The Top

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Chilled

By Anonymous - 20/03/2025 00:00 - United States - Seattle

Today, I put on a new shirt and headed out to a café to meet a friend. Halfway through our conversation, I noticed my cat had followed me into the café after somehow making a nest in my bag. I looked down to see her tail sticking out of my purse, wagging like she owned the place. She is tiny, but still… how she managed to stay hidden for more than 10 minutes is beyond me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 222

You deserved it 340

Hangry

By Anonymous - 25/03/2025 00:00 - Canada

Today, McDonald's screwed up my order 3 whole times. GIVE ME MY NUGGETS PLEASE. HOW CAN SOMEONE MAGICALLY FORGET 40 NUGGETS? FML

I agree, your life sucks 367

You deserved it 167

A shadow of my former self

By NurseIAm - 04/04/2025 12:00 - United States - Belchertown

Today, I interviewed at a hospital and shadowed on the unit. Within two hours, I had been splashed with blood, and witnessed a young patient abruptly die, imprinting a horrible memory. Traumatized, and not even selected for hire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 431

You deserved it 149

I got heels, they’re made of plywood

By Morrissey - 06/04/2025 03:00 - United States

Today, I was at a friend's birthday party in a packed karaoke bar/restaurant and I drunkenly agreed to sing. I picked a song I thought I knew by heart, only to realize halfway through that the lyrics on the screen were not at all what I thought they were. My brain went for a smoke break or something, and I turned into a rambling mess. The crowd actually booed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 159

You deserved it 412

Tight fit

By Anonymous - 25/07/2022 00:01

Today, my two boys wanted to sleep in bed with us. My wife gave them the okay, even though there’s not enough room for all of us to lay. I’m now sleeping in my 3 year-old’s bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 870

You deserved it 178

By Justcan'twin - 09/10/2017 16:45

Today, at 5:30 on a Sunday, I noticed my tire had a bubble in it. I found a tire shop 15 minutes away that would be closing at 6pm and made it there in time, but the shop had closed early. I left to try and make it to the next one and had a blow out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 600

You deserved it 311

Let em in

By Anonymous - 29/07/2022 04:00 - Australia - Perth

Today, my neighbour called to say a crazy drunk man was breaking into my house. Thankfully, the police were already there, questioning me about “attempted unlawful entry” into my own house. My keys had been taken from a friend so I wouldn’t drive. It's 1°C and I still haven’t gotten inside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 824

You deserved it 246

Conflict Resolution

By FML Approved - 06/10/2017 03:00

This is basically me during every conflict I've ever witnessed.

I agree, your life sucks 452

You deserved it 114

Time to move on

By Anonymous - 03/11/2023 08:00

Today, I found out my boyfriend is cheating on me. His excuse was that I never had time for his needs anymore. He’s unemployed but I guess me working and studying to get my degree so we could move out of his parents’ house was too much. Now I have no place to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 660

You deserved it 113

Walk, don't run

By Anonymous - 19/07/2022 02:00 - Finland

Today, I have horrible diarrhea because of IBS. If I was at home, this wouldn't be that big of an issue, but I'm at work and I don't have access to a bathroom all the time. I also found out I have about 10 minutes to get to the toilet or else I'll probably shit myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 042

You deserved it 118

Stuck

By Anonymous - 11/05/2025 20:00 - China - Shenzhen

Today, I’ve been unemployed for a year since graduating. I haven’t been able to find a job or feel any joy in my life, and have been stuck at home, completely relying on my parents, but now they’re gonna kick me out. I’ve turned into a complete failure, I can’t even kill myself because I’m not brave enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks 521

You deserved it 200

Have a nice day!

By Angelica - 21/11/2023 00:00

Today, a customer told me to go to the “fucking border back to illegal immigrant land” and that he can’t wait to “put Trump back in office” so he can get rid of “incompetent ass Mexican bitches” like me. What did I do to cause this? Tell him that we were out of a sauce. FML

I agree, your life sucks 683

You deserved it 133

Was it worth it?

By Anonymous - 20/05/2025 22:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my wife has been super into sex lately, she even let me try some of the stuff she said no to before, and even surprised me with some of the kinky stuff she’s always wanted to try. Sounds great, right? Nope. Turns out she was overcompensating from the guilt of also fucking my coworker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 735

You deserved it 115

Drunk dick

By Anonymous - 07/10/2019 20:00

Today, my now ex-boyfriend called the cops on me and told them I wasn’t letting him in the house. His keys were in the door, he was just too drunk to unlock it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 883

You deserved it 191

Better call Saul

By Anonymous - 28/11/2023 07:30

Today, my wife broke the TV during an argument with her mother, but it’s my fault because I "put the TV in such a stupid place" so I should pay for a new one. Anyone know any good divorce lawyers? Stick the number in the comments, I’m so done with her bullshit and her crazy family of assholes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 717

You deserved it 156

Friends with unclear benefits

By LizzoGirl - 02/06/2025 20:00 - United States

Today, the guy who friendzoned me asked me why I’ve been acting distant towards him. I told him that I refuse to give boyfriend benefits to someone who made it clear that we’re just friends any longer. He responded with, “Well, if you weren’t built like Lizzo before her weight loss, I wouldn’t have friendzoned you!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 545

You deserved it 243

Heavy lifting

By Anonymous - 04/12/2023 22:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I realised I may have a drinking problem when the recycling bin was due to go out and I physically couldn’t move the bin. I thought my kids might have put a rock in there but no, it was weighed down by the sheer weight of two weeks worth of wine bottles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 140

