health

Neverending cycle

By wookieewhosshe - 27/10/2022 03:00 - United Kingdom - Gloucester

Today, I stopped watching porn at 6 a.m. to Google if depression makes you not able to cum. I was masturbating because I can't sleep. Insomnia is also a sign of depression. There's no joy at night anymore. FML

agreeclassic 990

vote type 1 250

Deserved it for the puns

By Anonymous - 27/10/2022 02:00

Today, if anyone was wondering how my day was going, I woke myself up by kicking the wall. HARD. Pretty sure I broke my big toe. 10/10, TOE-tally TOE-rrific. FML

agreeclassic 654

vote type 1 244

Conjunctivitis

By Anonymous - 26/10/2022 22:00

Today, after my naked husband farted in my face because he’s an immature man child who refuses to act his age, this morning I woke up with raging pink eye. I’m half blind and I’m supposed to be taking my driving test this afternoon. I can’t see. FML

agreeclassic 1 209

vote type 1 244

Fridge fight

By kb. - this FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I found out how it feels when a refrigerator door unhinges and falls on your toes. FML

agreeclassic 32 756

vote type 1 2 517

Sucks for grandma too

By What about granny - 25/10/2022 15:00 - United States

Today, my mom made the (not) very wise decision to once again inform me that my grandma is in rapidly declining health, and as a result she is not long for this world. My brain took this as an opportunity to push my anxiety into overdrive. I can't stop thinking about what will happen when my grandma dies. FML

agreeclassic 837

vote type 1 266

Things hate me

By WaychulMonster - 25/10/2022 10:00

Today, while trying to relax because I'm sick and I feel like crap, the shower head attachment fell and hit me on the head. FML

agreeclassic 864

vote type 1 110

Old age problems

By Xenon - 24/10/2022 22:00 - United States

Today, after I retired November 2021, broke my left leg in February 2022, was able to walk unaided around the end of July, broke my left hip in August 2022, physical therapy is now starting. Today. Happy retirement! FML.

agreeclassic 951

vote type 1 118

Take the W

By are you fucking kidding - 24/10/2022 06:00 - Australia

Today, I got back from a holiday. I've been suffering from debilitating muscle spasms in my back for over a year, causing migraines and immobility. After all the physical therapy, drugs, and tests, it seems it was caused simply by my mattress. A week of sleeping in the hotel bed completely alleviated it. FML

agreeclassic 944

vote type 1 172

Gammon

By Anonymous - 24/10/2022 06:00

Today, while demonstrating our new meat slicer at work, and after sharpening the blade at the end of the demonstration, I noticed some metal powder. I grabbed a rag to wipe it off, not realizing the blade was still in the “open” position. I now have six stitches and a really painful finger. FML

agreeclassic 319

vote type 1 969

When nature calls…

By Anonymous - 23/10/2022 22:00 - Australia

Today, I got the strong urge to pee right as I got home from work. In my hurry to get inside, I grabbed my keys out of my pocket. They flew out of my hand, into the bushes. I couldn't find them in time and ended up wetting myself in my driveway, three minutes before I had to pick my daughter up from school. FML

agreeclassic 932

vote type 1 190

Illegal and stupid

By Anonymous - 23/10/2022 12:00

Today, it was my stag do. One minute I was at the pub buying a drink, the rest was a blur until I woke up completely naked in an ambulance, with all my friends standing over me. They'd put sleeping pills in my drink and hired an ambulance. It was my stag do prank. FML

agreeclassic 1 033

vote type 1 195

I need a wipe!

By Not funnu - 23/10/2022 04:00 - South Africa - Cape Town

Today, I crashed my motorbike and broke both my arms. I now have to rely on my mom and aunt taking turns to do everything for me. FML

agreeclassic 894

vote type 1 265

Gutsy move

By Anonymous - 22/10/2022 06:00 - United States

Today, dealing with anxiety and depression, I finally got up the energy to bake. I chose homemade enchiladas. I then spent the whole day walking from the toilet to the nearest couch (and vice versa), feeling like my intestines were going to blow. No more enchiladas for me for a long time. FML

agreeclassic 769

vote type 1 216

Time to flee the crime scene

By Anonymous - 22/10/2022 10:00

Today, my date from the night before let me stay behind when he had left for work. While relaxing, I figured I'd be fine to let a little fart out. Unbeknownst to me, not eating enough food over the past few days turned the contents of my bowels to liquid. I sharted on their bed. FML

agreeclassic 382

vote type 1 898

Mystery lump

By Pinky Paranoid - 22/10/2022 06:00

Today, and for the past few years, I've had a mysterious lump on my pinky finger that will not go away. Every doctor I've gone to has absolutely no idea what it is, or why it even showed up. I'm starting to think that I wouldn't like to find out what it is, if even a medical professional can't say for sure. FML

agreeclassic 744

vote type 1 82

You are what you eat

By i wonder why - 21/10/2022 07:00 - United States - Federal Way

Today, my roommate still chooses to waste his money on McDonald's food for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. He politely refuses to eat my nutritious home-cooked meals that people say taste amazing. Then he complains that he's in a shitty mood all the time. I wonder why… FML

agreeclassic 929

vote type 1 551

High pressure environment

By Anonymous - 21/10/2022 01:00 - United States - Gig Harbor

Today, it's been two weeks since my wife started her new job. She got overwhelmed and fell off the wagon on Monday. Instead of going to work, she spent the last week passed out drunk, and she'll probably get fired. We really needed that 100k a year she was going to make. FML

agreeclassic 1 126

vote type 1 152

What does it all mean?

