By I piss upon thee - 13/05/2016 18:35 - United States - Toledo

Today, I got a warning for not covering a shift, on my day off, for someone who didn't want to go to work. Apparently the next time I “do something wrong", I'll either get warned again or fired, whichever they feel like doing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 911

You deserved it 1 018

By gettinganF - 23/05/2016 11:57 - United States - Severn

Today, while in class, my friend would not stop annoying me by tapping me on the shoulder every so often. After the fifth time, I lost my patience, told him to F off, and slapped his hand. Only it wasn't my friend tapping my shoulder this time, it was my teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 267

You deserved it 2 383

By Pox - 04/02/2011 03:19 - United States

Today, I got chickenpox. I'm 28 and having chickenpox as an adult is excruciatingly painful. When I told my boss I wasn't going to be at work today because of chickenpox he replied, "That's the worst excuse I've ever heard. Adults don't get chickenpox." He then fired me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 390

You deserved it 2 980

By cockblockingbitch - 25/01/2009 05:54 - United States

Today, I promised my best friend I wouldn't let her hook up with any guys (she got an STD a few weeks ago). After we tossed a few back she led about 30 people in a chant of "cockblock" after I wouldnt let her go home with some random dude. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 084

You deserved it 3 960

Bureaucracy

By CaptainStars - 29/06/2020 20:01

Today, I ran out of my antidepressants, and I cannot get more because my local hospital is closed, and I can't register online because the only way it will let me sign up is over the phone, due to me living in a rural area. I'm mute. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 721

You deserved it 110

By Anonymous - 11/04/2017 20:00

Today, my apartment was robbed. The police report said my apartment was ransacked. No it wasn't, that's how looks everyday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 890

You deserved it 2 318

By Craig - 05/02/2009 20:13 - United States

Today, I was awarding medals to finalists in a school club. While putting one around someones neck, I ended up poking a girl in the eye. She tried to be a trooper by continuing to walk across stage but i guess her eyes got really watery because she missed the step and fell, breaking her ankle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 214

You deserved it 7 959

By momma - 16/08/2013 15:21 - Canada - Toronto

Today, while getting ready to welcome my first child into the world, my father in law decided to "help out" and threw out a bunch of papers I needed. Like my child's application for a health card, social insurance number, and my birth plan, as well as instructions from my doctor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 927

You deserved it 3 698

Covid-19 vs. Sex life

By CoronaDating - 23/03/2020 23:10

Today, I've been single for a couple of months. The last time I was single, Tinder and dating apps didn't exist. After figuring out how to be successful with those and setting up several dates, I've already had 3 date cancellations for this week because of the coronavirus. It's going to be a long couple of months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 394

You deserved it 427

By Anonymous - 16/01/2016 04:16 - United Kingdom

Today, my dad made me figure out how to disable the adult content filters on our internet. He spent what must have been a full 10 minutes on a distracting, long-winded speech about how he doesn't want to look up porn, but "it's just the principle of the damn thing". Sure, dad. Sure. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 781

You deserved it 1 679

By sleepysophie - 19/10/2013 15:04 - United States - Helena

Today, I slept over at my friend's house. Her dad made breakfast for us. While fixing a plate, my friend said, "Careful, my dad clips his nails in the kitchen." She said it with a sarcastic, joking tone, and laughed afterwards. While eating, I found a toenail in my food. Her response? "I told you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 533

You deserved it 5 544

By robert - 31/01/2012 00:20 - United States

Today, I went to deliver some reports to my boss in his office. He was facing away from me and ranting about his "useless employees", so I slipped in and waited for him to put the phone down. Turns out he was talking to himself. When he noticed me, he bitched me out and threatened to fire me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 343

You deserved it 4 195

By vikts - 29/05/2012 17:52 - Luxembourg - Olm

Today, I discovered that as thanks for my successful efforts to increase my company's monthly revenue, my dumbass of a boss has been awarded a pay bonus. He's wasted no time telling everyone about the sports car he's planning to buy with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 205

You deserved it 1 928

By nail714 - 25/06/2009 05:02 - United States

Today, while at football practice, my teammates and I were on water break. At the bus barn next to the field, a good-looking girl was washing a bus. Some of the guys started to yell pick-up lines at her from 50 yards away, and pretty soon I chime in. She turns around. It was my younger sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 171

You deserved it 73 371

By TatooFAIL - 06/10/2009 14:38 - United States

Today, I found out that the phrase I got tattooed on my lower back is misspelled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 256

