Miscellaneous: Today, I woke up with a cockroach in my ear. FML - FML

By jaqlove - 02/07/2016 20:28 - United States - Clementon

Today, I woke up with a cockroach in my ear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 014

You deserved it 2 642

Labour Day: Rest or Disaster?
Find out how a day off can turn into a series of hilarious, unexpected events. More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By no name - 22/02/2011 12:25

Today, I got up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water. I felt something get caught in my throat so I coughed and spluttered a bit. When I turned on the lights I discovered I'd coughed up a cockroach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 949

You deserved it 4 785

Top o' the mornin' to ya

By Anonymous - 29/07/2022 16:00 - United States - Littleton

Today, I woke up bright and early… because a spider crawled into my ear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 799

You deserved it 75

By foxbrat - 11/10/2009 06:18 - United States

Today, I woke up with a dead cockroach and its guts all over my forehead. My boyfriend responded by laughing and saying "Poor guy, never had a chance to see the world." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 226

You deserved it 3 295

By Anonymous - 23/10/2011 11:45 - United States

Today, I woke up, showered, and began brushing my teeth. When I started to brush my tongue I gagged, like usual, and threw up a little. What's unusual? I threw up a cockroach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 267

You deserved it 4 592

Added protein

By Anonymous - 10/02/2021 00:30

Today, I was drinking lemon juice through a straw. After finishing half of the drink, I noticed there was a cockroach in my straw. FML

I agree, your life sucks 942

You deserved it 175

By wellesleybanana - 17/04/2009 18:43 - United States

Today, I finally got some sleep after an exterminator came yesterday and took care of our roach problem. I woke up and kissed my boyfriend good morning. Frowning, he told me I had something stuck on the corner of my mouth. It was a roach leg. Where is the rest of the roach? FML

I agree, your life sucks 97 216

You deserved it 4 680

By Anonymous - 12/06/2015 05:35 - Australia - Rydalmere

Today, I was studying for a big test I have next Tuesday in my room. I heard a creak in my ceiling but assumed it was nothing as my house is old. Thirty seconds later something fell from my air vent directly onto my head. It was a giant cockroach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 574

You deserved it 2 139

By mac - 27/01/2014 14:40 - Australia - Bankstown

Today, my roommate showed me a video of a cockroach crawling all over my face while I was asleep in the lounge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 422

You deserved it 4 372

The fun never ends

By Yudith - 02/01/2023 03:00 - Canada

Today, I found a New Year's surprise: a cockroach in my kitchen drawers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 760

You deserved it 134

By Whyis Dremora - 30/09/2018 15:00 - United States - San Marcos

Today, I was abruptly woken by a scratching at my butthole that felt like a spider with a million legs. I've never leapt out of bed so fast. When my partner shined a light on the bed, we discovered it was a cockroach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 821

You deserved it 287

Next

Top comments

Unenunciable 14

Sunday 3 July 2016 11:42

You should really go to the doctor to make sure it didn't lay any eggs in your ear canal!!

lex1459 38

Sunday 3 July 2016 11:31

Alright. Well. Safe to say I'll be sleeping with something covering my ears tonight.

Comments

lex1459 38

Sunday 3 July 2016 11:31

Alright. Well. Safe to say I'll be sleeping with something covering my ears tonight.

thawny_fml 21

Sunday 3 July 2016 20:22

This is both the shortest and yet most terrifying FML I have ever read.

Unenunciable 14

Sunday 3 July 2016 11:42

You should really go to the doctor to make sure it didn't lay any eggs in your ear canal!!

Nyattack 14

Monday 4 July 2016 0:56

I would never have thought of that... Very creepy yet plausible. Kudos to you for thinking about that possibility and warning the OP !

niftyismybitch 21

Sunday 3 July 2016 11:47

Better a cockroach than a ****..erel.

TheGamingGamer 28

Sunday 3 July 2016 12:17

Better get some Raid® and spray the **** outta them next time you see one. And sleep with headphones. Good music plus no cockroaches in your ear. Win-Win.

hellnosucka 27

Sunday 3 July 2016 13:02

that is the most horrifying thing I've ever read.

PapiiChuloo 4

Sunday 3 July 2016 13:10

I sleep with a stocking cap over my head so nothing like that ever happens

Nylectro 14

Sunday 3 July 2016 13:16

I woke up to a dead cockroach in my hair when I was 11. That's why I got a bunkbed yo

Bearsmomma 30

Sunday 3 July 2016 18:21

you know they climb or crawl, right?They can walk walls and even on Ceilings

False_Stupidity 41

Monday 4 July 2016 10:14

They can fly too, to an extent

hellobobismyname 24

Sunday 3 July 2016 13:26

I'd actually prefer that... You can easily wash out your mouth. It's gross but it's worse to have something alive crawling inside your ear that probably won't come out without force. You never know what it could be plotting. I never ever want to experience that. Yuck!

Elgrin 15

Sunday 3 July 2016 14:41

Was it whispering sweet nothings?

_EnderDoge 22

Sunday 3 July 2016 15:23

Guess you could call it an earroach.

Keywords

Music Names Kids Customers Work Bodyshaming Coworkers Awkward Money Roommate Landlords Allergies Dogs AITA Parents Embarrassing Cute Neighbours Singing Health Ironic Accident Animals Cats Love Airport Cheating Sex Intimacy Relationship advice

The Top

Today, after getting ghosted by a company for a job I really wanted, I posted on LinkedIn, venting my frustration with companies not having the decency to send rejection letters. My current boss, who didn't know I was job hunting, saw it, and let me know I'm now on the shit list. FML

I agree, your life sucks 95

You deserved it 835

Today, as I was walking my dog, some self-righteous animal activist berated me on how it was animal abuse to put my dog on a leash. Despite warning her, she crouched down to undo it, my dog charged at her, giving her a gash on the cheek. She kicked my dog for it, and is now threatening to sue me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 658

You deserved it 78

The Top

Today, I met a cute girl at a dance club. I entered her number in my phone just before she left the club. With a proud smile, I turned the screen towards my buddy, showing off my accomplishment. Attempting to give me a friendly pat he accidentally closed my phone. I hadn't saved the number. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 146

You deserved it 17 568

Today, my son and I were arguing, and my wife yelled at us that the reason we don't get along is because we have identical personalities. She then kicked us out until we learn to get along, so we're sleeping in the freezing caravan, sharing a blanket that's only 6 feet wide and was last used for the cat to give birth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 335

You deserved it 1 255

Today, while working my overnight shift, I went into the isolation room to find some items for a former client. The door fell shut and the magnetic lock went to work. Both unit telephones and my cell phone were lying on the desk, and I waited four hours for my supervisor to rescue me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 671

You deserved it 4 836

Today, I saw a guy I like when I was out shopping. We acknowledged each other with a little wave, but as I walked away, I heard him say to his friend, "She's never gonna get me with THAT moustache." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 869

You deserved it 8 842

Today, at my work at a charity shop, I reached into a new bag of donations only to pull out... used underwear. Thanks for your generosity. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 897

You deserved it 1 405

Today, I went out with my family and boyfriend for dinner. We were all having a good time, and suddenly at the end of dinner he decides to kneel down on one knee, take out an engagement ring, and say "I choose you, Pikachu," with a straight face. He was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 585

You deserved it 87