By Anonymous - 20/10/2022 16:00

Today, I once again realized that I have no idea what I am supposed to do in this life, and don't know what to do with myself. I just live because that's the easiest thing to do, and try to entertain myself while searching for meaning. The meaning to my life; what I should pursue. I've been searching for a long time. FML

agreeclassic 791

vote type 1 299

Bad boy

By Pythagoras_is_from_Mars - 20/10/2022 03:00 - United States - Chicago

Today, it's my first day on dating apps in a long time. I have a prominent facial scar from a car accident that happened a long time ago. All the girls that contact me want to hear stories of dangerous behavior and jealous exes. I'm a small town high school math teacher. FML

agreeclassic 968

vote type 1 122

Bad time

By idk - this FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Alexandria

Today, I saw the hottest nurse ever. Too bad he was pulling out a piece of wax the size of a raisin from my blocked ear. FML

agreeclassic 46 770

vote type 1 8 464

There's a party in my pants!

By CatchingUp - 20/10/2022 15:00 - Australia - Waurn Ponds

Today, my period came two days late. After fretting for two days, my body made it up to me by sticking three days of symptoms in one day. I needed Tylenol, Ibuprofen, Scotch, and cuddles before I got any relief. FML

agreeclassic 783

vote type 1 148

The Marlboro Man

By Victoria - 19/10/2022 18:00

Today, I'm trying to quit smoking because I'm actually running low on money. I just realized that I'm actually spending a lot more money and gaining more weight by eating junk food to relieve my anxiety than what I used to spend buying packs of cigarettes. I can't afford a psychologist, either. FML

agreeclassic 764

vote type 1 260

Missed it

By Anonymous - 19/10/2022 03:00 - Australia - Oyster Bay

Today, I found the cause of last night's crippling insomnia was the sleeping pill on the kitchen floor. FML

agreeclassic 668

vote type 1 236

Make it stop

By Fuck - 18/10/2022 10:00

Today, I was feeling too tired because I couldn't sleep last night, due to my mother's snoring. Since I stayed with both my parents and my sister in a small town for a vacation, I requested to sleep in separate rooms because my mother's snoring is disgustingly loud. She refused, and called me a crybaby. FML

agreeclassic 829

vote type 1 129

Confused

By kise - this FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - France - Paris

Today, drunk at a party, I leaned through a window to throw up. I was outside. FML

agreeclassic 11 039

vote type 1 34 328

Not again…

By Anonymous - 18/10/2022 06:00

Today, I had a dissociative episode that lasted over an hour. The trigger was the Netflix show Hilda. Other triggers were the games Tekken and Diddy Kong Racing. It just seems random at this point. FML

agreeclassic 687

vote type 1 222

Bullying ain't cool, guys

By FatAndSingle - 17/10/2022 16:00

Today, on my 30th birthday, my mom, aunt, and sister staged an intervention instead of throwing a party. Apparently I’m “ruining my life” by being 300lbs and being "single for 5 years" and I need to “get my act together.” They treated me like I’m some sort of criminal and reduced me to tears. FML

agreeclassic 1 073

vote type 1 834

I'm still standing, yeah yeah yeah

By Anonymous - 17/10/2022 14:00

Today, I found out I was dead. Yes, you read it right! Apparently, the pickpocket who stole my wallet two days ago was murdered and since his face was quite unrecognizable, they "identified" him with my ID from my wallet. My mom, who heard this on the news, got hysterical and started trashing my room in "grief." FML

agreeclassic 1 281

vote type 1 92

Road movie

By Anonymous - 17/10/2022 12:00

Today, I threw up while on a road trip. My boyfriend asked what made me sick, but I didn't want to tell him that his belching the entire time smelled so goddamn bad it made me physically sick. FML

agreeclassic 560

vote type 1 771

Cooked and bombed

By unlucky - this FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, I went to a party. After asking several people about the ingredients in a cake, I took one bite… and ended up in the hospital with a severe reaction to the nuts that "definitely weren't" in it. FML

agreeclassic 12 356

vote type 1 1 030

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Top

Today, I found out I have a yeast infection, a bladder infection, and a urinary tract infection all at the same time. Oh, and I also have the flu. FML

agreeclassic 7 534

vote type 1 724

Today, I recieved a failing grade on my huge end-of-term project. My group members forgot to put my name on it. FML

agreeclassic 15 841

vote type 1 2 354

Today, I found out that my best friend's dad used my internet connection to make threats online. I'm going to have to go to court for it. FML

agreeclassic 4 332

vote type 1 273

Today, I finally finished my 500 page manuscript and so went out to buy some paper to print it off. I get back home and find out my dad has infected my computer with a virus and the only way to save it was to wipe the hard drive, which he did. That script took me a year and I have no backup. FML

agreeclassic 42 905

vote type 1 27 928

Today, I brought my 6-year-old to the mall to sit on Santa's lap. She told him what she wanted and smiled for the picture. When the lady told her that her turn was over, she began throwing a fit, pulling off Santa's beard in the process. This caused all the kids in line to begin sobbing. FML

agreeclassic 33 530

vote type 1 6 890

Today, while having a bad dream, I went to punch a bully in the face. Mid-swing I wake up and punch the solid concrete wall to my basement bedroom FML

agreeclassic 4 294

vote type 1 653