You deserved it 821

Stranded

By mmmmmm no - 24/06/2021 02:00

Today. I worked my 10-hour shift and drove over 3 hours to the hotel that I'd reserved a room at for 3 nights. The hotel required ID to get a room with a bank or credit card. I realized I'd lost my state ID, they wouldn't accept my work photo ID, they won't let me pay cash… No ID, no room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 896

You deserved it 174

Crisis

By Anonymous - 03/09/2022 02:00 - United States - Milford

Today, the same person who tried to OD, threatens suicide monthly, and threatens to off people almost daily, called the state police on me because I had a PTSD episode. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 057

You deserved it 145

Pineapple juice

By Anonymous - 26/12/2023 00:00 - United States

Today, I was talking to my girlfriend when she said, "Babe, I'm not trying to be rude but your cum tastes horrible." I didn't know how to respond so I said, "Okay." Apparently, me saying that means i won't try to make my cum taste better, which I can "definitely do", and now she's mad at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 457

You deserved it 304

Christmas family fun

By KittyT - 25/12/2023 12:00 - Australia - Buderim

Today, on Christmas Eve, I got dumped. Why? Because he couldn't live with my psychotic sister after she threatened to get him arrested if she punched him, because he's black. We still love each other and we're in tears having to separate until we can get a house in the housing crisis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 596

You deserved it 218

Bonkers

By Anonymous - 09/07/2025 12:00 - United States - Owensboro

Today, my wife had a dream that I cheated on her with a girl from my work named Marie. She told me that she wants me to quit my job and get a new one, just to avoid that from ever actually happening. There is nobody named Marie at my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 532

You deserved it 72

Bootstraps

By thanks dad - 07/07/2021 16:01 - United States

Today, my dad paid for plane tickets for my brother’s girlfriend and her two kids so they could go to the family reunion on the other side of the country. He refused to buy my ticket though, because I "should’ve planned better." I lost my job due to Covid and used my savings to pay rent and bills. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 250

You deserved it 95

One simple trick

By HotAndBotheredAndSad - 25/07/2025 20:00 - United States

Today, I finally made my fiancé orgasm with oral without his help. He asked me what I did differently. It turns out, I was just sad and depressed because he hasn’t made the effort to make me orgasm in months. I can’t ask without feeling like I’m intruding on his busy schedule. FML

I agree, your life sucks 297

You deserved it 134

Saved!

By No good deed... - 29/01/2024 09:00 - United States

Today, I was in the kitchen with my mom, who is severely disabled and can barely walk. She suddenly slipped on a puddle of water, so I instinctively grappled her from behind to save her. It took me a moment to realize my hands were accidentally cupping her breasts. She then slipped again and took both of us down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 521

You deserved it 110

Glow down

By Anonymous - 06/08/2025 12:00 - United States - San Diego

Today, I told my coworker she looked great and asked if she was “glowing” because she was pregnant. She isn’t pregnant. She is, however, going through a breakup and just gained 10 pounds from comfort eating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 102

You deserved it 751

There's no such thing as a coincidence

By Anonymous - 15/10/2022 18:00

Today, I ran into my husband and his mistress. He was picking her up at the airport. I was catching a flight to a conference with my boss. He had flowers for her, and his arm around her. My boss knows my husband as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 129

You deserved it 127

Happiest day of my life

By Stevey - 17/08/2025 15:00 - United States

Today, during a moment of silence at a wedding, my phone rang at full volume. My ringtone? The Jurassic Park theme. Everyone turned to stare as I fumbled desperately to shut it off. The bride spent the rest of the ceremony giving me the side-eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 93

You deserved it 699

Screens

By IAKT - 23/02/2024 00:00 - Romania - Corbeanca

Today, I got home from a hard day and sent a project due tomorrow from my laptop. While I was in the bathroom, my parents took my laptop, which is all paid by me for no reason. I tried telling them multiple times that I have 3 projects due this week, but they said that's not a reason to stay on my laptop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 622

You deserved it 93

Don't give up

By Frustrated - 24/08/2025 20:00 - United States

Today, my wife complained that our sex life is too boring and vanilla. I have spent the last two years suggesting ideas to keep it interesting: S&M, swinging, roleplay, cosplay, public play, new toys, you name it. All I ever hear is, "Eww you pervert, that is disgusting and sick, how dare you even mention that." FML

I agree, your life sucks 519

You deserved it 123

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The Top

Today, I have been single and out of the game for so long that instead of having real wet dreams, I now dream about jacking off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 434

You deserved it 6 808

Today, I sent my boyfriend a long and heartfelt message. He responded with "tl; dr". FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 219

You deserved it 6 707

Today, I was cleaning my father's study room and wondering why I did not receive my acceptance/rejection letter from a college I really wanted. I found the acceptance letter, on his desk, also approving of a full scholarship. The deadline to confirm was a month ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 212 978

You deserved it 10 960

Today, I went for a jog. I had stopped at an intersection to let a car go by. The car stopped and the driver waved me on, so I started jogging again. After a few steps, I feel a sharp pain in my side, then wake up in the hospital. The driver 'accidentally' hit the gas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 128 267

You deserved it 5 856

Today, I'd finally had enough of feeling awful and went to urgent care. As it turns out, the reason my throat was sore was because I have a sinus infection. The doctor explained my nose is producing pus, and that's what I'm swallowing and coughing up. Yuck. I also have pink eye on top of that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 936

You deserved it 168

Today, I showed my best friend a picture of my new girlfriend. He gave me a high five, followed up with, "Looks like we're Eskimo bros!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 342

You deserved it 133