Today, I found out that since no other procedures are working, I was required to stop eating, and drink a bunch of foul tasting 'goo', which will in turn give me constant diarrhea. This will then prepare me nicely for the long tube with a camera on the end of which will be shoved up my rectum. FML

by Anonymous / 01/18/2011 at 8:51pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Health

Today, my extremely lazy roommate is in bed with the flu. Instead of getting up to get water, he's run the garden hose through his window, and instead of going to the bathroom, he's connected a siphon to his penis and run it to a 5-gallon bucket. I have to live with this idiot. FML

by Anonymous / 01/18/2011 at 1:35pm / United States (Virginia) / Health

Today, I have a cold and need to blow my nose all the time. The problem is that every time I blow my nose, I get a nosebleed. When I breathe through my mouth, I have a coughing fit. So I have to choose between not breathing, coughing up mucus or blowing blood. FML

by Anonymous / 01/18/2011 at 9:37am / United States (New York) / Health

Today, I went to the ER after a fall. Before the nurse did an X-Ray, she gave me a pregnancy test. It came back negative. I joked "No martians have crawled into my uterus, then?" She didn't get it, and I had my head scanned for brain trauma. Never crack a joke in a hospital. FML

by Anonymous / 01/17/2011 at 9:08pm / United States (New York) / Health

Today, my girlfriend gave herself a black eye by running into a door. To avoid being teased about her clumsiness, she's telling everyone that I beat her. FML

by SkinsCastSelection / 01/17/2011 at 5:50pm / France / Health

Today, I broke my nose by sneezing too close to a table. FML

by SkinsCastSelection / 01/17/2011 at 3:13pm / France / Health

Today, in dance class, the instructor asked me to demonstrate the splits to the group. I slid down, my legs opening wider as I descended. I then loudly farted for the full 5 seconds it took to reach the ground. FML

by SkinsCastSelection / 01/17/2011 at 11:44am / Switzerland / Health

Today, I signed my own plaster-cast to make people believe that I actually have friends. FML

by SkinsCastSelection / 01/17/2011 at 1:24am / France / Health

Today, I found out that I can't pass a field sobriety test while sober. FML

by sos / 01/16/2011 at 10:59pm / United States (Illinois) / Health

Today, I discovered that I've lost thirty pounds since having my second child. However, I still weigh just as much as I did when I was full-term with my first child. FML

by Anonymous / 01/16/2011 at 12:38pm / United States (Alaska) / Health

Today, I found out everyone in my family thought the red toothbrush was theirs, and that all four of us have been using the same toothbrush for months. FML

by Anonymous / 01/16/2011 at 12:11am / United States (Minnesota) / Health

Today, it's the 3 month anniversary marking the day two friends and I shaved our heads as a show of solidarity for a friend starting chemo. Her prognosis is good and her hair only thinned slightly. We, on the other hand, look like a motley crew of lesbian biker chicks. FML

by Anonymous / 01/15/2011 at 2:09am / United States (California) / Health

Today, I fell down a flight of stairs. The guy behind me was kind enough to ask if I was okay. He then called his friends over so they could laugh at me. FML

by ValeyFallsAlot / 01/14/2011 at 9:18am / Health