Today, my boyfriend and I were about to have sex for the first time. He got on the bed on all fours and crawled towards me, saying "My precious... my precious" in Gollum's voice. FML
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Today, just as I was about to orgasm, my boyfriend whispered, "Cum, my preciousssss" into my ear, in his scarily accurate Gollum voice. I think my clitoris just about withered away in despair. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were finally alone and things were starting to get intimate. I was on top of him trying to be sexy, when in my excitement I giggled and called him a "silly girl" by accident. FML
Today, as my boyfriend was about to go down on me, he held his breath and said, "I'm going in!" FML
Today, I was making out with my boyfriend, and started to climb on top of him sexily. He blurted out, "Oh my god, you're like that girl from The Ring." FML
Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time, and I tried to be sexy by raking my nails down his back. I guess I did it a little too hard, because he shrieked in pain, leapt off me, and limped around the room cursing and whimpering. Mood ruined. FML
Today, I was getting intimate with my boyfriend for the first time. I went down on him, only for him to burst into tears halfway through. Apparently, I do it just like his long-lost teen sweetheart did. I swear I could feel him go completely limp in my mouth. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I got intimate with each other for the first time. He shoved his hand down my pants, touched about an inch away from my clitoris, and whispered, "Cummm" in my ear. I doubt I'll have an orgasm ever again. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. After what seemed like an eternity of waiting, he finally entered me, then paused and asked me, "What do I do now?" FML
Today, my boyfriend went down on me for the first time. He definitely killed the mood when, while down there, he started saying, "Nomnomnomnom." FML
Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. After removing my underwear, he started singing "In the jungle, the mighty jungle..." FML
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Top comments
HentaiBunny 4
You should have replied with 'Did you want to enter the fiery pits of mordor?' And then spread em ;D
rawr_dani 0
o_____o
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Comments (229)
rawr_dani 0
o_____o
thecrazyasian 3
precious pussy?
SereniLove 0
LOL
_TONGAN_ 5
Tell him to change into smeagle...he is way more sweet and sensitive with the ladys....
JustStopSucking 0
It wouldn't have been so bad, had he not been riding a massive horse.
jonnyapples 7
you spelled "my mom" wrong.
cuddlekitty66 0
61: Wtf? That's a different FML.
Molkerei 0
When he put it in did he disappear?
pooponyuou 0
haha thts cute! at least you're a precious to him and not like something he'll throw away
smiles4life 1
haha perhaps he was trying to ease the tension? lol who knows guys can sometimes have weird ways of showing affection.
calililly93 0
lmao my boyfriend did something similar except that he stood in my bathroom doorway and said "my precious" and then ran and jumped onto my bed doing that Tarzan thing. I couldn't stop laughing for the longest time.
Gorsbug823 0
creeeeep
herkysfinest 0
shut up virgin
HillXO 3
LMFAO
mcxhunni 0
yeah, i would have never graduated college if it werent for my llama.
Creamysweeps 5
Hahah 90 epic win I bet he did
TechnoTaco 0
LOL. That's hot ;]
timskiii 0
Her boyfriend's gonna make her turn into your picture...
BizzaroG 0
this fml made me smile :]
glenzhao2 16
dont worry, op! it's just his solution to coming early! ;P
_Vamp_ 9
91, I not only smiled, but I was in the middle of class and busted out laughing uncontrollably. I imagined that spider crawl towards her while doing that voice, OMG that's funny.
humzizzl3 0
haha that is indeed sexy
BizzaroG 0
lol 105
BlackMoon_fml 9
Well, that's one way to turn someone on. ;) Bow chicka wah wah..
emmanizzer 6
mmm what a turn on.
nicefff 0
damn right it is lol
KatherineAnne 7
My boyfriend calls me his "sexy khajiit" (elder scrolls reference for u dumb boring ppl out there) and I think it's the cutest thing ever. Specially when he pins me down and growls at me. :)
LulusLemon 8
that's just weird..
reider69 0
he should stay a virgin !!
Ryujin_fml 0
he should. you turned out so well.
Pep010 2
Well, they are from Virginia...
EffinAhole 0
it's safe to assume he is based on his actions.
gotmilk23 0
agreed
SkyEatsJack 4
Maybe he just wanted to over play his insecurity, unlikely though.
MaximilianMarche 0
#100 is a fail. taking all the fun out of fml. and yes he is Probably a virgin especially if he thought to do that while about to have sex
mrod10 0
says the guy with a ****** canadian + hockey jersey.
wriptidez 0
weird
jitterbug25 0
wow! sue him for having asense if humor!
lenalee96 22
wtf?
BobbingForOlives 2
Look at it this way. Maybe he's trying to say he values you so much that he'd kill for you. Ok, maybe that doesn't make it better.
Nerry_fml 0
lol! what a winner
NotYourOrdinary7 6
Uhhh. Attractive much? But hahaha this is funny.
gusgus36 5
hahaha what a nerd! and anything that makes you think of Gollum is pretty much the hugest turnoff ever... great start to your first time
Jaydos 0
hello hotty
nerdsgetmehot 22
#9 There's nothing wrong with being a nerd! Some people are actually attracted to nerds. How "shocking!"
marleyvk 0
im a girl, and a huge movie geek... so yes id find that pretty hilarious if my bf did that.hmmm yes thatd be fun.
ChibiGirl5 0
yeah really this is worse than that guy dressing up as Harry potter and saying he's going to stick his basilisk into her chamber lol
ChibiGirl5 0
oh and I'm a nerd btw lol I love anime it's just that golem is freaky lol
TibbysMusic 1
159, win :D And he's not a nerd for being funny. Like, who hasn't seen Lord of the Rings? Even though it wasn't that great:/ And yeah big shocker people like nerds. How horrid.
hazzardtomyself 0
that comment seriously just made my night XD
midnightsdawn13 4
Yeah, but there's nothing seductive about that... unless you're into role-playing.
HentaiBunny 4
You should have replied with 'Did you want to enter the fiery pits of mordor?' And then spread em ;D
hedgerow 0
ooooh dear
gozar_fml 1
WIN
sommernatsandkas 0
Epic win!
chloec16 0
hahahahhahaahaha!!!!
LokiCain 0
Your awesome.
mountneer 0
"fiery pits"? They have medicine for that.
misterjez 15
cream works well I hear
kellykerplunkksl 0
I want to marry you.
ShadyFTW1 0
10 you just pit me in a great mood. haha
CanadianMuse 0
10 is an epic ^Win. just saying.
cufaoil 11
it'd only /really/ work if she was a redhead
Dkav1d 0
^win
ThreatDriver 0
lmfao! best comment ever!
Lythiaren 8
Okay, 10 just won the Internet.
hungry_robot 4
A+ comment. XD
eftup 9
lol that's hot
theFMLiest1ofThe 0
wow. I agree, #10 wins the Internet! Also, #56 your profile description is hilarious and I'm stealing that line.
AmberishRed 3
Now that is f*king hilarious lol
KingRO 0
lmao awesome time
KingRO 0
lmao awesome time
TibbysMusic 1
Win on both the name and the comment. :D
Joylm 0
yes!
ScarletMontgomar 0
that is hilarious!!!! rofl
anonymous595 0
hahaha nice ine:-D
K3nnyLaGrange 0
You're hot :)
shinshoku13 19
^greatest win!