Today, I walked out onto the driveway to find my mom standing on the wet pavement, screaming at the worms that had come out after the rain, saying that they were "on private property" and that they were "trespassing." All of our neighbors had come out of their houses to watch. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, while taking out the trash late at night with my mom, a group of people drove by and decided it would be funny to turn around and chase us up the driveway in their car. Before I even realized what was happening, my mom was already halfway to the house yelling back, "You're on your own!" FML
Today, my crazy neighbor screamed at me from her porch for walking "too close" to her plants. I was on the sidewalk. She sprayed me with her hose anyway. FML
Today, I backed out of the driveway of our newly built home. Being unfamiliar with the driveway, I ended up getting bogged in the mud and slid halfway down the steep slope of the front yard, trying free myself. I haven't met my neighbours yet. They stood in their front lawns watching me. FML
Today, I woke to my drunk mother trying to vacuum the lawn. FML
Today, my mom screamed at me to the point of tears, because it rained on her birthday. FML
Today, I watched as my neighbor walked to my front lawn, looked me right in the eye, and pissed on my mailbox. FML
Today, my mother started cursing at a lady for tooting her horn at her in traffic, because there was "no need for road rage." When I tried to calm her down, she slammed on the brakes and told me to get out and walk. FML
Today, I went out to get milk from the garage fridge for my mom. The moment I stepped out, my foot settled on the neighbor's boa, who likes to escape. After my mom finally opened the door to my frantic shouting, she spotted the snake, slammed the door, and locked both of us outside. FML
Today, my very drunk mother decided to run down the block naked, screaming at the top of her lungs, "She's trying to kill me!" as I followed behind her in my car, yelling for her to get in. FML
Today, I got into a fight with my mom over the chores, and stormed out. When I returned later, I found the house had been egged. My mom told my dad she saw me do it, and he won't believe my side of the story. He says I'll be lucky if I see sunlight this summer. FML
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Top comments
4Legend 0
Well I'd come out to watch too, I mean who do those worms think they are!? The nerve...
incognito1520 20
Am I the only one who pictured the mom in a robe and curlers while smoking? It makes her seem even crazier if you do.
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Comments (135)
DisappearingRose 18
Sounds like a worm of a day!
FMLandurstoo 9
Was your comment supposed to make sense?
DrMime 10
I laughed. I LOVE awful jokes lol. Speaking of awful jokes: have you heard that the energizer bunny was arrested? He was charged with battery! BU-DUM-PSSHHNT!!!
DeboDaGreat 3
Crack is a hell of a drug..
asoptavlo14 6
That doesn't even make sense.. At #1.
TPSerigne 9
64-and that was previously stated by #10
melrose90210 10
It sounds like your mom is on some serious drugs.
fistnazal 10
Who said crack?!
Nthabz 8
Crack is whack...lol
Akai_fml 4
#56 Just ask Whitney Houston
maikeru1979 23
The OP and her mother are from Montana(i was born and raised here) and if it is drugs it isn't Crack.it's Meth and meth is a DANGEROUS drug
FMLandurstoo 9
What a crazy bitch! Sounds like my mum. FYL OP.
Roevera 14
Hey, I don't know what kind of deal you mental institution does, but at our local mad house, if you bring someone in, you get a free toaster. I think its time you get a toaster OP.
FMLandurstoo 9
Hell, I'd turn myself in for a free toaster.
ShroomsOnAcid 17
OP could actually save the situation and even capitalize on it by charging the neighbors for the privilege of watching her mom's new, live "comedy routine". No one has to know about the crazy bitch part - she's just a terrific actress!
Roevera 14
Only until someone goes for an autograph, and she screams and bitches at them for trespassing.
skullcandifiedDJ 5
Gotta love dysfunctional mothers...
EPICROCKERNINJA 8
Ha, I keep reading 27's comments in a weird voice because of his picture.
FMLandurstoo 9
Mmmmhmmm
AhmandahAnarchy 5
It's only trespassing if they were doing the worm to no music.
SilverGTP99 8
Is your body broken? O.o
ty1992_farmlife 12
Damn.. someone should of brought the music lol.
alexicanaaa 7
Dissected a preserved earthworm today. My friend made it do the worm. Your comment reminded me of that. Hahaha. :D
A7x4REVer 3
39 - nope, only his mind...
rpc3029 0
Was that supposed to be funny?
Meraklez1013 9
Omg talk about embarrassing lol
purpleskullcandy 7
I hate worms. And they are king of trespassing.
zombicidal 11
And his bride queen of breaking and entering
DrMime 10
'Breaking and entering' was the phrase used to describe Kim Kardashian losing her virginity!
antmanzero 8
Anyone up for a meat pie? Freshly baked! With a 'secret' meat ingredient of an 'unknown' variety! Yum!
MickGold 8
Haha, put some of that shit on my plate! Yum yum, eat'em up!XD
Ray_of_midnight 23
No thanks, Mrs. Lovett.
justlikeme79 9
Now that's a bit harsh. I'd rather be unknowingly fed worms than people.
Daiyuki 5
Goddamn, 87 has a gorgeous pic
Crystalkitty22 11
O_o One of my teachers is named Mrs.Lovett... She's best friends with the Home EC teachers that gives me free food. They always smile weirdly when I eat it. Why didn't I make these connections before!?!
BritSkits 22
no, just the thought of its enought to make you sick
4Legend 0
Well I'd come out to watch too, I mean who do those worms think they are!? The nerve...
LennyComa 39
Nice....much alcohol involved
ydi_4_suking 20
Or maybe no alcohol involved
Swiftly 0
It's all about that meth
daken96 21
For OP's sake, I hope so.
SixthSinEnvy 39
I'm thinking schizophrenia.
jake98899889 4
Fyl I bet she meant to embarrass you ;)
akallaan 7
The white trash neighbor title goes to....
BlackCloudedSldr 5
How do you know they're white? What makes you think she isn't just insane or hyped up on meds? Go to new York and you will find worse. Oh but if we say black trash... It's racist. These people could be black, Hispanic, hell maybe even asian. Think next time you prove your ignorance.