Anonymous
United States 🌶️ Spicy
Burglary [gone sexual]
Today, two guys broke into my apartment to rob me at gunpoint. While I was wanking. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Same thing different taste
Anonymous
Australia
Today, my house got robbed, while I was upstairs taking a dump. FML
Starving Ultimatum
United States
Today, I was robbed while recovering from a robbery. FML
mike oxsmall
United States
Today, I woke up to a burglar holding a gun. He yelled at me to get up so I did. He then paused and laughed. I was sleeping naked. FML
Mike
Today, my house was robbed while I sat helplessly on the toilet with violent diarrhoea. I could hear them laughing hysterically. FML
iliketoastalot
United States
Today, my boyfriend got arrested. For robbing my house. FML
Anonymous
Today, I was in the middle of a wank when my home's back door, which is always locked, suddenly opened and someone walked in. I’m not sure who was more surprised: me or the new maintenance guy who saw me wanking. FML
Anonymous
Saudi Arabia 🌶️ Spicy
Today, I got caught masturbating, twice, by the same person. FML
Anonymous
United States
Today, it's my birthday. I was heading back to my apartment and I heard noises behind the front door. Assuming it was the surprise party I'd hinted at, I flicked on the lights… as two heavy guys pushed past me. I was robbed. FML
alo1434
This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff
United States
Great timing
Today, I got mugged. As the guys who took my purse were about to walk away, my cellphone rang in my pocket. FML
Anonymous
Woodland, United States
Today, my house was robbed while I was at work. The robber left a note telling me my stuff was crappy and that they found my safe under the bed. FML
Top comments
firemanrob 0
haha you should of used your penis as a gun cocked it and shot **** in there face
x_Cupcakes 0
Haha! Did they join you?
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Comments (252)
x_Cupcakes 0
Haha! Did they join you?
TheRealFamilyGuy 5
point your penis at them and threaten to shoot them and see how they like it
Karma495 0
win
mycookiezz 0
you shoulda looked them in the eyes, and finished like a man!!! 0.o
miraggg 1
circle jerk!
mycookiezz 0
the triangle jangle!
zeeindahouse 0
forensic won't solve this mysterious case. victim's got shot right on the balls. his **** all over the room. will be nice to see that on CSI lol
mamamiaaa_fml 12
Did they steal your **** too?
btnhdude 0
I'm guessing he produced shizz too
iSalim 0
did u shoot them?
Zesty697 0
this would be a good start to a Porno
MagneticGuitar 0
Was the gun *ahem* loaded?
ey3seecold 0
the robbers new there was a bank there, just didn't realize it was a sperm bank.
thecrazyasian 3
cum on their faces and scare them away!!!!
BrightSidegirl82 0
win.
phreshboi 1
this is probably the funniest FML ever.
blutkind 0
Easier said than done...Those "guns" aren't quick reloads unless you can shoot em in the eyes with as many shots you have in the original chamber...
SharkSugarr 2
lol (⌒-⌒; )
thathurts 0
LOL
KoRnLeader 0
so there were 3 guns in the room total?
GabbanaGirl 0
haha! luv yaaaa!!!! but Iwanna rob yo wanks!!!
xsabrex 0
a really gay one. LOL
i_luv_dogs 10
I want to know if OP scared them away
jordzy 8
What?
firemanrob 0
haha you should of used your penis as a gun cocked it and shot **** in there face
lacrossekid 0
win lol
smokeymcpottt 3
I don't think that's possible. Assuming he was completely taken by surprise, he would have had no control over the direction of the ****, therefore he could have just blinded himself. Well, imagine that.
jagd 0
^^ party pooper
firemanrob 0
you need to get a sense of ****** humor 25 you ruined my joke you jackass
KarinaLizeth18 5
Awww firemanrob xD both of our jokes got killed. Hahaha! Lame-Os these days don't let us do anything!! haha :P
smokeymcpottt 3
#45 must have gotten excited over a joke he thought was worthy for a 'round of applause'. I'm the 'jackass' who's humor is only literal. Jackass.
kizzck 6
:D
DocBastard 38
Firemanrob, what actually killed your joke was saying "should of."
Lenoraa 0
it's not ruined:) he couldn't been scared, then came back to reality and then kept wackin off and shot it out at them:) then again any guy who wacks off while getting robbed is probably crazy so they couldn't just been scared off by that. if anyone ever tries to rob me, I'll just act like a little nymph and tell them I have crabs:) hahahahah
amthony82 0
calm down emo... don't cry now...
Danniiboii22 0
win!
mamamiaaa_fml 12
Noooo it can happen. Dave Chapelle told me about a man who held a bus full of people hostage threatening them with ****.
truthunfolded 0
Mamamia is full of win all over this damn site!
BadasS14 0
#25 you are a Jerk Off for fckin up the joke!!! GTFO!
roeallen 11
109 - Douchebag alert! Better find your self-tanner bottles and toss them to him, it might distract him for a while so you can drag your baggy pants to your room.
WhiiT3TiGeR 0
You're the douchebag, how do you know he has baggy pants? You can only see the top you racist sack of shit... Also they could be Jean shorts with a belt.
m1x3d 0
^^ winn
actingbro 3
wow, so much hate, but I agree with 95
ThePillow 0
75, youre pretty.
