Today, I visited my son at work. He's an interpreter for the government. As I watched him converse with a group of men, I was overcome with pride. Then the woman next to me said, "I can't believe they're talking about that in public." They were discussing masturbation techniques. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I had to explain to my boss that masturbating in public is inappropriate. This isn't the first time this has taken place. FML
Today, at work I had to listen to a group of old men talk about double penetration. I work at a coffee shop. FML
Today, I was working at a restaurant when my manager approached me and informed me that there was people having sex in the women's washroom, and he needed me to go in and ask them to cut it out. So I did. Five minutes later, a woman walks out with her disabled son and asks to talk to my manager. FML
Today, I went over to talk to my boss. I must have snuck up on her because she was masturbating through her pants. She stopped and I had to chat away, pretending I didn't notice. FML
Today, I walked in on my son and his friend comparing their penis sizes. They're 6. FML
Today, while out shopping, I could hear what sounded like two grown men talking about me, and they were being pretty gross. I turned around to scold them and it turned out being a dad and his 13-year-old son. He said he was, "teaching a son to be a man", and that my ass was "grounds for discussion." FML
Today, in a very crowded public restroom at a sporting arena, after looking to the man using the urinal to his right, my 6 year old son turns to address me on his left and exclaims, "Daddy, that man's wiener is a lot bigger than yours!" The whole bathroom heard and looked immediately at me. FML
Today, I attended a family gathering where everyone was taking turns sharing exciting life updates. When it was my turn, I proudly announced that I'd finally mastered the art of adulting... only for my dad to pipe up with, "Makes a change from when you used to wank like a gibbon thinking we couldn't hear you up there." FML
Today, my husband gave our son the sex talk. Maybe it’s because we never talk openly about it, but my husband is into some racy shit. FML
Today, I had to tell my 7 year old-son it's not polite to jack off in public. FML
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Top comments
Battledog5006 0
so thats where my tax dollars are going
OcampoFTW 4
Sounds like the average bro talk
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Comments (104)
captainfalcon7 0
hopefully Obama was there. He definitely needs something to help take all the stress off
mrahhhhh 21
FYL for having to listen to your son talk about "The Stranger" with a bunch of strangers.
sherryl_fml 0
Yeah hey off his back woman!!
mrahhhhh 21
My God, if you're going to comment in English, at least learn it first.
juliushater 12
Sherryl just got owned !!!!! ha hah aha
Legendslayer222 26
What a jumble of words. Translation?
Petunia888 13
Hey off her back people!! She's hot and single. Lol
Enigmax2514 7
Lol this reminds me of 1 of the simpsons episodes, the crepes of wrath where Bart learns French and insults homer while homer feels proud for the boy
SpruceDread4578 13
Just another day in the office.
BigRigX 2
You expect less from a male?
iamfabio1990 12
If you can trust that the woman telling you was telling the truth, she may have been trolling.
perdix 31
Is this part of the Stimulus Package?
jazzybaby179 22
Ahh the government men are very skillful with their hands
kylebeast11 0
She may of been lying. But if not he has my respect