Today, my boyfriend came over while I was babysitting my little brother. He wouldn't stay in bed, so my boyfriend told him,"If you don't stay in bed, the monster will eat you!" I now have to wash my brother's bedsheets, because he was too afraid to get up and go pee. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I woke up because of a weird noise. Scared, I turned on my bedside lamp. I saw my older, 17-year-old brother peeing in my bedroom doorway. He was hoping I'd step in it in the morning. FML
Today, I yelled at my little brother for leaving the toilet seat up and told him he needed to go around the house and make sure they were all down. I went to the bathroom later to find that the toilet seats and covers from every toilet had all been removed and were sitting on my bed. FML
Today, my boyfriend came to my room and we were kissing. He was being exceptionally aggressive and intense when my brother knocked outside my door, demanding I open it. He had to jump out while I was fumbling to fix my top and cover my marks with my hair. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I went to see a horror movie. It ended up scaring her so badly that she refused to leave our bed all night long, even to pee. I have to clean the mattress now. FML
Today, I woke up to a stranger in my bed. Just as my parents responded to my screaming, I remembered that I'd helped my boyfriend sneak in through my window last night. FML
Today, I was woken up by the sound of someone in my room. I started freaking out, thinking someone had broken in, so I kicked them, only to realise it was my boyfriend coming back from the toilet. I'd forgotten he was staying over. FML
Today, while babysitting a girl, I told her to be quiet so she wouldn't wake her little brother. In reply, she told me that she would kill me, wake her brother up to show him my dead body, then draw all over my face. I'm stuck with her for another two hours. FML
Today, my boyfriend broke the bed pretending to be a caterpillar. FML
Today, I was in the toilet when somebody started banging on the door loudly. I panicked and immediately cleaned my self and opened the door. As I opened the door, my brother vomited all over me. FML
Today, my 3-year-old fell asleep in our bed while cuddling me, and I let him stay since he was being so sweet. In the middle of the night, he took off his pants and pissed all over my head and back. FML
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Top comments
gabbielove 0
At least he didn't poop in his bed.
groovis 2
So your response is to call her out over your perception that she was wanting to fool around with her boyfriend while babysitting her little brother and that this makes her a *****? First let's ignore that most kids try to avoid bed time when being babysat (especially by siblings) and likewise ignore that she posted that he "wouldn't stay in bed" implying his bed time had arrived and it was only right to insist he stay put. Then we can move onto the story told about the monster which arguably was not the wisest move, but we've been telling "monster/scary" stories to kids for years. Still whatever trauma the thought of monsters and subsequently wetting the bed might cause will not be deep or last too long. Guaranteed they will all laugh about this later. Now we can move on to your moral smug self-superiority which apparently finds the natural act of intimacy to be repugnant and worthy of your scorn. OK let's assume they did want private time to get busy. This is a problem for you? Their desire for intimacy enrages you? Seriously? In my experience such anger is usually the byproduct of a bitter little person who has always been rejected whenever he's attempted to get with a girl. This constant rejection and the realization that he probably will not ever get laid by anyone he doesn't either have to pay or blow up, translates into him doubtless hovered over his computer in his mommy's basement pleasuring himself to pictures and fantasies while attacking anyone who is actually getting action from another. Your wish for murder, death and horrible disease as a justified outcome for this situation reveals you to be a small, bitter, pathetic, and vile little man (boy probably) trying to make himself feel better and/or seem important with your hate and scorn. Instead it shows you to be be someone worthy of our collective pity. Today, I tried to sound like a big man by wishing death and cancer on someone due to my extreme bitterness over the fact that the only action I am ever going to get is with my own hand and I got busted by someone who called me out without sinking to my level. FML
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Comments (81)
nicknesser 0
Better an imaginary monster than a real sex offender.
Crlnprz 11
thts mean of him D:
Arsonnist 3
Or the sex offender will rape you? Haha fyl.
dinorawrous 0
Already a modded comment .
super3286 14
he probably said first and crap
SuparSerial 0
Oh no you have to wash some bedsheets FYL indeed :'(
princewater 0
this is a FML for your brother
ShorTiE4LyFe 0
ydi for being too lazy to stick them in the washer for 30 minutes. Or you could burn them...:P
cincin75 0
After all you have to wash some sheets since your boy friend is there. Semen or pee, That is not so differrent I think.
LordXavier 0
This is exactly why they make cages for little kids! Then all you have to do is change the newspaper every once in a while and throw your leftovers through the bars! Also it's "monster proof"!!!
knight0748 5
sounds like he's not very good with kids.. send your bf to your enemies house and make them pee in bed...
Mumbellosity711 0
you should get Vince to advertise that for you.
bubbarific 0
well technically ur bf did get ur bro 2 stay in bed :P
vivibeatles 1
omg you made me laugh #35
sexybitch92 0
Your brother is a cockblocker and you have to wash his sheets. fyl.
bobmandude 0
What did #1 say????
quent10 0
tell him if he pees the bed again the monster will eat his weenus
green_eyes124 0
haha poor little brother : )
956TXking 0
Comment NOT Moderated
alicianoar 7
No. Not 'poor brother' he deserves it for being a gullible pussy.
eraintimexD 0
don't be annoying -.- thanks.
XFlyingxPiranhaX 0
31-I'm assuming you are trolling. you are retarded.
green_eyes124 0
haha 31- it makes me laugh that you thought you could say that and get away with it. no one likes trolls around here : )
iplaylax 0
31 is just pissed cause his dick is smaller than the kid's
hsshae 0
lol that's got to suck
openview 0
wow damn fyl
te_amo_ily 0
awhh !
eviiee_fml 3
hahaha thats all thanks to your boyfriend FYL.
Dramori 29
awww, your boyfriend found a harsh way to deal with a cockblocker! ;D
brightlightsbloo_fml 0
total win
FFML_314 12
That's what newspaper is for.
rainbowhobos 4
I can already sense a future parenting WIN on your boyfriend's part.