Today, I visited my son at work. He's an interpreter for the government. As I watched him converse with a group of men, I was overcome with pride. Then the woman next to me said, "I can't believe they're talking about that in public." They were discussing masturbation techniques. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I had to explain to my boss that masturbating in public is inappropriate. This isn't the first time this has taken place. FML
Today, at work I had to listen to a group of old men talk about double penetration. I work at a coffee shop. FML
Today, I was working at a restaurant when my manager approached me and informed me that there was people having sex in the women's washroom, and he needed me to go in and ask them to cut it out. So I did. Five minutes later, a woman walks out with her disabled son and asks to talk to my manager. FML
Today, I went over to talk to my boss. I must have snuck up on her because she was masturbating through her pants. She stopped and I had to chat away, pretending I didn't notice. FML
Today, I walked in on my son and his friend comparing their penis sizes. They're 6. FML
Today, while out shopping, I could hear what sounded like two grown men talking about me, and they were being pretty gross. I turned around to scold them and it turned out being a dad and his 13-year-old son. He said he was, "teaching a son to be a man", and that my ass was "grounds for discussion." FML
Today, in a very crowded public restroom at a sporting arena, after looking to the man using the urinal to his right, my 6 year old son turns to address me on his left and exclaims, "Daddy, that man's wiener is a lot bigger than yours!" The whole bathroom heard and looked immediately at me. FML
Today, I attended a family gathering where everyone was taking turns sharing exciting life updates. When it was my turn, I proudly announced that I'd finally mastered the art of adulting... only for my dad to pipe up with, "Makes a change from when you used to wank like a gibbon thinking we couldn't hear you up there." FML
Today, my husband gave our son the sex talk. Maybe it’s because we never talk openly about it, but my husband is into some racy shit. FML
Today, I had to tell my 7 year old-son it's not polite to jack off in public. FML
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Top comments
Battledog5006 0
so thats where my tax dollars are going
OcampoFTW 4
Sounds like the average bro talk
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Comments (104)
picklemonger 13
I say YDI because that's not an easy topic to talk about in a foreign language. You should still feel proud.
OfficeNinja 5
the eavesdropping woman could have misinterpreted the banter. or, the government interpreter is trained to put people at ease so they will say something important.
maddy1028 0
Whatever it takes to get the job done right ;) ;)
stewpididiot 11
Masturbation... The universal language....
HomeAl0ne 20
So, when a mute guy is masturbating, that means he's talking the whole way through it. I wonder what he's saying? It could be a bit off putting if it translated as "loaf of bread, loaf of bread, loafofbread, loafofbread, pigeon, pigeon, pigeon!". Needs study.
Raheemdplayer 7
Guys still talk about that over 18? Lol that's jokes, FYL
MrFluffu 2
Thats a nice son u raised ;)
bullrider92 19
of course.that is why she is so proud of him
cncarava 2
I think that is a legit reason for not wanting to have sex it is creepy.
writerforlife 9
Best comment EVER!
HomeAl0ne 20
Are you sure she didn't say they were discussing "maths debating techniques"? It's a common error in translation. More than one statistical workshop for deaf/mutes has been brought to tears of silent laughter over that one.
divadro102 16
That guy that walked by you and said "**** you" in a language you didn't understand. Yea that was me