You deserved it 67 689

Freaky situation

By Cody - 09/08/2021 00:01

Today, my boyfriend left our bed at 6 a.m. to go upstairs and go back to bed with his son and soon to be ex-wife. I then had to ride in the backseat of a car for 6 hours while they talked and laughed. Not once has he asked if I'm okay or what's wrong. I've barely spoke all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 312

You deserved it 1 530

By Tali - 28/07/2011 06:18 - Australia

Today, my husband threw out all of the spices in the cupboard. When I asked him why he said, "Our cat was named Spicy and I can't stand to look at them." Our recently deceased cat's name was Dicey. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 608

You deserved it 3 318

By Anonymous - 02/09/2017 13:00

Today, changing the garbage in the bathroom at work resulted in a hospital visit after an incorrectly disposed used needle scraped into my thigh. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 018

You deserved it 204

By Anonymous - 05/12/2010 05:09 - United States

Today, while at my mom's birthday dinner, I started to pretend to drum with one hand, using my left leg as the drums. Everybody stared at me and started to yell. Now they all think I was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 266

You deserved it 11 835

3spooky5me

By Anonymous - 10/09/2018 13:00

Today, I stayed the night at a friend's house for the first time. I went to get water from the kitchen when I saw a cat staring at me. I looked back and it ran off. I told my friend about it. He doesn’t have a cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 528

You deserved it 217

By 6u174r_d00d - 10/08/2011 21:10 - United States

Today, I saw a cute girl working register at my regular coffee shop and politely asked the her for her number. I was brutally rejected. A few minutes later, a douchebag with a popped collar approached her with a cheesy pickup line and left with not only her number, but a free frappe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 969

You deserved it 6 067

By Anonymous - 25/11/2011 03:51 - United States

Today, I rubbed my face in my armpit stubble because it felt like my ex-boyfriend's face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 172

You deserved it 50 968

By mr. machine - 31/08/2019 04:00 - United States

Today, my 19-year-old daughter got a haircut. When I asked her if she tipped the hairdresser, she looked at me in horror and asked, "You’re supposed to tip hairdressers?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 281

You deserved it 630

By ihatethisjob - 27/09/2013 08:18 - United States - Romulus

Today, I was working the night shift when a guy came in smelling like alcohol. He kept muttering his order, so I leaned over the register to hear him better. My ear now smells of vomit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 754

You deserved it 4 415

By a single fuck - 23/05/2013 16:40 - Germany - Berlin

Today, my girlfriend actually yelled, "Why are you making this all about YOU?!" after I confronted her over cheating on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 943

You deserved it 3 095

By be_so_slick_56 - 16/01/2010 17:51 - United States

Today, I found on the internet pictures of me sleeping. I sleep naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 106

You deserved it 7 814

By anonymous - 02/07/2013 21:08 - United States - Baltimore

Today, I got shut in the walk-in freezer at work. I started banging on the door. My boss wouldn't come and open it because she didn't "play games". She thought I was kidding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 501

You deserved it 3 181

By 352 - 18/04/2012 20:18 - United States

Today, I somehow managed to hit my head on a first aid kit. I now have a cut on my forehead and my boyfriend just keeps laughing from the irony. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 251

You deserved it 4 168

By killme - 13/12/2018 14:00

Today, my girlfriend of three years broke up with me saying I don’t make her happy, I don’t make her laugh, that she feels she is settling for me and that she is not being pleased sexually. Even though she has always said I did all of that and that we could work through anything. I was going to propose... FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 021

You deserved it 331

By minimazing - 07/10/2018 05:00

Today, my husband of 5 months admitted he is jealous of my dog. I've had the dog for 16 years. He admits to wanting to drop it off at the shelter while I'm at work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 483

You deserved it 311

By userrrrr - 18/10/2009 02:25 - United States

Today, I found out that my girlfriend's idea of "washing her feet" is sticking her foot in the toilet and flushing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 468

You deserved it 3 742

By f*ckingdisgusted - 27/08/2011 01:13 - United States

Today, I was installing updates on my 16 year old daughter's laptop, when I got the urge to snoop around. I found a 5,000 word sex story involving her and the Edward and Jacob weirdos from the Twilight movies. I can't even look her in the eyes. I can't believe I raised this freak. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 556

You deserved it 55 904

By Madeline Lee - 09/04/2012 21:34 - France - Pessac

Today, I woke up to the sight of a zucchini and a condom on my bedside table, along with a note saying "I know it's tough being single." Apparently my mom has boundary issues, my dad will laugh at anything, and the fact I just got dumped means nothing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 535

