Today, I visited my son at work. He's an interpreter for the government. As I watched him converse with a group of men, I was overcome with pride. Then the woman next to me said, "I can't believe they're talking about that in public." They were discussing masturbation techniques. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had to explain to my boss that masturbating in public is inappropriate. This isn't the first time this has taken place. FML
Today, at work I had to listen to a group of old men talk about double penetration. I work at a coffee shop. FML
Today, I was working at a restaurant when my manager approached me and informed me that there was people having sex in the women's washroom, and he needed me to go in and ask them to cut it out. So I did. Five minutes later, a woman walks out with her disabled son and asks to talk to my manager. FML
Today, I went over to talk to my boss. I must have snuck up on her because she was masturbating through her pants. She stopped and I had to chat away, pretending I didn't notice. FML
Today, I walked in on my son and his friend comparing their penis sizes. They're 6. FML
Today, while out shopping, I could hear what sounded like two grown men talking about me, and they were being pretty gross. I turned around to scold them and it turned out being a dad and his 13-year-old son. He said he was, "teaching a son to be a man", and that my ass was "grounds for discussion." FML
Today, in a very crowded public restroom at a sporting arena, after looking to the man using the urinal to his right, my 6 year old son turns to address me on his left and exclaims, "Daddy, that man's wiener is a lot bigger than yours!" The whole bathroom heard and looked immediately at me. FML
Today, I attended a family gathering where everyone was taking turns sharing exciting life updates. When it was my turn, I proudly announced that I'd finally mastered the art of adulting... only for my dad to pipe up with, "Makes a change from when you used to wank like a gibbon thinking we couldn't hear you up there." FML
Today, my husband gave our son the sex talk. Maybe it’s because we never talk openly about it, but my husband is into some racy shit. FML
Today, I had to tell my 7 year old-son it's not polite to jack off in public. FML
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Top comments
Battledog5006 0
so thats where my tax dollars are going
OcampoFTW 4
Sounds like the average bro talk
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Comments (104)
kirsty777 3
Wow... Um thats kinda odd
firstrecon 0
Only kinda though.
baseballplaya5 7
Anyone else that could be an episode on America dad
slushpup9696 12
He was overcome... er... shit. I can't think of a joke. Somebody help me out here.
fish1806 0
U suck
CJStevenson 6
Then don't post a comment.
Jeffers123 5
Rofl
Doribella98 14
Op at that moment: (in head) oh look, he's amazing! The way he speaks is so fluent, he looks so happy! Woman: I can't believe they're talking about that in public... Op: what are they talking about? Woman: masturbation techniques. Op: (in head) that boy is gonna get it!
rachel_potter 13
Do you always create conversations for FMLS?
fledrocknrolla 0
Well he at least he's good at his job
reddawn85 8
Welcome to the inner sanctum of men.
IndigoAcrylic 9
At least he is good with his hands.
Caitycandid 2
And his mouth too...that's always a plus :)
TheresNoEffingwa 7
bananas in pajamas!
mdizzl 6
hey, at least he has a job. isn't that what parents hope of their kids one day?
ReynshineCutting 10
Nope. They hope for careers, not jobs.
NoLimitzzGaming 7
Haha Thats great!
leadsails320 0
*awkward fart*
Dudelike89 8
Guys don't queef...
elephantom12 9
Good call Mr. Claus!!
rachel_potter 13
You're so hilarious. Really. I'm pissing myself. Lol -.-