Today, I visited my son at work. He's an interpreter for the government. As I watched him converse with a group of men, I was overcome with pride. Then the woman next to me said, "I can't believe they're talking about that in public." They were discussing masturbation techniques. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I had to explain to my boss that masturbating in public is inappropriate. This isn't the first time this has taken place. FML
Today, at work I had to listen to a group of old men talk about double penetration. I work at a coffee shop. FML
Today, I was working at a restaurant when my manager approached me and informed me that there was people having sex in the women's washroom, and he needed me to go in and ask them to cut it out. So I did. Five minutes later, a woman walks out with her disabled son and asks to talk to my manager. FML
Today, I went over to talk to my boss. I must have snuck up on her because she was masturbating through her pants. She stopped and I had to chat away, pretending I didn't notice. FML
Today, I walked in on my son and his friend comparing their penis sizes. They're 6. FML
Today, while out shopping, I could hear what sounded like two grown men talking about me, and they were being pretty gross. I turned around to scold them and it turned out being a dad and his 13-year-old son. He said he was, "teaching a son to be a man", and that my ass was "grounds for discussion." FML
Today, in a very crowded public restroom at a sporting arena, after looking to the man using the urinal to his right, my 6 year old son turns to address me on his left and exclaims, "Daddy, that man's wiener is a lot bigger than yours!" The whole bathroom heard and looked immediately at me. FML
Today, I attended a family gathering where everyone was taking turns sharing exciting life updates. When it was my turn, I proudly announced that I'd finally mastered the art of adulting... only for my dad to pipe up with, "Makes a change from when you used to wank like a gibbon thinking we couldn't hear you up there." FML
Today, my husband gave our son the sex talk. Maybe it’s because we never talk openly about it, but my husband is into some racy shit. FML
Today, I had to tell my 7 year old-son it's not polite to jack off in public. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Battledog5006 0
so thats where my tax dollars are going
OcampoFTW 4
Sounds like the average bro talk
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (104)
OcampoFTW 4
Sounds like the average bro talk
pman590 8
duh, politicians need to wack aswell! maybe more!
DrIDGAF 7
Send him to wankaholics anonymous.
marinus_fml 20
#14 lekker draad trek. #1 my average bro talk doesn't constitute anything about me fondling myself, or interested in how other people do it.
Keyman1212 14
Anything to keep the foreigners happy I suppose...
enonymous 9
I wonder what techniques they are going over. Stranger? Stranger on the rocks? The mummy? Jazz hands for the big finish? Prosthetic hand masturbation?
SadinSherman 16
At least he is making friends
juliushater 12
Hey julle braaiers moet ophou so vloek ne ;)
marinus_fml 20
Jammer oom!
Enslaved 38
Okay, I've heard of "the stranger" but "the mummy" was new to me. Gotta love Urban Dictionary!(:
alexchiltonLC 7
I think of I love you, man when I read this. Love that movie
Daralea 21
The topics on the agenda today are: establishing peace in Libya, political turmoil in South Africa, and how much chafing is too much chafing.
Battledog5006 0
so thats where my tax dollars are going
btnhdude 0
You should cross out 'fat' from your shirt.
Glitterhinoceros 14
Lawl 54 ily :D
bfflrhea 0
That's a really mean shirt, girls dont like douches btw..
Janawa 22
Learn to speak English, Spanish, or apache so others can understand you!
Janawa 22
That was to 67 by the way.... I guess Ussen can't choose between beauty and smarts for each person... Either that, or I am a lonely nerd and this is the language my fellow peers, who will someday be leading America, are speaking.....
deadboyparis 3
Maybe if you were old enough to pay taxes you'd be able to say that. So shut up and choke on your piece of rabbit fur you rub on your dick every night.
markrs 0
That's jacked off. I mean jacked up.
sailor1522 2
FTW!
ariannaimelda 7
Or maybe it was really a secret government language... o.O
TheCylonmaster 3
You pic + comment = EPIC!
RoughRiders 4
wtf? I don't talk about that with my friends.
Mysanitywins 10
Then you're really lame. I do this all the time.
aruam365 24
I don't either, but I'm a girl... so maybe that's why? We talk about all sorts of raunchy stuff, but never that!
markymark1429 8
raunchy like...your face?LOL
JustOhSoLovely 6
I'm a girl and my friends and I talk about it all the time! Well not all the time but a lot lol
aruam365 24
Clearly you don't know what the word means... Seeing as that insult makes no sense, I'm just going to let it go.
thatnucca 36
Hey! It is important also...
EmilyOli 0
your picture, is great!
Jayrs93 11
I like it too Chelsea is awesome
juliushater 12
Man Utd 8 -2 on sunday, me thinks Chelsea will also undergo that brutallity. GOOO MAN UTD !!!
azcardinals1307 2
Doing you proud, eh.
jellitonoctopus 19
Dirty birdie.
shanatilly89 11
Did you own up to him being your son? lol :)
iAmScrubs 19
Techniques as in stand on your head and do it upside down with your big toes?
i_wuz_nver_here 31
Sounds painful.