Today, while working at a pizza place with my girlfriend, I called my boss to tell him we were short on sausage. Under her breath I heard my girlfriend say, "sounds like somebody I know." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I called my boyfriend during his lunch break. He started to place his order at a fast food joint, and trying to be funny, I started moaning sexily after each part of his order. I eventually realised I was on speaker when I heard snickering in the background. FML
Today, I went to my boyfriend's work to surprise him. When I got there, I called him on his phone to tell him to turn around. I saw him look at his phone. His co-worker next to him asked who that was. He replied, "Just this fat chick I know." FML
Today, my co-worker handed me the phone and said it was my boyfriend calling, so I answered "Hello, Love!" It was my boss. FML
Today, while sitting at a table in a coffee shop, I overheard someone on the next table talking about their horrible boss. I joined in, complaining about mine, and going into great detail about what an arsehole he can be. Turns out, I was talking to my boss's sister. FML
Today, I knew my girlfriend was having a bad day. I went to bring her frozen yogurt at work because she loves it. When I was in the elevator, I overheard her colleague saying that the reason she was upset was because she had been cheating on her boyfriend with her new intern. FML
Today, my long-distance girlfriend drunk dialed me and told me she was horny. Surprised, I exclaimed, "You're horny?" without realizing my boss was right next to me. FML
Today, at work, I casually mentioned I was meeting some friends for dinner. My co-worker's response was, "You have friends?!" FML
Today, I was walking to get ice-cream with my boyfriend. When we were ordering our cone, the girl who was scooping it said to my boyfriend, "Hey I know you! You're the one who slept with my sister-in-law the other night." FML
Today, I was at lunch with my girlfriend. The waitress came up and asked for her number, then asked if she had a significant other. I laughed as my girlfriend gave the waitress her number. They're going on a date, tonight. FML
Today, I was on the phone with my boyfriend. I had to fart really badly, so thinking that he wouldn't hear me, I did so. He heard me and asked, "Did you fart?" I said "No, it was my dog." I don't have a dog, and he knows this. FML
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Top comments
Pentium_4 27
oh man....next time you smell fish, you know what to say. BUT, only cause she was mean first ;)
StoryOfTheYear 15
No meat-lovers today?
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Comments (74)
Pentium_4 27
oh man....next time you smell fish, you know what to say. BUT, only cause she was mean first ;)
gojira666 7
It may be short, but at least its skinny!
Pentium_4 27
lol. i wasn't trying to be mean. just kiddin around cause it's FML afterall
dirtroadboy 7
Maybe she was referring to her boss?
Keyman1212 14
I think she was just dicking around with the penis jokes, I mean it sounds like a sausage fest at work already, who wouldn't want to **** about in a situation like that?
shanemaximo 7
Confucius say, even big sausage can't fill huge mouth.
asianbeezy_ 5
OP, at least she didn't tell you it was like an over cooked noodle inside a Pringles can
kirastarr808 3
Hilarious!!!
crazytiger16 8
Your Girlfriend is awesome. :)
StoryOfTheYear 15
No meat-lovers today?
DontModMeDammit 10
Did anyone else think this FML was going to end differently?
nahgemoohc 17
29-If it did, it wouldn't be on FML
DontModMeDammit 10
On the phone with boss, girlfriend makes sexual comment, boss hears it.. Still could be on FML.
GenaALazer 22
I would love your meat.
jep00 8
Me too
FriscoKidz 10
The joys of working with your significant other.
BIGBOY4rmAHM 19
There is a joy in it? (sarcasm)
braxdan50 4
It's rarely ever a good thing
ImInYourFACEbook 8
It is kind of cute. She will always love him no matter how much sausage he has!
Michael_92 20
Soooo what did the boss say??
boofgall 16
"okay, I'll put the order in". I'm guessing here.
kikiwi_fml 9
Is that really what you got from this FML? Relevancy fail.
Michael_92 20
No I know what was meant. I was being very general and just asking....completely irrelevant to the actual FML
heartless_fml 6
call your boss back; tell him you have some roast beef you could offer up instead.
chelseaaababyyy 17
say the yeast baking in the oven reminds you of someone you know.
JhunnySuperman 0
Ya then where does that get him....an ex gf/co worker....a sore face from getting slapped...and still having a small sausage (pizza) wouldn't help him be any more confident hahaha
Eddie465 0
Good one :)
helper420 0
Clever girl
tehrealone 6
Can someone explain
DJD3STRO 0
A yeast infection look it up @ google
PhilMcDonald 6
Lol
K_kanaka 26
There's a saying my mom once said to me it's not what you don't got that matters but how you use what you do got OP. So do you know how to use what you got?
Michael_92 20
I'm gonna go ahead and say no. If he did she prolly wouldn't complain. Just my thoughts though.
K_kanaka 26
8 I agree with you.
lambybug 0
...that's awkward for your mom to tell you that.
RedPillSucks 33
Some people have good communicative relationships with their parents. Not all parent-child relationships are dysfunctional.
Twakkie731 4
It's not the size of the wave but the motion of the ocean...
kronick_fml 0
Lies you ever want to cross an ocean in a row boat
ceepevoy 0
did someone order up a slice of bitcharoni pizza?
Pentium_4 27
*taps on shoulder* you gonna eat that? (referring to avatar)
ChaosAngel17 14
That awkward moment when...
Eddie465 0
Your significant other puts you down like that
alstbv12 13
A joke on fml doesn't getting as many "thumbs up" as you had hoped?
Shelbyyyyyyy 4
Bahahaa! That was a good one ^
SilentTreatment 7
Sounds like you came up short... :/