By FML Approved

Conflict Resolution

This is basically me during every conflict I've ever witnessed.

Favorite

Clean break

Whackjobs 'R Us

Pompous twat

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I picked the treadmill next to an old man so I could feel better about myself. He ran faster and longer than I did. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9035

You deserved it

36428

Favorite

By Mr.no contacts - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, the people fixing my phone called to say that for some reason, my phone's SIM card has wiped all my contacts except for four, and they are doing their best to try and recover the rest. I had to explain to them that I only had four contacts to begin with. The guy laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45478

You deserved it

5715

Favorite

By theRoomie - United States

Today, my loser roommate got wasted. He comes to me before going to bed, tells me he loves me, tries to hug me, then explosively vomits all over my face, my hair, my clothes. Then spends the rest of the night retching. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34696

You deserved it

2816

Favorite

By fashionista1787 - United States

Today, I had a creepy old guy with awful body odor in my salon. As I was washing his hair, he brought up how he wants to start a garden, and how a woman's monthly flow weirdly helps to make it grow. Then he asked me if I can save up my used tampons for him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41802

You deserved it

2485

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my friends and I were hanging out when we thought it would be cool to set off a few fireworks. Nothing burns quite like the hair on the left side of your head. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11274

You deserved it

40399

Favorite

By Farva - United States

Today, I made a Craigslist ad looking for hot and horny women that wanted some. I only got one reply, from another guy asking me if this kind of thing actually works. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6109

You deserved it

42447

Favorite

By lct722 - Canada

Today, I panicked when I saw a spider on my shoulder from the corner of my eye. It was a birthmark. The same one that has been there for the last 23 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10758

You deserved it

23149

Favorite

By queenofdeath - Israel

Today, I wanted to remove my mustache hair with hot wax. The hair is still there, but my skin is all burnt dark brown. Tomorrow is my first day at school. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26854

You deserved it

12299

Favorite

By types - United States

Today, my boyfriend decided he is going to narrate everything I do. I can't get him to stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25997

You deserved it

3609

Favorite

By Too much skin?

Today, my girlfriend told me that I have “too much foreskin” and that I’d need to get circumcised if we were going to stay together. I’m already circumcised. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5507

You deserved it

362

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, at work, an old lady came through my line to buy some groceries. She told me she lost her purse and was a little short. It was busy, so I pulled out my little purse and gave her the money she needed. A few minutes later she returned with my boss, insisting that my purse was hers. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37659

You deserved it

3254

Favorite

By period_probs - United States - King George

Today, my mom told me how lucky I was to inherit her "asymptomatic" periods. It's true, I don't get cramps, bloating or mood swings with my periods. Nope, just excruciatingly painful diarrhea. Thanks, mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34423

You deserved it

3015

Favorite

By VoodooPriestess - 3/6/2020 23:00

Just a prank, bruh!

Today, while looking at engagement rings online, I started crying. Not because I'm getting married, but because the only proposal scenario my mind could concoct always ended with my boyfriend saying,"Psych!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

1189

You deserved it

337

Favorite

By onefishtwofishes - United States - Washington

Today, the communications expert I'm forced to work with added the line "as they can catch bigger fishes" to a film script. She does not believe me when I tell her that the plural of fish is "fish." This idiot not only has the final word, she makes twice what I do. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39801

You deserved it

4435

Favorite

By Anonymous - Australia - Hawthorn

Today, my mum yelled "Son of a bitch!" as I narrowly beat her at a game of Mario Kart. I jokingly yelled back "Hell yeah I am!" Now I'm grounded for two weeks, birthday included, all because my mum's a sore loser. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41046

You deserved it

10163

Favorite

By theuglyone - United Kingdom - London

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me for a girl he met through me. I shouldn't feel bad. Apparently, she's exactly like me, only much prettier. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12040

You deserved it

813

Favorite

By ohray - Turkey - Kibris

Today, I popped into the shower hoping to come out all warm and clean. Something was very wrong with the pipes, and I came out smelling like sewage instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31397

You deserved it

3099

Favorite

By Saradee - United States - Inglewood

Today, my boyfriend ended sex by yelling, "THIS IS SPARTA!" and using his foot to push me off the bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

61962

You deserved it

10907

Favorite

By wow, thanks - United States - Seattle

Today, my family and I went to the movie theater. There weren't enough free seats near the front, so I sat a few rows back with my grandpa. He kept throwing our snacks at my parents' heads all through the movie. He claimed he'd been asleep the whole time, and I'm now grounded. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29824

You deserved it

2346

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was getting mugged. In shock, I said, "Are you mugging me?!" To which the mugger responded, "Duh, do you think I grabbed you for your looks?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

54525

You deserved it

7686

Favorite

By DEDMan

Today, I found out that my 6-year-old son was named after my wife's "Favorite Uncle" because he might also be the father. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3841

You deserved it

203

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I had to go into the school for the third time this week because my son is claiming he's on bath salts and biting all his classmates. My son is 16. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27624

