Today, I took my daughter to see Santa at the mall. When I went to pick her up from Santa's lap, my watch snagged on his beard, pulling it off in front of my daughter and about twenty kids in line. My daughter still isn't speaking to me. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I brought my 6-year-old to the mall to sit on Santa's lap. She told him what she wanted and smiled for the picture. When the lady told her that her turn was over, she began throwing a fit, pulling off Santa's beard in the process. This caused all the kids in line to begin sobbing. FML
Today, I dressed up as Santa Claus for my employees' children. After seeing all the others, my daughter's turn arrived. She sat on my lap, put her lips to my ear, and whispered softly: "I want a new dad." FML
Today, I took my kids to the mall to see Santa. While waiting in line, my eldest got bored and loudly complained, "I don't know why we're here. Santa's not even real." I don't think any of the kids within a hundred feet took the news very well. FML
Today, I accidentally knocked over a mall Santa on his way to meet some children. I've never had that many hate-filled eyes on me at once. FML
Today, my 8-year-old daughter was throwing a tantrum, and I said "Keep this up and I'll tell Santa to take your presents back." She told me I don't even know Santa, at which point I accidentally blurted that I'm "Santa". FML
Today, I took the 6 year old I'm babysitting to the mall to see Santa after weeks of her begging. We got there in time to see him get out of his Prius and dress in the parking lot. FML
Today, I took my 5-year old daughter to get a photo taken with Santa, when she asked the dreaded question of why this Santa looked different from one at the other store. Before I could placate her, some cunt of a kid yelled, "Because he's not real, dumbass!" FML
Today, I was working at the mall as Santa, when a little girl took a shit in my lap. FML
Today, I saw Santa. He gave me the finger. FML
Today, my daughter ran up to an old man with a white beard and a red sweater because she thought he might be Santa. He was a homeless dude, drunk at 9 in the morning. He told her to either give him money or f**k off, then screamed at her that "Santa’s not real, grow up r*tard." She’s still crying FML
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Top comments
hayleegirl 0
How does this make you feeeel?
xxGheTToGumbYxx 16
She had to find out eventually. :/
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Comments (104)
hayleegirl 0
How does this make you feeeel?
Damn_Hippster 11
Well, when she kills you, you'll at least know why...
xxGheTToGumbYxx 16
HE'S A PHONY!!
Meowingtons500 18
OP RUINED CHRISTMAS! You baby kicker. D:
IcyJack 7
Well, you can't lie to her forever. I guess it was just... *puts on sunglasses* ...a matter of time. YEAH!
G97Alex 21
A good sunglasses joke. Never thought I would see the day.
mariyaaa 0
You should have watched out for your watch... :D
alibaba_27 0
Csi miami horatio reference , Wisely used Looks like the kids *****puts on the shades**** Know the truth about santa YEEAAAAHHH
absolutegrrr 7
A bad sunglasses joke. Always see the day.
Jovecove 13
Ho ho ho the silent treatment...
leadman1989 16
31 - Oh how you should have said piece of cake.
xxGheTToGumbYxx 16
She had to find out eventually. :/
jwade11 12
What luck you have!! Tell her it was one of santa's helpers and that the real Santa couldn't make it because he's busy at the north pole. That'd be extremely embarassing though!
Minecraftering 5
2-What, that santa doesn't actually have a beard?
Rob777 0
I dont get this FML at all, Santa doesn't shave :(
leogirl95 12
Tell her the real Santa will be there on Christmas eve
TheNotoriousOne 1
... it was Santas apprentice... That's what I would say
bitchslapped22 14
When I was young I was told that the Santas at the mall were 'Santa's helpers' so I agree, that would be the best thing to say
Dishwad 0
He had to wear a fake beard because he lost the real one in a fight with a polar bear over an ice patch
akg98 13
ZOMBIE CANCER! YEAAAHH!
LoveIsEnough 10
Good preview for when she's a teen.
ninjuh_wingman 29
And once again, many childrens dreams have been shattered by reality...and by your watch.
IcyJack 7
Goddamn you, reality and law enforcement. Ruiner of dreams.
indielove 13
love the username.
yiannismt 2
I hate Santa imposters.
gasbandit 2
Who the hell still wears a watch? Your phone tells you what time it is.
xosportsgirl14x 8
Some people's jobs require it.
KiddNYC1O 22
*Raises hand*
KindaFunnyRight 8
*Also raises hand
DocBastard 40
*raises hand* *smacks gasbandit with raised hand* *lowers hand*
AnagenisisZagus 13
Thanks, Doc.
Justforlolz 14
Your phone is not the meaning of life. Stop relying on it to do everything. Everyone knows the meaning of life is 42.
KiddNYC1O 22
There you go, #8. Doctors always wear watches... For pulse check and apparently, a strong hand. Lol
ZeDolphinator 7
#42: Did... Did you plan that? 0_o
Justforlolz 14
54- Holy crap.... I SWEAR I didn't do that on purpose.
mariyaaa 0
Watches are also quite stylish now a'days
rainydayz133 6
Do you know how dumb you sound right now?
sniperkit 10
Nice going, 42. You imploded the universe.
NitroTonicsFML 4
If only his beard was real. Then you would be awkwardly picking out his hairs from your watch while all the parents and kids stare at you.
mandaboo 8
Just tell her Santa has helpers that go to malls for him so he can prepare for crunch time in the workshop? That super sucks, OP. Hopefully she is young enough to believe you so you still have some Christmas spirit from her. It was an honest mistake.
SwtCherryPie 26
oh the tangled webs we weave... lie exposed? cover it up with another lie... thats sure to fix everything... great example for your child... lie lie lie... if that doesnt work lie some more
mandaboo 8
When it comes to letting them believe in magic and maintain their childhood a little longer, yes. You should. Are you going to be that shitty parent that doesn't let your small child have fun? If so, please do not reproduce.
rainydayz133 6
She's a kid. Let her believe that Santa is real so that she still has a imagination and has some Christmas spirit!
PandasEatYou 5
Omg that's what my mom told me when I was little and found out the guy at the mall wasn't real Lmao