You deserved it 2 990

By BigBallah93 - 07/07/2009 12:20 - China

Today, I began my job volunteering at an orphanage in Beijing, China, working with 7-year-olds who just started learning english. We played a game where, if you got caught, you had to sing a song. I got caught, so I chose the ABCs. They all knew the song perfectly, I missed 3 letters. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 850

You deserved it 78 688

By Anonymous - 16/12/2010 05:49 - United States

Today, as I spent my last $6 on groceries, the woman at the register gave me a dirty look because I declined to donate $1 to a children's charity. My six year old son immediately chimed in with, "Mommy, why aren't you helping the poor children?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 990

You deserved it 5 554

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

ThatTennisKid14 13

Send a private message

Monday 21 July 2014 16:22

How in the world did the cat get in the couch?

MrConcise 34

Send a private message

Monday 21 July 2014 23:13

Uhm...do you have more to say?

iBowdenzz 15

Send a private message

Monday 21 July 2014 16:22

Wtf?

gjikvtj 18

Send a private message

Monday 21 July 2014 17:44

You need someone to explain for you?

colby6666 42

Send a private message

Monday 21 July 2014 19:19

Cat in couch. Cat make couch shake. Human think shake earthquake. Humans run out.

blazingshot147 19

Send a private message

Monday 21 July 2014 20:00

Thanks science side of FML

MortenM 17

Send a private message

Monday 21 July 2014 22:40

How big a cat does OP have to make a couch with an adult sleeping on it shake violently enough to simulate a big earthquake? Seems a bit WTF to me - unless it's a tiger

isuckwithnames 22

Send a private message

Tuesday 22 July 2014 2:04

The cat could've been by her head when it was shaking the couch. Also OP coulda been tired/woken up when it happened.

ThatTennisKid14 13

Send a private message

Monday 21 July 2014 16:22

How in the world did the cat get in the couch?

itwasthedognotme 14

Send a private message

Monday 21 July 2014 16:34

I don't think I've laughed so violently at this imagine in a while..

gracehi 31

Send a private message

Monday 21 July 2014 16:46

If it's a recliner, there's a lot of empty space underneath the couch to make room for the reclining mechanism. Cats can squeeze into very tight spaces, and they sometimes climb up in there. If you have a cat and a recliner it's important not to recline your couch too quickly, so the cat can have time to get out before he gets caught in the mechanism. I had a kitten that that happened to once. She was okay, but her scream was horrifying.

chinaski7628 32

Send a private message

Monday 21 July 2014 17:03

I had a cat that tore holes in the bottom of my sofa and bed and would burrow inside them. She was an odd little kitty. Luckily all of my furniture is second-hand and pretty shabby anyway, so I never cared.

isuckwithnames 22

Send a private message

Tuesday 22 July 2014 2:06

Cats are fucking ninjas man.

DonkeyTeeth2013 22

Send a private message

Monday 21 July 2014 16:23

Maybe you should have watched your cat a little bit more?

Isandri 29

Send a private message

Monday 21 July 2014 16:28

oh c'mon, cats wander to some cozy (or just seemingly cozy) places all the time! and besides, you cannot possibly keep an eye on everything constantly. It must have been hilarious moment for your family OP!

slyde32 12

Send a private message

Monday 21 July 2014 18:37

my cat can hide from our whole house hold for hours, not to mention op was asleep

HazNoFriends 4

Send a private message

Monday 21 July 2014 19:47

Yes, let's all stay up all night and watch our pets because we have to watch them every second of our life's.

Vahex 19

Send a private message

Monday 21 July 2014 16:23

That must be one fat cat!

Rainhawk94 27

Send a private message

Monday 21 July 2014 16:24

So just because the couch was shaking and not anything else meant there was an earthquake?

xNephilim 18

Send a private message

Monday 21 July 2014 16:29

OP was taking a nap. Most people turn into complete morons when asleep.

awkward_gothlady 32

Send a private message

Monday 21 July 2014 16:51

People's logic tends to go out the window when they're asleep...

chinaski7628 32

Send a private message

Monday 21 July 2014 17:12

Maybe it's because I've lived in Southern California most of my life, and I've been through many major and minor earthquakes, but earthquakes don't feel (or sound) like shaking furniture. That's why OP's reaction is so funny to me. Most Californians wouldn't even bother to get off the sofa.

alliegator444 4

Send a private message

Monday 21 July 2014 20:47

As someone who has lived in ca all my life, from what I've experienced is that it's pointless to get up because they're usually over in a matter of seconds...