You deserved it

3307

Favorite

By Anonymous

Missing the point 101

Today, I told my mom I lost 30 pounds because of an eating disorder. She told me to keep up the good work. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1719

You deserved it

176

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had just gotten a milkshake with some friends. We were about to drive past my ex's house, so I though it would be funny to throw the milkshake in his yard. Turns out, if you're going 50mph and try to throw a shake out the window, it comes right back at you. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7915

You deserved it

103524

Favorite

By Whatswrongwithme? - United Kingdom

Today, I told my girlfriend I loved her. She left and never came back. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55658

You deserved it

5707

Favorite

By i'm not psychic, mother fucker - Sweden - Uppsala

Today, I got a text message while driving home. I checked after arriving, and found it was a kinky text from my boyfriend, so I sent him an even kinkier reply. He later raged at me, because I somehow should have known he was showing off his phone to his mom when I sent my reply. FML

I agree, your life sucks

61270

You deserved it

6595

Favorite

By yupppp - United States

Today, I was talking with my mom about getting my school photos retouched. I believe her exact words were, "They'll take one look at you, and charge me triple." FML

I agree, your life sucks

34073

You deserved it

3915

Favorite

By baddormgirl - United States

Today, I walked through my college dorm and a freshman was watching some overly dramatic show on her laptop. I smiled and asked if it was a new episode of 'Gossip Girl.' She was on a video chat with her boyfriend. They were about to break up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14300

You deserved it

47611

Favorite

By metalmusic - United States

Today, my boyfriend went to the beach. His parents relentlessly tried to hook him with other girls, all the while knowing that we're dating. Their reasoning is that I'm not a 'real girlfriend.' FML

I agree, your life sucks

39815

You deserved it

4389

Favorite

By brileyyyy - United States

Today, I was sent to the hospital for being knocked out with a potato. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33648

You deserved it

4242

Favorite

By rainedaddy - United States

Today, I open my front door and saw a covered basket with a card from my girlfriend on it. I picked it up and read, "Hope this cheers you up." I uncovered the basket to find a golden labrador puppy. Its eyes were closed and it wasn't breathing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

73725

You deserved it

3165

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I dozed off during a lecture. When I woke up, I didn't recognize any of the people surrounding me, and I saw one guy pointing and laughing at me. It turns out, my professor instructed everyone to let me sleep because he wanted to see how long it would be before I woke up. I was asleep three hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12022

You deserved it

34133

Favorite

By diddlysquat - United Kingdom

Today, I was having a cybersex chat with a "girl" on a website whilst at work. I noticed my colleague who sits next to me start cracking up with laughter. Turned out it was him I was chatting with and he was winding me up. Worst thing is it had given me a stiffy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12982

You deserved it

53514

Favorite

By Ew - United States - Washington

Today, I went for a three-mile run. I was really proud of myself until I woke up from my dream in my bed, surrounded by empty soda bottles and fast food bags. I haven't worked out in years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8423

You deserved it

11993

Favorite

By Anonymous

Head, meet wall

Today, while joking and chatting with a coworker on my way to the bathroom, I misjudged the distance to the entrance and slammed my head into the wall. My coworker told everyone. So now I'm funny, but not for the reason I wanted to be. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1190

You deserved it

303

Favorite

By RyanSmithN - United States

Today, I used a public bathroom and set my motorcycle helmet on the sink while I used the urinal. The helmet rolled into the sink, under the faucet and set off the motion detector, soaking the inside. I drove 15 miles home in 30 degree weather with a wet helmet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26161

You deserved it

9181

Favorite

By kagan

Today, the only food in the house is canned beans and vegetables that I can’t stand. My dad refuses to go to the store because, "we can't afford it." Meanwhile, my stepmom just came home with a brand new Gucci purse. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1951

You deserved it

141

Favorite

By Scaryman - United States

Today, I was sitting down in a store when a stroller stopped by me. While the parents were fixing the strap, the baby looked at me, gasped, looked at me again, gasped, and then screamed. Ten minutes later, another baby looked at me and screamed. My face scares babies. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35186

You deserved it

4147

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend he is good at singing. Now he won't stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10994

You deserved it

41892

Favorite

By Godi - United States

Today, I got a call from my girlfriend of 13 months. She told me that she had gotten chlamydia from the guy she cheated on me with, and that I most likely have it too. I gave her a diamond ring, she gave me chlamydia. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33645

You deserved it

2947

Favorite

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Top comments

By Stiggy626 | 25

#7549366 - Friday 6 October 2017 11:23

dude knows what's up haha

By Jazzy bolch | 1

#7549420 - Friday 6 October 2017 14:14

Ha me

COMMENTS

By Stiggy626 | 25

#7549366 - Friday 6 October 2017 11:23

dude knows what's up haha

By Jazzy bolch | 1

#7549420 - Friday 6 October 2017 14:14

Ha me