Person000 0
what ruined the joke is the total poser that said it. who does this poser think he is, what a total douchebag look at his pic what a ****** joke.
firemanrob 0
how the **** am I a poser lol
ktrox39 0
half the guys on this site are douches who take gay pictures of themselves in mirrors. you are one of them.
tleaf 0
Why do Americans call then 'Jean shorts' or a 'Jean jacket'? the material they are made of is denim, not Jean, jeans are denim pants.
Efilyn 0
160 - Because they appear the same as jeans only smaller. Anything wrong with it?
blaze_1492 0
I remember that lmfao
Z_Thorn 0
lmfao!!! he should've!!!!
EvilCupcake8361 9
130: actually roeallen wasn't being racist, you can see in his pic that his pants are sagging... just saying. no need to get all worked up over a comment
KarinaLizeth18 5
Hahaha! God doesn't want you killing his potential babies! xD
xlossofmex 0
Ok, millions of "potential babies" are created everyday in a male. It will come out regardless if they ********** or not. It is a physical need. The argument about wasting potential babies is the dumbest. A woman can have one baby every nine months. In that time a man will have "wasted" trillions of potential babies.
AmyRichy 0
wow. you suck for ruining that for her. get a sense of humour petal!
KarinaLizeth18 5
Wow 32, complete joke kill. I'm not ignorant, I just have a sense of humor, unlike you.
firemanrob 0
#32 **** off and get a sense of humor shit
timma90 4
Bloody hell, there's an awfully amount of bickering. Just jump over a few states and hit each other with sponge bats. Get rid of all that tension. ^.^
Mewzakuro240 0
My teacher threatened to hit me with a sponge bat because I was being honest. I told her that I lost interest in my homework, and I didn't do it that week. I love my alternate schooling teacher. She's hilarious.
timma90 4
Never had the chance to hit someone with a sponge bat, I did however hit someone with a cricket bat because he nicked my cricket set wickets and ball. xD I was quite angry when I was younger how fortunate that I have calmed down and became boring and unexciting. :P
SmellMyCheese 1
a women can have more than one child every nine months. ever heard of twins, triplets, quadruplets...?
Lenoraa 0
aha! yes:)
casagrand 0
holy roller bitch
im2cool2fml 0
32 ever heard of Irish twins?
supernice 0
32 actually you are wrong. if the sperm is not used it is broken down and the molecules are reused. moral of this story? don't try to correct people when it's obvious they are making a joke and if you do at least know what your talking about :D *shooting star* the more you know
Haydenrw93 0
not entirely true, ever heard of a wet dream. and as for 32, trololololol
supernice 0
the amount from the rare wet dream is so small compared to how much is made that it is of little to no consequence
mitchem 3
32 if you are excepting serious and factual conversations, don't go to a site like this dear. Not only will you not find them, but also you will get burned.
mitchem 3
32 if you are excepting serious and factual conversations, don't go to a site like this dear. Not only will you not find them, but also you will get burned.
Barn312009 0
ok, I really don't think she gives a shit, it was a joke
Barn312009 0
32**
ShaReN_fml 0
haha. owned!
hudson155 0
MADE MY LIFE
idratherbeincali 0
I stopped laughing about 30 replies ago. I don't know why I feel obligated to reach the bottom of the page.
fadingaway 17
That must've been awkward. At least they didn't shoot you.
slatter 1
how do you know they didn't!!!! btw this is a joke, before I get flames or something
BadasS14 0
but OP DiD !! hahhahA
chuck_yams 0
108 took the words right out of my mouth.
Antoine_Dodson 0
**** in your pants! (Or in your case, out of your pants)
PaddedWhiteRoom 0
you can stop quoting everything thats been overdone now.
sasonzal 4
they caught you white handed,I'd you called the cops the be busted like that nut,you could of shot at them,many puns avilable for this one,not all funny
sasonzal 4
ment if not I'd,and they not the,damn iPod
KarinaLizeth18 5
Yea :/ you pretty much failed there buddy.
wadthe 1
wad the he'll are u talking..... no one understands u
sasonzal 4
yeah that's why I said there not funny,that's what I expected other people to say,guess people arnt that unfunny
sasonzal 4
yeah I failed,anyone knows how to delete a comment with an iPod touch?
TheRealFamilyGuy 5
^ LOL this is great
smokeymcpottt 3
It's like watching a child tie their shoes for the first time. You can't help but laugh.
KarinaLizeth18 5
I thought it was a little funny but you totally killed it with your mistakes, haha! Slow down speed racer and read over your comments before you press the send button. xD What happened right here was very, very sad!
bob007_fml 0
wtf?
xCatsPwnU 0
God save us.
tencentsakiss 19
I don't understand how so many people have trouble typing on an iPod touch. I've never had a problem. I'm actually on one now. The only problem I've noticed is that sometimes I type "in" instead of "on" or "if" instead of "of", since the "o" and the "i" keys are next to each other.
tencentsakiss 19
18: You can't.
EmoOrange 0
Throw it on em and run. btw: did they let you finish?
ireeliu 0
I wonder haha...
Judus_beej 0
throw it at them lol. silence of the lambs reference?
DaveEPIC 0
**** that gun,And shoot the ****.
caleb135 0
shouldve blasted em wit **** then took their guns and robed them.